WWYD Re DH's dodgy behavior?

[NotHappyWithDH]

I am a regular poster but have name changed for this just in case...

Basically I found a random condom in DH's drawer, wrapped up and hidden. I asked him about it and he said he bought a box for us to use a few years ago (when I was having contraception issues) and never told me. There were a few missing as he uses them for 'posh wanks' hmmm

I then asked him if he had anything to tell me etc, I was putting pressure on him and he admitted there was a time a few years ago when he was really attracted to some other people (in a night out situation) but they knew he was married so nothing happened (basically because they wouldn't)

He did admit that he had a two day flirtation with a girl and it ended up with heavy petting & BJ outside on a night out but nothing more.

He said he sometimes carried a condom, just in case, apparently he wasn't looking for anything to happen but better to be safe if it ever did!

What the heck do I do with this! We did go through a bad patch but things have been great for the last few years and half of me just wants to forget he told me and move on, can I really do that. He didn't do a great job convincing me nothing would ever happen again.

Perhaps, like Bill Clinton, he did not consider a blow job to be "sexual relations".

I think op has scarpered.

I'm not surprised she hasn't come back. She sounds desperately in love with this guy and I very much doubt she will leave him. For all his faults it must be very hard for her to read some of these comments

I'm still here, still reading, still thinking.

I'm beginning to put some practical plans in place to separate. Honestly, I really still do love him.

Sadly I'm still waiting for him to show any signs that he wants to stay together. I made him move to sleeping on the couch and he seems very accepting that he deserved that. He is just carrying on as normal and waiting for me to decide if I forgive him or not.

It's starting to make me really angry.

Anger is good. He has treated you appallingly and is only contrite imo because he was caught. As for the behaving normally, well, I don't see how helpful that is. He can't bury his head in the sand and hopes this goes away because he states it was all a long time ago (only what he says, mind, who knows what the reality is).

Only you know what will work, whether to forgive him or to move on without him. But separating for a bit seems like it could give you the headspace to think things through and decide whether you want him or not. Bits like money, house etc will be managed. What's important is if you want to continue with him and it will take time for you to decide that.

Have you sought counselling on your own? Also would he go to counselling with you?

I think you should tell him that you need some time to think about what yoy feel and want and that he has to move out . You need some space to digest it all ( like the other poster just said). This will also make him take stock of things and he will have to await you and your decision. If he is truly remorseful he will be asking you to take him back and will be scared of losing you. If you decide to take him back then I think that you should date again first.

I don't even know how some women do it... I'd have fed his dick to the dog by now the scumbag. They'll be so much more he isn't telling you. Up your standards... You deserve better than him... but by staying with him you are allowing him that chance to cause more hurt. Stuff like this really rattles me.

Yes, anger is good.
I'd use it to reach a positive outcome for myself.

I think you're right that he is just waiting for you to convince yourself that you should trust him, because he's such a great guy and you're so lucky to be with him.

Sorry to say it but maybe he is as he is because he just isn't that into you

Nothappy - oh dear - your waiting for signs that he wants to stay. He should be begging for forgiveness. You're going through hell, and he doesn't seem bothered. I understand you love him, and you think he is a good dad - but seriously can you spend the rest of your life worrying what he is up to. Could you trust him to go out with his friends and behave ? Are you worried that a divorce would damage the kids ? Because I can assure you it is shit living with 2 parents who stick together for "the kids sake" watching them slowly destroying each other.