Argh! I am reading him wrong?!

[outtathefryingpan]

Background: out of a long term relationship late last year, for at least the last 3 year that had become unhealthy and was manipulative and a bit controlling. Took a lot for me to realise and get the courage to leave. I'm worried this is now clouding my judgement on other situations so would like your views...

Started sleeping with a friend at beginning of Jan, (known them 2years), make it VERY clear I was not in the right place for a relationship right now and I wanted to spend sometime been single and working out who I was and getting my life into some sort of order... nice to get some positive attention though and I enjoy his company. Thought it would work okay as he's a single parent will full custody so has other things in his life to keep him busy. I have not committed to see him on any frequency, he knows this and agrees with it. I agreed I wouldn't date other people (Not a problem, I don't want to ATM!)

Last few weeks I feel likes he's constantly picking up on my behaviour regarding how quickly I reply to his text messages. I think he constantly mentions it if I don't reply immediately to his text he says he doesn't . I think he has a problem if I see my friends and not him (He doesn't say this directly but negatively comments on it). I called him on this and he's went off on one... its all me apparently. So either way I probably need to let this go, but for my own sanity, do you think I was out of order / wrong about him?

He says its rude and ignorant of me to not reply quickly and in detail. These are from yesterday...
"Some things not right, you haven't reply to my messages, do you think this is worth it" (I had been replying at 15 minute intervals?)
"Did my messages come through?" (He had sent 5 messages, I had last messaged less then an hour previously. I was at work) 10 minutes later
"My messages obviously aren't coming though" (He knows I cant reply at work!)
He'll send v long messages, and lots of them back to back, if I don't reply within 10 mins I get "nevermind" When I do reply I have to mention every point in his previous x messages...

Regarding this weekend, I am seeing a friend tomorrow. I'm not well (just a cold) so wanted to stop in last night, I went to bed at 9. I could have seen him today but haven't arranged anything as I feel hes been negatively mentioning me seeing my friend tomorrow. These are just a sample from yesterdays messages as he feels hard done by that I made plans for one day:
"Already your too busy off with other peeps again"
"...clearly you prefer to do something else instead" (rather then see him)
"You just seem to make yourself busy with others"
"We both know you'd rather be doing other things"

This is a small sample. He never makes plans to see me. I always have to suggest meeting. I always go to his.

I would update the police. They need to act not because, without wishing to scare you, he sounds unhinged. If he doors device that you're seeing someone else (and let's remember that this relationship was only casual anyway...), he could react very badly.
Make sure you save all messages. Has there been anything else today?
Don't reply- just escalate your call with the police.

Well today I've had missed calls (he's using a different number), about five voicemail messages. Into double figures on text (again).
Rang police and updated and they are coming out tomorrow.
No worries about him reacting badly to me seeing anyone else, I'm permanently single for the foreseeable future after this!
I'm getting tired with it all now.

My god, what a freakin head case. And he's a single parent? His poor kids.

Glad you called police again.

Jesus, what does he think he's doing? Beating you into submission via technology? Like you're gonna go "wow, 25 text messages, how romantic."

This must be so draining, OP. I'm exhausted just reading this. I hope you are all right.

That 456 number quoted earlier in the thread does not seem so far fetched now does it.

Keep ignoring OP, you are doing great. All he is doing is amassing evidence against himself. Make sure you save all the messages to show the police.

Forgive me I think you might have said already that he's unemployed I'm assuming? How does he have the time. Glad you've updated Police. Bit disappointing they couldn't send anyone out for the last couple of days but hopefully they'll stick to their word for tomorrow and sort him out. Do you feel confident if the Police were to talk to him, he'd stop?

It's actually horrible to know that someone is so fixated on you.
I was once harrassed by a boyfriend I finished with after a year long relationship. I had the police go round and warn him off.
He wasn't as full on as what you're describing, but even at that, it was more than enough for me.
You have my utmost sympathy.

Forgot to add- maybe you should pop down to your local station and ask for a disclosure under Sarah's law? It's good to be informed...

Yes he is unemployed technically. although one of the messages this morning did say he was working today & tomorrow, so this is what I get when he's busy!

had to laugh earlier, right in the middle of all this, he sends one message saying:

"On a side note, i'll send you the Galaxy S4 in two weeks"

(I have an old phone, he was always trying to get me to take one of his more up to dates ones, I was never interested)... but "on a side note..." Really, on a fucking side note to you harassing me?! WTF!

will ask about Sarah's law tomorrow.

If he does send you a phone don't use it. He'd probably put a tracking device on it or something. Just ignore it if he sends you anything.

Good point Fairenuff. I wouldn't anyway, wouldn't feel right.

Jesus H Christ! This guy's a fruit loop!

I don't trust the phone.

Have the police make the moves they want to. This IS harassment.

You need to hand this all over to the police, then change your numbers/email etc.

That was an insult to innocent breakfast cereals, Hissy

I hope it's now clear, out, he's got respect whatsoever for your right to make your own choices and to your personal space. It is worrying when somebody feels he owns you like this, and changing your contact details - even locks - is not an overreaction.

Please chase the cops up, if they don't come tomorrow. All the best.

Meant to add - the law you want is Clare's Law

Eeeeek, outta, this is definitely above and beyond. I hope the police can help set your mind at ease tomorrow.

Its worse! I have a blackberry for work but haven't turned it on recently as I have been in the office so didn't need it...

Turned it on, more messages... including threats to come round and a warning this is pissing him off and I don't want to do that as it will make him do something he'll regret...

Waiting on police. Good news is nothing today

Don't wait too long for the police to take action. You need to keep on at them to deal with him.

Look OP - as I said...I've had police warn off a persistent ex before. It was years ago this happened, but I finished with him and was then subject to a telephone harrassment campaign, where he spent a few days ringing repeatedly and alternating between pleading and crying, then shouting abuse at me.
When he eventually threatened to kill himself, I spoke to my brother's friend's dad, who was a copper, and he took it from there - got two of them round to talk to me, then they paid him a visit and told him his attentions were not welcome, and that to persist would result in charges being brought against him. That was enough to stop his carry on. And funnily enough, he never did do himself in.

Let the police deal. Best way bar none. This guy needs slapped right down.

If the police try to fob you off any more, be insistent. Cry if necessary, emphasis how scared and how nasty those messages are.

If they do come to see you soon (as in early today) contact your MP.

The police will be taking it seriously, just the old problem of lack of resources, busy with other incidents (I've had to call them today about yobs attacking other yobs in our local shop). But do keep letting them know this is getting worse, they will come.

You've now had two substantial threats from this bloke. Please report everything. And do it now.

It might be a good idea to contact the police again and tell them that in your view the harrassment is escalating and your concern about what might happen is growing.

The police will focus and those cases that are most highlighted to them. As Didyouhearmeontheradio wrote above, lack of resources mean that cases which seem to them to have gone quiet can fall down their list.

"this is pissing him off and I don't want to do that as it will make him do something he'll regret..."

This is a clear threat, please report it. It is not just a good idea to contact the police again, it's essential.

Personally, at this point I would be booking an afternoon off work and going round to the police station in person, and sitting there till I got to see someone. Threats to your work blackberry, in addition to all the other stuff? My gut reaction is that this guy is the sort of unhinged individual who might actually go through with some of this stuff.

I'd probably do the same after that 'I'll do something I'll regret' message- go to a police station with your phone and email and present them with the evidence. Tell them you're frightened.
I am worried for you.