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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Dating Thread 71

999 replies

TheCrow · 07/03/2014 21:54

Welcome to all daters :)

OP posts:
MadeMan · 17/03/2014 13:42

What do you think are the chances of being sent a load of knob shots on the Telegraph Dating site? You'll have to let us know tired if you get any, but I'm assuming it will be well free of that sort of thing.

scornedwoman67 · 17/03/2014 16:01

I tried the Telegraph without success. Found most men in their 40s & 50s said they wanted to meet much younger women. No knob shots but the only one I got chatting to was very evasive about meeting up and then started sending photos of his chest with another button opened with each photo. No face visible. Each one asked me what I thought. Eventually I told him he needed to worry because it appeared that his head had fallen off. Didn't hear from him again Grin

MadeMan · 17/03/2014 16:26

scorned, it sounds like internet dating has for some men become the equivalent of exposing themselves from behind the bushes. No need for half-trousers and flasher's macs anymore, because they haven't got to get on a bus to the park.

scornedwoman67 · 17/03/2014 16:31

made I'd never thought of it like that before. You're spot on. It's frustrating for people because you do read stories of people who have gone on to a site & found someone first time. It really is a lottery!

HelloBoys · 17/03/2014 17:12

scorned - there was a post here the other day about men/women and internet dating.

Honestly if a woman 30 and above wanted to slit her wrists after reading that then she'd be quite within her rights! Grin

It was basically (and it sort of seemed true) saying that men go for women years younger. If a man is 40 or above something's wrong with him if he has no kids and is single at that age (yet it didn't seem to say anything was wrong with a woman in same position (MOI!).

A ton of generalisations, maybe true, maybe not. Don't they realise some men have never settled down due to meeting right woman, being hurt, living abroad etc?

maybe I have rose tinted specs on! Grin

HelloBoys · 17/03/2014 17:13

scorned how many times has a well meaning friend or 2 (yes mine) told me - "oh so and so was single for ages UNTIL they met via internet dating NOW they're married with 2.5 kids and a labrador".

LOADS!

oldfashionedgirl · 17/03/2014 17:17

Sunday lunch with his parents went quite well. I think it did anyway! Not like I can ask him ...... With shifts we won't see each other until Friday.

I like him a lot but am scared to get too attached even though he hasn't shown any red flags that I have noticed.

Why is trusting someone so hard??

Needsmorecake · 17/03/2014 17:34

Just popping by to update. Third date went wonderfully.
Quite unlike all the others ive dated, the more i see him and get to know him, the more i like him.

4th date planned for the weekend :)

FolkGirl · 17/03/2014 17:43

Well, I saw the man I'm seeing at the weekend. We talked. It was really fucking hard for me because I hadn't realised just how scared I am about making myself vulnerable again and I realised that he's been a lot more open with me emotionally, but I've deflected it all in an attempt to protect myself. Hence all the "I'm not going to fall for him" stuff and actively making sure I didn't. He's in a similar position in terms of making himself vulnerable but he's definitely taken more of a risk than I have. I don't want to go into great detail here, but things are back on track, we're back to just taking things slowly and seeing where they go but trying to see each other more often too. I'm happy with that. He is actually quite lovely.

We've also booked flights to have a few days away together and so that I can see where he's from and meet his mother. Everyone IRL has suggested that that is a bit of an indicator as to how he feels about me.

I remain sceptical. Largely because I still have trouble believing I'm 'good enough' for him. I feel a bit more like the booby prize, than the prize. But we shall see...

Anyway, I've largely avoided the thread because it felt like somewhere I couldn't quite let myself see myself as belonging, IYSWIM, I hope to be back and a little more positive than before.

Blossomflowers · 17/03/2014 18:20

Hello all, So here goes another week. Hope dating will be a bit better. Thurday date sent me a lovely message saying he has hooked with an old flame so taking himself off OLD. I really appreciate that rather than vanishing. Sitting on hands trying not to txt MrSa, waiting to see if he is going to actually "make more of an effort"

Givemeyouranswerdo · 17/03/2014 20:32

As for Telegraph Dating, I encounter a fair few married men there only they are too reticent to to admit that detail. I am now better at spotting them. Some have a touch of the CEOs about them, others are total fantasists. I also dabble with POF and OKCupid but the emphasis there seems more openly shagging. I may meet a nice man in the library.

louby44 · 17/03/2014 20:44

After reading all your posts yesterday afternoon (and chuckling at some of them) I downloaded Tinder on my phone!! It was such fun and I spent a happy half hour rejecting/liking various chaps.

One of them liked me and we started chatting via the email part of the app. Seems really nice, tall, postman, divorced, no kids (I have 2).

He lives 28 miles away and I just wondered how far people are willing to travel? I always said I wouldn't go further than 20 miles.

I met my exP via OLD 6 yrs ago and he lived 30 miles away which didn't seem too difficult at the time but then he seemed to wheedle his way into my life quite quickly and was staying at my house by about 6 weeks in.

I'm way more cautious this time around. We could meet half way I suppose to start with...that's if he wants to meet???

Santaclaws · 17/03/2014 21:50

I've just had abit of a shock. I have just seen Bricky is online on POF tonight. I had thought he would not go on anymore as he seemed so keen on me, he had hinted at coming off the site but I didn't push it as that's what happened with my last date and we split anyway. However Bricky has just paid for a holiday in June for us so I can't quite believe what I'm seeing

What do i do?? Have just sent him a text saying I'm not in bed as I said I was going early and asking what he's up to, he replied watching the tv. Then asked if I'm missing him, I said are you missing me ??

What am I going to do? I'm really upset I totally don't trust men anymore

Santaclaws · 17/03/2014 22:03

Am I wrong to assume he wouldn't be on there bearing in mind we've only been seeing eachother about 7 weeks but see eachother 3to4 times a week, I've met all his family, we are going to dinner at his brothers and sister in laws at the weekend and he's just paid for this 2 week holiday in June. He's really easy going and we enjoy eachothers company, there's been no mention of love or anything that serious but he has said he thinks he's falling for me a little. So what's this all about?

Blossomflowers · 17/03/2014 22:03

Santa I feel sad when I see Mr SA on there especially when he claims he has such limited time for dating. Mind I see him on there means I am too,lol, iyswim.

Santaclaws · 17/03/2014 22:10

We are seeing eachother regularly, meeting eachothers families, it's what I would think is a proper relationship albeit still very new. I don't have an account on POF I admit to going on just to check if he had taken the profile down. I want him to do this if we are to carry on seeing eachother however I do feel if he'd thought enough of me he wouldn't be interested in going on. I need to say something when I see him tomorrow but what??

Blossomflowers · 17/03/2014 22:23

santa Well best not to say about checking up on him. But you need to address if it, I asked MR sa if he had been fishing in a light hearted way and he said because of phone he was always signed in??? umm not sure if that is true but then we are not at your stage he is just my FB for now. Scarily my X was a FB to begin with and ended up with him for 20 years

scornedwoman67 · 17/03/2014 22:26

There's two ways to play it santa . You can either ask him outright (say someone saw him & mentioned it) or set up a fake profile & chat to him. I'm sorry. It sounds really strange from what you've described.

BramblePie · 17/03/2014 22:26

Hurraaayyy!

The man I have been waiting to go on a date with has contacted me asking to go for a drink on Wednesday.

EEK i am excited!

Givemeyouranswerdo · 17/03/2014 22:37

santa when I found my datee on site some weeks in I openly messaged him directly expressing my disappointment. Got an immediate response, he wanted me to reply offsite (why?) I did discover shortly after that he wasn't as separated as he had claimed. Just my experience.

BeforeAndAfter · 17/03/2014 22:49

Santa as Scorned says you've got two ways to play it. If it were me I'd set up a fake profile, say hi and see where he takes it. It would be the only way I could be sure. He could just say that he's dating and not looking and only on the site to check messages from someone he chats to... I know it's devious but I've been shat on by such devious bastards that I'm happy to stoop to their level for peace of mind.

That said, I'd have had the "we're both coming of the site aren't we" chat by now. I think with OD you have be explicit in a way that wasn't necessary 30 years ago when my dating career was starting...

I'm sorry - I know how seeing him on there really churns you up.

LizzieBelle · 17/03/2014 22:50

oh santa, thats not good. Why would he want to stay on pof when arranging holidays with you?? You have 3 choices
Ask him
Ignore it
Set up fake profile and test him/get a friend to do it

but, you need to know. How much do you like him? Is he worth the hassle?? Im not sure how he would react to your stalking IMHO.

HanselandGretel · 17/03/2014 23:19

santa I seem to remember you posted about a week ago saying you had some sort of chat with him and he said something along the lines of 'I suppose I should come off it (pof)...is that correct?
If so then I think he is being highly disrespectful and a bit bizarre in his behaviour. You are seeing a lot of each other, meeting his family and now he's booked a holiday yet he's still on the dating site?? I would be very unsettled by that too, don't blame you for being confused.
I'd be inclined to bring it up with him in whatever way you feel comfortable with, let him know you know he's on there, that a friend of yours has seen him or some such and see what he says.
I'd not set up a fake profile as this may or may not work and involves a lot of input from you and would no doubt have you stressed out etc wondering if he will reply and if he doesn't then you will still be non the wiser as your fake profile might just not be his type...the possibilities are endless and why put yourself through that headf*k.

Santaclaws · 18/03/2014 05:10

He knows that I realise he's still has a profile on POF and match and he knows I still have one on match. I haven't pushed for us to close them because with last one I was seeing he pushed for that and soon after we both closed them together he ended it anyway! So I thought does it really make a difference

When Bricky started saying a few comments like " I suppose I should take my profile off POF now" and " I'll come off match when you do " I wasn't very responsive due to what happened with last bf, I just assumed we wouldn't use them. However I do admit to checking my msgs on match if I get an email alert I've had one. I don't reply though. I guess that might be what he's doing.

I honestly don't know how to broach the subject tonight I'm hopeless at being tactful or beating around the bush when it comes to things like this. But I will have to say something. The awful thing is I know if he wasn't interested he just wouldn't bother going on there so nothing I say will make a difference

Yes he's said we are in a relationship and he's made the odd comment about coming off the sites, and he hopes I'm not thinking of seeing anyone else. Plus all those arrangements with me up to 3 months in advance. I really don't think he's meeting anyone else but I'm still not happy with this

Santaclaws · 18/03/2014 06:44

It's no short holiday he's booked either, it's a 2 week all inclusive!
Have hardly slept last night will be exhausted at work today

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