Pissed off.....lies, lap dancing and so called friends.

[Fragglewump]

I thought I had an honest marriage until Friday when out for dinner with friends the wife told me that her husband didn't believe in 'paying for it' and that mine probably only did it to 'further his career'. I felt sick and was baffled but didn't tackle as I was a little drunk and totally mortified about exposing this in public. Cue the next morning when dh reveals that a year ago he went to a lap dancing club with his boss and another colleague. He went to a private room with boss and dancer for a private dance. He didn't tell me because he knew it would upset me and he wasn't proud of it. But he did tell our friend!!! I feel sick and teary. It's the lies that hurt most. Dh doesn't think he has broken our trust. I'm upset by the private dance but would find it much easier to move past than being humiliated by a friend. How can I get over this? I feel sad and pathetic. Goodbye honest marriage.

Took a chance and shared my experience. Won't be doing that again!

Good luck with all your deal breakers!

Trev - google cognitive dissonance

I don't have many, trev. But one of them is not seeking sexual experiences outside of our marriage and especially not paying potentially very vulnerable women for the pleasure.

I didn't report your post, btw.

I said, I didn't report your post.

Oh well good for you!!

Won't be googling anything - my relationship is not defined by three trips to a LDC. It's not defined by the various selfish/stupid things I've done in the last ten years either.

Enjoy your evening all! DD just fell on top of the dog and now both of them are making a weird noise so I best be off!

Balls!

Thanks for that! Night all.

At the end of the day, this isn't about where we'd draw the line and why, this is about the OP and what she believes is ok within her marriage.

Clearly her husband knew where her boundaries lay because he felt the need to lie by omission.

Anyfucker said it perfectly, my boundaries too lay with sexual experiences in person only if my husband is involved (not excluding mastaurbation). I expect the same from him.

Trevor As you say, we all have different opinions.

I am mentally picking apart your posts as I read them, as I'm sure you are doing with mine. Nothing personal, we just have very different opinions on something.

To be honest, I'm against it for lots of reasons. Some of it is exploitation, but I actually don't believe that all women involved in it are victims. I know a lot of women do it to fund HE or travelling, etc. I actually don't have negative feelings towards the women who do it. I don't think...

It really is the men I find rather disgusting and sleazy. I just wouldn't be able to trust someone that did this. I wouldn't believe they loved or respected me - or any woman. I wouldn't forbid anyone from doing anything. Adults will make their own choices about what they do in their lives, but I wouldn't want someone who did that to be a part of my life.

If the reality is that it is a significant majority of men that go, but most of them will lie about it, then I will choose to stay single.

It would make me feel uncomfortable, unattractive and betrayed. I'm not prepared to tolerate feeling like that so if I found out a man I was seeing had done it or did it, then I would end it. It's as simple as that, really.

It's so victoriana sex obsessive. So prurient. I expect Calvin or John Knox are proud. Trev, your message is heretical to the AF doctrine. Funny though, I hear a happy in life type when I read your posts trev and if I were looking for advice I'd always go for the happy success in life type.

And actually I didn't feel unattractive at all. Maybe my self esteem is so good that it didn't enter my head that they had a better body.

Folkgirl a lot of us are brought up with phrases like "its a woman who holds marriage and family together" and it becomes ingrained within society unfortunately.

ContentedSidewinderMon 10-Mar-14 14:01:04

Like AF I too watched the strippers program where the bloke going in said it was nice to have some tits in his face because he could think about the stripper's private dance when he was "shagging some fat bird later"

WOW some men are real nasty shits arent they. There really is no hope is there.

Darkesteyes My expectation is that most men who go regularly think that.

I can remember many years ago saying to a friend of mine that if it weren't for women like me (just ordinary and nothing special) then it wouldn't be necessary for those places to exist in the first place.

In fact, the more I read about men and relationships on here, the more I am beginning to think they are something I don't really want to have anything to do with in any capacity really!

What is going on with all the deleted posts, I wonder lol.

Lap dancing is really open to your own interpretation, some see it as sex work, I don't, I see it as exotic dancing, they don't all offer extra services, they don't need to.

The reputable clubs have strict rules and it's a hands off policy which is strictly adhered to and some women, I say some actually choose to make a living from it.

I do agree though that it's a shady area and exploitation of women does go on.

what do you wonder, jan ?

Coming back to see this thread, I reported name calling in one instance yesterday evening and I'm not a sock puppet or whatever the phrase is,

HTH.

Donkey, had you forgotten you are one of my 300 namechanges ?

It would probably be nice for the OP if people could remember this is a thread she started for advice and support, not a bunfight-y discussion about lap dancing in the abstract.

AD: What are you talking about, the subject matter is lap dancing, what a big surprise folk are talking about it in it's entirety, doesn't mean we haven't offered support and advice....