Masturbation etiquette - AIBU?

[WeaselLulu]

I don't know whether IABU or whether to broach any of this with DP.

What I want to say is:
Dear DH,

I know that masturbation is normal, natural & necessary and that it is messier for men than it is for women however I feel that there are some rules/etiquette that needs to be followed.

1. I find it very annoying when I wake up to the bed shuddering and you huffing and puffing. I never know whether to let you know I am awake or just lie there cringing with embarrassment. To be fair, the shuddering has improved since we switched to a memory foam mattress.
2. Could you please not use your pants or your socks to wipe yourself and then leave them down the side of the bed?
3. Please lock the bathroom door.
4. Don't do it in our home office (where there is no lock).
5. I find it disturbing to hear you in the bathroom moaning with vigorous rubbing sounds at 6.30 in the morning when I am trying to enjoy my first coffee of the day. The door is NOT sound proof.

(and breathe).

I do sound a bit ranty but I needed to get it off my chest. I am very discrete about my own masturbation. I don't like being confronted with evidence of DH's, especially as I don't feel we have frequent enough sex.

Bear in mind, that many men, find the sight of a woman masturbating, a huge turn on, so they might assume that you would feel the same

You are clearly stating that assumption is reason enough to do anything you please.

Personally I find watching my DH masturbate a huge turn on, and he knows it and involves me too. Having said that if he disturbed me in the night while intending to go "solo" I'd be most pissed off and yes, I would tell him to take it to the bathroom.

It's not the fact that he might want to wank on his own sometimes that would be the problem, it would be the fact that he didn't care that he might be disturbing me in the process. I'm pretty sure he'd be annoyed if I disturbed his sleep like that too. We don't always want the same things at the same time and it's about respecting your partners boundaries.

With regards to siblings sharing a bedroom, difference is they don't also share a bed. Sharing a bed, laying that close to someone else makes it a hell of a lot harder to not disturb the other person laying there no matter how quiet you are.

Totally agree the clothes issue is rank.
But.
Not allowed in bed, bathroom or office... where is he allowed?

Oooh, what did Strident say? I missed the fun insults..

comparison to dog humping leg. God this thread is the most hysterical one I've ever read.

Chill that is really shocking and not at all normal or acceptable.

Waking up your tired spouse -for any reason - is inconsiderate and rude. If his wanking does this he needs to take it elsewhere.

Oh and he needs to pick up his wanksock.

Or perhaps next time you should pick up his wanksock and shove it in his mouth/work bag/cereal/shoe for the next day.

www.cps.gov.uk/legal/s_to_u/sentencing_manual/s3_sexual_assault/

Is that the right link Offred (genuine query, honest!) as it seems to be about sexual assault referencing non-consensual touching rather this thread which doesn't involve touching other people at all. I did read it through a couple of times but apologies if I missed something

Yes it is the right link. It doesn't just apply to touching. It applies to sexual activity. Forcing someone to watch masturbation is an offence under s3.

That's why in the link it refers to sexual behaviour and sexual activity.

And the offence turns on consent as with other sexual offences.

Do you really think that the OPs DH masturbating when he believes she's asleep is sexual assault? Really and truly? Because I think we can never agree on any of this if that is what you think. I find that quite scary actually.

And I'm not disagreeing with your interpretation of the law, and I agree that forcing someone to watch any kind of sexual act against their will is wrong but I don't agree it applies to this thread at all.

OP - I'm not surprised you haven't come back to this, but once again I do hope you've talked to your DH and you're feeling happier this evening

My husband masturbating would actually turn me on. Depending on how and where it is done, of course.

But the grubby fuck rags are gross.

yes, it can be because the OP doesn't want it or consent to it and the same rules that apply to consent for other sexual offences apply to s3.

This is not a new idea.

Do you really believe that someone can do whatever they like providing they don't touch someone or that people have to reject unwanted sexual behaviour before it is capable of being an offence.

Now clearly it is not likely that someone in the OP's position would seek to prosecute or complain but I'm labouring the point because forcing sexual behaviour on someone who doesnt want it (bear in mind I personally like it providing there's been a discussion) is abusive behaviour not a weird quirk that the OP simply needs to put her wayward spouse in the dog house for.

Wanking in the bed without a discussion and without consent is, in terms of s3, the equivalent of what having sex with a sleeping person is in relation to rape.

I'm aware consent is not a concept that is widely understood by society but it's important, like the link says, because maintaining autonomy is important for psychological health.

Well thank you, I have just asked my husband if it is okay that I wank in bed without him being awake and he has looked at me oddly and given me his consent.

I can't believe I am the only one who has a quick fiddle to fall asleep. Amazing.

No. Having non-consensual sex with a sleeping person IS rape. It's the same thing. A partner not checking or assuming their sleeping partner is okay with them wanking in the same room/bed is NOT THE SAME as a random person forcing someone to watch. There is no equivalence there.

If I have a quick wank and then talk about it on Mumsnet, is that sexual assault? Need I ask all of you for consent?

Offred, you are absolutely spot-on. I, too, find my husband masturbating in front of me erotic, but what the OP's husband is doing is nothing of the sort.

It is astonishingly arrogant to assume you can indulge your primal urges in the presence of another without involving them in the slightest, or giving a shit about what they think.

No MrsBryan that's fine. But if you are wanking whilst typing you should run that by us.

..and groaning through the bathroom door. How old is he? Twelve?

Jack Pa hahaha!