Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Hi likenever.

I was really lucky with AA as I found a group that I love. Lots of like-minded people and good sobriety. I find it really helpful to have people I can look up to or think 'I want what they have'. But I struggled with the God word for ages and found it v. off-putting. Now I realise it really doesn't matter and my meeting is full of atheists, but at the beginning I was worried it would be an issue.

But I have been to meetings where I don't really click with anyone, so can relate if that is your experience. I still attend - in fact am v. involved and am the secretary of my home group. Don't get to nearly enough meetings, though.

And the recycling thing….. yup. I remember being DELIGHTED when the council put a bin on the street right opposite our house. Why? Because I could sneak the empties in there rather than in our recycling bin so DH didn't realise how many bottles I was getting through. Mad thinking!!

Obviously we are all different so can only speak for myself, but IME abstinence is the only way. I don't think I will ever be able to drink socially/normally/on special occasions. Sad, but true.

And weirdly, being able to stomach that and just move on - is quite freeing. Means no more endless internal dialogues about how much is 'acceptable' to drink, trying to see if anyone else is drinking as fast, all that stuff.

I did go to as for a while but was very unfortunate to find it very unhelpful. I know many people find them brilliant and really wish I had found a nice lot of people. However it didn't work for me. I just do it myself and the running is my sort of aa!! And the making myself remember how awful it was drinking. Really hard at times to be sure but so far I'm getting there!

Hi random,

that's great that you met the right kind of people at AA. I can imagine it's really helpful having some RL support. I used Allan Carr's book to give up at new year - I found it great for giving up smoking.

I know what you mean about permanent abstinence. It was kind of weird for me, as I never hit a rock bottom moment, as it were. Just got fed up of feeling tired and unhealthy and skint, decided to give up at New Year and read the book and that kind of did it.

I don't know if I'm kidding myself that I could become a 3/4 times a year drinker, or if it would be possible. For the time being, though, it's easiest for me to mull this over safe in the knowledge that I won't be drinking any time soon. I like to think I'll have a clearer idea once I've been off the booze for 6 months of whether I want to re-introduce it into my life.

I'm hoping that I'll have started to feel so much better without booze after 6 months that I won't want to go near it. Unfortunately I've felt tired and rubbish ever since giving up and it's hard when I'm not feeling a physical outcome.

Did anyone else feel like this after giving up? I've read so many articles about people feeling reinvigorated after giving up booze but I just feel shattered all the time.

MrsSippie - I can identify with you on the running thing! I love running and it's definitely been great having it in my life as a positive thing. How often/far do you run?

(sorry I should clarify - I gave up smoking using Allan Carr's smoking book years ago, and then I read his drinking one at new year)

Just popped back to say I was googling and found this site I think it'll be really helpful for me to read, especially seeing how he felt when he was 7 weeks/12 weeks/6 months on as I get to those stages.

Just thought I'd share :)

Aahhhh...you've named the thread after me :) only joking
welcome to all newies, on day 167, runing up to my 6 months, one day at a time.
have a good sober evening all

I think most of us felt shattered and slightly hungover for the initial period likenever although I have to say I'm feeling a bit more with it now. I do have a lot more earlier nights that I'm not sitting up to ungodly hours so I can polish off a bottle or two of wine and have actually gone to bed the same time the kids do sometimes.

That's the one thing that majorly put me off aa was the God thing random. Since reading more about it, it wouldn't be my thing but respect to those that do find it helpful.

Just in from a wee run. Was regretting not doing it this morning before the weather turned and I hadn't ate my body weight in dinner but loved it once I was out there, although a headwind most of the way was hard bloody work. Still can relax now it's done. Bath, book and bed time for me. Have a good night everyone.

likenever I felt absolutely shite for about 3 weeks when I stopped, exhausted, aching, headaches ++, and just ILL. I was also obsessed with alcohol and thought about it ALL the time which was exhausting and demoralizing.

I feel physically MUCH better now - - am 116 days sober - sleep deeply and wake refreshed. No headaches and more energy and concentration... psychologically I am also transformed. Its good; I am growing which is tough but it feels authentic and genuine ...

just keep going , one day at a time...

Ballroom - I totally agree with you that the God stuff is massively off-putting. And it may just not be for you. But I am still an atheist - as are loads of other AA people I know, so turns out it's not such a 'thing'. I was really concerned about it to start with and hated the expression 'fake it to make it'. Surely honesty is what we are all working towards, not fakery! Anyway, just wanted to say where I am on that whole thing.

Agree that exercise is HUGELY helpful in this whole endeavour too. Loads of lovely endorphins too……

Agree with Sorcha that the emotional growing that comes with sobriety is tough in many ways, but ultimately a good thing. Those feelings coming back - and having to deal with them head on rather than drink them away.

One of my issues, though, is that since stopping drinking I have been eating way too much - borderline binging sometimes. Almost as if I needed to replace the secret drinking with something else. So needless to say the weight has piled on, but am working on being kind to myself and not beating myself up about it. Hoping it's a transition thing and will calm down.

Wishing everyone a sober night!

Sorcha, that's good to know, thank you :)

I'm just looking forward to the clocks changing and spring officially starting. I'm hoping once I start waking up without it being pitch darkness I'll find it easier to spring out of bed in the morning.

But very happy to keep going..one day at a time.

Random - I know what you mean about the food thing. I'm ok during the week but weekends and on holiday I was just eating all sorts of crap. I KNOW it's because I'm trying to replace the 'treat' I saw alcohol as. Grr.

Agh. Fell off on Friday. Shit day yesterday no desire to drink. Half the weekend gone. Have to stop doing this.

Hi that'swhat - sorry you're feeling like that. That's great you don't feel any need to drink though, just put Friday behind you and focus on the coming week.

Do you want to talk about what happened on friday, thatswhat?

talkin can you identify what's behind the 'fall' ? Who lives with you? are they drinking ? are they supportive of you not drinking ? What tripped you into deciding that a drink was a good idea/needed? Did you play the tape through ? (before you started?)

well done for you new intent - today is a new day with new options... you can do this

Sorcha x

Hello
Signing up to this thread. I drank nearly 2 bottles of wine last night and it's hardly had an effect on me. I barely have a headache this morning. This has got to stop! I have done AA but can't say I liked the people much. It seemed like a pissing contest (pardon the pun) as to who used to drink the most. One mad man dominated the meeting God alone knows what he was like pissed. I don't know if AA is for me but I got sober and didn't drink for five months and stopped going to the meetings. I found it easier than giving up smoking. I lost loads of weight and looked and felt so much better.

Then stupidly I thought I could have just one bottle of wine as a treat and completely fell off the wagon. I have drunk nearly everyday since last September. This has got to stop.

I didn't know Allen Carr had a drinking book I will try and find it on Amazon.

Hi Wilma Jason Vale does a similar book to Allen Carr. Personally I found it a bit irritating but I've heard other people rave on about it. Well done on your decision to stop again. Are there any other aa meetings you could do to if you really want to attend them again? Lots of us here don't. A previous poster also linked to the smart meetings here

Was there anything that sparked off your drinking that's?

I'm finding a couple of my friends are a bit flummoxed as to my abstinence now. It's almost like they've put me in a certain box and are now finding it odd that I'm not that person anymore if you know what I mean. Went for a coffee with a friend yesterday that I haven't seen in a good while and when I mentioned it she never even batted an eyelid and said she rarely drinks herself now. Was very refreshing to not get the look and the 'but why?'.

Hello sorry to hear you had a blip that's :( It's too easy to do that's the trouble. I was sorely tempted last night - the menopause has suddenly leapt on me BIG time and I'm feeling bloody awful! Looked in the fridge at dh's lagers and thought 'sod it' - so close . However, I just closed it again and cried for about half an hour! It is a grieving process I'm sure. Something that has been part of your life for so long can't just 'go' without some kind of closure I think it odes get easier as time goes on but then the falls can be even greater. I stopped for eight months once and just started on holiday - by the end of the first day I was back with a vengeance using the holiday excuse but it continued afterwards.

The easiest (and hardest) thing to do is just not drink (for me) Feeling awful isn't helping but feeling worse after drinking is what I need to remember.

Also been rubbishly running the past few days. Seem to have lost my oomph and have to keep stopping and walking. Nearly put all my gear on ebay :(

Sorry having a right down day today!

Went out with dh and the dc this morning for a blustery walk round the woods which was good, but still feel blerghhhhh.

I think I need to go and drink hot chocolate and read quietly for a bit

Welcome Wilma - please ignore me have a great day allxx

Hello Wilma I think it sounds great if you managed to keep away from booze for 5 months before - you know you can do it now, I must say that is a cautionary tail for me to hear. I keep kidding myself that I may be able to drink again, but I think that may not be true. Hmm.

Ballroom, I know what you mean about people being puzzled. It's funny, because my family are big drinkers and all my friends used to be. But as time has gone on and my social circle have grown up/changed I actually don't know many people (apart from family) who drink a lot and part of the reason I was motivated to stop was feeling like the odd one out. So it's been ok for me at home not to drink.

But I am DREADING going to stay with my family at Easter as there will be expectations of huge benders (this is more of an expectation of DH, tbf, than me) and it's trying to explain that we don't drink anymore when there's an expectation that we will.

Mrsippe, sorry you're having a blue time :( but well done on resisting the lager. I totally identify with you saying it's a grieving process. It's helped me to think of it as ending a relationship in a way. I split up with a bloke after about 4 years when I was 25 for no reason other than we just weren't right for each other. I remember being gutted and finding the break up really hard - but I knew I had to do it. Now, I never think about him at all. I'm hoping I'll feel like that about alcohol one day.

On that note (and sorry for waffling here!) I gave up smoking 10 years ago, which was something I used to LOVE but was very bad for me. I don't ever think about smoking these days and haven't for years. In fact, I was outside with a colleague the other day and she asked me to hold her cigarette while she popped inside and it felt SO alien to me to hold it - I didn't really know how to! So I just hope that one day drinking wine will feel like that to me. Fingers crossed!

Hi all

Thanks for asking, everyone.

What happened on Friday was I hit a crazy euphoria at getting to the end of a hard week. It was hard at home, with sick dcs, and hard at work, which is crazy right now anyway but the second half of the week I had to try to catch up from taking time off with the dcs. It looked pretty hopeless at times and on friday suddenly I realised I had done more than I thought, and certain things I had sort of despaired of ever resolving suddenly came together. I just went a bit nuts when I left the office and wanted to drink so much. I feel such a dickhead now that I ruined that good feeling by turning it into a hangover. I just needed to celebrate and maybe don't know how.

have a ruinous rotten cold now and the other dc is going down with chicken pox so next week is going to be written off to illness again.

Mrs Sippie I am sorry to hear you're feeling blue. Please don't be down on yourself. Running is amazing to me at all, the fact that you aren't at your best doesn't stop me marvelling at you.

Thank you everyone for giving me somewhere to come and talk.

I am going to be in and out of here a lot I think over the next while

Hope some of you are having a good weekend.

likeneverbefore - for me my family are a huge trigger. I totally get that. my friends will accept anything, they accepted me being a pisshead and now they accept that I am not and I am not the only one who has stopped drinking. My family.... hmmmmmm family. Not one to go into now.

Hello everyone. Just checking in (just got back from half term in Spain with DCs - youngest one being MONSTROUS madam and was ready to throttle her!).

So sorry to hear about your slip thatswhat. So many people at the AA meetings I go to say they almost find it helpful to have a slip - as it proves to them that they really can't pull off 'normal' drinking. Massive massively depressing, though it is. I agree with everyone else, though. Just put it behind you. No need to dwell on the past - just focus on the here and now.

Welcome, Wilma. Glad to have you with us . I was on a couple of bottles of wine a night before I stopped. As you say, it's just crap and has to stop. Encouraging that you managed to stop so successfully before.

I am lucky to have a great AA group, but they vary so much. Sounds like it might be worth trying out another one or two if you have any local to you in case you find a better bunch of people. There are deeply irritating people anywhere……! I am in the 'pro' AA camp, but think it totally depends and works for some and not for others. I do find that when people stop going to meetings they tend to slip. I also find the steps really useful as 'tools' (slightly yucky AA word) to help one cope with RL. Given that we are used to obliterating most of RL….. Or anything tricky, at least. Like all that stuff about looking for your part in things rather than automatically pointing the finger at others, losing the ego etc. Have huge ego with anything 'God' related, but have managed to find a way round that.

MrsSippie - so sorry you are feeling so down. Don't flog your running stuff! Sure the mood will pass. Have a friend who is just entering menopause hell and she is about a gazillion x better now she is taking HRT (which apparently isn't a cancer risk after all - am sure you are up to speed with the studies). Hot chocolate and book/soothing escapist TV may be just the ticket.

Happy Sunday evening all .It's SO good to have this thread - support is all in beating the Sod that is booze, IMHO.

I just MADE myself run 3 and a half K. In a massive bullish red faced grump all the way but did it and yes, I feel better

Hurrah! Well done you. Always a tonic, isn't it? Even if you have to force yourself.

Thank you

Quick Hello hope everyone is ok.

Went out for a meal last night with my trustees from work. My treasurer was quite put out when I had a fizzy lemon, and not a red wine. 'what about a white wine?' he said baffled. 'I don't drink anymore' I said. He was most confused

It was fine though. I didn't really notice that I wasn't drinking, just sort of absent mindedly sipped away! Never thought I'd be ok about going out and actually NOT wanting desperately to drink. Very very slight pang, but it went quickly.

How is everyone getting on? x

Hi all. Thanks for update MrsSippie. Glad your evening went so well.

Funnily enough I was out last night too. Was a celebration dinner for my FIL. Also went well, but there was a really sticky moment at the beginning when everyone was pouring out Prosecco and wanted to toast the birthday boy. They all looked at me and kept trying to give me a glass. I kept protesting that I had a drink (water) on the way, but they really weren't happy until I had something in my hand. Became quite awkward, with my poor DH trying to help me out by reminding the waiter that I had ordered a sparkling water. But I did realise that it is one thing not really drinking, but is is entirely another when you refuse to even have a sip for a toast. Quite awkward in reality. I suppose if I announced that I was no longer drinking because I was an alcoholic - drum roll - that would 'solve the problem', but am not prepared to do that for loads of reasons.

Everything always complicated by the fact that my MIL is a big drinker (definitely has a problem - unaddressed). Actually was quite helpful to watch the transition in her behaviour and be glad I wasn't on her trajectory.

Hope everyone well???