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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do men know that we Rank them?

171 replies

ACEdge · 25/02/2014 01:54

Is it just me or do we all rank our men?

E.g. cock-size, worst in bed??

OP posts:
Keepithidden · 25/02/2014 08:45

I believe we all rank each other on a subconscious level constantly, on a whole range of levels, everything from friendship, colleague through to sexual. But that is human nature (i.e. not gender specific) and a way for each of us to find our own place in society and our own social/professional spheres.

However, at a conscious level doing this and focussing purely on one area is a bit distasteful and slightly weird. It suggests to me an healthy preoccupation with a particular area of life.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 25/02/2014 08:48

Er I believe I don't rank anyone on any level....

I'm 40, not 13!

I used to have a diary when I was 11 where I gave stars for each of Sylvester Stallone's film performances does that count? Hmm

KissesBreakingWave · 25/02/2014 08:51

DD is a 14 year old girl. On the occasions I've overheard her on the subject of boys, ranking has not been in issue. Although she does apparently like skinny indie boys, which I can't say I approve of.

Offred · 25/02/2014 08:58

^I believe we all rank each other on a subconscious level constantly, on a whole range of levels, everything from friendship, colleague through to sexual. But that is human nature (i.e. not gender specific) and a way for each of us to find our own place in society and our own social/professional spheres.

However, at a conscious level doing this and focussing purely on one area is a bit distasteful and slightly weird. It suggests to me an healthy preoccupation with a particular area of life.^

I don't rank anyone ever, I think it's a dubious and alien attitude to personal relationships.

What I do do is make judgements about people, which is not the same at all. I think mainly about whether someone if worth my time, whether they are having a beneficial influence or a harmful one on my life.

I have never understood the toilet thing, I don't get why people are concerned about whether the seat is up or down to the point where they would dump someone. Obviously better for hygiene if you put the top lid down before flushing but not a massive issue especially when you live with children who do much worse.

I do think less of people if they'd rank other people, especially by superficial and unimportant characteristics. I'd see it as a sign they didn't view other people as really real and didn't interact with them as though they were. I don't particularly care about people I've moved on from, I'm bothered about whether people I see now are good for me now.

glastocat · 25/02/2014 08:58

Nope

Keepithidden · 25/02/2014 12:30

Oops, just realised I typed "healthy" rather than "unhealthy".

Maybe ranking is the wrong word to use, but there are definitely friends I would rather socialise with than others. I enjoy being with all of them, but there are some who are more closely aligned with my way of thinking/beliefs than others and if I wanted to speak about a specific subject I would tend towards them.

Likewise, with colleagues, if I'm working on a project and there is a specific set of skills I think would be useful I'll try to involve those who have the skills that'd be most useful.

I think these are both situations that involve ranking (or making judgements?) which is kind of the point I was trying to make. Could this just be simple semantics?

I've just realised that both of those situations are conscious decision making processes too, I'm pretty sure that at a subconscious level something similar happens.

Happy to be corrected though, I'm not a Psychologist and have no formal training in this area.

EllaFitzgerald · 25/02/2014 12:44

I don't rank any of my exes, or anyone else for that matter. In the same way as it would be if men were ranking 'their women' it all sounds a bit seedy and juvenile.

HazeltheMcWitch · 25/02/2014 12:44

OP, have you popped across from that there Piston Heads?

AnyFuckerHQ · 25/02/2014 12:45

no, but you sound rank

MrsBodger · 25/02/2014 12:49

I guess I rank some things:

Most horrible ex.

Ex I am most glad not to have married.

Ex I never want to see again ever again ever most.

Oh. Actually that's all the same bloke.

Dahlen · 25/02/2014 13:13

Nope, never ranked anyone in my life.

I don't compare friends as being better or worse than each other. Instead I focus on what makes them unique and how that benefits our relationship. It's been the same with men. In both cases, what makes a person unique and makes the relationship difficult is also a factor in ending things.

Who on earth considers cock size? Hmm Unless you're talking parrticularly small or big, it's irrelevant. Sexual skill/consideration is much more influential over a satisfying sex life. Thinking about size is very much a male perspective. And personally, my sex life has evolved along with my age, so comparing a lover from my 20s with a lover now would be meaningless because you're not comparing like with like.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 25/02/2014 13:21

No, I don't think I rank - it wouldn't occur. And also pointless - as if relationships take place in some vacuum - they're about the person you were then, where you lived, what you were doing... etc.

Seems a very right-brainy male thing to do. Or is it left-brainy?

Offred · 25/02/2014 15:14

Ha keep! It did surprise me!

Yes, there are people more worth my time and energy than others. That doesn't always mean people who need things from me don't get them but when I'm choosing who I want to see it's based on what my relationship with them is like IYSWIM.

My sister always says some people are radiators and some people are drains. If someone is a drain on me I'm less likely to want to spend time with them.

BeCool · 25/02/2014 15:24

never ranked anyone, never know friends to rank guys either.

ACEdge · 25/02/2014 15:40

Oh ... so you've never put your hand down and thought "he's big?" or sadly "he's small?"

What never??? Or do we just never discuss it??

OP posts:
ACEdge · 25/02/2014 15:45

MrsBodger ... haha yes I have one all the BAD category!!

I'm shocked to be honest ... when I discuss sex with friends I can recall who was amazing! But then they ask ... "what made him amazing?" so the discussion builds ...

Is it really making an object of someone?

So no one else knows who's No1 in bed for them??Ohhh ...

OP posts:
BeCool · 25/02/2014 15:46

making a personal observation about the size of someone's cock isn't "ranking" them ..... Confused

teaandthorazine · 25/02/2014 15:46

Er, no. And in any case, that's not ranking someone, is it? Unless you then go home and update your spreadsheet?

You sound a bit sad, tbh.

ACEdge · 25/02/2014 15:49

WallyBanters ...

You ranked SStallone? That made me laugh ...

I can still say that my boyfriend when I was 14 is still the best kisser I ever kissed ... therefore still No1 to me, happily so :-)

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 25/02/2014 15:49

Wait til Biggus Dickus hears of this, he wanks higher than anyone in Wome Grin

ACEdge · 25/02/2014 15:57

BeCool how's it not a rank?

How do you define big versus small - surely that's a comparison no? I then naturally know top versus bottom in rank ...

Is it the term rank that 's not liked here?

OP posts:
ACEdge · 25/02/2014 16:04

teaandthorazine ... thanks for your thoughts.

That made really laugh about being sad, these are often really funny chats with friends, you know seeing the lighter side of dating etc ... how else does anyone else discuss sex? How do others describe what's fantastic or not?? Hmmm ...

I know who was the worst in bed for me. It's not based on a spreadsheet - its based on memory lol and knowing what I like ... so no one else knows who was the best? And I'm a cruel person for knowing that ... interesting ...

OP posts:
ACEdge · 25/02/2014 16:06

elQuintoConyo haha - I can honestly say the biggest was NOT the best for me; not that there's that many ...

Do men Rank then or still just me & my friends with our 14 year old brains?

OP posts:
Joysmum · 25/02/2014 16:11

I never ranked anybody either, and how satisfied I've been haven't related to cock size.

ACEdge · 25/02/2014 16:12

Xmusician ...finally, someone is with me - missed your comment on first review ...

I thought we all did ... clearly many just don't admit!! :-)

OP posts:
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