The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

scorned bloody shifts seem to making any chance of meeting mrsa nigh on impossible, damm those shifts.

HELP I'm so scared it's all going to go wrong with Bricky. I think I find it so hard to believe that someone could like me for me. I keep looking for ulterior motives for him taking me for lunch at this parents or at the very least he just let me tag along because he was going. I'm terrified now I've asked him if he wants to stay at mine later in the week and go out with my daughter and her partner next weekend.

My experience has been, the minuet you start showing you are in any way keen back then they distance themselves and you are left wondering what the hell went wrong. Well I've done it now haven't I because I'm obviously keen if I mentioned a meal with my daughter :(

Hi jarlin yes posts do keep crossing :)

I hope your chat on Wednesday with SB goes ok. Sounds like a difficult situation for you both

I'm finding it really hard not to worry now. I think I've only been ok up till now because I wasn't sure if I really liked him but now I know I do I'm starting to panic

Can i throw my opinion into the mix?

No doubt the book mentioned earlier is good, but why do you need a book to have a relationship? Read each other (if they appear upset? stop and think why?,or if they upset you? tell them).
Treat others as you'd like to be treat-having multiple people on the go at the same time may be classed as keeping your options open (yet if you found out you are only an option wouldnt you go into meltdown?).
Have the exclusive conversation asap (whats the point in seeing each other for a while before agreeing/deciding to become exclusive? (isnt it a want your cake and eat it situation?).
Go with your gut reaction (if that annoying thing pisses you off but you can put up with it? dont! -tell the person, look, this really annoys me, if they stop it then stick around, if they dont? call it a day because as time goes by it will only annoy you more).
And finally just realise-men and women generally look at things differently, its neither sexes fault its just the way it is, so dont over analyse things, talk to each other and dont whatever you do play games.

hi montane

Six years ago whilst I thought I was happily married with two lovely kids, I'd have said the same. Unfortunately being newly single at 40 after my husband buggered off with the office bike a woman he worked I found myself in unchartered waters & have experienced the most appalling behaviour - deceit, outright lies, saying anything to get a leg over. So have many of my friends. Online dating seems to have completely tipped the rules of acceptability on their heads. You simply cannot trust that a person is what or who they say they are. I have found this equally in real life. Read back up this thread. .. there are many examples. What's good about MN is that you realise everyone has the same issues & it enables us to discuss our feelings openly, honestly ( & anonymously! ) and yes, if I'm honest I do now play them at their own game. There's nothing sinister or nasty about it - it's called self- preservation. Sad, but true.

Scorned...my feelings exactly after 4 months of OD!!

astonishing isn't it flora

My 'twat radar' is definitely developing well though. It gets plenty of practice! !

santa you are clearly over thinking this, you silly sausage

Perhaps you're just asking him to tag along with your daughter and her partner given that you'll be going anyway... See doesn't make any sense does it?

In my news, the man I'm seeing phoned me this evening. We didn't talk for ages - about 30 minutes. I loathe talking on the phone and he doesn't like it either. Plus I find it difficult to understand what he's saying sometimes!

Anyway I don't want to go into the whole conversation, but he certainly sounded sincere. There was no lovebombing, no passive aggression, no overly emotional pleas. He certainly didn't take it for granted I'd want to see him again, but said he really wanted me to want to.

I hate talking on the phone, so I've agreed to go and see him on the next scheduled weekend as planned and we can, as he put it, have a proper talk about 'us'.

I think I'm just going to do the thing I said before that I do. I'm going to accept his version of things, but put it on my mental information board. If I end up adding to it, I'll end it. The thing is, if I end up not trusting him or feeling suspicious, then I'll lose any feelings for him anyway. I don't get drawn into the drama of someone being an arse, I tend to go off someone and I'm not scared of being on my own now.

Oh and I've got my counselling again tomorrow. I shall warn you of my debrief in advance and apologise for any self indulgent ramblings. Cos I never do that...

Still reading all the posts, but not really feeling like I've got much to give yet.

I know I need to calm down

Hi all, today's date was..pleasant. No more, no less. I found him easy to talk to but no sparks at all. At the same time I found him better in person than on his profile, pleasant, shyish, gentle and unassuming. He's got a good job in the health service, kids grown up, and his free time is his own.

Ok, I'd like to have fancied him and I kept looking at him thinking, do I find him attractive and still don't know! He was very nervous which I found endearing, nice body (from what I could see ) tall...I prefer guys a bit shorter, I know that goes against the grain but I like to be at eye level or slightly above but that isn't a dealbreaker.
He's been texting since and I do get the feeling he would like to see me again....I'm tempted. There has been a succession of no hopers / jerks and imbeciles recently, OL is full of them, guys who can barely string a sentence together etc so I know it's time to give a decent one a chance.
I'll see if he asks and take it from there but wish there was a spark.

hansel definately give him a chance. That is exactly how it felt about Bricky, yet there was something I couldn't put my finger on that made me keep seeing him. It's been a month now and I would say its only really the last week that I know I have feelings for him. So go for it and see what happens :)

Really santa you have feelings now? That is amazing as I know you were so on the fence about whether you fancied him or not. What changed do you think? Did spending more time with him make the difference do you think?

Scorned Exactly right, no harm in using a few tactics to get what you want, or as a way to help us sort the wheat from the chaff. I hope the date with Mr Train Driver goes well! Choo-choo! Sorry .

Santa Just reeeelax. Bricky clearly likes you, we can all see that, so just enjoy it. It might work out, it might not, but what's the point in stressing? No-one knows what's around the corner - good or not so good - so enjoy the now.

Jarlin Hope all goes well for your talk on Wednesday. Sorry to hear about SB's mum . Don't feel like you have to walk away just because he might not have time for you, wait to hear what he says first. Also don't feel guilty about asking him how he feels about your relationship because he was the one that first asked you - you told him and now deserve the same courtesy back. If he avoids again, keep pushing. If he won't discuss it with you I'd be inclined to tell him you'll only see him again when he's ready to discuss it. You've confessed how you feel and I bet you feel a bit on the back foot because he hasn't? That needs to change so you're back on an equal footing.

Blossom Definitely date Hot Guy!

I had the crapest of crap texts from MCS about an hour back. He literally responded to my previous text about job hunting, saying to hold out for the right job. No 'hi, how are you?' Or 'what have you been up to?'. I'm taking Scorned's advice and putting him on the back burner. Reading the Matt Hussey book is helping me to see more clearly that I deserve better and I messaged three men on POF tonight, so fingers crossed. I am not replying to that sorry-ass text.

Anyway, I have a new man interest, kind of . I've fancied Mr Teacher for a couple of years and in the new year, after a huge amount of flirting, we had a ONS. I hasten to add at this point that a ONS isn't my usual M.O., in fact I've never had one in my life before that one. However he's 9.5 years younger than me and not boyfriend material (for me) but he's bloody gorgeous, fit and sexy and I thought 'why not?'. We've kept in touch with the odd text and funnily enough he's been messaging me tonight. We've discussed the possibility of meeting up again pretty soon, so I think I might just do that. Mr Teacher could be just what I need to get over the letdown that is MCS.

hansel I think it was spending time with him and he just seems so lovely, it's never stressful just relaxing yet not boring. I'm not in lust with him but I could see myself loving him further down the line. And yes, I do fancy him more and more each time I see him now, I absolutely love being next to him cuddling. Bottom line is he's made me happy

That's the best kind santa. I know there is the fear it'll all somehow fall apart when it's going so well but you got to banish those thoughts and enjoy it!

hansel will you see your man again do you think.? If he texts I think you should give it a chance

I need to get a grip. I think I'm only like this because today I've done something different, I asked him to meet my daughter, so therefore he now knows I like him ( this is how my minds working anyway) and in my world once they know they've got you they go funny and become distant. This is what I'm scared of. I'm sure once I've seen him again I will be ok.

Hi Folk, pleased to hear a positive outcome with your talk. I think it's very wise to pin it to your mental board as well. I hope it's smoother sailing from here on in and he treats you the way you deserve to be treated

Btw, sorry if it feels like I'm only replying to Folk! I delurked because of the similarity in the situations but I am avidly reading everyone's stories but don't have much/anything useful to say
Hope that's ok x

Goodness this thread moves fast,im going to have to try harder to keep up.

Really pleased that a second date has been set. Though it feels like an age away as its on sunday. We chatted for a bit last night too.

Ive had far too many terrible dates and know the whole thing doesnt count for anything but i still cant help but get very excited.

Getting excited is lovely.

Softkitty Go you, nothing wrong with a ONS, does wonders for your confidence, just don't overthink it.
scorned insightful post, I am feeling a little jaded with OLD already. MrScottish accent has sent me a long text saying he is really sorry his work commitments and family but this week is really hard to arrange anything other than Friday, I have agreed to Friday but can''t help thinking seeing someone just once a week is not enough and he should be making more of an effort. (am I being too demanding) So I am def keeping options open. Mr Hotguy called me last night we chatted for a long time and we are meeting up tonight so just see what happens. I not sure he is the one for me but will give him a chance