Staying DRY

[MrsSippie]

This is a continuation of the last thread DRY We are all doing our best to abstain completely from alcohol.

Thanks lovelies.
It does help to know that that you don't really want it Sorcha.
And all of you, if you have been drinking that long (longer than me even) and you can do it, I know I will at some point (soon I hope).
I have never been the kind of boozer who makes a tit of myself particularly. I am a nice drunk. Benign. I have always been very very careful not to let myself go in public.
But, yeah, not having to think about drink at all, that would be good.

Nochips and Biggles-yep, a book, but given that my deadline was a year and it's been three, it's a bit like a bleedin' millstone around my neck right now! I am a tenacious bugger though, and it may never be published but it will be finished. One day!

Why am I sad? Hmmm. Just the usual boring stuff probably-I am terminally single, will not get to have a much longed for second child; never managed to make DS a big brother (he would have been a wonderful big brother).
My job is mundane, I have missed a lot of opportunities I think. Family stuff too.

I have been very...inert the last few years, and I know that the supposed comfort of my sofa, the telly, and a bottle of red has sort of lulled me into letting everything slide.A bit like the Turkish delight the Snow Queen gives Edmund in the lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. You think it's just for now, but years go by.
It will take a massive amount of courage to put the glass down and say "OK, bring it on. All the regrets, the realisation of all that wasted time, I am going to be fully conscious and face the music".There are so many things I have never dealt with properly.
How do you get ready for that?

I am such a tough person in RL, honestly. Not the self pitying whinger you see before you!
xxkisses strong ladies, and Thanks again for listening.

Hi sundaymorning, I love the description of the turkish delight. I know exactly what you mean. That resonated so strongly with me as a child. It will be better with a clear head, better than wasting any more years x

Morning all.

A couple of things I want to share this morning:

Firstly, we went out for my birthday meal last night. Just DH and me. 7 delicious courses of a taster menu all savoured and enjoyed with fizzy water. So nice not to be pissed by pudding, working out whether brandy or more red wine was the way forward. Not in bed until midnight, which is so late for me. Baby up at 5:20am ready to start her day, and I could get up with her. Not entirely bouncing, but after a coffee I was fine. That is unheard of. In the old days a birthday meal would have been carte blanche to go effing mental and today would have been a write-off. As it is we're off to a local cycle park later for exercise, fresh air and a picnic. THIS FEELING, right now, makes it all worth it.

Secondly, watching Corrie with DS on catch up this morning while the baby played, he asked why Sinead was being silly in the bistro (she was hammered). I told him she was drunk. For some reason I then said "I'm never going to be drunk again". I haven't said anything about drinking in the last two (sober) months, he is 6 after all... His reply? "Really? I think that's a hard thing to do Mummy. A hard thing. And a good thing."
How on earth does a 6yr old know that not getting drunk is hard? And good? Incredible. His reaction is what I'm hoping for from everyone, but I don't expect I'll get it.

I broached it for the first time with DH last night. He's noticed I've not been drinking. He asked if I'd be drinking at a wedding we've got coming up. I told him no. Bad things happen when I get drunk. He said "don't get drunk then; just have a few then stop." I told him I can't do that. He digested this, and said "good for you then". So I think he gets it. Interestingly I'm ready Rachel Black and get DH reacted similarly. Are your partners the same?

My partner is supportive. He is a drinker but says I have inspired him to cut down. His dad was an alcoholic. He praises my efforts and he understands how much effort I am putting in.

I do sort of struggle with dh being a drinker if I'm honest. He doesn't get roaring drunk every day by any means, but I can tell the difference in him when he's had a few and I get really short tempered which really isn't fair. he's just so dull when he's pissed and always pretends he's not drunk which is so stupid! The sort of thing i used to do. I guess it's also cos I miss that aspect of drinking, when we drank together and so were
(sort of) on the same wavelength.

we tend to spend less time together in the evenings as well. I'd rather go upstairs with a book and he will sit downstairs with a few cans and watch a film. We did do that before but it seems more obvious now. It's not a massive issue, just..you know, sad in a way.

hello all, may I join you please?
I have decided after drinking way too much for about 3 years that I need to just STOP!
I am now on day 8 whoohoo! I am inspired by how long some of you have been going.
I have tried drinking in moderation beofre and cutting down and while I do it for a while I always end up gradually increasing the ammount I drink until I am drinking about 5 nights out of 7 and could easily manage 2 bottles of wine
I never really go out so it is all in the house, but like others have said I am fed up of all the lost evenings and wasted days after wards.
Friday night was hard , and today we had a bbq and the kids were all fighting/arguing and I was SO desperate for a glass of wine, but I stayed stong and sipped my lime and soda!
I have also just started counselling and am hoping that I will I finally get to grips with the things in my life I need to change and stop hiding behind the blur of alcohol.

Hi guys.

Sunday - I just wanted to echo what Sorcha said. Really, truly I don't WANT a drink. Hardly ever. Occasionally the thought hits me, but I know that I don't want a drink. I want a couple of bottles of wine. That is the reality. I haven't enjoyed a drink or two for a good decade. So that's enough to put any silly voices in my head back in their box. Just not up for discussion.

And so identify with all that you wrote, Mistress. I went out for my birthday in December and my DH took me to a fabulous place. I remember everything I ate and really enjoyed it. Also found that the restaurant was really good about noticing I wasn't drinking and not constantly offering drinks in that irritating way that can happen. And mornings are so bloody good these days!!!! Gets easy to forget how bad they were. Every day. Found hearing about your exchange with your DS really touching. God these small people can be perceptive, can't they? I haven't said anything that clear to mine. He was 7 when I stopped (9 now) and kept referring to me being 'drunk' having heard DH yelling at me one night. Really so so shameful. I just wanted to erase that memory from his mind. He hasn't commented on my not drinking at all since then. I suppose he is too young to really notice or 'get' the impact of what it means never to touch alcohol. I dread the conversations I'll have to have with them when I'm older as they are bound to ask why I never drink.

My partner is wonderfully supportive, but if honest there can be a slight mood 'gap' between us in the evening when he winds down with a drink or so and I don't. So yes, just like you Biggies I am often the one upstairs with a book! Slightly sad, but the alternative is just SO much worse that I have decided it's pointless giving it much headspace.

I find lots of people in AA end up with partners who are also sober/in the programme. I had assumed that would be easier, but am assured it has its own challenges and many of them would rather be with a 'civilian' so maybe grass always greener.

Sorry - rambling on. You are all great - I love the support and power of this thread. Together we can all do it xx

Hi all
Just checking in. day 6

Great posts by SundayMorning, thank you

and thank you all for everything you have written

Evening all!

hyperhops hello and bloody well done on 8 days! Your pattern of moderation and the mainly drinking in the house is exactly like mine was. The counselling should be helpful too, to be honest I felt like I'd been hot by a bus initially as it felt surreal dealing with life's problems without the blurred edges, but now it's a brilliant and secure feeling knowing that whatever life throws at me, I'm not making it even worse with booze thrown in the mix.

I was driving past the local pub last night and saw a fella sitting in the beer garden with a pint of cider and ice and I felt tormented and jealous of him. So I put my rational head on and imagined either popping home straight after his one and only pint like a normal drinker, or staggering home after 8 pints and waking up on the sofa having pissed his pants I also thought of beer gardens for what they actually are; wasps buzzing around your drink/head, surrounded by knobby, drunken oafs with fag ends and empty crisp packets all over the floor. Hardly paradise, when you think about it.
Woke up this morning thinking thank fuck I wasn't tempted.

Just to pint out I imagined the fella popping home after just 1 pint, not me, that's something I've never ever done. As for pissing my pants after a skinful, I reserve my right to remain silent on that one

point out I mean, talk about a freudian slip! I think my bed is calling, I'm not pissed, honest!

Lol slippeddisco! I dearly wanted to drink last night. Dh brought home a bottle of scotch and I was v. Frazzled after a long day with dc. But i said no. I have to be strong, and I was. Hurrah.

Hi everyone,

welcome hyper. i recognise the attempts at moderating and then scaling right back up and more again too.

DH does drink, but he really is take it or leave it. He has cut down alot, and sometimes says to me 'do you mind if I..?' which I don't, as he actually drinks very little. The other night he drank an entire bottle of red wine over the course of an evening which I think I have never been before... and then did not drink for 2 days out of choice because he overdid it. I can't be that sort of drinker.

I genuinely do not want a drink either right now, but i am still a bit unwell. Headaches, tummy upsets. That would never have stopped me before though. Over the New Year I got food poisoning- and I STILL drank, even though I was vomiting.

We went out yesterday to a pub for lunch. I drove, but when we got there DH said there was nothing on tap that he felt like, so he had lemonade. So I could have drunk, but I stuck to pineapple juice and lemonade. There were other parents sitting out on the beer garden in the sun drinking beer and I felt momentarily wistful, but then they commented they were going home for a nap. I realised that if I had drunk beer, I would be too. Instead we went home and I watered the plants and took the dogs for a walk. I felt so much better. I had an almost slip in the evening though- a friend popped around unexpectedly and she wanted white wine. I poured hers and DH's lager and she said 'Oh come on, do have a glass with me I'll feel lonely. ' I actually poured myself a glass, thinking it would not matter. I took a sip, and thought that I really did not want it. I also thought about having to tell you lot So it sat by my side, and when she left I poured it down the sink. Then I put the rest of the bottle into a plastic container and put it in the freezer so the wine can be used for cooking at some point.

Strangely though when I typed that out I thought I could just have a little glass now, no-one will know. (DH left again this morning for the airport). But I am resisting. I want to take DS for a picnic and an icecream today. I feel like I wasted the glorious summer last year by hiding inside and drinking. I've lost so much time over the years.

I have talked to DH a bit about how much better I feel about not drinking, but have not yet been explicit about how I really feel. In terms of how we interact in the evenings, well, I have always been someone who reads next to DH while he watches television, so that has not changed much. I have always had to read, or flick through cookbooks at the same time as watching the tv. So we are still together physically- but not communicating much!

Sorry- long long post. :)

chips your evenings are just like mine. With littles in the house though we can't head out and we do enjoyed our box sets but we seem so prematurely non-comm with each other!

Anyway, that's another thread.

I went to my friend's house last night, where I was when I embarked on the last binge. So I returned to the scene of the crime!

I was so sure I was going to drink. They had bubbles and I do like bubbles. This could have been one of my moderate nights, you know the type - the type that makes you think that perhaps you are normal. But when I got there I didn't drink. I had lime and soda and maltesers!

This morning it's gorgeous here and we have a busy day - with a hangover, even a little one, I'd have felt terrible. So I am beyond pleased I didn't give in. And I had a right laugh so everyone's a winner.

There is one thing about being sober though - wow, aren't drunk people dull?! Just wanting to talk about themselves.

Was I that woman...? I think I was.

Wish an AF free day to all of us!! x

YES - drunk people are massively tedious. Frankly even mildly tipsy people are pretty dull; repetitive and self-obsessed. And I suspect we were all just like that…. I remember thinking what fun I was having and how fun and 'crazy' I was being. Total illusion, I suspect!!

Wanted to say WELCOME, Hyper. And massive well done on your 8 (9?) days of sobriety. You are so sensible going for counselling. I think it is really key to learn to deal with 'real life' because that is what we have all been self-medicating with booze to handle, right? DH always assumes that AA is all about alcohol and is slightly baffled when I tell him most of the time we are talking about just normal life 'stuff'. If we can 'do' life better (and not be so self-obsessed etc) then we are far more likely to be able to keep away from the thing that offers oblivion. If that makes sense.

Lovely sunny morning here and I am going to take the kids out for a dim sum lunch followed by trip to rather brilliant museum (they are being bribed by promise of trip to sweet shop afterwards!).

Happy AF day all! xx

thanks for the welcomes.
day 9 for me
you are right that I was totally drinking for the "oblivion" , to self medicate and to blur out the many parts of my life I was unhappy with.I used to tell myself that I couldn't change anything about my life so would justify "using" alcohol to cope.The counselling is something I have been thinking about for a long time but have only just been brave enough to finally do it.
I suspect it will be hard, even after only 9 days life this morning seems somehow clearer which in some ways is good - I feel more connected to dcs for example, but also the bad bits are more vivid - so I suppose I will just have to be realistic and decide how I can make the bad bits better without blotting it all out through drink!
nochips and slipped I think there is something particualrly tempting about the thought of drinking in a sunny beer gardern or gardern, yesterday I really wanted a glass of wine when we had our bbq, but am so glad I didnt - means I was able to properly put dc to bed, read stories etc and I can actually remember the whole evening! (because actually it wasn't a GLASS of wine I wanted was it , it was a bottle or two!)
Anyway....staying strong today. need to work on my dafualt answer of reaching for the bottle everytime life stresses me out (which is often LOL!)
happy dry Sundays to all.

God, yes merce. I don't want to make my life more about alchohol when I am not drinking than it was when I was (iyswim!)
I too need to sort out how to deal without numbing myself with wine.

Anyhoo. I have no money whatsoever to spend of vino, until Friday at any rate, so I am cheating my way onto Day 1 again
It's not exactly a choice that I won't have wine in the house for a few days, but it is kind of a relief. I have gummy bears.
I think being poor has saved me in a sense from full on pickled-dom (although would have been a hell of a lot less poor as a non-drinker, obviously)
I do feel rubbish from doing a bottle a night for days. I was horrible to DS yesterday, because I felt so anxious and stressed. He deserves so much better.
Welcome from me as well Hyper

Does anyone do AF beer?

What's the general consensus on this? Is it better to not try to kid yourself at all?! Make a clean break?

My view is better not to kid yourself. I think it's a risky strategy - just a bit too tempting, maybe.

There is a good online shop called The Alcohol Free Shop which has loads of stuff (including low/no alcohol wine and beer), but I was warned off it by lots of people who were long-time sober. Good shop, though, they have loads of other non-alcoholic drinks that are fun/different.

I do AF beer, because I like the taste of beer and it fits the bill for me.And sometimes if I am out with people at the pub it feels a bit like joining in, less conspicuous maybe. But yes I have also heard long time sober people saying that it cements the idea that you are sacrificing something or missing out into your brain which then exacerbates cravings.

I drank Becks blue alot in the first several days, but am sort of veering towards other things now- usually just soft drinks.

AF wine- have tried. Never liked it. Would rather drink Ribena.

Personally I would avoid alcohol free beers etc.

I can't quite put my finger on why but I think for me it could be a slippery slope for some reason.

Thanks for your thoughts, ladies. I think I'll try the Becks Blue (have some) and see if I like it.

When I'm out and about I think I will get a bottle of beer (I mean on a night out) because, as you say nochips less conspicuous...

We'll see. I like beer but if I don't like the taste of that beer I won't drink it.

I'll have to give it a go and be honest with myself.

Hi All,

Just been reading back through this thread and thought I'd sign up.

I packed up drinking on 31st December - originally for a month - dry January, you know the usual post Christmas/New Year thing. Then I started reading stuff online, and identified so much with some of what was written, that I started to realise I had a far worse problem than I had allowed myself to accept up until that point. I have been drinking for decades and although I cut down/gave up at various times - pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding - I always went back to it. In recent years it has been creeping up and up.

So when the month was up, I kept going .. and here I am four months and five days later not having touched a drop in 2014 and planning on keeping it that way.

I've found it a lot easier than I thought, and was getting a bit blase, until Saturday night (3rd May) I had my first major, major wobble. I could have killed for a drink, it nagged at me all day as I pottered about gardening, shopping etc. and was that close to picking up a bottle of Merlot in the Co-op. It was in a display stand within arm's length of where I was queueing for the checkout and how I stopped myself reaching out and picking it up I don't know. But I did thankfully .. and the 'crisis' has passed.

Benefits of not drinking for me are fewer 'lost' days, better temperament with my (teenage) kids, more money, more productive workwise, plus I had a bit of a drinker's nose (never realised that's what it was) redness on the bridge and around the sides, lots of red flaky skin that I'd have to try and cover with make-up. I just realised the other day it's gone! Totally gone! For years I thought I had some sort of skin condition - never thought for a second it was down to the amount of booze I consumed.

I have also lost weight. It's been slow going, just a very gradual reduction of my rather big (Buddha like) belly, not helped by the fact that I have resorted to having the occasional sugar binge (chocolate, sweets and all sorts scoffed in one go) which I don't feel great about, but which I can see is my body craving the sugar I once got through booze. So I've given in to them. I dread to think how many calories I consume when I'm 'on one', so it's kind of slowed down the weight loss. Thankfully the sugar cravings too are on the wane now, so hopefully weight loss will start to speed up.

I've been through a lot of symptoms since I packed up - extreme tiredness was one, especially in the first few weeks. Felt exhausted by mid afternoon, nodding off in front of the telly early evening. I've also had the dizzy spells mentioned by others. Once very publicly in a supermarket, where I had to call out for help as I honestly thought I was going to pass out (I didn't, and after sitting down for a bit, I was ok). Various aches and pains, some horrible waking up hangover type headaches (weird, but it's like a hangover but without the booze the night before). But after decades of drinking, and then going cold turkey, it's not really surprising I was going to get some reaction from my body. It must be wondering what the hell is going on! Thankfully, four months' dry and most of these symptoms have passed and I'm feeling pretty good.

I've read a lot of your posts and can identify so much with what you have all said. Some of them I could have written myself.

Well I'll shut up now but looking forward to being part of this thread.

Just a quick one to say welcome Fontella and congrats on your 4 months and 5 days!

welcome so good to have you here and well done for resisting! I've had a nice weekend to be honest. saw my mother on Saturday and was very brisk, doing all she asked for and no more. she should be home this week and was a bit miserable today but I tried to jolly her along. I am not being brought down by her anymore.

fed up with my leg as it is still playing up, I did my fab 7k on Thurs and yet can't do anything like that the past two days. I have to rest it I guess this is dangerous as it gets me brooding. went swimming with dh and the children today so have managed some exercise, hopefully cycling will keep my mind off the horrible drink

I have been told by about three or four people how good I look now, which is lovely. I know my skin is great and I have a waist!!!!!! giving up really does have it's advantages!

I hope everyone has had a good BH. nearly at a new thread!!