Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

mistress Hi and welcome.

I'm another who can massively identify where you are now. I am 125 days sober now, but I remember so so well the feelings of shame and anxiety that were my CONSTANT companions whilst I was drinking. I too thought about alcohol ALL the time. That last has taken a while to fade, but honestly I do NOT think about drinking every 5 minutes any more. Just now (8.30pm) was the first time today that having a rink popped into my head.

Don't look too far ahead. Just look at today. I promise every occasion is ok and manageable (even FUN) without alcohol, but right now that probably feels scary. Just look at the next hour. It will come, the hours and days add up and suddenly you realise you are not scared ashamed and anxious any more...

one day at a time. You CAN do this

Sorcha x

Thinking of you this morning Mistress. Wonder how you are feeling?

Today its 6 months since my last drink.i am so proud of myself :)
I am 100 per cent a different person. I am healthy, confident and above all else a good mum, a worthy mum and a nice person, all in a remarkably short time.
it would of been my daughters birthday yesterday, she would of been 9, she died a cot death at a very young age.when she died my depression started and then the drinking . I still have to get through the anniversary of her death this year but I will. I have 2 children born after her and I came so very near to losing them too because of the drink, how stupid I was.
I will be going to an AA meeting tonight, taking cakes to celebrate my AA birthday.
I know not everyone gets them, but to me they have saved my life. I don't know how it works and frankly I don't care.
to all those starting the sober path, keep going, it is so so worth it.
six months ago, I didn't think I could go 6 hours without a drink, I've done it one day at a time,in the early days one hour, one minute at a time . Please please keep at itx

Random, hi, I'm still here! And thanks to all of you. I'm in a bit of a selfish place at the moment so please excuse my me me me-ness.
Still feeling headachey and very very low. A very frosty atmosphere at home but I'm too scared to bring up Sunday night in case I hear something that makes me feel even crapper about myself. I just need to feel a bit better before I can start dealing with DH and his icy disapproval.

I've read the Jason Vale (?) book today so am feeling more positive. He makes such a good point that smokers are congratulated for quitting, whereas drinkers are made to feel like pariahs if they stop. If I told my family I was stopping they'd laugh, or try to talk me down. "It's not that bad, we all do it, it's not like you're drinking vodka every morning etc". I know though, that this is not how I want to live my life, and that drink controls me. I can be moderate for months but the next almighty blow out and its consequences is just round the corner. I can't take the risk anymore; it's just too destructive.

Stayingdry, I'm so sorry about your little girl. You're an inspiration to me already. Thinking of you.

I hope you don't mind me posting here, just wanted to say Well Done you are all doing great, my dsis has been sober for 7 weeks after getting rushed to hospital after having what we thought was a stroke but it turns out she had damaged nerves in her brain with alcohol (a half bottle vodka a night), she had all the signs of a stroke, numb arm, difficulty walking, drooping mouth, she stayed in hospital for 2 weeks and is now at home recovering, she's doing great still has a limp and numb arm but is like a different person, chatty, optimistic, looking forward to the future, so I'm really just on to ask, what can we all do to help her going forwards? Should I drink in front of her? it doesn't happen often tbh maybe at family BBQ in the summer, just wondered what might make it easier for her, is there any other advice on anything else we can do to help her get through this?

Oh, hey, found you all.

I did that stupid thing alcoholics do of trying to bargain with myself this month. No drinking on weeknights. DH agreed, and the first week was so easy I thought (as we do) aha! I can drink normally! And proceeded to drink heavily - 1 -2 bottles of wine per night - all weekend. Second week, had a really shocking stressful weekend and then Monday, came home, drank heavily despite DH looking surprised. Stayed sober until Thursday, thought (again!) aha, normal person, etc.

This week I have not only drunk through the weekend, but then also Monday and Tuesday evenings, the only difference being that because DH is staying strong, I'm now hiding it from him.

So, I'm not sure what more proof I could possibly need that dry is the only way, and here I am.

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter stayingdry. Congratulations on your six months, you are right to feel really proud of yourself Hope you enjoyed your cake.

Don't be hard on yourself Tortoise, I did exactly the same at Christmas. It's so easy to slip back to usual habits before you know it. At least you now recognise it's not normal drinking behaviour.

Mistress it's strange but you really need to be selfish the first wee while. Nothing else comes before your commitment to stop drinking and it's all I could think about in the early days, my past behaviour and how I would tackle it from now on in. Hope you get speaking to your dh soon. Coldness is hard to deal with, I'd prefer anger myself. I still haven't spoken to my family about it. They know I've stopped but not the reasons as they would come out with the same sort of things but honestly they don't know the half of it so can't really judge.

I'm afraid I would just ask her what would help luckyjazz. I personally don't mind other people drinking around me as my theory is I'll have to get used to it.

Feeling more positive today. Sun is shining. My DC are so full of unconditional love and DH is thawing out. Now to start building up the self-esteem. How though? I have weight to lose, legs to wax, a house to clean... I've realised how much I've been letting things slide.
I'm absolutely determined that I'm going to free myself from this beast. I'll reread my posts when I waver. I also like reading the very first thread by Jesuswhatnext that started the Brave Babes. I wonder if she still posts.
Thinking of you all. Have a good day.

The most massive congrats, StayingDry .You 100% deserve to feel proud of yourself. Your story is an inspiration. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must have gone through losing your daughter. Hope meeting last night and cake went well .

I am with you in that I find AA massively helpful. Was a lifeline for me in my early days. And agree - no idea how it works, but who cares?! The kindness and support I found knocked my socks off. If anyone is just starting out and struggling/fancies some RL support I strongly recommend it.

Mistress I am delighted to hear you are starting to feel better and really identify with the 'shit, I have really let things slip, where do I start?' feeling…. So pleased the atmosphere at home is thawing; no surprise there. I suspect it will be all about your DH seeing a change in behaviour rather than talk. The unconditional love of DCs is almost heartbreakingly touching, isn't it? Makes me want to be 'worthy' of it if that makes sense. When I think about how I have put my own drinking ahead of their welfare in the past it makes me deeply ashamed and hugely grateful for how my life has changed. Massive well done to you for facing up to things and taking action. NOT easy…

Luckyjazz - thanks for posting. Everyone will have their own take on this issue, but personally I hate it when people tread on eggshells around me - not drinking when they normally would etc. Makes me feel like a freak! I prefer it if people go ahead and drink and just ignore the issue. No need to drone on and on about how lovely some wine tastes or leave open bottle in front of me on the table, but beyond that am relaxed. I don't want to 'stand out'. My DH never leaves open bottles of white wine in the fridge - that was my poison of choice. If we have any left after having friends for dinner or something I chuck it. Hopefully others will chip in here.

Welcome Tortoise! You are in the right place…. We have ALL been there. Trying all the usual stuff (not drinking on weeknights, not drinking until a certain time in the evening, only drinking certain drinks, not drinking on our own, blah blah blah). The tragic reality being that if you have an alcohol problem, controlled drinking is a fantasy and won't work. Abstinence is the only way. Actually WAY easier than trying (and inevitably failing) to stick to a couple of glasses or whatever IMO. Again, would recommend trying to find an AA meeting if you need extra support. Not for everyone I realise, but I v. much doubt I would have managed to get this far without it.

Happy sunny Wednesday everyone and sorry for absurd long post - just wanted to catch up with everyone!

xxx

Random, thanks for your post, much appreciated. We ate too much cake, but had a good nite. AA definately got me through so far, and still go 3 or 4 meetings a week. Great support, and the only place to go to talk to people who truely understand.
Lucy, I have never made my alcoholism public, but my partner told quite afew people early on. In particular his mum who then told anyone willing to listen and judge me.
hence I am now mentally unstable, their words not mine, so I dont have to put myself through family social occasions.
Doesn't bother me in the slightest, don't like them anyway :)
I've been in a couple of social dos withothers drinking, found it ok. Once my mind got it that I can never have another alcoholic drink, I've been able to cope in these occasions.
To be honest the only thing that pissed me off was those that left their drink half finished or took hours to drink it, whats wrong with these whooses :)
Off to potter in the garden, that helped me in the beginning MIstress, keeping busy.

hello everyone. Some really inspiring stories on here. As far people drinking around non drinkers, I do sometimes find it hard, but on the whole I make myself think about the past and how vile it was.

tortoise good to see you here, that 'bargaining' rubbish is just rubbish isn't it!! I used to do that, no drink during the week, which after a few weeks became pretty much, no drinking till 6pm whatever day it was! It's just easier to say no, well actually it's hard but the only way.

Have been a bit moody and irritable this week after the weekend but somehow have got myself into assertive mode at work and dealing with all the issues quite well I think.

My 50th is coming up in May and am a bit nervous about it. I think I will just go out with DH for a meal. I had a fabulous 40th - obviously involving vast amounts of alcohol and a big party and I honestly think I wouldn't cope with not drinking if I did that again! Maybe my 60th

At work so must get on, but so good to see such positivity and goodness here.

Have a great rest of day x

staying dry that made me LOL, you're mentally unstable as a non drinker???

Yep mrsSIppie, I'm absolutely gaga, off to feed my dinosaur now, la la la la.....:)

And yes, I'm drinking at the time of writing these posts, just in case it wasn't obvious

Okay looks like the original post did not get posted..

supernanny are you ok ?

post whatever you need x

Come back..

Random et all, thanks. I live in a place very badly served by AA meetings - there is one evening session, once a week, within an hour's drive from me, and I can't get to it without a paid babysitter. I know that sounds like an excuse, but I've looked and looked.

I can't remember if I posted on the last thread or of it was one of the dry January threads but either way... I quit drinking on 1st Jan. I had already decided a week or so before that I was going to have a year off due to concern about my drinking but on nye I got so stupidly pissed in front of my friends and even worse my kids that it was a final straw anyway.

I haven't found it too hard and my friends are supportive - after lots of questioning about why on earth I was doing it!

So it has been 64 days now :)

Morning Tortoise. Absurd early post, I realise, but such is life with small children….

Sorry to hear how badly served you are on the AA front; that's tough. Just one suggestion though: How about giving that session a go - just once. I know massive pain in terms of location and agree v. annoying to have to pay for a sitter. BUT, another way of looking at it is comparing the cost of 3/4 hrs of a sitter with what you have happily spent on booze of an evening. Also, you may find that you meet someone there who lives nearer you and you can share lifts with sometimes or just see for coffee more locally. None of my business, but I would say may be worth making the effort to get there once and see if it is useful at all.

Welcome AngryFeet! Congratulations on your 2 months. Are you feeling better for it or finding it a real struggle? What I find tough is not so much the not drinking (weirdly), but the having to deal with life without the anaesthetic that alcohol is - if that makes sense. No way of numbing stuff if you don't fancy feeling it.

Anyway - time for a restorative strong coffee. Hope everyone has a good day. Can the sun shine today again, please?!

Morning all. Up early too with DC. Not a great night but littlest DC is a baby and doesn't sleep through. I can't believe I thought drinking 2 or 3 large gins and usually some wine would help with the broken nights . I'm so ashamed to admit that even BFing wasn't enough to stop me drinking.
Tortoise I'm like you in that I don't have that many meetings and would need a baby sitter. Maybe we should be brave and give it a go. So scary. I think I would keep it a secret. Is that wrong? Just don't know if I could face any cynicism or ridicule from family, as in, 'what a massive overreaction to a hangover'.
Got to go; breakfast time. Stay strong. And thanks for listening. Reading, you know what I mean!

Hi tortoise. AA is not the 'only ' way. Sippie and I ( I know for sure) have stopped drinking with no external support. I am sure that for many AA is helpful, for for some, no matter for what reason, its not. You can do this alone - you just need to be really really focused and clear...

The two things I found most helpful in the early days were 1. the 'playing the tape through to the end' trick. ie when you want a drink imagine how the rest of the afternoon/evening will go.. It wont just be one, you will be drunk, what about the kids? what about you partner? how many stupid things might you say etc etc; and the the next day etc. 2) remembering this is just a choice for now, Don't look at tomorrow, or your sisters hen weekend, or Mums 80th birthday or anything except right NOW...

and angryfeet well done and many congratulations ! you have been much more honest that I. I have told no-one except DH ( now 130 odd days) ! Think I am ashamed that I cant drink normally ..

have a good day all

Sorcha x

I've got to check in to this thread! I haven't read it all but I've got a massive problem, drinking way too much for way to long. Had a friend come over yesterday afternoon and managed to get through so much wine, whilst stayobg at home with the baby:(husband is fucking furious to come home to me being so pissed whilst in charge of bubba. Hadn't eaten all day so it hit me like a ton of bricks. I drink about 2-3 large glasses most days, more if I can get away with it. Not sure what/why I am posting, I can NEVER stop at one and after years and years of stopping and starting I'm running out of ideas:(

Good morning! I feel really fab this morning (despite for some reason not sleeping very well :() Anyway, last night, I got a pb (can't believe I am using runners speak of running a kilometre in 6.30 minutes. May sound a bit sad but I was really chuffed with myself.

Secondly, we have booked a break over the Easter holidays. Super cheap 4 day caravan on the coast. We had no plans to, but DH just announced we had a council tax rebate (!) and sod it, lets go away for a few days. I am really looking forward to it, but at the same time, worried about drinking. holidays are for drinking :( I will take all my running gear and tennis racquets (there's a court there) and be sporty all week!

Good to see everyone. At work (as ever!) will be back later.

Hi cake - welcome to the thread.

Imagine a world where you husband was never disgusted with you, where you didn't have to worry about when to stop drinking, about if there was enough wine, about your health, about being critisised, about going out and wondering what you said/did

its there and you can have that life. Forget moderating - it wont work if you are a problem drinker. Just don't drink today That's all you have to do. Don't look far ahead, don't think about tomorrow. Just don't drink today.

x