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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL sabotage comes to a head...

469 replies

ewrocks · 10/03/2014 14:06

Hi there - I was wondering if anyone on mumsnet could give me some advice? Myself, my DH and our three children are currently living with my MIL at the moment and have been since October, when my DH was made redundant and we had to give up our rental flat as we could no longer afford to pay the rent. It was decided between MIL and DH that we would come and live with her for a couple of years, whilst we look for work and then, once we have jobs, save for a deposit so that we can buy a house this time. A very kind offer; I had my reservations but because I've always gotten on with MIL (or so I thought), we couldn't really turn it down unless we were to go on benefits instead, which neither of us wanted to do.

So we moved in. It's a bit cramped: MIL has the front double bedroom to herself, DS's (aged 5 and 3) are on bunkbeds in the box room and me, DH and our 1 year old DD are in the back double room. There is only one small bathroom. But however uncomfortable, I am massively grateful for this opportunity. Our kids are very good (we are bloody lucky) and don't cause much fuss. MIL loves them.

DH was out of work until last month, which was very difficult but is now doing well in an even better paid job, thank God. I am a SAHM, as my youngest two kids aren't at school yet but I am currently looking for part time evening/weekend work to boost our income. No joy yet. We have no savings left, as they went on paying our last month of rent and we also gave the rest to MIL for keep. But DH is now earning again and is starting to put some away. I do the vast majority of housework during the day and we all take turns to do the cooking, as it is a hobby of all of ours. I still do the lion's share, I would say.

I always got on with MIL and I thought she liked me but lately she has been doing and saying things that seem like sabotage and indicate that she actually, secretly hates my guts! At first it was little snide comments about my weight, or lack of ambition (she works, I haven't since our second was born). There have been a few goldigger-esq comments as well.
I let these go, as I thought me living in her home her must be grating on her nerves a bit.

But then she started playing games with food. For example, on her nights to cook, she serves everyone else's dishes up first and then leaves mine in the pot/oven and tells me to help myself. She barely leaves half a portion! I'm not kidding when I say on some nights, I'm eating the same amount of dinner as our 1 year old! She'll serve up the DC's and put DH's on a plate in the microwave (as some evenings, he doesn't get back until just after dinner time). On the evenings when I cook, she makes faces and pushes her food around her plate before eating maybe one mouthful and then "fake heaving" and spiting it out in the sink. She'll give the rest of the dinner to her dog and make herself a sandwich or a ready meal. Okay so she might not like my cooking, but it can't be that bad EVERY TIME! She doesn't do this if DH is there for dinner though. If he cooks, he gets heaps of praise for his culinary skills! Hmm

She has repeatedly put peanuts in my eldest's packed lunch despite knowing it is not allowed at his school, due to other children's allergies (I have been pulled up 3 times for this). I also think she is rooting through my stuff when I'm not there (no proof, just a hunch as everything seems misplaced). A pair of my shoes have gone missing, as has a cardigan and a bra. I also found my pillow in the dog's basket one evening. She claimed that the dog must have pulled it downstairs and put it in there herself. (The dog is a westie and pretty small). Hmm

She is also doing this weird thing to my wing mirror every morning: basically, we're living on a very busy road and we have to park our cars on the roadside. You have to pull in your wing mirrors after you've parked up, or there's a very good chance that a car or bus will knock it off. I always wake up to take my son to school and find that my wing mirror has been pulled out again, despite KNOWING that I pulled it in the previous day. So about a week ago, I watched out the window as she left for work (she leaves before me and the kids and DH leaves before all of us) and I SAW her doing it. I caught her doing it the day after and also this morning as well. It is definitely her and it is definitely deliberate. I think she is hoping it will get knocked off? (So far it hasn't, thank goodness).

But worst of all, this morning I went to brush my teeth and the stench of PISS coming off my toothbrush (before I used it, I hasten to add) was absolutely putrid - even when I'd already put the toothpaste on. I just know that she's rubbed it in the toilet after she's used it (or even urinated on it like a pregnancy test - who knows)?! I have no proof of this one, but honestly, it's got to be her with all the other stuff hasn't it? This is beyond a joke - how can anyone be so disgusting and spiteful? I've never been anything but nice to her and she's really freaking me out now. She clearly hates me but why not just be honest about it? DH will never believe half this stuff is going on (although I filmed her doing the wing mirror on my phone this morning and I have saved the toothbrush to show him). But he generally thinks the sun shines out of her arse. And I have nowhere else to go. What the hell am I gonna do here?! Sad

OP posts:
cjel · 13/03/2014 22:49

Only just caught up on updates, Hope you have decided on a place you like and can move on quickly .

GoodnessKnows · 13/03/2014 22:49

Jeeeeeezus. Your MIL is seriously nuts and out to get you. Get out fast!

Featherbag · 14/03/2014 03:06

I hope you're not back because you're busy packing to move into the lovely house!

Melonbreath · 14/03/2014 07:12

Buy her a toothbrush and some sexy knickers when you leave as she's obviously short of pants.

ohfourfoxache · 14/03/2014 07:29

How did the viewing go?

Does mil know that you're looking?

Hope you're ok Thanks

drivingmisslazy · 14/03/2014 07:34

OMG your MIL makes mine look like Mary Poppins Shock

Meerka · 14/03/2014 07:54

that's a good idea too, tipping the bin out before bin day when she's at work.

it woudl be nice to hear how the house-viewing went if you have time.

Pimpf · 14/03/2014 08:17

I would be looking at a local travel lodge or similar to see if they're any deals, get out of there sooner. What a witch

Deathwatchbeetle · 14/03/2014 08:30

As the others say, any important documents -take them to your sisters.

An awful situation. Would certainly be interesting to hear from FIL pov and I hope your hubbie can meet up with him soon and that it will not be too late when he tries to contact him (I only say that because it may be why he is contacting him now).

aufaniae · 14/03/2014 10:00

Travelodge is a great idea IMO. If you don't get a place this weekend, please consider a hotel or BnB. You can't continue living with someone so unhinged who's actually out to get you.

SilverSixpence · 14/03/2014 10:29

Just read OP again where you say you gave the rest of your savings to MiL to keep - does she still have this money?

cjel · 14/03/2014 10:35

Morning, Hope you are okx

PigletJohn · 14/03/2014 10:50

You can also lock stuff in the boot of your car.

Lamu · 14/03/2014 11:35

Absolutely. Speechless. Shock

Hope you get out soon. Thanks

wellthatsdoneit · 14/03/2014 12:24

Blimey o'reilly. I'm going to be charitable to the MIL here and say she does not sound like a well woman.

Are you going to show her the footage of her adjusting your wing mirror? Would be pretty difficult for her to deny her behaviour then wouldn't it.

Fifyfomum · 14/03/2014 12:42

The money was For keep rather than to look after

LoisPuddingLane · 14/03/2014 13:51

I don't think she sounds mentally ill so much as just really nasty.

Anchorage · 14/03/2014 15:09

Like Melon says, leave her some gifts as a going-away present - some tins of dog food to replace the meals you cook for her, some loo roll to save her needing to use your toothbrush, a wing mirror to play with when she's lonely. All nicely wrapped with a note to say you won't be passing on your new address.

EEatingSoupForLunch · 14/03/2014 15:28

What an awful situation. So pleased you are getting out, and that you and your DH are strong together through this. He does sound lovely as many others have said; once you are in your own place with your lovely family things will be so much better.

lavenderhoney · 14/03/2014 20:02

She sounds barking mad. I'd be getting my dc out of there.

Has your dsis got room til the end of the month? Maybe even a tent now the weathers better? Seriously, anything is better than that.

If she is at work all day, when does she do all this? You've only just started being out? Is she creeping about at night Shock ?

thegreylady · 14/03/2014 22:31

Hoping you got the house ewrocks and can get away soon without leaving a forwarding address! Move as much stuff as possible to your sister's in the mean time.

hamptoncourt · 15/03/2014 10:12

Is there a Mumsnet Barking Mad MIL of the Year Award?

incogKNEEto · 15/03/2014 19:49

Just read all of this and am horrified at your MILs behaviour [shocked]

Really hope the house viewing went well and that you and dh manage to keep quiet about your plans until you can leave. Good luck with the move and hope you're ok as you haven't been back today.

fryingpantoface · 15/03/2014 22:20

I hope your ok and things are moving forward

KrevlornswathoftheDeathwokClan · 15/03/2014 23:42

Best of luck for this weekend OP.

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