Well, I saw the man I'm seeing at the weekend. We talked. It was really fucking hard for me because I hadn't realised just how scared I am about making myself vulnerable again and I realised that he's been a lot more open with me emotionally, but I've deflected it all in an attempt to protect myself. Hence all the "I'm not going to fall for him" stuff and actively making sure I didn't. He's in a similar position in terms of making himself vulnerable but he's definitely taken more of a risk than I have. I don't want to go into great detail here, but things are back on track, we're back to just taking things slowly and seeing where they go but trying to see each other more often too. I'm happy with that. He is actually quite lovely.
We've also booked flights to have a few days away together and so that I can see where he's from and meet his mother. Everyone IRL has suggested that that is a bit of an indicator as to how he feels about me.
I remain sceptical. Largely because I still have trouble believing I'm 'good enough' for him. I feel a bit more like the booby prize, than the prize. But we shall see...
Anyway, I've largely avoided the thread because it felt like somewhere I couldn't quite let myself see myself as belonging, IYSWIM, I hope to be back and a little more positive than before.