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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bromance getting out of hand?

181 replies

optimism4 · 09/03/2014 11:00

My dp friend treated him to a weekend away for his birthday. One night turned into 3 days when this friend booked it. It was supposed to be a night in newcastle with all the boys but when dp arrived at airport it was just the two of them and friend surprised him by letting him know at boarding that they were going abroad!

Dp is a bit annoyed as baby is on the way and if he HAD to go somewhere, he didn't want to be gone far or for long.

This friend of his is not very accepting of me and sort of pretends I don't exist- I'm never included but this, to me, is a piss take.

Would anyone else feel the same? My family think this friend needs to find a gf and stop treating my dp like one!

They're back tonight and I don't know how to play this...

OP posts:
FabBakerGirl · 09/03/2014 15:32

Stop having a tantrum. MN is a very kind place but if you just want aw hun, poor bubs, then maybe you should try netmums. This is a place for incredible support and also truth. People will not bullshit you to keep the peace, they will tell you how it is to help you.

If you think this trip will open your boyfriend's eyes to how "devious" his friend is then you are deluded. Surely if they was the case he would have said don't be so ridiculous, I can't go away without warning for 3 nights, and returned home. He hasn't even called you!

KristinaM · 09/03/2014 15:33

My DH travel aboard for work all the time, often a a few hours notice. He always phones or texts as soon as he hears, then send an email with the flight and hotel details.

This is normal behaviour for people who live together and /or have kids together. It's nothing to do with being independent.

Nothing about your DPs story rings true to me. Why would he agree to go away for a fun weekend when his baby in due in a " few weeks " ie could come anytime ? Then not let you know where he is?

DomesticDisgrace · 09/03/2014 15:36

I really feel for you OP Sad
This is all sounding very pathetic and I predict you'll be back here again (or to a more fluffy site) with more and more problems, nothing to do with this friend of his.

GilmoursPillow · 09/03/2014 15:41

Aren't you worried that your mobile might contain missed calls or texts saying something's wrong?

Are you sure he's with this friend?

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 15:47

The friend would, presumably, cover for him if he was with another woman?

hamptoncourt · 09/03/2014 16:03

The friend has possibly been covering for his friend for quite some time. OP has stated that he is DPs BFF but she "is never included".

BakerStreetSaxRift · 09/03/2014 16:04

MN is not covering itself in glory here. Can we not just be supportive? Disgusting the weird friend, fine. Saying her DO needs to deal with this and grow a backbone, also fine.

Picking apart the OP's story and doubting everything she says and why her phone isn't on and implying she is lying, not cool.

StealthPolarBear · 09/03/2014 16:06

Or the friend might be the "other man"

LineRunner · 09/03/2014 16:14

OP, I hope you are doing ok. This is a crappy situation to be in and you really do not need to be 'cool' about this. It is very unfair on you.

Do you turn your mobile off because you are angry with him? I think a lot of us do this occasionally for an hour or so; but a whole weekend seems to suggest that you are very unhappy.

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 16:17

Btw OP you said he is definitely not gay because he has sex with women and has impregnated you. That doesn't actually mean he is not gay, just that he hasn't come out yet.

Loads of gay men have married women and had children before they came out. Happened to a good friend of mine actually and they had been married for years, with three teenage children.

He was chatting with men online and now they are divorced and he lives with his male partner.

pictish · 09/03/2014 16:21

Totally agree baker - this thread has somehow ended up with the OP being pretty much labelled stupid, torn into and picked apart, before having her opinions on her own life and relationship trashed, in favour of some imaginings that posters here have decided are more fitting instead.
No wonder she has taken off. So would I. Hmm

Fairenuff · 09/03/2014 16:26

I expect OP is still reading and will come back when she's ready.

It's a lot to take in all at once.

OP started this thread expecting posters to agree that the friend was out of order so it's come as a bit of a shock to her to realise that, actually, it's her dp that is causing these problems.

TheNewSchmoo · 09/03/2014 16:28

This is a genuine question as I am relatively new to the boards. Do mumsnet threads go on rotation as this is another one that I would swear I have seen an identical one about before?

Jealous friend, surprise sprung at airport, baby on way, phone off and so no contact, reluctance to divulge full details.... The whole shebang Biscuit

LightastheBreeze · 09/03/2014 16:30

Whose birthday is it? DP or the friend, if its DPs wouldn't he rather spend it with you.

Viviennemary · 09/03/2014 16:33

But the point is even the OP doesn't know what is going on but she's not happy. So I don't know and neither do others on this thread. But the OP should be made aware of the possibilities. No point in just saying he did nothing wrong, he's great, the friend is at fault and everything will turn out OK. It might who knows. I think it's all very suspicious but I don't know. So saying people aren't being helpful isn't really helping.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/03/2014 16:34

WTF happened here Shock

Wrapdress · 09/03/2014 16:39

Let's say the friend is gay and the OP's partner is straight. Friend has crush on OP's partner. I have know a lot of gay and straight men and never have I known a straight man to be comfortable around a gay man who has the warm fuzzies for him. It's weird and awkward.

So, for me, the whole thing is strange. Just expecting someone to be available for 3 days without warning? Who lives that kind of life?

Maybe the OP's partner has his head in the sand by going along with the trip at any cost. Maybe the OP has her head in the sign by shutting down the phone. Maybe the gay friend has his head in the sand thinking he can turn a straight man gay by taking romantic trips abroad.

rainbowsmiles · 09/03/2014 16:43

Optimism just ignore them. I can see how it could happen. He was going for 3 days anyway. It probably won't cost any more. I don't keep in touch when I'm out/away and neither does dh is just how we are.

But....With regard to the bromantic maniac things have changed. Your not just a girlfriend anymore.

I think I'd be likely to have his bags packed for his return. I'd be telling him to give me some space. I'd be making it absolutely clear how much of a deal breaker it was.

There is no point in playing games with a maniac as the maniac has no bottom line.

Be honest and straightforward. Game playing arseholes cannot compete with it.

SirRaymondClench · 09/03/2014 16:44

I've missed it but when is he due back?

hickorychicken · 09/03/2014 16:45

Well this escelated quickly...

pictish · 09/03/2014 16:46

fairenuff I agree...and if you cba to look at my only other post on this thread (which I'm sure you can't - no worries) you will see that I raise that very point - that the problem ultimately lies with her dp, rather than his keen, possessive friend.

I still don't approve of the tone this thread has taken though. It has inexplicably become quite hostile to the OP. There's no point in her fighting her corner, because apparently her own pov is irrelevent. Confused

FunkyBoldRibena · 09/03/2014 16:51

He was going for 3 days anyway.

No, it was overnight in Newcastle...with the lads - not a dirty weekend away with his 'BFF'.

OP - I think the reason this thread has gone a little skew is due to you not keeping your phone on to update all the MNers on his excuses/explanations.

And people have been known to have kids before coming out. Sometimes they never come out...until they are outed by someone else. This all seems far too 'easy' for your partner to say 'it's all his fault...'

rainbowsmiles · 09/03/2014 17:01

Not how I read it.....sounded like it was one night in Newcastle when first discussed but when the pal booked it it was 3 nights he booked so OPs husband knew he was going for 3 nights but thought it was Newcastle.

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/03/2014 17:05

rainbow is right, initially it was for one night but when the mate booked it, he told him it was for 3 days in Newcastle.

rainbowsmiles · 09/03/2014 17:06

But either or the whole thing is ridiculous and is the OPs husband who has behaved badly. Terrible dynamic and such a weird friend. Creepy behaviour.

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