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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating Thread 71

999 replies

TheCrow · 07/03/2014 21:54

Welcome to all daters :)

OP posts:
jesy · 10/03/2014 05:44

Hi date up date
Had a brilliant time , he cooked for us , watched a film but then started to kiss n cuddle which ended up going to bed !
Which was so good I'm still smiling 12 hours later, then went to pub for drinks .
Trying to be sensible over this but it's hard when he was so gentlemanly and tender not to mention the sex was amazing, in not that experienced but that how I always imagined it.

Noddyandbigears · 10/03/2014 08:18

Dontcallmehun22 - how did a man stop you using mumsnet?!

Jarlin · 10/03/2014 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Santaclaws · 10/03/2014 08:57

I have a real problem please help. I saw Bricky yesterday and he was searching for something on his phone in front of me, he typed what he was looking for into the web address bar at the top and a list of other things came up as suggestions and one was a local agency!!!!!

I don't know much about technology so can these just come up if not previously searches for? What if he's used them ? I should have just asked there and then about it but I was shocked

LoisPuddingLane · 10/03/2014 09:04

What sort of agency?

Jarlin · 10/03/2014 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Santaclaws · 10/03/2014 09:15

I meant to say escort agency, I just looked at it, high class escorts offering full services. In our local city. I can't remember what he was typing in I've been racking my brains to think

Santaclaws · 10/03/2014 09:17

I'm just going to have to mention it again when I see him aren't i

Lahti · 10/03/2014 09:25

Santa on my phone only previously visited sites pop up when typing into the web address bar. I think you're right and need to ask him and gauge his reaction.

I have just dumped the guy I'd been seeing after 8 weeks or so. It was just too full on from the start ie he told me he loved me after a month Hmm constant texting etc. I' had tried to finish it a few times, but he kept talking me around.
Anyway this time I'm ignoring the many texts, I don't want to block him yet as I think that would make him bombard my landline instead.
Anyway this morning I've just received the most controlling text ever and I'm so glad I've finished it.

Lahti · 10/03/2014 09:30

I'm not sure I'm cut out for OLD so I have rejoined my gym and I've also joined a Meetup group and we are going out for dinner on Saturday.
My bullshit meter is so poor that I feel sorry for the guys with the sob story. If I do OLD again I give it a month I need to be really strict and put myself 1st.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/03/2014 09:33

Jesy That sounds amazing!

Santa Hmmm, not sure, it might depend what phone he has. I know my iPad and iPhone makes suggestions and on google if I start to type something in, it often suggests things that either DS or I have recently searched for. So if I start to type in, say, 'spider catchers', it might suggest 'Spider-Man' that DS has been looking at. I honestly think you'll need to ask him. Or you could bring up the subject by saying you saw a recent documentary about women who were escorts/strippers/web cam dancers and was surprised at how boring they all seem to find it, blah blah. Then maybe say 'I could never do that blah bah'. What about you? What do you think of it?' Then gauge his reaction. You can move it on by asking if he's ever been to a strip club on a stag do, then ask if he's ever used a prostitute. Then bring up the link on his phone. You need to know though, it's very important.

I text a bit with MCS last night and we're apparently going to have a wine and nibbles night at some point. He's also helping me with a job application I need to do this week. I'm hoping wine and nibbles will be this weekend - I'm sure you can imagine the kind of nibbles I'd like Grin Wink.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/03/2014 09:37

Lahti That sounds terrible and you're best out of it. What was the text this morning? Sounds like it proved you've done the right thing.

What kind of MeetUp group have you joined, if you don't mind me asking? I've joined the site but not joined any groups yet. The thought of walking into a room full of strangers kid of fills me with dread! Have you been before?

Santaclaws · 10/03/2014 09:44

Sorry to hear that didn't work out lahti but it sounds as though you did the right thing ending it.

It's so soul destroying at times though. I just want a mutually nice relationship with someone I can trust and rely on as I'm sure we all do, but something always seems to go wrong. I'm not feeling such good vibes from Bricky now, there are several things I need to broach with him but I just feel you shouldn't NEED to do this. I think it's going wrong. I'm feeling that we have vastly differing outlooks on life. Yesterday I did mange casually to ask how come he had never got married and he just laughed and said I don't know, I did get engaged once. It then became clear from what he said that he didn't see an engagement as an avenue to marriage
Confused. He just got engaged to satisfy his GF.

He also said, well you wouldn't want to marry again would you? And I said yes I probably would. Which I would if I met the right person. I think he is out for fun, which is fine but I do want to find a long term partnership in the not too distant future. Anyway I just left it at that and he said, oh well maybe in a few years. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying I want to marry him i was just curious as to why he'd never married.

Now this thing with his phone. I'm not happy today

Lahti · 10/03/2014 10:03

soft I've joined my local single parents meet up group.

The reason I finished it was because of something that he told me about his past. Tbh it was the final straw and I just couldn't overlook it. Anyway he texted to say that I am naive and have no right to criticise him. He then said I should look at my own life and that he should have dropped me weeks ago, but he is a good man and gave me weeks of his patience when instead he should have moved on!

I tried to finish it 3 times and he kept talking me around.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/03/2014 10:15

Lahti That text is classic. He's pissed off you've ended it and he can't talk you round this time, so he's turning it round to say he was going to end it with you anyway. Yeah, right. You definitely did the right thing. He sounds completely deluded.

Is the single parents group actually one from meet up.com, or just a local SP group? Hope you enjoy meeting new people.

Santa Hmm, he's starting to sound like a bit of a player tbh. Escort sites on his phone, engaged but no intention of marriage, different long term values. This definitely warrants more discussion with him. Just look out for yourself here.

Lahti · 10/03/2014 10:23

soft it's an official Meetup group, I'm quite excited about it.
It would be nice to make other single parent friends.

Santaclaws · 10/03/2014 10:33

soft I feel really sick tbh. He seemed to really like me even said a week or so ago he hoped we would last. His sister is visiting this week and he wanted me to meet her. I'm really confused, I feel like I've gone off him a bit. Should I just say that I couldn't help noticing the escort site come up when he was searching and why was that? Then see how he reacts

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 10/03/2014 10:34

Sounds great Lahti, I must join some groups. I need to get a babysitter when I go out though. I usually ask my parents but they're not too well atm and DS's dad chose not to be involved with him so I don't get regular child-free time. I could do with a lovely local teenager to sit.

What do others do about babysitters?

Lahti · 10/03/2014 10:35

Now he's texting about some stuff that he left at my house. It isn't massively expensive stuff, and it isn't stuff he will need in a hurry, but it is too big to post. I don't want to drive to his or vice versa as he we use it as a way of trying to talk me around (crying etc). I'm tempted to say I will drop it off in a few weeks (after he's moved on) what do you all think?
I'm rubbish at all this.

Original poster
TheCrow · 10/03/2014 11:16

Lahti, is there someone you know who can be in the house when he comes to collect the stuff? You could stay upstairs out of the way and not have to talk to him.

I had a lovely time with Mr Blanket again on Saturday, was pretty much a repeat of our first date! He's coming over for a bit later before I go to work. We both said we definitely don't want anything serious so are happy to just hang out :)

OP posts:
HelloBoys · 10/03/2014 11:20

Just wanted to say Lahti that you did the best thing ending it after 8 weeks. and especially with the comments afterwards - how dare he say that?!

I had similar lots of texting and protestations of love after a month.

Also wanted to say Meetup is great - I don't use it as such but have been with my friend to a few events they have - and everyone generally is really nice.

Lahti · 10/03/2014 11:43

Texts continue. Now he wants to take me out for dinner tonight. He says he's going to fight for me as he doesn't want to lose me.
I may just book a courier for his stuff.

HanselandGretel · 10/03/2014 11:59

Wow, all that after 8 weeks, that's a bit much lahti, just seeing it from his side for a minute though, if you've only just dumped him he may be acting out of desperation, if he was intense all along then this reaction is just an extension of that. He's obviously just clutching at straws with all the talk of collecting stuff followed by the wanting to take you out to dinner, not pleasant for you at all but perhaps best to let him calm down and just ignore him if you've said all you have to say.
Hopefully he will see sense and feel mortified soon.

santa The agency may have just come up on a prompt, but trust your gut. Asking him though is unlikely to result in him admitting anything is it?

Bant · 10/03/2014 12:13

Lahti - just reply to his invitation to dinner with 'I'm sorry, I'd just have to give you hours of my patience and instead I'm moving on'

If he's sending twattish texts then bounce his phrases back to him and make it clear he's blown it by his actions. He sounds like a childish twunt.

Lahti · 10/03/2014 12:41

Thanks Bant it's good to have some male perspective here. I shall do that.