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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner has left me and my 2 boys this morning

519 replies

DickCrack · 08/03/2014 09:58

It's been coming a while. 1 shag in 3 years lots if rows. This morning I found loads of dirty texts he sent to another woman. He's gone now. Ds 5 witnessed a lot of my upset this morning. I'm ashamed. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
DickCrack · 10/03/2014 18:43

mamma But if this is his choice, and it clearly is, then why not just admit it? I don't understand.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 10/03/2014 19:13

Did DS1 say why he didn't want to speak to his Dad?

Original poster
DickCrack · 10/03/2014 19:48

No he wouldn't tell me. I got him to agree eventually to speak to him after much persuasion, that arsehole didn't even thank me for my efforts.

OP posts:
mammadiggingdeep · 10/03/2014 19:59

Because op...if he admits it to you and discusses it then other people will find out and he'll really feeling a nasty tosser.

Seriously- my ex treated me like shit, cheated on me when I was pg and when I had 2 small dc's. when was he most bothered and upset??? When I finally told everyone else, his mum, his brothers, my friends...he couldn't get over it!!!

mammadiggingdeep · 10/03/2014 19:59
  • really feel like...
Logg1e · 10/03/2014 20:01

Rooting for you OP.

Original poster
DickCrack · 10/03/2014 20:13

I've told everyone anyway mamma. I put it on Facebook in an absolute temper about an hour after I found out- we work in the same organisation and I just thought I can't face telling people about this, so I put it there for everyone to see. He's not said a word to me about it but he sent a pathetic text to my friend who works next to him saying that "there are two sides to every story" and that he knows he's been a cunt but he's upset too and he hopes she doesn't hate him.

OP posts:
Original poster
DickCrack · 10/03/2014 20:14

Actually I cAn really recommend the Facebook method, I've had nothing but support from friends and colleagues without having to keep telling people about it.

OP posts:
Hissy · 10/03/2014 20:48
WhateverTrevor83 · 10/03/2014 20:51

Will the good news is - he's gone!
May you recover and meet someone suitable when you're ready.
Live to you and DS. Stick together Thanks

WhateverTrevor83 · 10/03/2014 20:51

Whoops mean well not will

louby44 · 10/03/2014 22:21

Following your thread and thinking of you, it will get better trust me!

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 10/03/2014 22:41

Oh DC what an awful situation to be in. Just remember that its very early days and the most important thing is to take care of yourself and your boys. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and take things slowly.

I hope you get a decent nights sleep tonight and manage some breakfast in the morning. Keep posting on here if you need a good rant or just some sympathetic ears (or eyes as it where)

We are all here to support you Thanks

Original poster
DickCrack · 10/03/2014 23:16

Thanks thank you to everyone, the support means a lot Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
DickCrack · 10/03/2014 23:23

One of the school mums has just texted me to ask me if I had a nice rest yesterday. He told everyone I was "relaxing at home" while he took the boys to the party.
I actually think he might have gone mental.

OP posts:
PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 11/03/2014 12:50

How are you today OP?

Original poster
DickCrack · 11/03/2014 18:30

Had a really bad day. Mostly work stuff as we work in same organisation. Had terrible night after row with his sister who basically thinks I should be able to split childcare and property 50/50 with him straight away and let him take ds's to see his family, 300 miles away, for a week over Easter. Saw friends for lunch, that was nice.

OP posts:
Logg1e · 11/03/2014 19:16

Don't get into any discussion, it's not up for debate, least of all with a third party.

Original poster
DickCrack · 11/03/2014 19:20

I know, but she was so insistent I am unreasonable about it.

OP posts:
Logg1e · 11/03/2014 19:22

Well when you don't have much of an argument, you're not left with much more than repetition!

mammadiggingdeep · 11/03/2014 20:06

Fuck what his sister says....she would say that wouldn't she.

You're his mummy. You decide. 50/50 property etc gets decided by the solicitors and courts not his family.

Don't engage with any of that. Your emotions and energy are precious- dont give them away to people you don't need to be debating with.

Glad you saw friends. Try to plan a few nice things in next few weeks- even coffee with good mates or a visit to the park with a friend and dc's. it's important to be around people who are on your 'team'

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 11/03/2014 21:29

His sister needs to mind her own business

Original poster
DickCrack · 12/03/2014 17:19

I've let him pick up ds (5) and take him for tea. If he comes back upset I think I might kill him.
He's found a flat to rent.
Today was a better day. Though I have done nothing of use at work all week.

OP posts:
Original poster
DickCrack · 14/03/2014 01:25

I just hacked into his Facebook. Found messages which show he's been shagging her for years, basically since ds2 was born. I am beside myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
DickCrack · 14/03/2014 01:27

We thought ds2 would die at birth. I thought that was why it was bad between us, the stress. All the time, when I've been having counselling and trying to make it right between us, he's been shagging her. No wonder he wasn't trying to fix us.
I've sent her and him some very abusive messages.

OP posts: