Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MIL sabotage comes to a head...

469 replies

ewrocks · 10/03/2014 14:06

Hi there - I was wondering if anyone on mumsnet could give me some advice? Myself, my DH and our three children are currently living with my MIL at the moment and have been since October, when my DH was made redundant and we had to give up our rental flat as we could no longer afford to pay the rent. It was decided between MIL and DH that we would come and live with her for a couple of years, whilst we look for work and then, once we have jobs, save for a deposit so that we can buy a house this time. A very kind offer; I had my reservations but because I've always gotten on with MIL (or so I thought), we couldn't really turn it down unless we were to go on benefits instead, which neither of us wanted to do.

So we moved in. It's a bit cramped: MIL has the front double bedroom to herself, DS's (aged 5 and 3) are on bunkbeds in the box room and me, DH and our 1 year old DD are in the back double room. There is only one small bathroom. But however uncomfortable, I am massively grateful for this opportunity. Our kids are very good (we are bloody lucky) and don't cause much fuss. MIL loves them.

DH was out of work until last month, which was very difficult but is now doing well in an even better paid job, thank God. I am a SAHM, as my youngest two kids aren't at school yet but I am currently looking for part time evening/weekend work to boost our income. No joy yet. We have no savings left, as they went on paying our last month of rent and we also gave the rest to MIL for keep. But DH is now earning again and is starting to put some away. I do the vast majority of housework during the day and we all take turns to do the cooking, as it is a hobby of all of ours. I still do the lion's share, I would say.

I always got on with MIL and I thought she liked me but lately she has been doing and saying things that seem like sabotage and indicate that she actually, secretly hates my guts! At first it was little snide comments about my weight, or lack of ambition (she works, I haven't since our second was born). There have been a few goldigger-esq comments as well.
I let these go, as I thought me living in her home her must be grating on her nerves a bit.

But then she started playing games with food. For example, on her nights to cook, she serves everyone else's dishes up first and then leaves mine in the pot/oven and tells me to help myself. She barely leaves half a portion! I'm not kidding when I say on some nights, I'm eating the same amount of dinner as our 1 year old! She'll serve up the DC's and put DH's on a plate in the microwave (as some evenings, he doesn't get back until just after dinner time). On the evenings when I cook, she makes faces and pushes her food around her plate before eating maybe one mouthful and then "fake heaving" and spiting it out in the sink. She'll give the rest of the dinner to her dog and make herself a sandwich or a ready meal. Okay so she might not like my cooking, but it can't be that bad EVERY TIME! She doesn't do this if DH is there for dinner though. If he cooks, he gets heaps of praise for his culinary skills! Hmm

She has repeatedly put peanuts in my eldest's packed lunch despite knowing it is not allowed at his school, due to other children's allergies (I have been pulled up 3 times for this). I also think she is rooting through my stuff when I'm not there (no proof, just a hunch as everything seems misplaced). A pair of my shoes have gone missing, as has a cardigan and a bra. I also found my pillow in the dog's basket one evening. She claimed that the dog must have pulled it downstairs and put it in there herself. (The dog is a westie and pretty small). Hmm

She is also doing this weird thing to my wing mirror every morning: basically, we're living on a very busy road and we have to park our cars on the roadside. You have to pull in your wing mirrors after you've parked up, or there's a very good chance that a car or bus will knock it off. I always wake up to take my son to school and find that my wing mirror has been pulled out again, despite KNOWING that I pulled it in the previous day. So about a week ago, I watched out the window as she left for work (she leaves before me and the kids and DH leaves before all of us) and I SAW her doing it. I caught her doing it the day after and also this morning as well. It is definitely her and it is definitely deliberate. I think she is hoping it will get knocked off? (So far it hasn't, thank goodness).

But worst of all, this morning I went to brush my teeth and the stench of PISS coming off my toothbrush (before I used it, I hasten to add) was absolutely putrid - even when I'd already put the toothpaste on. I just know that she's rubbed it in the toilet after she's used it (or even urinated on it like a pregnancy test - who knows)?! I have no proof of this one, but honestly, it's got to be her with all the other stuff hasn't it? This is beyond a joke - how can anyone be so disgusting and spiteful? I've never been anything but nice to her and she's really freaking me out now. She clearly hates me but why not just be honest about it? DH will never believe half this stuff is going on (although I filmed her doing the wing mirror on my phone this morning and I have saved the toothbrush to show him). But he generally thinks the sun shines out of her arse. And I have nowhere else to go. What the hell am I gonna do here?! Sad

OP posts:
PatrickStarisabadbellend · 19/03/2014 23:52

I would cut her out forever. She needs locking in a secure unit.

GinSoakedMisery · 19/03/2014 23:57

Hope you've managed to get moved Op.

Jux · 20/03/2014 00:53

Hope the viewing went well, and that you've either moved already or are on the point of it. What a lovely dh you have too!

SadFreak · 20/03/2014 01:29

Wow. Just wow.

What a nutter.

I really hope you Have somewhere nice to move into very very soon.

MrsKermittSmith · 20/03/2014 09:38

Really good luck OP, hope your not posting because you're too busy moving house!

MrsKermittSmith · 20/03/2014 09:39

I would be tempted to never let on that you know, to smile mysteriously when you see her (without the children of course) and always, always wee on her toothbrush!

skyeskyeskye · 20/03/2014 12:52

Just read the whole thread! You are doing the right thing and I'm so glad that your H is so supportive of you.

I hope you find somewhere soon

really1234 · 22/03/2014 16:33

Any update OP?

Linguini · 22/03/2014 16:55

has your DH witnessed her response to your cooking? If he seen that, he might believe you about the other weird dinner 'games' like not leaving you hardly any food. That on top of criticizing your weight, is quite psyco-bitch behavior...

Your DH and MIL know you are looking for part-time work, right? That will also really help in terms of finding money to move out PRONTO.

It is so good that you have kept the evidence, i.e the film and toothbrush. These sorts of things when you try and describe them with no evidence end up making YOU sound mad!

I hope your DH is on your side.

Where are own your parents in this picture? Can they help you?

Linguini · 22/03/2014 17:10

Sorry ignore me I obviously missed the rest of the posts.... Hope all is OK!??!

Gretagumbo · 23/03/2014 08:17

Marking place for an update on this terrible woman. I actually can't believe someone would behave this way, it's shocking. Glad your husband has been supportive x

SplatPancake · 23/03/2014 16:41

Hope you all got out safely x

chrome100 · 23/03/2014 19:54

Do you think MIL might be ill? My aunt had Alzeimers and passed away last year. The first sign of it was that she took a strong dislike to my uncle (her husband's twin brother). He had for many years been a big part of her life, lived next door, round for meals etc, but one day, inexplicably, she decided she hated him and thought he was out to get her. It turned out this was the first stage of dementia.

YoureAShoe · 23/03/2014 20:20

Really hope you found somewhere x

Innermagic · 23/03/2014 22:09

Realitybitesyourbum · 23/03/2014 22:21

I can't believe all this! I hope you are out now and have found somewhere nice.

fukkigucci · 25/03/2014 03:14

Hi op,

Was wondering about you earlier, hope things have improved.
Come back and give some good news!

YoureAShoe · 25/03/2014 16:01

I'm really hoping you've found somewhere by now. And hope you are happy with where you are! Smile

NotJustACigar · 25/03/2014 16:13

Just read the thread, wow, your DH is a star, hoping you're long gone from that crazy woman's house by now!

NurseyWursey · 25/03/2014 16:20

This is absolutely shocking! Hope everything's going okay now and that you can be happy in your new place x

debbs77 · 29/03/2014 16:49

Any more news?

Deathwatchbeetle · 30/03/2014 16:26

Unfortunately from what mners are saying on other threads it appears the op may be a troll :( Hate it when people genuinely try to help and the troll is off giggling somewhere. Still, gives them something to do. Wishing such a MIL on trolls everywhere!!!!!!

Perfectlypurple · 30/03/2014 16:32

Really? I haven't seen anything about her being a troll. How do people know it's a troll? I can never tell.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 30/03/2014 16:42

Why would the op be a troll, if people think that they should tell mnhq so they can take a look

MoominsYonisAreScary · 30/03/2014 16:44

Actually mn have deleted the other thread because they say they have no reason to believe this op isnt legit!

Swipe left for the next trending thread