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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 71

999 replies

TheCrow · 07/03/2014 21:54

Welcome to all daters :)

OP posts:
Bumblebeepie · 20/03/2014 11:08

Ha ha.....I've had my fingers burnt alot to get a somewhat level head, I try and put it into practice, but I need to reign myself in sometimes too! Its a great read! His videos on you tube are also worth watching! And he's hot! :)

HelloBoys · 20/03/2014 11:10

Bumble - only as I've read a few books (hardly any but...!) what exactly does Get the Guy book say?

how does it word it? is it all american psychobabble or easy to relate to?

Bumblebeepie · 20/03/2014 11:12

Hello No he's British, really easy to relate to and just 'makes sense'....totally worth a download. Or just watch some of the youtube videos to get a sense of him.

Bumblebeepie · 20/03/2014 11:15

Oh and second date arranged with Mr Smiley!! Very excited!!

ALittleStranger · 20/03/2014 11:23

Lizzie, what Bumble said would work. Or if you don't think you can maintain breezy, I'd just take a deep breath and say there's something that's bothering you, you didn't bring it up at the time because you didn't want to jump on him, but you can't put it out of your mind.

It's a win-win situation. Either you get the relationship you want or you find out he's a wrong 'un and can move on.

Bumblebeepie · 20/03/2014 11:33

Matthew Hussey's youtube channel

TalisaMaegyr · 20/03/2014 13:15

Totally agree with ALittleStranger, as usual!

Lizzie - not confronting this situation will make you feel like crap. It needs doing. After 6 months, this behaviour is not acceptable, do NOT put up with it.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/03/2014 13:23

Lizzie You really need to confront this man because if you don't it only paves the way to unhappiness and heartache (for you). Six months in you should be exclusive, unless it's just a FWB type relationship, so in no way is it too soon to discuss this with him. At least if you confront him, you'll know once and for all what the eff he's playing at, and can make a decision either way. You could just start off by saying 'The other night when you looked at your phone I saw xxx website on your browser. I thought I must have been mistake but I looked at the site and have seen your profile and noticed that you've been online recently. I think after six months and some great times together, I'd like to know why you're online and what you're planning to get out of it.' Do it face to face, not to see him squirm as such, but you'll be able to read his body language and tone of voice much better in person. You never know, he may apologise profusely and say he'll remove the profile. Be prepared for this to be the end though. Let's face it, do you really want to be with someone who thinks it's acceptable to be online dating six months into a relationship with you?

Scarey Right, I've read the Matt Hussey book (if you google, there's a free pdf download available, btw) and he would say two things to you. Firstly, don't make yourself too available. By that I mean, don't always keep those weekends free that he doesn't have his daughters. Plan stuff to do with your friends and family and if he mentions going out, tell him you already have plans but might be free on x date (a different date). Do not ever drop your pre-made plans for him, no matter how much you want to see him. The other thing he'd probably say is, only put in what you're getting out. You say he's met your DDs but you haven't met his. Don't arrange any more outings with your kids until he introduces you to his. You need to match each other in terms of the effort that's being made. Don't dance to his tune - dance to your own.

Bumble Someone (Lizzie, I think?) recommended Matthew Hussey on a previous thread. I downloaded a free pdf of his book and read it quite quickly. It's really excellent. The download version has video links where you can watch clips of him during his seminars - he is gorgeous. And his advice is spot on, which helps. He runs seminars in London and I'm hoping to attend one in the next few months.

TheCrow · 20/03/2014 14:10

Hello all, not been on the thread for a while so not sure what's going on with everyone! I've been seeing Mr Blanket a few times a week, from things he's been saying he is thinking about us being more serious than I want, in fact I'm starting to get a bit irritated by him. Kind of want to ease off a bit but don't want to upset him :/

After talking to POF guy since the dawn of time and thinking he was nice date material (if he ever asked me!), the other night he turned the conversation a bit naughty and said I should come round!! So for months he wouldn't ask me for a drink or something but will ask for a booty call. Why put in all that effort and nice messages etc just to do the same thing that most guys do after talking to you for 5 minutes?

And saving the best til last, here is The Crow's cautionary tale about letting people kbow your address. A certain guy I've talked about before flipped out over text when I stupidly admitted to seeing someone else in between the two times I met him (he asked and I didn't want to lie), he then spent the next few hours threatening me, and said if I didn't delete my profile he would come to my house in the middle of the night etc so I'm no longer online dating! Was very close to phoning the police. Think in a weird way he's done me a favour, every single guy I spoke to apart from Mr Blanket and Mr Banana just wanted FBs, could have a different man every night for the next month if I wanted haha but no-one wanted to date.

Sorry for the long update!

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 20/03/2014 15:02

Bloody hell Crow Shock That's really scary Shock

Blossomflowers · 20/03/2014 15:05

Crow I think I would report the fucker, how dare he, Don't let some dickhead dictate to you what you can and can't do. OK Rant over

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/03/2014 15:42

Crow I agree with Blossom, in that he should be reported. He's scared you off OD which until then was going fine, and he might scare the shit or worse out of someone else. If you know his profile ID, phone number etc, then please consider reporting him to the non-emergency police number on 101. I know it's frightening as he knows your address but men like him need to feel the breath of the law on their neck.

TheCrow · 20/03/2014 16:15

'which until then was going fine' that might be going a bit far softkitty hah but I know what you mean, seems like it was all talk though as not heard from him since that night and he eventually said he would never contact me again. Don't really want to stir it up again as if anything happens I'm pretty sure he'll know it was me. If I ever see him anywhere near my house though I'll be straight on the phone. I'm actually quite glad not to be on POF anymore, I have the people I was chatting to's numbers/whatsapp/kik etc anyway so not as if I suddenly had to stop talking to anyone. Mr Tattoo sent me a text about five minutes afterwards asking if I was ok as my profile had gone, then offered to come over in case he showed up, bless 'im :)

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 20/03/2014 16:26

Glad to hear that crow I know what you mean about POF is all a bit much sometimes, I am chatting to so many I am beginning to get confused. Have only met 5 though and the only one out of that was mr SA who still remains elusive, fucker has not text me since Monday. Well have been rather busy though.

HelloBoys · 20/03/2014 17:22

Crow - I had a similar experience a few years back. A fairly normal man, for some reason he bottled out of wanting to meet me or I didn't want to meet him (he was making references to thongs just before we met).

Anyway for some reason we exchanged a few emails after this and then he sends me a text (as he has my mobile phone number) saying he is out in the local area where I live knows a pub I go to and he's with his mates and will have me (in a violent way). I was shitting myself and called my brother's CID detective mate who said to ignore it but don't go out... This man had bought a flat near where I lived (next town).

I think he was just being an arse but anyone else like this definitely report to police and/or dating site.

Blossomflowers · 20/03/2014 18:24

Some right nut jobs out there.
I have had a text from MrSA, this is really embarrasing last time we has sex there was some bleeding ( just started DEPO) seems he sees it all a bit yuk as I do, have a feeling this as put him off. Blush feel a bit mortified and not sure what to say now.

FolkGirl · 20/03/2014 18:33

Man I'm seeing is meeting my children. Yikes!

Since I'm going away with him, I thought it appropriate if the children met him first.

They are all looking forward to meeting each other. Even my teenager...

Feels a bit weird. If I hadn't been going away with him yet I wouldn't have done it yet. Weird, but strangely not worried about it...

MadeMan · 20/03/2014 19:09

That Matthew Hussey, is he like those pick-up artist types that tell guys to go out and tease hot women which will apparently always make them go crazy insane for you?

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 20/03/2014 19:18

Why don't you look him up or download his book Made, then you'll know won't you?

MadeMan · 20/03/2014 19:19

I have just watched a couple of his videos and have come to the conclusion that he is exactly like the pick-up artists that tell men to basically pull women's pigtails to make them like you.

dontcallmehon22 · 20/03/2014 20:02

Oh hope it goes well, Folk.

I've watched a couple of Matthew Hussey videos. I need to focus on having a busy and full life and not making a man the centre of it.

I've put on ten pounds since splitting with geeky! Yikes!

Very very busy on POF at the moment. I can't keep up! Extremely hot solicitor messaged me, but he's a bit far away and I don't know if there's any point. Mr Director who lives a mile away has messaged me and he looks quite promising. Then there's Mr Tattoo who I'm out with, two weeks on Saturday.

louby44 · 20/03/2014 20:11

I've just looked at a few of the Matthew Hussey videos too and he talks a lot of sense.

Looking forward to meeting Mr Postman on Sunday for coffee. He's ringing tomorrow night for a chat. Seems nice...so far!

He's an hour away though and am worried too far, although exP lived 40 miles!

oldfashionedgirl · 20/03/2014 20:17

If the rule from Matthew Hussey is to not be too available then I am not doing very well at all! I want to spend time with the man that I am (I think!) dating and he knows that.

Folkgirl Hope it goes well! Big step! How long have you been seeing him? Wondering as the man I am seeing has a child but I have never been involved with anyone who had children before.

FolkGirl · 20/03/2014 20:59

Thanks dont Smile

ofg I've been seeing him since about the beginning of November.

It's not really serious... I didn't really want to introduce the children to him at all, to be honest. I quite like just having a 'boyfriend'; something that's mine that I didn't have to share with my children!

But given that we're going to be out of the country together for a week, I thought the children should meet him first. Just so that when they are thinking about me or I call them or whatever, they can 'see' who I am with.

I was a bit nervous about broaching it with him but he was fine about it and has said he's looking forward to meeting them.

I'm going to meet his mum while we're away. I think I'm getting off lightly! Wink