The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

I've been out today but just catching up on today's events.

Folk He replied saying he hasn't dated anyone since you've been together but the fact was he had an active POF profile after you'd had the exclusivity talk. He was keeping his line dangling in the sea, just in case it caught. Has he even apologised and said he's sorry?

Jarlin that reply is laughable. Your a better person than me because I'd have replied 'I'm annoyed because you're avoiding my question. Please answer it.' Mind you I'm pre-menstrual and have absolutely no patience today .

I've had a text from MCS but haven't read it yet. No doubt it will just be generic 'how are you?' type chit chat.

As you know have been seeing mrSA for a couple of weeks and I am still chatting to other men. I think it woul be too early to talking about being exclusive but would like to see more of him as only on average once a week, would be to forward to bring this up?

Well, I'm prepared to 'talk' with him about it. But I shan't be accepting any shit.

Folk - I hope it works out for you. As you said, don't take any shit and go with your gut feeling. Fingers crossed for a positive outcome

Jarlin - Thanks and I hope so too! I'm hoping we'll be an ongoing POF success story (they seem to be a bit of a myth it would seem)

Hello everyone else btw

Jarlin a bit drained, to be honest.

Witch He's just emailed and said he'd really like to talk to me properly about lots of things. I think that because we only see each other fortnightly and don't have much contact in between, when we see each other it's just fun and nice and lovely and sweet and tender and romantic and all that, and then the weeks inbetween just feel a bit like no man's land. I certainly feel that and my midweek posts on here are testament to that!

I think, from what he's said, he feels similarly. Only he doesn't have you lot to offload to...

My gut feeling at the moment is that this could be just the shake up we needed, and so I'm prepared to do some of the serious talking we've avoided so far. But I'm not really interested in being 'blagged'. I really like him but I'm not interested in big dramas. If this is a hiccup and things get better on the back of it, then so be it. If it turns out to be the first in a (very short) series of 'things', then I'll just end it.

Serious talking avoided by circumstance rather than intent.

Yes, I read MCS's text. As predicted it was just chat in response to mine yesterday, saying it was good that work is going well and he told me he'd bought Hoover. I responded by welcoming him to adulthood for buying a vac, then said I'd been to cinema today and was now browsing for jobs, as I'm worth more than the one I currently have (the implication being it's not only my current job I'm worth more than ). He replied saying to make sure it's the right job for me (thanks for that ), I told him about one I'd seen that was a temp contract so no good, then told him I'd made an amazing chicken chasseur. Kept all my texts positive and vibrant, just like me . No date mentioned and not expecting much else tbh.

wicked hello !

folk I think you are being very wise. As we've all said, it is wise not to invest too soon & maybe he feels the same. I think you're wise to have it out with him. As someone said earlier, they aren't all the same. You just need to hear what he has to say & decide what is best for you.

Folk.

I just want to say that when reading your posts you sound so self-aware (in a good way) and able to take the tough decisions that some of us faff over.

You are sorting out your sense of 'unworthiness' (my paraphrasing - don't take that badly) but I think you're seeing the wood for the trees and being amazing.

If this guy turns out to be an arse it's because he's an arse and not because of you. You can see from everyone's posts that we've all run up against wankers. It really is them not us.

You really do come across as emotionally intelligent, strong and smart. x

folk you are very wise indeed. Do meet , hear him out .. much better in reality than emails and texts.

well said before

Thank you scorned that is sort of where I'm at. I know it's easy for the first instinct to be "he's a twat", and that was certainly my feeling first thing this morning! But I'm certainly prepared to see.

And thank you BeforeAndAfter I just like to be sure that the decision I'm making is the right one rather than the first one or the most foot stamping "hmph" one, if that makes sense.

I've had a bit of an epiphany in the week since my last counselling session and it is really beginning to have an effect on how I feel. It's still quite superficial, but I'm beginning to see that love is a verb and that whether a person is loved or not is largely a function of the person who doing the love rather than the one who is receiving it. If that makes sense I know people say that sort of thing a lot, but until now, it's just been words I haven't quite understood. I think I've just been choosing people who aren't doing love because their actions are the ones I recognise, rather than people who are doing love, who I avoid because I find their behaviour quite odd and overwhelming. And a little bit strange...

I think I was quite surprised when I started to realise that it might be more the case that I don't know how to be loved; how to see it or receive it, rather than I'm unable to be loved. I think the realisation that made me most sad was that I don't really know how to be liked either. I told my friend and she just said, "Oh God, yes, that's definitely true!"

Folk - I think that's a positive thing that he wants to talk about things. I think sometimes with OLD, you tend to lose sight of the fact the other person might be worrying over thinking just as much as you!

I think it's hard when you are very emotionally guarded though, because you're struggling with the fact you are feeling something, but because you don't want to wear your heart on your sleeve, it comes across as being cold or indifferent. Well, that's what I find with me anyway!

Have you decided if/when you're going to have your talk?

Oh and forgot - Hi scorned and totally agree with your post!

Just to clarify, I thought I was unloveable because my parents didn't love me, but I'm beginning to understand that they weren't capable of loving me for their own reasons and it wouldn't have mattered who it was.

My mother favoured my brother and appeared to love him, but I think a lot of it was that he met her needs for attention and affection better than I did.

The only thing I worry about now really is that, because of not knowing how to see love or be loved, that I've been made unloveable. If that makes sense.

But I'm also hopeful that can be changed...

witch I've emailed him my phone number. He hasn't replied yet. We can't see each other again for another couple of weeks, which is too long to leave it really.

I agree witch

I also think that with OLD there can be such an emphasis on protecting yourself that there can be very little room for people just being perfectly imperfect human beings at times.

Anyway, we'll see...

Folk - I hope he replies soon and your talk goes well!
You're quite right about what you said actually, I was only OLD for 6 months but its quite a lot to get your head around. If things don't work out, I don't think I'd do it again - It felt very liberating deleting my profile!

FWIW, my friend the boy rated on OkC wanted to 'honey trap' him and then do a big reveal (Hang on, aren't you seeing my friend Wicked?!) but I'm glad I just confronted him straight up and listened to what he had to say because I think it's set a good tone for relationship if you see what I mean?

folkgirl I too have a fortnightly relationship! Everything is wonderful when we are together but inbetween there's always

the torturous 'what is he doing' thoughts... hate it really

Ive discovered the nice guys who message me are not attractive to me and the shiits are!!
Im not logging in for a few days.

Mr 4 has text me every day since we met in December. I have now not heard from him since Thursday. So Ive penned a rather upfront and to the point text which i will send if no word tomorrow. I feel let down as its been quite a while now weve known each other :0(I really fancy him too.

Thanks witch me too.

Lizzie It's horrible, isn't it? The thing is he's said he'd like to see me more often but I have my children alternate weekends and I don't want to introduce them to anyone. I want to keep it seperate ideally.

I have definitely been keeping him at a distance. He's only been to my house once and that was out of necessity rather than because I really wanted him to. Perhaps if I want a real and proper relationship I have to start behaving like a real and proper grown up

It's just that my house is my safe place. No one comes round!

I found that, too, Flora! Typical isn't it!!