Argh! I am reading him wrong?!

[outtathefryingpan]

Background: out of a long term relationship late last year, for at least the last 3 year that had become unhealthy and was manipulative and a bit controlling. Took a lot for me to realise and get the courage to leave. I'm worried this is now clouding my judgement on other situations so would like your views...

Started sleeping with a friend at beginning of Jan, (known them 2years), make it VERY clear I was not in the right place for a relationship right now and I wanted to spend sometime been single and working out who I was and getting my life into some sort of order... nice to get some positive attention though and I enjoy his company. Thought it would work okay as he's a single parent will full custody so has other things in his life to keep him busy. I have not committed to see him on any frequency, he knows this and agrees with it. I agreed I wouldn't date other people (Not a problem, I don't want to ATM!)

Last few weeks I feel likes he's constantly picking up on my behaviour regarding how quickly I reply to his text messages. I think he constantly mentions it if I don't reply immediately to his text he says he doesn't . I think he has a problem if I see my friends and not him (He doesn't say this directly but negatively comments on it). I called him on this and he's went off on one... its all me apparently. So either way I probably need to let this go, but for my own sanity, do you think I was out of order / wrong about him?

He says its rude and ignorant of me to not reply quickly and in detail. These are from yesterday...
"Some things not right, you haven't reply to my messages, do you think this is worth it" (I had been replying at 15 minute intervals?)
"Did my messages come through?" (He had sent 5 messages, I had last messaged less then an hour previously. I was at work) 10 minutes later
"My messages obviously aren't coming though" (He knows I cant reply at work!)
He'll send v long messages, and lots of them back to back, if I don't reply within 10 mins I get "nevermind" When I do reply I have to mention every point in his previous x messages...

Regarding this weekend, I am seeing a friend tomorrow. I'm not well (just a cold) so wanted to stop in last night, I went to bed at 9. I could have seen him today but haven't arranged anything as I feel hes been negatively mentioning me seeing my friend tomorrow. These are just a sample from yesterdays messages as he feels hard done by that I made plans for one day:
"Already your too busy off with other peeps again"
"...clearly you prefer to do something else instead" (rather then see him)
"You just seem to make yourself busy with others"
"We both know you'd rather be doing other things"

This is a small sample. He never makes plans to see me. I always have to suggest meeting. I always go to his.

*Sent the text

Well done OP. Now when he inevitably attempts to change your mind, how will you deal ?

Insecure, pa, needy, jealous, self obsessed arsehole. That enough red flags? Tell him to so one. Don't waste time being kind or skirting round it. If he sees a tiny chink he'll try to worm through. Be short and concise. Then don't reply to a single text or phone call, as I assure you he will try.

And forgot, as Katie said, controlling.

Good. Now remember, you do not owe him anything...no long winded explanations that he can twist round to either talking his way back in, or use to accuse you of being cold/fucked up/horrible.
You alone can decide that it goes no further, without any permission from him, or justification from you.

Ignore the calls - you have said what you needed to relay, and that's it. Block his number if you can.

Well done.

It all sounds so draining. I love the fact he tells you what a nice guy he is, who does that?

Feck that.

He obviously doesn't 'get' the fuck buddy thing. Time to end the arrangement.

Well done op, this may indeed be the quickest ltb ever.

Ew
Reading your posts has made me feel itchy, angry and like running for the hills and it's not even me in this 'relationship'
Any man who guilts you I to seeing him and tells you you are basically lucky to have such a good guy is not a good guy
He's a needy, controlling, passive aggressive nightmare and he thinks he has some kind of ownership over you and rights to your time and attention. Ugh.

Sorry, cross posted. Was still typing as you texted him.

"I want to talk to you, not by text if its for good. I Deserve that"

hmmm

Nope. You owe him nothing.

Ignore.
Ignore.
Ignore.
And when you get there, ignore him some more.

You don't have to answer.

No I'm afraid he doesn't. he has been harrassing you and deserves nothing other than total radio silence!
You have already told him what the problem is, and what you are going to do about it.
There is nothing more to add.

He doesn't actually deserve anything, so I would just ignore that. As to "who actually tells you what a nice guy he is?", I've had that, and he wasn't. So yes, look at what a person shows you by their actions.

Okay but now I feel bad and guilty. I know he will use the phone call to tell me how wrong I am. But I am tempted for finality purposes to let him have his say.

I shouldn't.

No, he doesn't deserve that. This was caused by his behaviour, your text explained which part of his behaviour was unacceptable.

Block his number then have a great day to yourself.

But you only did it this way because he was such an unnerving creep.

Turn phone off and ignore. Or block him number if you have an iPhone. You can always unblock at a later date if you feel you need to don't

Ignore or tell him to knob off.

He may knock on your door with a letter 'been there done that'

Don't engage just to get him off your back because it doesn't work.

Nope. you told him you wasn't after a relationship. Not your problem if he didn't listen. He'll only try to talk you round.

Yes I agree, if you are a nice guy you don't need to convince anyone as they would already know!

Before the texts got intense he had started to tell me how different I was to all other women and how he wasnt like this with anyone else etc etc - that worried me.

You don't have to speak to him, you don't have to see him, you don't have to get his permission to end things, you don't have to subject yourself to his opinion that you are "wrong". How is it wrong if being right is so shit?

Don't. Be. Weak.