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Original poster

DH, prostitution and pregnancy

83 replies

messandnonsense · 10/03/2014 11:50

So last night I found out my DH visited a prostitute last Friday lunchtime. Apparently he saw an advert, got curious, rang, visited, paid the girl £100 to do 'whatever he wanted' but couldn't actually go through with it.
I'm 15 weeks pregnant with DC3. We have had our ups and downs and could do with working a few things out but actually our sex life has always been v good (if a little sporadic and inconsistent due to having small children).
I confronted him, he says he's told me the truth, he didn't go through with it. I'd like to think I believe him but to be honest don't know what to think.
I've told him he needs to get an STI check today. We actually had sex the night before so now I'm worried for my baby too.
Christ, what a mess!
Don't know who to speak to or what to do and sat here blubbing.

OP posts:
TheAwfulDaughter · 10/03/2014 11:54

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/03/2014 11:55

Curious??? I'm sorry but no-one is that curious. They certainly don't hand over £100 on the strength of curiosity and walk away. Hmm He's a man who uses prostitutes and I'm so sorry you've just found out. BTW it has nothing to do with how much or how little sex you have with him... don't even think that.

I think you should probably ask him to leave for a while, give yourself chance to think, do some checking and talk to someone you can trust. If you don't have a friend or family member to turn to - and I can see why you'd be reluctant - even talking to your GP or Samaritans

pomdereplay · 10/03/2014 11:55

It is highly, highly unlikely that he went to the lengths of finding a prostitute, arranging an appointment and handing over money without anything taking place. You need to approach this with the understanding that he did have sex with this woman, anything else would be reckless naïveté.

How did you find out? Beyond the STI check which you need to do for yourself too as a matter of urgency what are your planned next steps?

I am so sorry you are going through this.

MissScatterbrain · 10/03/2014 11:59

Sad How devastating. I don't know how the marriage can recover - buying sex from vulnerable women is far far worse than a one night stand. He must have very screwed up views of women to see them as objects to be bought.

I would go through bank statements as its unlikely this was his first time...

Get tested for STIs and you need to tell someone in RL as you will need support.

Gettingmeback · 10/03/2014 11:59

I think the 'I couldn't go through with it' is a pretty standard response when caught out. I would think this pretty unlikely once the money has changed hands.

You need to get some RL support and probably get some space away from him. He needs to go away and give you time to think.

LiberalLibertine · 10/03/2014 12:00

Bloody hell love, I'm so sorry.

I'm afraid I agree, there's very slim hope he isn't doing this regularly, and there's even slimmer hope he walked away without doing anything.

How did you find out?

BuzzardBird · 10/03/2014 12:00

He has potentially put your baby and yourself at risk of a life threatening disease, he should be out of the door quicker than it takes you to type this. This man has no concerns for you or his unborn baby. Get angry!

Original poster
messandnonsense · 10/03/2014 12:02

I used his phone to go online, it opened only to find a google search page where he'd searched for escort company. I thought this was odd and felt sick. I then cross-referenced tel no with his call history and found 3 calls had been made so confronted him.

Surely he wouldn't lie and put baby's health at risk? I want to believe him so badly.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/03/2014 12:02

Not only no concerns about the OP but a pretty dim view of women in general... Hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/03/2014 12:04

"Surely he wouldn't lie and put baby's health at risk? "

Of course he'll lie if he thinks he's about to lose a cushy home life. I know you want to believe him but that's just the shock talking. If a friend told you this story, what would you say to them... honestly? Be your own best friend.

pomdereplay · 10/03/2014 12:04

Men who use prostitutes are not known for their honesty and integrity. A man who is willing to pay for sex, to buy into an industry rife with exploitation and violence, is not to be trusted. You would be absolutely mad to take his word for this.

somedizzywhore1804 · 10/03/2014 12:07

Wow OP. I'm so so sorry. What a fucking cunt.

Sorry for the language but I can't think of a more eloquent way to say it.

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and I would be leaving my husband over this. No further discussion I'm afraid.

Jesus wept, what a disgusting thing to do to you and his children.

Original poster
messandnonsense · 10/03/2014 12:09

I've been through bank statements and can't see anything particularly suspicious.
How do I tell anyone in RL? I can't speak about it without my whole world falling apart!

OP posts:
MissScatterbrain · 10/03/2014 12:12

Try checking for large cash withdrawals - how did he pay the £100 on Friday? there would be a similar pattern I would have thought.

Remember that he spent FAMILY money to buy women for his own sexual gratification Sad he will not have had any consideration for the health of his DC and the mother of his DC.

Original poster
messandnonsense · 10/03/2014 12:19

No, just checked again and there are no other large cash withdrawals.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/03/2014 12:28

It's really not up to you to prove he's done this before. If you hadn't picked up his phone this time around, you'd be none the wiser. There must be someone you can trust. You don't have to be specific abut the details. It's enough to say to someone that your husband has let you down very badly and you need some support.

Original poster
messandnonsense · 10/03/2014 12:29

Ok, so with regards the STI check? How quickly do they know if you've got one? I mean we had sex less than 48 hrs ago. Is it too soon?

OP posts:
Original poster
messandnonsense · 10/03/2014 12:31

I don't feel like I can trust anyone at the moment given what's happened.

OP posts:
MichelloBarner · 10/03/2014 12:37

I doubt it's the first time he's done it, and I doubt he didn't go through with it. He's just covering his arse.

MichelloBarner · 10/03/2014 12:38

think about it logically - what are the chances he gets caught out the very first time he just happened to experiment with a prostitute, and that he chose to back out? Pretty sky high odds if you ask me.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/03/2014 12:39

As he's probably done this before, the STI check will spot if there's anything nasty going on from previous visits.

TheAwfulDaughter · 10/03/2014 12:39

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knowledgeispower · 10/03/2014 12:40

It can be up to 3 months for some STIs to become detectable I believe.

Offering you a hand to hold.

You need some space to work out what you want.

Driveway · 10/03/2014 12:43

I am awfully sorry OP. You must be in shock.

I must say though it's a miracle how men caught, or women, and they always always "couldn't go through with it" at the last minute.
I don't believe it for a second I'm afraid. :(

Pooka · 10/03/2014 12:43

If I were you I would call my midwife.

She'll be sympathetic and knowledgeable.

Don't be afraid to tell her. She will have heard all sorts during her career and would be in a position to support you.

Alternatively, do you have a friendly GP?