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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 71

999 replies

TheCrow · 07/03/2014 21:54

Welcome to all daters :)

OP posts:
oldfashionedgirl · 20/03/2014 21:05

Folkgirl Think you are getting off lightly! Grin I met the parents 2 weeks in! Only known him a month and he is already talking Christmas ...

That makes sense that they need to "see" who he is but also that you would rather keep him to yourself. I guess he will see the mother side to you in addition to the girlfriend side.

FolkGirl · 20/03/2014 21:30

I know! It's him seeing the 'mother' side of me that feels a bit strange, to be honest.

I suppose it's one of those critical points isn't it? He's either going to like me more on the back of it, or realise the reality of my life and be put off.

I don't ever hide the fact I've got children, and it hasn't seemed to be an issue for anyone. But one man did come and pick me up from my house and saw a photo of the children in the hallway. I could almost hear the penny drop when he realised these children were real and I knew it had changed for him at that moment.

Jarlin · 20/03/2014 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

louby44 · 20/03/2014 21:47

Jarlin ooo will this be the first time staying over?

I'm meeting him half way on Sunday. No expectations other than he seems nice and genuine (as far as I can tell at this point)

Good luck to everyone with dates this weekend

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/03/2014 22:18

Exchanged a few bland texts with MCS this eve. Then I went on Tinder and noticed he's put his photo back on (he took it off and put a landscape shot on while we were dating). I'm ashamed to say I had an irrational fit of jealousy and text him to say it'd be good to catch up properly this weekend and what did he think? God, I'm supposed to be playing it cool and here I am making myself look desperate Blush. Needless to say he hasn't responded Hmm.

Ffs, Soft you idiot.

dippinmytoe · 20/03/2014 22:33

I have braved tinder .. when you have a match , do you contact or wait for them to contact ?

Denton2406 · 20/03/2014 22:49

You can contact them. I've bn in touch with a few on Tinder, it's quite funny!

LizzieBelle · 20/03/2014 23:03

hi jarlin
no haven't decide how to approach it. I havemale friend who's checking him out online with fake profile though. I want to know if he had paid and if yes, its game over........Sad

bouncyagain · 21/03/2014 06:01

About Tinder - it seems to me that most women wait to let the guy get in touch. Seems silly idea to me. I might just possibly have met someone on Tinder (very early days) but I think she messaged me first. I think Tinder is better than any of the websites.

Shellwedance · 21/03/2014 07:34

Morning,

Lizzie, sorry that you're having to deal with this situation. Hope you get the answers you want.

Softkitty, sounds like something I'd do, am rubbish at playing it cool.

Re Tinder, I do message if I'm keen but you do get a few matches that still don't respond or ever msg. Is a numbers game I think.

Folk, all sounds really positive.

So, I have decided to end things with the guy I was seeing. It has morphed quite quickly into FB and he has been reasonably clear that he doesn't see it as anything else. I am quite proud that I am nipping it in the bud rather than letting it continue because there's nothing else on the horizon.

This thread really helped me with the discussion over your child being an added bonus to a potential partner rather than an issue so thanks for that.

I think I'm going to have a break for a bit. Am really not over Mr S, we had this amazing connection and I really thought this was it but his ex turned up pregnant and because he was so lovely he thought he had to try for the child. Am finding it really hard to let go because (from what he said) this ex was awful and brought out the worst in him. He's mainly making a go of it because he's worried about a horrible custody battle if he doesn't (which is what happened with her other child). So I feel like it can't possibly work and am holding on for him to come back Hmm

Sorry for the long spiel, just can't really talk about this in RL cos everyone thinks I should get over it.

Scarey123 · 21/03/2014 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontcallmehon22 · 21/03/2014 11:28

I'm sorry to hear that about Mr Cute,lizzie, I hope you get some answers.

I like the Matthew Hussey videos. I'm genuinely putting dating on the backburner and just dabbling a little. It helps that I've been so badly burned last time that I don't care.

would anyone mind having a quick look at my profile? I've rewritten it to attract hot geeks rather than the 'u ok hun' type

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 21/03/2014 11:43

So I had a reply this morning, along the lines of 'I could come over on Sunday eve but I'm so busy for the next few weeks that I don't know when I'd be able to see you after that, which isn't fair on you. x' So my choices are to see him for a few hours on Sunday and probably have sex then possibly not see him again, or don't see him on Sunday then possibly not see him again.

Part of me wants to see him and shag him senseless - you know when you think 'I'll see him so he's reminded he great I am, then he's bound to want to see me soon and declare his undying affection to me'? That.

The other part of me wants to send him a reply saying thanks but I'm worth more than a few hours of your time so get in touch when you've got more time to spend with me.

What do I do?!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 21/03/2014 11:47

Is it on POF Dont? I'll have a look, so PM me your username or a link if you want?

Hormonalhell · 21/03/2014 11:48

Soft if he wanted to see you he would make the time.

Sorry Hmm

dontcallmehon22 · 21/03/2014 11:52

Oh it's so hard, softkitty. I hate men. I think it'd spare you more pain to just tell him to leave it. I should have done that with geeky at the start. I've pmed you my POF name Smile

Bumblebeepie · 21/03/2014 12:05

Soft, I'd definitely tell him no. If you see him and shag him, you'll crave him more.....if he was mad keen on you he'd make time, sorry Thanks

HelloBoys · 21/03/2014 12:17

dontcall - I'll look over your profile!

shellwe - glad we've been of help here (I don't have children but can see a parent's perspective).

What I would say is no matter how nice the man is - try to hold on for someone to come back (Mr Supermarket), I was tempted to do this but it just hold one back I think and you can end up fixated on them. I hate to say it (harsh) but if he wanted to be with you, he'd find a way, nightmare ex being pregnant or not. Have had first hand knowledge (just a male friend) of this situation too.

re ending the FB that's great and well done good for your self-esteem.

I am similar to you maybe on and off the dating wagon. It can knock you for six if it goes wrong!

HelloBoys · 21/03/2014 12:19

soft - yes leave with your dignity intact. do what your user name would do and just hiss at him. Grin

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 21/03/2014 12:35

dont I've looked at your profile and pm'd you a few comments but there's nothing wrong with it imo. Plus you are stunning Smile. If I was a man I'd date you!

I know you're all right about MCS but it's just so hard. Part of it is that I don't get what the problem is, as we were getting along great, had lots of attraction, chemistry and passion, then bang! He goes cold. Flipping men .

HelloBoys · 21/03/2014 13:00

softkitty I had the exact same problem with Kent Lad re the chemistry, passion, attraction etc and then going cold BUT there were issues (his not mine).

I suppose at least Kent Lad admitted he had issues but wanted me along for the ride (no thanks). But there was certainly cold-ness and being elusive and not giving answers - for me it was imperative (even after 3 months) that I got my answers I wanted, THEN I could move on (despite what some said here). I like to have ends tied up. Smile

HelloBoys · 21/03/2014 13:03

softkitty - I don't always follow them either but good to keep in mind:-

The Rules:

  1. Develop a thick skin;
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
  4. Trust your gut instinct;
  5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
  6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
  7. If it's not fun, stop
  8. loo update is mandatory
Queenofthedrivensnow · 21/03/2014 16:21

I have binned Gap Yah. Evening allGrin

HelloBoys · 21/03/2014 16:44

Queen - was Gap Yah how he sounded, bit of a Hooray Henry on an eternal gap yah (sorry YEAR!) or was there more to him than that?

louby44 · 21/03/2014 17:03

I thought Tinder was quite amusing. hello they are good rules to keep in mind.

soft I would tell him you're busy on Sunday! Mathew Hussey suggests that women who have their own lives, friends etc are more attractive and suggest you value yourself! But it's entirely up to you of course!