The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

Also felt bad because I don't think he's a bad person, or an arse, but that he's just not that into me.

When I left he was talking about what we were going to do the next time we see each other - he's tasked me with learning a song in his first language. Actually, the song he linked to the other night for those who know what it was.

It was never supposed to be a 'forever' thing. He's not in the country permanently, and I'm' not in a position to manage a LTR really - or at least one which talks about being permanent. Partly because of the children, and partly because of the love thing.

I wanted a boyfriend. You know, the sort you have when you're 17 when it's all the good stuff without the "is this 'The One'?" concerns or who's going to pay the gas bill stuff.

But this isn't even that. [sas]

I felt bad because I was beginning to look forward to the stuff he was suggesting about next time we see each other, and agreeing to stuff, whilst already knowing that I wasn't going to see him again.

I feel so sad now. I'm going out with friends tonight and getting ready but just keep crying through my make up. Not being helped by the fact I'm listening to Tom Waits [sad smile]

Ah, FG, I really get the feeling its not what you think. Why don't you tell him what you've just told us if you're thinking of ending it anyway. What have you got to lose? Xx

FG - I think it sounds like he is really into you?!? Like you said the POF thing isn't definite and also he may not always use that browser? I have chrome, Firefox & ie on my laptop so my most recent websites on ie wouldn't be recent as I rarely use it.x

If PoF was showing up in his recently visited sites, he has definitely visited it. And how smoothly he talked his way out of that...immediately deflecting to you - did you use it? Are you seeing anyone else? I'd be very cautious.

Folk everything you have said about him sounds so lovely and genuine up to this point it seems surprising if he is not that into you. Is there any way you'd feel comfortable telling him how seeing the internet history has left you feeling?

Actually, jarlin has made a good point. I have gone onto dating sites even when I have been really into someone, because I was thinking they're not that into me and I need to guard my heart. You come on here all the time saying how unsure you are of him...maybe he's sensed this and is insecure? Talk to him! Men have feelings too (which is something I so often have to remind myself of).

Up date.
Think date went well we sat very close together and I touched him n we held hands
Felt very comfortable with him ,think he as nervous as I am lol
We chatted and teased each other at end of date I said let get this kiss over lol
And wow we'll it hit spot !
It funny with other bloke I was seeing I didn't make that much of an effort but with this one I did , I k now he likes my legs so . Wore short skirt and did my nails, before anyone says I should dress for me I did its just a bonus that he likes it ! Nd it would be appreciated!
Making an effort with my appearance felt good for me too.

Lois PM me his pof name and I will go on and look at when he last was on x

I think you have the wrong person, it's FolkGirl who's going out with this chap.

Folkgirl...i was going to say the same. If you pm.me his name on pof i cann check if he was online today.
Fwiw...i think he sounds lovely.

Ive widened my distance search on pif...fed up seeing the same grim faces....faces that were there 6 months ago when i was first on pof. At least ive updated my pics. Im surprised the number of messahes i have been sent even though im not showing pics. I think some peeps must search according to your likes or education.

Just set up a profile.

He's online now.

Oh well, that makes it easier, doesn't it?

He texted me at 11pm to tell me he missed me and to have fun with my friends and that he was going to bed...

What a fucking idiot I am.

I should have known better than to think someone actually liked me!

Oh well. I shall probably go and cry myself to sleep now and start tomorrow afresh.

Onwards and upwards, eh? At least I know now for definite that this whole dating/relationship/love stuff isn't for me.

What a fucking bastard.

Jarlin and MyChild I know what you mean, I've done that too but I think that after 4 months most decent people probably wouldn't.

I know I wouldn't, I'd feel really guilty. And I'm not sure I'd want to be with someone who checked and messaged women just for entertainment.

Now I'm beginning to see reasons for his lack of communication with me. He knew he'd 'got' me. He was putting the effort in elsewhere.

How could I have been so fucking arrogant as to think he might have actually liked me, on any level at all. Well that'll teach me, won't it!

I should have listened to my mother after all. Thank you for all your reassurances and support over the past few weeks. I clearly was picking up on something underneath all the loveliness that was masked by skills as an accomplished liar. Stupid thing is, that in one of the earliest posts I said that I had no reason to think I couldn't trust him. I've deleted all his texts and emails now so that I can't torture myself by reading them. I'll tell him it's over tomorrow (although clearly it was never anything anyway in his eyes) and then block him too. Fucking silly girl.

There's clearly no place for me on this thread anymore. I'll still lurk because it's nice reading other people's happy stories.

Folkgirl Oh no! Was really hoping that it was just a mistake and that he wasn't on the site. I wonder why men do it - maybe the on line thing makes them constantly want to check "new" people on there.

You are not an idiot - if he is still messaging other women after 4 months then he is the idiot.

Jesy Sounds like a good date! Fab that you were comfortable enough with each other to tease!

Polly I am trying to be cautious. I do worry that he is putting me on a pedestal (from what he says) and I will fall off.

I didn't cry myself to sleep but only got 3 hours.

OFG I think the worst thing is that he has cancelled his Match account, which is where I met him. I think he probably set this one up when he ended that one.

He's put the same photos on there. Not given any real info about himself other than the mandatory stuff.

I just keep thinking of stuff he said to me this weekend that must have just been absolute bollocks.

I wonder if he did like me at all. I suppose he can't have done if he was prepared to lie so easily and so often. He must have just been on there every night for weeks, at the very least. Just can't believe how stupid I've been.

Folk I'm so sorry that he's done that. What a loser (him, not you). Look, not all men are like that so don't give up on them all! Someone way back said that OD gives men the sweet trolley or sweet shop syndrome - so much choice that they find it hard to pick one then stop looking. They're not all going to have that attitude though.

Personally, I'd tell him a friend saw him on POF (assuming he's met your friends), so you went on and checked, and he was online. Also tell him that you're no-one's second best and you deserve better. Then leave a silence for him to try and squirm out of it talk. What I'm saying here is that he needs to know why you're ending it, not just that you are, so that he's taught a lesson - i.e. keep looking online and you risk losing someone amazing.

Ha, I've actually just come back on to this thread to ask that exact thing.

Because I saw POF on his recently viewed websites and he said it was an old website that he didn't look on anymore... I'm quite comfortable telling him that I looked for him on there.

I texted him to say goodnight, to tell him that I'd had a great time with my friends and then "Ooh you'll never guess what I found... xx" so when he asks what I shall tell him that I found him online... I think I might then say that I deserve better than that and so I won't be seeing him again.

I'm not really interested in him trying to squirm his way out of it, mainly because I'll want to believe him!

I suppose am wondering though whether he didn't like me and was saying the same stuff to several other women as he was saying to me, or whether he did like me (he certainly seemed to) but just liked flirting with other women at the same time. It doesn't really matter, though, tbh. The outcome would be the same. I've already told him that I hold monogamy in very high regard and that I would have no qualms about ending any relationship if I thought that had been compromised. If I could kick my husband out for it, I'm hardly going to accept it from anyone else.

Look, not all men are like that so don't give up on them all!

No, but I think most of them probably are.

Tarring them all with the same brush is like saying all women are bitches. We're just not. We're all individuals, as are men. I prefer to believe that most men aren't like that and if they show otherwise, it's their issue not mine, and I'm out.

Did you ever have the 'exclusivity' talk, where you both agree not to remain online and instead devote all your attention to each other? I'm sure I read that you did, in which case you're more than justified in stating that it's not on for him to be on there, especially after four months. It's not like it's only been 4 weeks, ffs!

Let us know how you get on. Remember, you are the prize!

Yes, we had that talk. He categorically stated that he was no longer on Match (true) and was not dating anyone else. I also told him that I have a zero tolerance on cheating so it won't come as a surprise.

If he says anything at all, I suspect it will be that he is on there just chatting to people because otherwise he'd be bored in the evenings. Well I'm not interested in seeing anyone for whom flirting with strangers is a hobby either!

And yes, of course you are right about men being individuals. I just seem to be very good at choosing the abusive/cheating ones. So IME it does seem to be most of them!