The Dating Thread 71

[TheCrow]

Welcome to all daters :)

Hi santa
This happened with me and my now ex (if you have seen my other thread abusive twat that i have wasted 2 years with and has made some serious mess in my life).

Anyway, I had the same. Said he didn't know how to get his profile off... but i saw he was online... so i set up fake profile and he responded a little bit. Sent him a text message saying 'player'. And he replied saying he knew it was me. He is a detective inspector so i thought maybe he did.... anyway it was one of hte many early red flags that i ignored at my own peril.

If you do a fake profile and he doesn't respond it will put your mind at rest and you could broach the subject about both removing profiles completely?

if he's an arse get out now and you won't be where i am today

santa That seems so strange that he would commit to booking a holiday (and not just a weekend break) and still be on the site. Maybe he is checking his messages though. I don't know if the guy I have been seeing is still on the OLD site. He hasn't mentioned it and I haven't asked.

When does dating become a relationship? When does it get serious? I am wary as I don't want to fall fast and get hurt but at the same time at some point I will have to stop holding back.

santa - is the holiday definitely booked? Or have you been asked for money to pay for your share of the holiday?

Thank you all for your info about telegraph dating. I chose that site as that's the only paper I read on a Sat and though the guys on there might have similar interests to me. I so do not want to be involved with a married, newly separated, player etc :( So thinking I might ping off a few casual contact emails today and see how things go.

Holiday defonately booked i saw the confirmation
Hos name is on it and hes not asked for any money from me. He knows im wary as my ex ripped me off over a holiday last year so he used his card

Santa - I don't know the etiquette re being on/off dating sites etc.

sometimes people have told me 'an email came from dating site I logged in to read it' - and it's as simple as that. some people are more curious than others. If I'm dating for example and don't want to close internet dating then I'll see eg Match's emails in inbox but not open them, eg try not to log into the sites. others may not be so careful.

I'd be more wary in your case with the fact he's booked the holiday, not asked for any money from you (does he expect any?) and also knows backstory re ex ripping you off.

I wouldn't go on holiday properly (discounting short breaks) with someone until I'd known them at least 6 months.

We both chose the holiday together but he paid, for now anyway due to what I told him about my ex. I haven't had a holiday in many years so I thought I'd just take the plunge and risk it for once. When we go we will have known eachother 6 months.

I have been checking my emails on and off on match.com so I guess he could be doing the same. He has cancelled his gym session tonight to see me as I have a night out booked with a friend tomorrow and we couldn't see eachother. He seems very keen so I find it hard to believe he's up to anything but you never know do you. I need to ask about POF but don't know what to say, I'm hopeless at stuff like that

He hasn't asked for money he just said whenever then a few days later when I was worrying about a solicitor bill he said not to worry about the holiday but obviously I will pay him at some point

Santa that sounds better now. Maybe I've got you mixed up with someone else or maybe you were worried about holidays soon after dating?

He does seem keen but then again what do I know? Kent Lad (my ex) swears blind he wasn't on dating sites, wanted us to come off them yet after he dumped me the next day he was online on Badoo etc...

I'm pretty sure those online notification things aren't 100 per cent accurate in showing when people are online or not. I was on a website once (might have been Facebook) and it used to show friends online and then offline and then online again every time I refreshed the page. Refreshing was acting like a toggle switch between making them appear to be online and then offline.

Could be something to do with cookies perhaps if they haven't logged out of the site properly. A lot of people don't actually log out of websites, they just close the webpage or the browser at the top X.

Maybe the dating sites are randomly making lots of people appear to be online all the time to make the site look like it's full and exciting. A bit like putting cardboard cutouts of people in your living room to make the neighbours think you have lots of friends when they see the silhouettes through the curtains.

Santa why don't you make it a light-hearted 'commitment' comment? Maybe just say that you really hate it now when POF pings you and tells you you've got a message because it doesn't feel right when you check the message so you're shutting your POF account tonight and you'd really like it if he did too (play that last bit all coy ) - a bit like being asked to "go steady" at the age of 15 or getting the humungous padded Valentine's card at the same age! Then you can have a laugh about modern dating... just a thought.

Hope all works out, Santa. There could be any number of reasons he's still on there.

Feeling pretty despondent. I feel as if I'll always be on my own with my dc and maybe I just need to accept that. I'm hardly a catch with 3 dc. Geeky must've realised he could do much better. Getting messages on pof, but my heart isn't in it. I've given up.

"I'm hardly a catch with 3 dc. Geeky must've realised he could do much better."

Having three DC doesn't make you worse and not every man will see children as an issue. Maybe think of yourself as a bit like a 4 for the price of 1 offer.

geeky could do better?? I don't think so dont you can do better than him much better, from what you wrote he didn't sound worthy of you at all. You WILL find someone much nicer :)

dont Geeky didn't realise he could do better. He just wasn't man enough for you and your family.

I think confidence has a lot to do with this.

I often remember a woman I was friends with at university. She was a completely different kettle of fish to me. When I confided in her that I wasn't happy with my (now ex)H (even then!) but that I couldn't leave him because who'd want me with a child she looked genuinely puzzled and said, "but LittleFolk is a gorgeous little boy. If I was in your position I'd assume that someone was lucky to have me and if I had a child, then that would just be a bonus". And she geniunely believed it!

Maybe it would be a good idea to take a break for a bit. But I certainly don't think you or your children were 'the problem' in that situation. I really don't.

Maybe think of yourself as a bit like a 4 for the price of 1 offer.

That's exactly what this university friend used to say to me!

Even my now exH said that DS and I were the best BOGOF he'd ever had. He might not love me, but there's no doubt in my mind that he loves DS.

I'm sure you will meet someone who is worthy of you and your children.

I asked him if all my baggage was the issue. He said 'partly, but not all of it.' Then he refused to say he didn't love me. . Surely if you love someone you try to work it out. I had a biopsy in hospital and he never even texted to see if I was ok. That's not love.

Exactly. And that was nothing to do with your children.

Oh and I hate the term 'baggage' too. Your children are not baggage, they are amazing human beings and it should be a very special and lucky man who finally becomes part of your, and their, family.

I know. I used the word deliberately, knowing a good man would challenge it. He didn't. I constantly felt compared to his exes. The one who broke his heart. The one who had shared custody and a perfect arrangement with her ex. The one who spoke 5 languages. The one who met Piers Morgan!

You must have ranked higher than the one who met Piers Morgan though...

Or 'compared favourably' at least.

I'd hope so folk! At the beginning though, he'd never felt the same about anyone before...hollow laugh. I'm starting to think he was a liar and fantasist. When I asked to visit his house, he told me there'd been a flood and he'd temporarily moved back with Mum and Dad. He's been there 5 years according to electoral roll. What else was a lie?

dont - read your list again. One persons baggage is another persons joy.

santa - I'm confused here. He hinted that he wanted to go exclusive, you said no because of something that happened with a different bloke, you've told him you still check messages on match and now you're upset he's online on POF? What's the guy supposed to do? He told you he wanted exclusivity and you demurred. Of course he's going to keep checking the OD site- you seem to have made it clear to him that you're doing it. Or am I reading the situation wrong?

Hi all, Been a hard day, sorry dont dont feel sad, move on, he was not man enough to accept you for who you are and a liar.
Well I feel like back to square one, Mr SA being his usual self, starting to bug me, talking to a few ncie guys so will see what happens. I think I am being shallow when if comes to looks,

Don't I have 3 DC too and I have found that the decent men care about my kids too and see them as part of the package.

I'm still single though I get bored very easy and unsure of what I want anymore

Well took the plunge today and sent a couple of messages. 1st opened quite quickly, no reply, yet he is on site. The other opened later and standard reply - "My subscription has expired I'll write when I rejoin". So not expecting to hear from him again!

At least many of you are getting contacted!! I'll have another look later in the week.