Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Cakehhappy, an alcoholic can't stop at one drink, end of. Know exactly how you're feeling right now.
you've got to get your head around the fact that you cannot pick up that one drink.
bloody hard, but thats the fact. Don't drink one day at a time, don't worry about the next day, just today.
I go AA , it felt like my last chance sinario at the time, but honestly it's the best thing I ever did.

Mistress - so good to hear you sounding so much brighter! It does get better, doesn't it? And sunshine helps too…. . And I say nothing wrong with being secretive about real reason we aren't drinking. Maybe it is 'pride' (so not ideal), but frankly am not going to worry about that now. Key thing is staying off the sauce. I have been sober and going to AA for over 2 years and the only people who know are DH, my mum (because she found me passed out in dreadful state which prompted me to get sober) and one friend (who is in another fellowship). NO other old friends know at all. No one's business and just don't want to get into explaining reasons/how bad it was etc.

Hats off to Sorcha/MrsS and whoever else can do it without AA. This alcoholic needs all the help and structured support she can get - so I find it brilliant. But am lucky enough to live near loads of excellent meetings so totally horses for courses. Am just only too aware that my attempts to 'do it alone' and control my drinking were abject failures every time.

Cake welcome! As Sorcha said, the key thing is really realising and accepting that you are powerless after the first drink - unable to stop. Once you have really taken that on board then it's easier in a way. Answer is not to pick up the first drink. Ever. Unimaginably freeing, actually. SO SO SO good not to feel guilty, hungover, shame, frozen out by (quite rightly) disgusted DH etc etc. Worth it a gazillion times over.

And hurrah for the jolliness of you, MrsS! Hols sounds like great fun - and I promise you they ARE really good without booze. As you say - taking your running stuff, but also books (that you might actually read as won't be pissed) might be a good idea? So impressed with your running. Am desperate to get over stupid injury I had at the end of last year so I can start to shift my backside….

Uhhhhh, so tired of it all. My husband told me this morning that he had made his bed so to speak but to ever come home to find me drunk again with baby, he'd take action. Sounds ominous. Don't really want that to happen. I didn't feel out of control but I never do:( I've quit drinking 3 or 4 times, sometimes for a few years. Always gets me in the end though:( I'm 40 this year.

To those of you not near an AA meeting is it not worth it to ring the AA helpline no. For your nearest biggest town, they may have no.s for people in the same boat as you.

I would agree with StayingDry. Nothing to lose, surely?

Oh cake ..

I was pissed pissed pissed in charge of DS1 when he was a baby. I gave up drinking for 6 weeks after one incident ... I was bloody lucky SS were not called. I would have definitely been considered a risk to him :-(

If you have been dry before, you know you can do it...

Hi mistress and tortoise hope you are ok today

and Sippie a few days away sounds wonderful :-) Can you ask DH not to drink much for those few days ?

He was mainly excited that the place we are going has its own brewery :( However, he is now respectful of what I'm doing and knows I'll find it hard so I'm really banking on him being supportive. I intend to play tennis with ds, run a lot and go for walks so hopefully things should be ok .

I'm with Sorcha and sippie in although I know a lot of people find it very helpful, it isn't for me for a myriad of different reasons.

Cake I can never stop 'just one' either so for me the only way is to never have that first drink.

I went through ages with broken sleep and littliest too mistressand I used to drink wine to deal with it, still isn't the greatest sleeper tbf. She woke me up early the other morning and I had a thought to myself how much easier it seems now without a hangover or feeling generally groggy from wine to contend with too.

Well done on your pb sippie. I'm that sad I keep a little notebook with all my running figures and take great joy in working things out on my calculator. Just isn't the same having a record online for me.

No positivity here today or sunshine . First day in ages I've got up and thought a bottle of wine and 20 cigarettes wouldn't go amiss. I won't but cheesed off with everything and everyone, even running that I've felt so good about just seems awful and hard-going atm.

This is my first post on the original thread - way back in October 2013. Feels like a different life to be honest. I find it useful to re read and remember.

I don't have any anti AA feelings - I have never been for personal reasons. I know others have had bad experiences with AA, I am beginning to feel a strong pro AA, " Its the only way" bias on this thread. Its a bit off putting to some I think, and can make people feel guilty. Certainly if someone had said to me early on that I must go to AA I would never have returned to the thread, Now I know I am only 4 months in but I have stopped with no external support so it CAN be done. In the spirit of the original thread, which was to support people to stop drinking in their own way can we be a little careful about urging others to see AA support?

^My name is Sorcha and I am very afraid that I have an alcohol problem. I am 47 and have been drinking heavily for at least 20 years. I would very much like to be alcohol free. I have tried many times to cut down, moderate, not drink alone, not drink on weekdays, not drink before 8pm - you name it I have tried to do it. Always I end up drinking too much.

Most weeks I think I drink about 60 units. Sometimes its more. I try to have one or two nights a week when I don't drink - that works sometimes. I am too afraid to go to the doctor after some abnormal blood tests more than 2 years ago.

I manage ok day to day. I hold down a responsible job. I don't miss work, I don't not do anything. But I drink a bottle of wine most nights and struggle to remember things i have done/said. At weekends i sometimes start drinking at mid-day and will be pissed by 7pm. That's not a good look for my children. The whole thing is unhealthy, a crap example and perhaps crucially completely out of my control.

SO why do I drink. I drink t cope with pressure. Pressure of work, financial problems, too much to do and no time, intermittent relationship problems,(my DH is also quite a heavy drinker but he is much bigger than me so its less obvious)

I hate it. I'm desperate to stop. I'm scared to stop. I'm scared to admit i cant stop. I love drinking. I need it, but its killing me.

Today is my third consecutive day without alcohol. That hasn't happened since January. I cannot look forward beyond the next 1/2 hour right now. I have cup of tea and no alcohol in the house. I want to be sober. I want not to drink. I want to be free of the dreadful anxiety and fear that i have around alcohol. I want it not to be necessary to stop. But I know that it is.^

My H just sent me a written record of yesterday, and me being drunk when he got home. Apparently he thinks he should have it in writing. I was pissed but I really felt in control...I'm scared and tired, he's never done that before. Went to bed at 9:00pm and woke up at 1:00am and didn't sleep again. This day is so shit. Feel awful:( wish I could turn the clocks back. I'd go to bed but have the toddler and baby to look after:(

Look at you now sorcha, you've struggled and told us, and blipped a tiny bit (like me) but how far have you come! Remember when I sent you a message saying 'Two weeks!! We've done two weeks!'

And now, it's nearly 5 months...

cake the first few days really are awful :( no getting away from it - day four for me was always dreadful but you CAN do it. The 'tape to the end' thing we have here is so useful. Just think how good you CAN and WILL feel xx

Lots of inspiring posts today.
Sorcha, thanks for sharing your first post. I find people's lowest ebbs helpful, and I don't mean to be flippant or disrespectful. It's just that I'm in such a bad place that it helps me to know others have been here.
Cake, it sounds like we're in a similar place. The shame, the guilt, the fear that we could lose everything. It's gut-churningly awful isn't it? How can something as 'innocent' as some wine with a friend end up in such a sinister mess? How can this drug, this drug that everyone uses, that is advertised and promoted everywhere, lead us to such a point of despair and fear? That we, loving mothers, good people, could put our children at risk, and ourselves at risk of losing them. Sorry for doom and gloom. I'm here to share this with you. This is the start of a better life.

This is a bit from my first ever post on the original abstaining thread in October:
Just sitting here today in that hideous post binge from hell depression. Can go weeks, months without then royally mess it up. Can't do 'moderate' either, this self loathing is awful.

mistress I was/am exactly the same. It helped me enormously to read peoples posts when they generously shared how awful they had felt / what they had done. It made me feel less alone, and somehow normalised my experiences. If someone else failed to moderate their drinking / got wasted at a works do / was still vomiting form alcohol poisoning 24 hours later then somehow I was not alone.

So I will share my stories with you, not because I'm being 'one up' - I know there are many who have done worse things than me, but because I hope it will make you feel less alone. I am a middle class professional woman in her late 40's with 3 kids a (very) responsible job , nice house and no real reason to drink. I haven't lost it all (yet) but I could If I don't stay dry.

cake have you talked to your DH ? Have you explained how very ashamed and unhappy you are ? When I decided to stop I wrote to my DH and asked for his help. I needed to put it on paper because I know he did not really believe it was a) that bad or b) that I meant to stop completely.
I expect he 'recorded ' what has happened because he is very worried. ...will he talk to you ?

You are, in fact, me sorcha

Indeed I am :-)

Will admit to feeling rather elbowed out after the comment about AA (I was only saying what has helped me - after all - and was not meant in any preachy 'better than you' way!!).

BUT, leaving that aside, I SO identify with everything said in the last few posts. And Sorcha when you say that you are a middle-class professional woman in her late 40s with 3 kids and a v. responsible job - that is me too (just with 2 kids rather than 3 ). I often think that my behaviour might well have resulted in social services getting involved/me losing things had I not been able to hide it all behind a convenient middle-class veneer. The reality of my behaviour was ugly and shameful.

I think the idea of writing to your DH, Cake, to explain how you feel and apologise is a really good one and will show that you realise it is a very serious problem and are determined to do something about it. I suppose it is possible he wants something on paper in case you don't stop drinking and he wants to apply for custody of the children. It is so scary, all of this stuff, but there IS a way out and it doesn't have to be like this.

So true that we can all draw strength from each other and knowing that we are not the only 'awful' mothers/partners who have behaved like this.

My husband has heard it all before, been there, done that, got the tee shirt. He won't be interested. He doesn't understand it as it has caused so many problems in our marriage. He says my selfishness is breathtaking. I am actually the least selfish person ever, except when it comes to drinking, I feel unable to stop. I know I won't drink today nor tomorrow but frightened of setting any goals in order to fail again.

I think clearing the house of booze will help me.at least mentally.

Maybe he will just need to see the action rather than hear the promises in that case. Try not to think about any long-term goals. Today and tomorrow is good. Just today is good! One day at a time….. And then they add up somehow. Not drinking for one day is never too scary a thought. You can do it!!!

Yes - get rid of the booze and then keep busy with other things.

Oh random, don't feel like that :( I also found AA not helpful, but that is mainly because the people there were quite frankly awful!! I wish there were meetings near me which that particular group of people didn't 'run'.

We all have our own methods and I honestly wish there was some kind of group I could physically be with at times.

However, I really feel this little online rabble has been a massive reason for me to stop too.

I'm plucking up courage to tell my most shameful stories.. :(

Oh thanks, MrsS! Was suddenly feeling a bit as have been so chuffed to find this brilliant online group of like-minded women and didn't want to feel like I didn't 'fit in'' or had to edit my experience. Pathetic, I realise…..

And I bet you anything my shameful stories would trump yours……

moniker please don't feel elbowed out. I'm sorry if my post made you feel that way. It was not my intention. I feel quite anxious about AA for my own reasons, and I know that being 'pushed' to attend scared me off other forums for people wanting not to drink.
I think it is great that you and so many others have had positive experiences , and I do recognize the amazing work that AA does/ has done, but its not for everyone and I just want to make sure those people feel welcome too.