My partner has left me and my 2 boys this morning

[DickCrack]

It's been coming a while. 1 shag in 3 years lots if rows. This morning I found loads of dirty texts he sent to another woman. He's gone now. Ds 5 witnessed a lot of my upset this morning. I'm ashamed. What do I do?

[cozietoesie]

Ach well. Is there anyone else among family and friends that can likely be supportive at the moment?

The calm is better than nothing but don't worry if it doesn't last long. And excellent that you've made a cup of tea.

If I were you, even though it's late at night, I'd remake the bed with clean sheets and have a quick shower before getting in. You might get some sleep that way.

I'd 'forget to remind him' about the soft play party tomorow and do it myself. He's the last person I'd want to see.

[DickCrack]

Thank you cozie. What about the boys though? They are already asking for him, will it help them or make it worse if he takes them?

[cozietoesie]

I'll remind you, DickCrack, that even the 5:2 diet envisages a trickle of calories going through the body on the 'non-eating' days. You need some to keep the system going. (Preferably non-alcoholic.) Don't think of it as food which you can enjoy, just as 'calories' or 'fuel' which you're taking in for the DC.

Do you have to work outside the home anytime soon?

[cozietoesie]

Well what wouldn't help them is to see Mum in a hell of a state at the handover and handback - which might well happen. I don't think you could hold it together this early on, do you?

[DickCrack]

Yes I work full time, I'm due in at 9 on Monday. After I've taken dc2 to nursery and dc1 to school, both in opposite directions. The thought of doing this every day on my own is pretty scary. And then getting them back, mad rush from work to get them, every day. Perhaps it's not feasible to work ft anymore? But then, what do I do for money. So many questions. I hate him, hate him so very much and I wish he would die.

[makemineapinot]

Unfortunately I've been there too op and I could not gave git through it without rl help as well as man. Yes, you do need to eT, you won't feel like it hut you need to stay strong and get angry. That's when you stop making excuses fir him and start protecting yourself and your dc. Just get into bed with them and put on a DVD. They will fe tired and will get distracted by the DVD so will go to sleep. You may not sleep so Rajesh advantage of any free babysitting! We are here for u x

[makemineapinot]

You can get time off work op if u need it, just take a day or two as any longer can make it grader to go back. You may need your job financially and for your own self esteem. Talk to your employer, I'm a teacher and had the childcare he'll hell you mention in the early days, so my (lovely) ht said I just had to be in for 0930 every morning and she would take register etc till I got things sorted. Once the pressure was off I found I was able to find the best solution as I didn't need to panic. Not all bosses are like that though, but keep yours in the loop.

[DickCrack]

Woke up to a wet bed. Older ds seems sad but not mentioning daddy, younger one seems ok. Have made them breakfast in my bed and put a DVD on for them.
I feel sick, though yesterday and today I took double dose of my antidepressants, could it be that?
My head aches and I just want to sleep. No hope of that now until probably 9 pm, just got to get through 12 hours.

[Hissy]

Good morning love! Sorry to hear about the bed, stress does manifest in many ways, this is so early in all of this, it does get better.

Now, to you.

Doubling up on AD meds probably won't help on any front. Most meds take weeks to activate/come into effect, and depending on what ad it is, can increase side effects or be harmful.

As wretched as you feel, try to remind yourself that this event really is awful, and it's utterly to be expected that you will feel awful. I understand why you did this, but you can't medicate this situation away, and nor should you try. From the feelings and thoughts you have you will grow. You will struggle to see this now perhaps, but you will.

If at any time you feel depression spiralling, please either call the Samaritans or come onto Mumsnet for some hand holding.

Your mother's support was bloody awful, i'm so sorry to hear this, but please don't turn to her again, please call your friends and see who will help you feel better. Please use mumsnet if you find it helpful.

Can you take the boys out, or if you drop them at soft play, could someone bring them back afterwards? Do you have a mum-friend that's going that you could confide in?

In terms of what's next, I think if you can aim to keep everything as normal as possible, but only do what you realistically can do.

If I were you, i'd do the nursery/school run, go into work and ask to see my manager. I'd explain the situation and ask for the day off while I gathered my thoughts alone for a day.

I've said this before, but will say it again: you really will get through this lovey!

[cozietoesie]

Good morning DC

Glad you got through the night. It's a shame about the wet bed but Hey Ho.

Headaches and nausea can be among the symptoms of not having eaten by the way - or a signal that your whole system is under huge stress. Which it undoubtedly will be - so as usual, try to get a calorie or two down this morning.

How do your plans for the day look?

[Logg1e]

I think you should get an emergency appointment for the doctor tomorrow (to check about your medication) and have a serious think about getting signed off for a couple of days.

I don't understand why you won't accept some help from a friend. Someone to watch the boys for 2 hours would be a great help.

[DickCrack]

I've let him take them out. It's a lovely day and we should be out as a family. I want my family back.

[DickCrack]

Huge mistake ringing my mum who just cried down the phone about the state of my dad. Said she wishes she could die. I can never be in a worse situation than her! So ridiculous it's almost funny.

[Logg1e]

OP you're not getting the old family back. This needs to be about your new family.

And deep breath, but accept your mum's not going to be able to support you through this.

I do wish you'd get some real life support. It sounds a very difficult and lonely position to be in.

[DickCrack]

I have just spent an hour on the phone to a friend. It helped. She's coming over tomorrow.

[Logg1e]

I think that's a good idea. What about doctors? What about work?

I hope you can plan something nice for yourself this evening.

[DickCrack]

I have bagged most of his stuff up and put it in the car while he is out. I have agreed he can call the kids every evening and that he can do swimming class on sat am and take them out Sunday pm. Does that sound ok?
I don't think I need to see the doctor, I'm feeling stronger. Next hurdle will be money.
Will it all be ok in the end? Can anyone whose been here tell me their story. You've all been so helpful, I'm so grateful x

[DickCrack]

I think I'm going to go to work tomorrow. And cancel the house valuation agreed for next sat? Or not, I don't know re that?

[mammadiggingdeep]

Take a day at a time. You can always cancel it the day before.

[cozietoesie]

I'd keep the house valuation scheduled, I think. In this sort of situation, the more hard financial information you have under your belt the better - and the house is likely to be a big part of that. They're usually free, I think?

[cozietoesie]

You sound much better than last night by the way. Maybe having some time on your own has helped.

[Logg1e]

You're not only going to be ok, you're going to be better than they were. This board is full of women telling their stories that no way in a million years would they have dreamed how happy they are only two years later and how much their lives have changed for the better with new jobs and new partners.

I can see you on here in some months' time being one of those women.

I'd set yourself a two week period of information-gathering and just playing around with different decisions in your head, trying them out for size.

[cozietoesie]

Remember - you've been having years of rows and unpleasantness so although you've just had a 'lump' of badness all at once, over the other side is an emotionally calmer and sunnier place.

You'll be fine.

[Doha]

You have been fine with contact but it eats into your entire weekend with the DC's/ Perhaps in time you will want an entire weekend day free and another to spend with them doing fun things-especially as you are working full time.
You are doing so well

[Hissy]

For now i'd leave the valuation as arranged. You will feel differently this time next week.

Estate Agents are clamouring for instructions atm, so while they might be disappointed if you do cancel, they need your house on the market so will accommodate you.

99% of my clients are estate agents, wish I could send a few of my tamest ones to look after you! :)

See how you get on with the phonecalls, make sure H knows that if it's not working for you, that you'll revise the plan. YOU set the conditions here now!

What you need to try to do is rise above him. Regain control and definitely not do the 'pick me dance'.

Make HIM grovel for contact with your family in a way, make sure that he has no right to expect anything just because he wants it. Your dc come first, YOUR needs come before his.

HE can go fuck himself if he's not happy with x, y or z.

This empowered you will show him what he's lost, and it'll do you the world of good too!