Masturbation etiquette - AIBU?

[WeaselLulu]

I don't know whether IABU or whether to broach any of this with DP.

What I want to say is:
Dear DH,

I know that masturbation is normal, natural & necessary and that it is messier for men than it is for women however I feel that there are some rules/etiquette that needs to be followed.

1. I find it very annoying when I wake up to the bed shuddering and you huffing and puffing. I never know whether to let you know I am awake or just lie there cringing with embarrassment. To be fair, the shuddering has improved since we switched to a memory foam mattress.
2. Could you please not use your pants or your socks to wipe yourself and then leave them down the side of the bed?
3. Please lock the bathroom door.
4. Don't do it in our home office (where there is no lock).
5. I find it disturbing to hear you in the bathroom moaning with vigorous rubbing sounds at 6.30 in the morning when I am trying to enjoy my first coffee of the day. The door is NOT sound proof.

(and breathe).

I do sound a bit ranty but I needed to get it off my chest. I am very discrete about my own masturbation. I don't like being confronted with evidence of DH's, especially as I don't feel we have frequent enough sex.

Oh and if a stranger got in my bed I'd object long before he wanked himself off!

you cannot compare the two!

it is only different because they are different offences.

You don't need to be touched to be sexually assaulted, you don't need to notice or be affected by being raped while you are asleep for it to be rape. If the op unaffected she wouldn't have posted but if she'd remained asleep it wouldnt change the fact he had not got consent, it would simply affect her ability to take action over it.

If someone is unaffected and doesn't notice someone raping them while they are asleep that also affects their ability to take action over it in the same way.

Again, the law doesn't apply different consent standards to sexual assault and rape, although they are different offences, so why are you?

Because ther is no touching? Well, although you need touching for rape, you don't for sexual assault...

boltonlass I found your assertion that a wife should essentially submit to being raped by her husband to stop him having an affair hugely offensive so will not be apologising for my language any time soon

I think it is really insensitive to compare the two. Being sexual assaulted is awful, waking up to your partner having a fiddle really isn't.

MostWicked, let me ask you this: if you woke up at a party 'untouched and unaffected' but with a man masturbating above you would that be an assault? If so, how intimately would you need to know the man for it not to be so?

I do agree that ops husband is rank for what he subjects op too but to put this up there with the word 'rape' is absurd!
For one thing op has a choice to get up and walk out of the room whereas rape victims are force ably held against their will.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic I apologise, I was unclear..I didn't mean him having sex without real consent, which of course is rape, I meant if you weren't feeling randy enough yourself for a full long session of DTD but were willing to 'let him'..BUT not be too bothered yourself...subtle difference but still a difference. [Wink]

You don't need someone else's consent for you to have a wank! This is ludicrous.

To op Im guessing you do not watch each other masturbate ?

yes, being sexually assaulted is awful.

no you don't need consent to have a wank. You do need consent to have a wank while you are with someone else, whether it is your regular partner or not is irrelevant. Where there are mitigating cirumstances they are related to reasonable belief in consent not being with a regular partner.

Oh god. Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who didn't want to, whether they 'let' you or not. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Otherwise it's just like using them as a big warm wanking aid, which is creepy beyond words. Please don't say you do this boltonlass because I'll want to come and give you a hug and a cup of tea and lecture you on your body being a temple or something.

I'd rather get RSI of the wrist than have DH do pity!sex.

rape victims are not always forcibly held against their will either - that's a rape myth.

This is fucking ridiculous, sexual assult? Because hes having a wank while he thinks his wife is asleep?

So if I decide to masterbate tonight when my dp is asleep and unaware (as far as im concerned) im sexually assulting him

depends whether he consents moomins, like if you decided to wank him.

No it doesnt, im not touching him, I dont need his consent to touch myself

no, you don't. But you do need his consent to touch yourself when you are with him.

Not his permission but his consent.

Unless you are saying you think it is OK to touch yourself in bed with him even if he really hates it?

People need to gain consent for sexual behaviour when they are with someone else. It isn't difficult to understand. It is the basis of all the sexual offences.

Absolute bollocks. Maybe in your world offred but quite clearly not in everyone else's.

Comparing it to rape and sexual assault is just bloody awful.

I have only read your OP and few subsequent posts. He needs his own shed.

No offred, I don't need to gain consent to touch myself in my own bed. That's ludicrous.

It's like saying I need to ask consent to have a shit at work. It's a normal bodily function, not something to be 'discussed' before hand.

75% of the worlds population sleep in the same room as their kids. Do you think they are all sexually assaulting them? Your comments are disturbing.

in the actual world.

your issue isn't with me if you don't like it, it's with the govt, the courts and the cps.

very few people in this country share a room with their children. the law in this country only applies here.

If you want to object to the legal principle of consent for sexual activity you should petition the govt tbh.

No-one can do what they like in a bed they share with someone else don't be ridiculous.

If it was waking him up and he told me it made him uncomfortable then I wouldnt do it. If he told me it made him uncomfortable and I carried on it would be disrespectful but not sexual assult.

I still dont need his permission to touch myself while he is in the same room asleep

No I have no issue with the courts, because in no court would a person be found guilty of sexual assault for touching themselves in their own bed with their partner snoring next to them.

Your comments are culturally insensitive and untrue.