Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Fontella, welcome. I'm always glad to read from people who have longer periods of sobriety than me - I'm reminded of a comment thread I read recently on a blog about AA, where someone asked why on earth people with very long-term sobriety (10 years +) still came to AA, did it mean that you were stuck in an 'alcoholic' mindset for life, could they not find something more interesting to do and move on? And then someone else pointed out the value of those people; meetings full of fledglings wouldn't work as well, because we need the role modelling of the long-timers.

I'm not an AA person, but I find this thread and the blogs to work the same way. Every time I get brattysulky and think I am SO SICK of cravings and I just want to not think about it anymore and it's TOO HARD I look forward at the people with more sobriety than me. And all of them, without exception, say that it does get easier and easier. So I hang in there.

Nochips I'm super impressed that you were persuaded into a drink and persuaded yourself back out after a sip! I hope you treated yourself to a reward for that on.

MistressP it was my birthday this weekend as well! We went out and ate appetisers, tapas and shared a dessert and then went for a walk to take advantage of having a babysitter. And I didn't feel guilty about spending too much or anything, because I wasn't also spending $50 on alcohol. Instead I ordered a pink grapefruit soda and asked them to put it in a cocktail glass with fresh lime and lots of ice, and that felt really good.

fontella welcome and super well done on your sobriety!

nochips I don't think I could have resisted after having a sip! You have great strength, I hope to be like you one day.

biggles I am sorry you're still suffering with the leg. What a bummer. I should make sure you get a period of good rest in a not be tempted to get back pounding the pavements too soon...

AFM, still AF. I am on day...erm...(check calendar) 19 (?) and feeling fab. The non-cotton woolly head of a morning is my greatest love! So clear when I wake up. Also, not dealing with the littles in the middle of the night, on occasion, whilst dragged out of a drunken stupor is fab. I was a binger so that didn't happen often but invariably, when I was binging, they would wake!!

Fab weekend here. Lovely visit from PILs and we're hoping our mortgage offer is out this week. I've been so crap with money recently, letting our main account slide low, I hope the bank don't hold it against us. I was reading about mortgage refusal on here last night and winding myself up! The surveyor for the house we're selling is coming out this morning, so I'll let him in and head across to baby group. I really hope there's no nasty surprises in store for us there either...God. It's a minefield. I just want to be moved.

Anyway, not had any cravings. Even in the sun with the PILs. Am reading the sobriety blogs and books and am currently on The Girl Behind the Painted Smile, or something like that anyway.

It's great in that it reminds me how I don't want to live my life any longer...that is how I do MY AA meetings!

AF wishes to you all x

Hi everyone.

Tortoise - totally agree with you about the value of having old timers around for newcomers to AA (or sobriety forums - whatever). But also, it is hugely helpful for old-timers to be around newcomers too. Reminds them of the raw horror of the addiction (complacency is all too easy to slip into). And anyway, someone may have 20 years sobriety, but we are all just split seconds away from a drink at any time - no matter how long we have been sober. I think super important to remember that. No room for being smug or feeling 'ahead' of anyone else in the sobriety game. The old fucker that is King Alcohol can perch on one's shoulder and whisper poison into one's ear with no warning!

I have been a miserable old cow so far today. Some van parked outside with engine on from 5:30am - drove me bonkers. More than usual. Realised how out of proportion my reaction was, but couldn't seem to get a handle on it. KNOW I should get to a meeting, but am so chokka with work/study/kids stuff I'm not sure I'm going to do it. All a bit toxic.

Anyway, wishing this cool group a great day x

Morning everyone.

Happy birthdays tortoise and MistressP. :) Enjoying sober birthdays!!!! That is great.

Welcome Fontella So great to have you with us. Wow, 4 months plus. Yes, I love hearing from people with long sobriety. It makes me feel positive for myself.

Thanks for the compliments on my one-sip-slip. Actually, the wine was pretty ordinary. (DH bought it for cooking, and it was the only thing we had when our friend asked for white!) but also, with that one sip I just felt a sense of utter dread, that this would be me throwing myself off the cliff. It wasn't worth it.

Best of luck with the mortgage offer Gay. Where will you be moving too? Somewhere new? How exciting. I am a bit of a house-obsessive...... trawling rightove, dreaming dreaming.

Biggles can you see someone else about your leg? You were not happy with the GP, might be worth a different one?

I had an okay BH weekend. Took DS to the park yesterday and my default mode of getting a bit anxious about how long he wanted to play on the swings for began. I usually get antsy, thinking of everything else I need to do. But yesterday I caught myself and asked where actually do we have to go? I don't have to rush to the shops before closing to get wine. I don't have to rush home to start drinking! So I calmed right down, and we stayed there for ages and ages until he was ready to leave (or more accurately, ready for an ice cream). it was so peaceful, and I felt peaceful inside. It was brilliant.

On another note, my overall self care has improved. Just little things- booking a hair cut. Booking a visit to the dentist (have not been for 8 years!!!). That feels brilliant too.

Also, on another thread I got a recipe for raspberry lemonade. I made that yesterday and am having it as a cordial with sparkling water. That feels like my 'treat drink'.

See you soon, and yes merce is right... we ARE a cool group.

Has anyone heard that famous recording from the 70s of some AA person speaking about "drop the rock"? It was linked to by, I think, Mrs D Is Going Without, or someone like that.
It was brilliant, so funny, so recognisable to me.
I am struggling with my rock. It has to do with my mother, and I am addressing some things with her and I am really confused as to whether it is good or awful. I can't work out whether doing this is building to and clutching tighter to the rock, or just having a hard time doing the things I need to do to finally let it go.
Right now it feels awful because I haven't been able to sleep since 3.30 am and I am feeling cold and shivery and tired.

My mother is trying to be nice to me, to help me, and I am struggling with my relationship with her and I want to speak the truth to her but finding it hard. I wish I knew what she was thinking now.

I am on day 2

Er .. not so sure I like being described as an 'old-timer'.

I'm no spring chicken it's true, but I'm not quite into 'old-timer' country just yet.

Morning all, just a quick hello as on my phone.
Biggles, sorry to hear about leg. I used to go running and hatred when I couldn't go due to injury. Could you ask to be referred to physio, or even possibly find something private one? In my experience go's are useless for sports injuries.

Day 10 here for me. I am liking the feeling much clearer in my thinking and more like I am able to deal with things. Have been feeling a bit physically rubbish thigh...totally exhausted, but also not sleeping well and sort of feeling like under got a hang over in the mornings(minus the booze the night before) hoping this well pass soon enough. I'm also eating LOADS of sugary, carb heavy rubbish....but will tackle that at some point in the future...one step at a time!
Will pop back later this evening for proper catch up.

Fontella - meant 'old-timer' in v positive way, obv! I have 2 yrs 3 months which may sounds like ages to some on this thread, but feels like nothing compared to lots of my AA mates. Only making the point that number of days/months/yrs of sobriety can be over-emphasised....

No worries!

The sugar craving is the one familiar vein running through our stories, isn't it?

fontella I can't wait 'til someone describes me as an AF old-timer, it surely only indicates success!

nochips We're heading to the Midlands with my husband's work. The HSBC have (predictably) denied us the mortgage - they aren't accepting DH's bonuses as income (I get it, I do) but we have his P60s and payslips (bar one or two payslips) from the day he started there 10 years ago showing his income and every single year bonus - his income is well over the 60K mark now and we have 81K to put down - I just feel they're being rather 'computer says no' about the whole thing...anyway, we're heading to a broker now who will be able to manage the whole thing for us.

Please keep your fingers crossed for us!

allhail I am going to look for that recording, thank you. And really good luck with your mother. Spill here, love, we'll read and sympathise, perhaps empathise and someone will be able to give some good advice, if not just a virtual cuddle x

Will definitely keep fingers crossedGayBo.

The banks sometimes are really short sighted/ridiculous about what they class as income. They seem to have difficulties classing income from a rental property as income too. (HSBC and LLoyds I am looking at you). That little hiccup cost us our (well, MY) dream house!

Good luck with the broker. :)

Lordy- the sugar cravings. I have now evened out on that- has taken I think 6 weeks.

Yes, good luck allhail with your mum, and Biggles too.

[waves] to Hyper and Fontella and everyone. :)

Hello everyone, I've been watching the DRY threads for a while but this is my first time posting. I'm on my second day of not drinking but consider this my first day sober and am still withdrawing after a particularly bad weekend. Just wanted to say hi and put myself out there. Hope everyone is enjoying the weather, it's definitely helping my outlook right now.

Hello faez and welcome.

Tell us about your weekend and how you are feeling now.

I'm a few weeks AF (alcohol free) now so am over the withdrawing...! Also, The Horrors are fading for me and any negativity there is being replaced with feeling great in sticking to abstinence.

nochips thank you - HSBC is quite prescriptive isn't it? All has changed recently so I'm guessing banks are cracking down more so than ever. Anyway, we're not letting go of this house! No way, Jose... x

Hello faez !

As the Monty Python song goes ... 'always look on the bright side of life.'

I just found out I am likely to need major work doing on my car - a new back axle!

I'm a self-employed single mum on a very tight income and it's always a struggle to make ends meet.

but ...

fortunately because of the money I have saved on booze these past few months, I'm better placed financially to deal with this than I would otherwise have been. Car's going to be off the road for a while (older vehicle, garage will need to try and buy parts secondhand online) so I'll be getting the bike out. I was without a car for a couple of years and got used to cycling everywhere, so it's not like I've never done it before. We also have an excellent bus service - every 10 minutes, right outside the house, so we'll manage.

I've been lucky with this car too. It's sailed through its MOT two years running and the only repair I've had to do it is in all the time I've owned it is a new tyre. This is the first time it's caused any problems so I can't really complain.

Once again I feel lucky that this has happened, not in the depths of winter, but now with the lovely sunny weather and temperatures warming up. The cycling will help with my overall fitness and weight loss, so I'm trying to look on the bright side even though not have the car will be an inconvenience as I use it to take son and daughter to college and their various part time jobs etc as well as for shopping and general errands.

However, another stroke of luck is that I'd also just driven back from a considerable journey on Saturday evening to take my daughter to a birthday party for a college friend (she was staying overnight and coming back on the train the following day, so no need to go and collect her). It got me all the way there, and all the way home safely, before conking out just yards from my house.

(Actually, I have just reached into the recesses of my brain and realised that I was wrong what I said about Lloyds... in the interests of reporting faithfully! They did take it into account, but there were lots of hoops and complications and by then we had lost the house.

It was a while ago now, so my memory is vague.)

Sorry, very off topic!

Anyway, best of luck with the broker Gay!

The Horrors are dreadful. I was listening to The Archers omnibus at the weekend and had a flashback of me explaining In Great Detail about how The Archers was a long-running serial in British radio - twice- to an English couple I met in Egypt.

cringe.

Oh X-post Fontella! That is a shame about the car- but I am mightlily impressed at your optimistic approach!

Thanks for the warm welcome. Firstly my head is still a bit foggy so sorry if my posts come across a bit disjointed. My weekend began as it usually does at the pub with colleagues after work on Friday. Vaguely remember leaving the pub and continuing the "party" with a few friends at someone's house. I woke the next day and realised I wouldn't be able to work that day, I usually struggle through the shift with a hangover but I was much worse than normal. My alcoholic brain told me it would be a good idea to continue drinking so that I wouldn't care that I'd missed work. This pattern continued til Monday morning when I woke up shaking and my muscles itched. Finally made it home to bed around midday where I continued to sweat and shake. Today I'm feeling a bit better but still sweaty. I feel positive and strong now but I've been through all this before and after a few days, when I'm feeling better, the voice starts creeping back in telling me that I don't have a problem. Someone wrote on another forum:

"I had to be honest with myself that it just wasn't working. It just was not enough for me. I didn't want to live that way anymore.

And there was no in between. I either drink and get a less than existence or I either quit and get a shot at seeing what I can really be. One or the other.

If all I wanted was just a life of surviving and hangovers, I knew exactly what to do. Keep drinking. If I wanted at least a chance of seeing and being the real me...well, only one option."

That's exactly where I'm at at the moment.
Thanks for taking the time to read.

Also congratulations GB on being weeks alcohol free, truly hope I will be able to say that in a few weeks.

Shall I start the new thread when it's time ??

evening all
GB good luck with the mortgage. we have had some terrible times trying to move/sell houses in the past.

fontella sorry about your car trouble. I am also very impressed by your calm and positive attitude. Hope you can get it sorted soon.

faez Hi. Hope youre feeling a bit better.

sugar cravings - yes , still V bad. I have always struggled with sugar tbh but now more so since ditching the wine! Anyone come across the Radiant Recovery programme ? founded by Kathleen Des Maison who wrote The Sugar addicts total recovery programme and Potatoes Not Prozac? She used to work with alcoholics and she reckons that actually it is sugar addiction that pays a big part in becoming addicted to alcohol...all V intertesting, think I may go back a re-read book.

anyway for now I'm happily sipping a sugary raspberry juice drink whilst munching chocolate peanuts ! LOL
I am hoping though over the coming weeks to get my eating more under control and start up some exercise again.

Hope everyone's having good af days.

Evening ladies,

Faez fuck, we've all been there love. I hope that this time will be your moment of change. It certainly sounds like you have your thinking head on. I know it's cliche but just not drinking in this hour will certainly lead to not having had a drink this day, which will become 2 days soon, then three...then you'll be like me, weeks AF, then like biggles with 6 months...then like mecre a seasoned pro!

But sure, one day at a time.

Reading the blogs and the books and of course checking in on here has really helped me. I suppose sobriety is something you have to work towards and reading has always been my way of studying - keeping on top of the awfullness of drinking and being a fucking degenerate drinker (!) has been working for me and stood me firm when I wasn't sure it would.

Anyway, that's me and my AF ways (only for a matter of weeks mind!).

So we've got a mortgage broker from London and Country on our case now and he has already found a mortgage he thinks will work for us. We don't want to have to plough all our savings into the move you see. We'd love a nice nest egg in the bank...also we don't want to have to give up the nicer things like clubs and sky + and the nice car and and and!

Thanks for your good wishes girls, I appreciate it.

hyperhops I am going to look into that book, thanks for the nod.

AF wishes to you all ladies.

REMEMBER DRINKING LEADS TO BAD THINGS.

Play the film forward.

Morning all hope you are all doing well today. Just checked and am proud to say I'm 6.5 weeks sober now!

Faez welcome we've all been there love, you are doing a great job, one that needs doing, keep at it, we are all here for you

I am still consuming quantities of sugar.
I am bored out of my head WTF do people even do when they're not drunk/hungover all the time?

I kind of need to get a life but no idea where to start. At the moment I seem to have regressed back to my pre-drinking days for things to do, problem is I'm 40 not 14!

Anyway, still sober, getting easier all the time, urges to have a drink are short-lived, I've still not had a major test though ie been out in the evening.

On the upside though, loads of people have commented on how well I'm looking, my skin on my cheeks is no longer so red (I am very fair - white and pink colours - and I hate redness as it really glares out). I apparently look less tired and my skin is not so dry and looks better. Also although I've not lost weight my body shape has changed - my tummy is less rounded - lost the beer gut I guess.

And summer looks like it's coming so that is good!

Have a great day everybody

Morning all! Just checking on to say hi. Have a morningofmeetings. Hope everyone is fine.

Hi

Great to see you all doing well. The 6-weekers impress me! Let alone the really long term people. I love to hear from you, thank you for coming here and posting.

The mother stuff is being resolved: that is, it is partly resolved, and partly let go, and that is completely fine. I had a long email from her that was to a large extent all about her – a lot of it things I already knew, which is how she talks, often repetitive – and a little part of me was unsatisfied by that. But over time (a day or two) it fell into place: partly because I understood a little better why she had said those things and how in her head they did sort of relate to me; and partly because I just accepted it. I just accepted that it is not a part of her to really be reflective from the imagined point of view of someone else. It is a part of me to be like that – however selfish I actually am, I am keenly aware all the time that other people are people with interior worlds that are entirely different from mine and to them, their points of view are as primary as mine is to me – and instead of beating myself up that SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND I have decided just to see who she is, and that’s fine – and also to see that it is kind of (sorry to blow my own trumpet, I am saying this here because I can’t say it in real life) – a bit special of me that I can imagine my way around to other perspectives so deeply and intensely. Wishing other people would be like that is as silly as wishing everyone could play the piano to a professional standard to accompany me whenever I happen to want to sing a song.

Sorry if I come back more to go on about all this. Just working things out.

Welcome Faez. Keep posting.

GayByrne - good luck with the house. This time last year we were between houses and it was nasty. I feel your pain.

Fontella - I love your positivity!

LoveSardines - what do you enjoy? Do you have dcs and do you need childcare to do things, or can you just get out and do them?

In the house:

Skype or phone friends
Yoga
Exercise DVD
Painting n(a picture or a wall!)
Writing
play an instrument
Sew something

(sorry if those things aren't interesting to you, just thoughts off the top of my head)

Have a good day everyone and don't get too rained on!