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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Bromance getting out of hand?

181 replies

optimism4 · 09/03/2014 11:00

My dp friend treated him to a weekend away for his birthday. One night turned into 3 days when this friend booked it. It was supposed to be a night in newcastle with all the boys but when dp arrived at airport it was just the two of them and friend surprised him by letting him know at boarding that they were going abroad!

Dp is a bit annoyed as baby is on the way and if he HAD to go somewhere, he didn't want to be gone far or for long.

This friend of his is not very accepting of me and sort of pretends I don't exist- I'm never included but this, to me, is a piss take.

Would anyone else feel the same? My family think this friend needs to find a gf and stop treating my dp like one!

They're back tonight and I don't know how to play this...

OP posts:

wonderingwoman64 · 09/03/2014 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsMischief · 09/03/2014 12:41

I booked a European flight this morning without putting my passport number in.

JeanSeberg · 09/03/2014 12:43

You don't need a passport number when booking for most short haul European flights.

CiderwithBuda · 09/03/2014 12:43

Depending on where you are flying to you don't always need passport details to book a flight.

StickyProblem · 09/03/2014 12:44

You don't need passport details to book all flights, eg easyjet, but each traveller needs to supply passport information online before you board. Also the name on the booking needs to be exactly the same as the name on the passport. It is quite risky to book flights for someone else without their info.
Good luck OP....

Original poster

optimism4 · 09/03/2014 12:45

No I don't have any doubts Over dp sexuality thank goodness. We certainly wouldn't be together nor pregnant if I did! I don't even know whether friend is gay as he's such a 'lad.' He goes home with women all the time! He says he hasn't settled down because he feels he deserves to have an absolutely stunning girl to settle down with as that's what he's always envisaged for himself. Yet he chooses unattractive women... Dp tells me these things in a bemused way as he also thinks friend is right off the wall when it comes to women. Gosh he's a penis!

OP posts:

pictish · 09/03/2014 12:47

I don't think your dp is lying. I don't think he had any idea about his friend's secret plan. He was put on the spot imo.

At the end of the day OP, this is your dp's problem to fix. His friend can try and dominate his attentions as much as he likes, but he will only succeed if your dp allows it.

You need to talk to your dp about your concerns regarding this fella. Not in an accusatory way of course, but in a genuine "this is really concerning me" manner.

hamptoncourt · 09/03/2014 12:53

In the past six months a have booked three short haul European flights. For some reason OP doesn't want us to know where DP is. I booked with easyjet each time, and in every case I had to provide the passport numbers and date of issue of passports online before travel.

MoonRover · 09/03/2014 12:53

I don't suspect your dp of being gay, but it does sound a lot like his pal is in lurve with him. Paying for the whole weekend? Is he rich?!

I think the 'lad' business is an effective smoke screen.

Yes! make up songs. Can you change your dp's ringtone for his friend to 'Loving You?'

Logg1e · 09/03/2014 12:53

It's strange how your husband chooses the company of this man with so few redeemable qualities.

Lweji · 09/03/2014 12:55

You are asked for passport details, but you don't have to give them.

WaitingAndSpinning · 09/03/2014 13:00

Is his name Smithy by any chance?

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/03/2014 13:02

But to DP, toxic one is his best mate. He doesn't see the creepiness or the exclusion of OP. It probably would have seemed churlish to refuse his mates big birthday surprise when put on the spot like that.

If my mate had done that for me and spent all that money, I'd feel obligated to go too no she doesn't compete with DH

It's the vibe that this guy is giving the OP, like he is competing for her OHs time and affection with her.

DH couldn't see it for ages. Our toxic one was very very clever about it. He was even our best man

DH is still very close to every single one of his other friends but this one was very different...

DinoSnores · 09/03/2014 13:03

I've not given passport details for any of the flights I've recently been on with Easyjet.

Lweji · 09/03/2014 13:05

I suspect he is trying to isolate him from his other friends as well.
You could also point this out to him.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/03/2014 13:10

At "Loving You"
(La la la la la...)

DistanceCall · 09/03/2014 13:17

I used to fly between Spain and Britain on a regular basis and never needed a passport, just some sort of identification. Your husband's driving licence or similar would probably work.

EBearhug · 09/03/2014 13:21

in every case I had to provide the passport numbers and date of issue of passports online before travel.

If they've been abroad together on lads' trips before, it's possible the friend has his passport number from then especially if he's a stalkery type.

Original poster

optimism4 · 09/03/2014 13:28

'Loving you' is fab. I am not reluctant to say where he is. I don't know! I think a brief discussion on how it looks and my concerns will at least start to open dps eyes to it. What he chooses to do then will b very interesting. You guys are a wonderful sound board xx

OP posts:

HyvaPaiva · 09/03/2014 13:36

From an all-the-boys trip to 'surprise, just us!' is unusual, let alone the destination 'surprise'. Does your DP often find himself on the receiving end of so many 'surprises'?

How come you know he's elsewhere but not where? He contacted you and said 'I'm abroad'? No one says 'I'm abroad'. Why didn't he say 'I'm in Paris' or even the country? That's very strange.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/03/2014 13:36

You don't know where they ended up? I'm sorry but there's something about this whole story... the surprise element, the mysterious location, the alleged annoyance... that's not quite ringing true. Most people would have sent a text at least saying 'you'll never believe where I am..'

MsMischief · 09/03/2014 13:40

If DP isn't in cahoots with his friend then surely a 3 day couples mini break will make him see its a bit odd

Original poster

optimism4 · 09/03/2014 13:45

He did txt saying friend says i need euros as not going to Newcastle! He's a @#$/^&. It was at this point my blood pressure shot through the roof and my phone went off. I cant tell you what I'd have responded with otherwise. Self preservation. Sorry if it seems peculiar to anyone but I need to avoid a cross continental row!

OP posts:

handfulofcottonbuds · 09/03/2014 13:46

Dp is a bit annoyed as baby is on the way and if he HAD to go somewhere, he didn't want to be gone far or for long

'he's a bit annoyed' and he hasn't told you where he is? You're pregnant and he hasn't told you? I cannot get my head round this.

Foodylicious · 09/03/2014 13:47

Just a thought, what the hell has he done for clothes for 3 days??
surely he wont has taken enough with him.
Offer to do his washing when he gets back and you will see if he took enough for more than 1 night. I could understand a few shirts as maube dont know where they were going out but more than 2 pairs of pants/sock and he was definately in on it.

Hope for your sake he was not and just friend that was a massive penis,
Do find it odd that he has gone away for 3 days and you have obviously had contact with him to know this but have not asked where they are/what they are doing in any of your texts/calls?? surely of you have a baby due soon he would be contacting you at least daily to see how you are?
If not then sorry, but he is at least a bit of a penis too.

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