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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Bromance getting out of hand?

181 replies

optimism4 · 09/03/2014 11:00

My dp friend treated him to a weekend away for his birthday. One night turned into 3 days when this friend booked it. It was supposed to be a night in newcastle with all the boys but when dp arrived at airport it was just the two of them and friend surprised him by letting him know at boarding that they were going abroad!

Dp is a bit annoyed as baby is on the way and if he HAD to go somewhere, he didn't want to be gone far or for long.

This friend of his is not very accepting of me and sort of pretends I don't exist- I'm never included but this, to me, is a piss take.

Would anyone else feel the same? My family think this friend needs to find a gf and stop treating my dp like one!

They're back tonight and I don't know how to play this...

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 09/03/2014 13:49

Phone off for 3 days and expecting soon? sorry but just a bit far fetched/odd to me Confused

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/03/2014 13:51

Was it a milestone birthday?

I just can't understand a mate surprising another mate with a long weekend abroad and paying for it all when his DP is at home, pregnant and not knowing where he is.

Also, what would your DPs other friends say when he tells them that matey took him abroad for a long weekend? My guess is they'd all think it strange.

Foodylicious · 09/03/2014 13:52

Also friend must be massively up himself to think someone would want to spend 3 days alone with him instead of lads night out

AnyFucker · 09/03/2014 13:52

You say your problem is not with your partner, but with his friend

Wrong

This "friend" can only spoil your relationship if your partner lets

Currently, he is letting him

And you are having your leg pulled re. the "Newcastle" trip. Wake up, love.

Viviennemary · 09/03/2014 13:52

I'd be suspicious about the passport. I think he's pulling the wool over your eyes. No. Don't fall for this tale. In fact I'd be seriously thinking about calling it a day. Sounds very irresponsible and immature behaviour. I don't think I could tolerate this in a relationship.

AnyFucker · 09/03/2014 13:52

lets him

Elsiequadrille · 09/03/2014 13:55

Yes! How will he manage with so little clothing.

Very odd. I do think only your dp can, and needs to, fix this.

And it's a bit off having the phone switched off when you're expecting. For three days?

Original poster
optimism4 · 09/03/2014 13:56

I have the house phone so not so strange really. I'm not a mobile- grafted- to - my- face kinda gal.

I think his other friends, particularly his bff will be pretty annoyed but doubt they'll voice it. You know what men are like.

Sorry if implied I'm about to drop- I'm not. Baby on the way means we're pregnant. We have a few weeks yet.

OP posts:
Foodylicious · 09/03/2014 14:01

Hmm, but you have not used the land line and he has not called you on it when he has found your mobile to be off?
sorry but 3 days away with no contact does not sound right at all

and why so vague? 'baby on the way/we have a few weeks yet'

Viviennemary · 09/03/2014 14:05

Whether you are pregnant or not isn't the main thing. Your partner went off for three days without contacting you. All this you know what men are like. Resonsible decent men don't take off for three days without discussing it with their partner first. Your problem is with your partner not his friend.

Ubik1 · 09/03/2014 14:06

I've just booked a european flight... didn't have to provide a passport number. I always use passport for internal flights - in fact some carriers insist in passport.

Op your partner needs to back away from pal, especially as new baby on the way.

and he is being Out of order not contacting you

Ubik1 · 09/03/2014 14:08

And FGS - you can buy underwear/clothing etc in a european city. He is not traversing Arctic tundra or is he?

Original poster
optimism4 · 09/03/2014 14:09

That's exactly my point
Dp will have had to buy stuff to wear. I sat chatting to him while he packed. This means spending more money that we need for baby things
Ergo I get pissed off and friend's plan to cause a row comes together. Thats if I choose to be calm about the part where they left the country! I clearly haven't put across how sneaky and devious friend is in his tactics. Dp is being manipulated utterly. The only thing he's getting wrong is not seeing it.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/03/2014 14:09

Your partner, let alone this bloke he's gone off with for three days, is no decent man at all. Your main problem here is not just Mr CoolBF, its your man.

You do not have to play the "cool girlfriend" role either. Not all men are as duplicitous as these two are.

HyvaPaiva · 09/03/2014 14:10

A genuinely annoyed person would say no.
A genuinely annoyed person would not board the plane.

A fake annoyed person would send his girlfriend text saying 'I'm so annoyed! He's such a @#$/^&!'
A fake annoyed person would hop on that plane and enjoy the trip.
A fake annoyed person wouldn't bother calling your house phone to tell you where in the world he is because he's too busy enjoying himself.

He knew. Or it was a surprise that he loved. Either way, he chose to go.

hamptoncourt · 09/03/2014 14:11

This just gets worse and worse.

So you are due a baby in a few weeks and he has been unable to contact you because your mobile is turned off. He hasn't bothered to call the landline?

So if the reason for your mob being off for three days was, God forbid, that you were in hospital, he would be none the wiser? He doesn't really give a shit does he?

Joules68 · 09/03/2014 14:11

The whole tale sounds like there's an important bit missing from it somewhere!

Original poster
optimism4 · 09/03/2014 14:12

Sorry about being 'vague' I didn't realise my responses were beong scrutinised! I was asking about my dps friend's behaviour!

OP posts:
Patilla · 09/03/2014 14:12

I'd be not around when DP arrived back, out at friends, the shops, a last chance of peace and quiet at the cinema just to avoid the impression of sitting at home waiting for my partner if he hadn't told me where he was.

LightastheBreeze · 09/03/2014 14:12

How did he only find out at boarding, did he not notice it didn't say Newcastle at check in and that the other mates weren't there. He must have known before the boarding gate Confused

LineRunner · 09/03/2014 14:13

Do you live together?

figgypuddings · 09/03/2014 14:16

I am completely confused here.

Which country have they gone to?
Would the misogynist asshole lad friend plan going to brothels?
You dh has not phoned you the entire trip?

The entire thing makes me feel uneasy.

Original poster
optimism4 · 09/03/2014 14:20

Maybe I am too laid back or independent. I don't call him when I'm away nor him me. We text. He'll have texted and assumed I have received and ignored them. He'll know I'm angry and he knows I'd call in an emergency

Not that he could do much from where he is.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirl · 09/03/2014 14:21

This sounds ridiculous behaviour, from everyone.

Ubik1 · 09/03/2014 14:23

You didn't realise you would be relentlessly cross examined P[? Grin

you will be told to LTB soon

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