Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

It is a minority of people that are into BDSM isn't it?

107 replies

TheArticFunky · 20/02/2014 17:46

I'm not into BDSM or anything like that, each to their own but the idea of being spanked doesn't do it for me at all.

Recently I have noticed on Facebook that lots of my friends are implying that they like being spanked or sharing daft BDSM posters.

Do you think they are genuinely into it or is it that they think they should be into it because of books like 50 shades?

I'm starting to think that everyone is at it judging by the Facebook updates.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/02/2014 18:37

How far out of their teens are these friends? Hmm

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 20/02/2014 18:39

Weeeelllllyes I guess you never know, you could literally be the only person in the world not into it.

But I suspect it's simply the cool thing to be into at the moment. Plus, everyone wants other people to think that they have a dark, smouldering, possibly even slightly alarming 'secret side' to them.

In return, get the lyrics of that Victoria Wood song and post them, you know the one - 'Spank me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly!' etc.

Cut through that sultry smouldering naughtiness like a labrador crapping in the begonias.

hootloop · 20/02/2014 18:46

I am 30 and am genuinely into a bit of BDSM. I like to be spanked and a bit of pleasure pain, before we had children we had chains on the bed and all sorts.
But it is not the main part of our sex life, we do lots of gentle love making too. I don't tell people about it nor would I pist about ut on Facebook but it is an enjoyable part of our sex life

FracturedViewOfLife · 20/02/2014 19:12

I don't understand why you would post on FB about it. My mum is on FB, as is my little brother. They do not need to know about my sexual preferences.

AnyFuckerHQ · 20/02/2014 19:17

Stop reading pap on FB

Sorted

shakethetree · 20/02/2014 19:21

One of the many reasons I'm not on Facebook. Who wants to hear about other people's sex lives? < shudders >

Offred · 20/02/2014 19:22

I'm into it, have posted on here before and mentioned it when it was relevant to something else but I'm not sure why I'd have a reason to post about it anywhere I could be identified just for the sake of it.

You have to be careful about it I have found because people don't really understand it, there is some prejudice and tbh it does involve some dodgy ideas. I have to be careful who I talk to about it really because it could get bf in trouble.

It could actually be illegal if you leave lasting marks because a person can't consent to more serious assaults.

I think if people were really into it then they wouldn't be talking about it on fb. They are probably following the fad over 50 shades I assume.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 20/02/2014 19:24

I wouldn't call a bit of spanking BDSM.

DownstairsMixUp · 20/02/2014 19:27

Anyone who overshares sex life details on my facebook would be deleted. I don't want to know! What next people sharing us their favourite porn videos?!

Joysmum · 20/02/2014 19:30

I certainly wouldn't share it on Facebook! 50 shades was not only a shit read, but hasn't been the best for people who have always liked a bit of BDSM as they are considered to be into because of the book.

OiVaVoi · 20/02/2014 19:32

There seems to be a lot of faddishness over 50 Shades. As others have said I don't think you would flaunt your BDSM lifestyle on FB. I am into it now and then, and wouldn't dream of shoving it in peoples' faces or overdisclosing. So I would say yes: a genuine interest is unusual, but pretend "ooh look at me with my fluffy handcuffs, I'm so kINKY!" is common place.

JakeBullet · 20/02/2014 19:35

Be aware that FB sends some odd stuff sometimes. I belong to various FB groups...mainly SN and Slimming World. Over the past few weeks FB has made suggestions for groups I might like.....one being "I enjoy being spanked"! Shock

I mean WHY would I want to join a group like that? Why would FB even suggest it based upon the very tame groups I AM part of.

Unless of course these people are actively posting these things as status updates which I would find a bit odd tbh.

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 20/02/2014 19:36

I quite enjoy a smack on the arse Blush. And I think a lot of people do. But that is the extent of it, I think 50 Shades of Grey has got a lot to answer for. I don't know anyone who is in to proper BDSM and some of my friends are quite open in general ... I think if you're posting about it on FB you're trying quite hard.

KissesBreakingWave · 20/02/2014 19:38

A bit of spanking is BDSM. Mild, yes, but still part of it. Part of the 'SM' bit. Very, very few people have never indulged anything of the kind. It's like football: you might have kicked a ball about informally, played the occasional pickup game, taken part in sunday-league five-a-side for years or play professionally, the difference is in degree, not kind.

KissesBreakingWave · 20/02/2014 19:38

I'm kind of baffled as to why anyone's posting about it on FB, though. Is it one of those breast cancer awareness things?

ReadyToPopAndFresh · 20/02/2014 19:40

You never see any one posting about how they like dressing up as clowns and getting it on do you? Or doing a wee on their husband? I bet people are just as frequently in to that.. but no, it's not "cool" at the moment.

How come no one ever posts about just having a little cuddle and a quickie.

Pagwatch · 20/02/2014 19:40

You have a lot of friends posting that they liked being spanked?

You should contemplate the friend choices you have made.

BelleOfTheBorstal · 20/02/2014 19:41

I think people who make sly references to it on facebook are unlikely to be into it for real.
It is certainly not something I would refer to on there. I have a few people in real life who I discuss it with but as my parents and other relatives are on my fb, I would not mention it in that context.

WaitingForMe · 20/02/2014 19:44

Loads of people are into it. I have friends into some seriously crazy shit. This week the really extreme one has posted about her daughter getting a job and her handicap in golf.

I'm quite heavily into BDSM but wouldn't dream of talking about it on Facebook. I share my taste in films and my love of food with my friends so Facebook is about that. I only fuck DH so the how, what's and whys aren't really relevant to Facebook.

Incidentally every kinky person I know loves that Victoria Wood song!

EatsCakeForNoReasonWhatsoever · 20/02/2014 19:45

This
"I am 30 and am genuinely into a bit of BDSM. I like to be spanked and a bit of pleasure pain, before we had children we had chains on the bed and all sorts.
But it is not the main part of our sex life, we do lots of gentle love making too. I don't tell people about it nor would I pist about ut on Facebook but it is an enjoyable part of our sex life"

and

"I'm into it, have posted on here before and mentioned it when it was relevant to something else but I'm not sure why I'd have a reason to post about it anywhere I could be identified just for the sake of it.

You have to be careful about it I have found because people don't really understand it, there is some prejudice and tbh it does involve some dodgy ideas. I have to be careful who I talk to about it really because it could get bf in trouble.

It could actually be illegal if you leave lasting marks because a person can't consent to more serious assaults.

I think if people were really into it then they wouldn't be talking about it on fb. They are probably following the fad over 50 shades I assume."

This. Word for word.
In fact, Hootloops, are you me?
Hell, I've had a successful sideline as an author of erotica including some BDSM novellas but only v close friends know about it, even fewer know my pen-name and I've never mentioned anything even suggesting an interest on my FB.

Original poster
TheArticFunky · 20/02/2014 19:50

Pagwatch some of my facebook friends are family members so it's not as simple as un friending them. My relatives posting this type of stuff are young (early 20s and single). My "friends" are old school friends in their 40s. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be into this type of thing it's just the cynic in me doesn't really believe them. I wouldn't dream of posting my (vanilla) preferences on Facebook.

I find it juvenile and tacky and I just wondered if it was me being a prude.

OP posts:
KissesBreakingWave · 20/02/2014 19:52

Hmmm. I wonder if you could make a more accurate guess about how many folks are into kink by counting how many don't post about on FB.?

Original poster
TheArticFunky · 20/02/2014 19:53

My real "friends" wouldn't dream of posting anything like this. I might have to find the acquaintance button so I can avoid all the smut.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 20/02/2014 19:54

Then could you not message them with 'are you forgetting that Auntie Flo can see your page'

I have loads of neices and nephews in their 20s - so is my son. They don't put that stuff on Facebook.

Pagwatch · 20/02/2014 19:57

Could it possibly a sort of line of humour/banter.
I'm not disbelieving you - it's just quite odd when they know everyone can see it.
My son or my neices would shoot themselves if I saw stuff like that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread