The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

A question for you all

What, if anything would you expect from someone you had been dating for 4 weeks, who you have spent a lot of time with, has stayed over at yours several times, who you are in contact with everyday if your mum was rushed to hospital and was quite ill. You had told him you were worried and he is just merrily still trying to arrange dates. Which in itself isn't bad but he doesn't ask how she is, how I am or ask is there anything he can do to help. Maybe I'm being harsh as I've a lot on my plate and need someone to lean on although I know logically I can't expect that from him so soon ???

santa concentrate on your mum, and stop texting him for a bit. Maybe phone and talk to him? He may not actually realise how ill she is until you tell him

hope your mum is better soon x

Am stressing because I think I am getting attached. Could be getting too serious too fast but I can't seem to trust my judgement.

Is it crazy to always doubt when someone is being nice? Feel like I am waiting to get tripped up.

Santa I hope your mum gets well soon. Is she still in hospital? How serious is her condition? I ask because men tend to be less emotionally in tune than women. I wouldn't expect him to ask if there's anything he can do to help because, well, why would he? I'm assuming he hasn't met her yet, so realistically there's little he could to to help in practical terms. Or do you mean to ask if there's anything he can do to help you? Maybe he doesn't want to intrude in what he feels is your private family time? Also, some men are only happy when their gf is happy, bright and giving him attention. They don't like it when a woman has problems or illness to deal with as they're no longer the woman's focus (you sometimes see this situation on the Relationships forum). Only you know him, so only you can decide which it might be, but if it's the latter I'd bin him off.

At the very least I'd expect him to ask how she is each day, at least for the time she's in hospital. It would be nice of him to ask if you're ok, too. Maybe you need to state to him that with your mum being ill you've got a lot on your plate, so would just prefer xxx this weekend (with xxx being whatever you want, so for instance if he suggests a big night out drinking and you'd prefer a takeaway and DVD, tell him that).

Hope your mum gets better soon too Santa. I agree with lizzie. I also wouldn't expect too much after 4 weeks, but texting every day would be a bit much for me at this stage. I would certainly hope he asked how she was - I think softkitty has it absolutely right though, that he probably just doesn't want to intrude. I think if mrscottishwedding told me his mum was ill, I would ask how she was but also leave him to get on with it as I don't know him well enough to presume he would want me around.

lizzie we don't constantly text, just in the evening, how's your day been kind of thing. He hasn't asked how my mum is and no he hasn't met her but I would ask out of politeness

She is still in hospital quite poorly and being reviewed by cardiac team each day. I am the only relative nearby so it's a lot for me. It's as though he hasn't a clue and is happily pretending nothing is different in my life. I haven't exactly spelled it out to him bug then he's not asking questions either like I would

kitty this is exactly what I'm scared of, a man who is only happy when GF is bright and breezy and has to be the focus. My ex was awful for that he became very abusive at times like that. Bricky doesn't ask how my mum is unless I mention it first and last night he just text should he come round at 12 today as planned. I said no because I needed to visit mum this afternoon so he suggested this evening and get a takeaway. I'm probably just moaning about nothing really

Reading that back I actually don't think he's done anything wrong. Yet again I think the Ex is playing a big part in how I'm feeling. I'm just waiting for Bricky to react like he did

Yeah I have but apart from a couple of generic "Hi lovely lady" type messages I haven't received anything else. I think being nearly 52, a bit of a chubster and a bit of a sarcastic cow might be going against me. Still, can't pretend I'm a lovely homemaker type who crochets her own bog roll. I'd like to be like that but I am not.

Santa Maybe he has never been in that situation? It could be that he doesn't realise how tough it is. Hope your mum is doing ok and that you are looking after yourself.

Lois So many men send messages that just say "hi" - no effort and makes it look like they message a hundred women a day!

They probably do!

Thanks everyone for your support :) I have been for a lovely back massage to recharge my batteries before visiting my mum in hospital this afternoon. It's really helped. Seeing Bricky later this evening, film and a takeaway I think

Hi
Feel like an excited school girl lol going for drinks tonight and in actually looking forward to it lol

Santa Good for you telling him not to come at 12. Imo that would have been the ideal opportunity for him to ask how she is. Are you seeing him tonight?

Jesy Enjoy your drinks out!

Louis Who the hell wants to crochet their own bog roll?! No thanks. I love a bit of sarcasm myself.

Jarlin I'm loving the Matt Hussey book, I think you will too. Ideal Saturday night reading, if you ask me!

I replied to MCS's text about half an hour ago. I wanted it to be positive and convey that I'm not sitting around pining for him (even though I am a bit ). I put: 'I'm great thanks! Had a brilliant week at work, really productive and achieved a lot, then topped my week off with drinks out last night. Have a good weekend. x'. I didn't ask how he was or anything, and tried to sound happy, not miserable (funnily enough I actually do feel happy atm so I'm not lying!). Sent it via Whatsapp so I can see that he's not read it yet. Have to see if he replies. If not, his loss.

Jesy Sounds exciting!

Kitty Good text - no pining in that message!

Have a date tomorrow - date 5 - but am worrying that I am getting attached and it hasn't been long.

Jarlin, tastebuds is a music dating site. Matches you based on musical tastes and gigs. I work in music and love it so liked the idea. And 2 of my mates met their boyfriends that way too.
Jesy, I am out tonight too, to a mate's 40th in central London. It is cocktail dresses, so am well excited about dressing up!!

Oldfashionedgirl, I think it is hard not to get attached. I am on date 5 with scottishweddingguy and I am definitely feeling like I would be a bit gutted if he ended it now, not that there is anything to end yet!

That is a perfect text softkitty. Definitely important to have your own life and not feel like you are waiting on them I think.

Polly the problem is he seems really nice but it seems to be getting serious - talking about future plans and stuff - and I don't know if it is a warning sign.

I'm not meeting with Kent Lad. Nor the other one I mentioned (City Boy) but I did write an email to Kent Lad yesterday... bad move wish I'd deleted it afterwards. Of course no reply.

I suppose I just have to resign myself to the fact that men's brains are wired differently from ours.

Did I say that in January on my LinkedIn I got something from City Boy - not a message but someone had endorsed him or something and well I texted him as last thing I heard from him he'd been very down and considered suicide. I didn't get a reply to the text (I missed a digit off his mobile phone number!) and decided afterwards to not contact him or think about him. BUT I made the cardinal sin (nail in the coffin) of telling Kent Lad about this. He actually said to me "Are you still in love with him? Do you have feelings for him?" - I didn't have either of those but of course to Kent Lad he probably felt I was denying that and I DID have feelings. It was from then on that it really went downhill with Kent Lad and I.

To everyone else - thanks for the advice so far!

Too many messages for me to reply to so far.

The one thing I would say to oldfashioned and everyone else - it's GREAT if they start mentioning future plans etc but I had all this with Kent Lad. Don't invest too much too soon. I wish I hadn't done that.

I think it depends what kind of future plans old fashioned - marriage and babies future plans, run a mile! Fancy a gig next month future plans, actually quite nice.

helloboys Trying not to - not sure why but I keep expecting it to go wrong. Just don't trust that nice will last.

polly more like places to go in summer and that. After date 1 he said he wasn't looking for anyone else.

I might feel a bit cautious about that after only a handful of dates. But doesn't mean it is a red flag, just that as helloboys says, it is no bad idea not getting too carried away.
But I am naturally more cautious with relationships these days I think. I am not sure if I want this thing with mrscottishwedding to develop into a proper relationship but I am really enjoying hanging out with him.

Hi all

I'm back for just a very brief update. And I think it's quite a sad one. Just need you lot to be the voice(s) of reason for me. Just, please be gentle. I've spent most of the week in tears and now most of today too

I've just got back early from a weekend with the man I'm seeing.

We were having a lovely time and it was just as good as it always is.

Then this morning, I was on his laptop listening to music while he was in the shower. And I opened a new tab to check my emails.

So there on the windows 7 screen that shoes the 8 most recent/most used websites was Plenty of Fish. Didn't say anything.

A little while later we were looking for something and I pretended it was the first time I'd seen it and said, "Oh I see, what's this, then?" lightheartedly. He said, "Oh that's Plenty of Fish. Did you use it?" I said I hadn't and he said it was old and he doesn't use it anymore. He then said that he wasn't dating anyone and asked if I was. I said, "no" and he said he'd come off Match when his subscription ended, as we'd both said we would. He didn't sound nervous or jumpy, he wasn't giving loads of information. Based on the way he told me and his tone of voice alone, under any other circumstances I would have believed what I was being told.

Now, I know these are supposed to be the last 8 recently used websites, but I also know that mine don't always show up, and I do have a couple on there that I haven't looked at in ages. It seems to depend how you access the website (e.g. by typing it in - doesn't show up; or googling - does show up)

But he does still have an account on there. I checked when I got home.

No idea if there's a way of checking when someone last logged in on Plenty of Fish. Or whether it even really matters.

I have no intention of asking him to come off it because he's an adult and makes his own choices. My gut feeling is though that I probably can't trust him and, for my own self respect and sanity, should end it.

Just makes me so sad. He told me last night (when he was drunk admittedly) that he loved me. I woke up this morning and he was already awake, and stroking my hair. He told me I'm beautiful in the morning. Well I'm beautiful all the time, but I look even more so first thing... He was talking about us going away for a few days in April and how he's going to miss me when he goes back home for a few days (because it will fall on one of the weekends I'd normally see him). He doesn't do lovebombing, he is so kind and sweet and now I can't help but think I'm little more than one of the pieces in a game.

I'm thinking of just telling him that I really like him but that there are elements of this that just don't suit me.