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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

999 replies

girliefriend · 20/02/2014 08:56

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!! Grin

OP posts:
OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 27/02/2014 23:25

crow oh wow, what an idiot! not even a crap excuse message after the event? well, his loss.

santa I'm going to go against the grain and say that Bricky did ask you how your Mum was and is still obviously keen to see you, so don't see that he's done anything wrong. Do you usually text during the day as well? We all communicate differently really. It doesn't mean that you were not on his mind at all until he texted you. He might feel awkward about it - I'm assuming he doesn't know your mum, or how serious/not serious the hospital visit is? (Hope you're ok btw!)

Blossomflowers · 27/02/2014 23:46

crow are you ok.

RedSpringer · 28/02/2014 00:00

This thread moves crazy fast!! Will you all judge me if I admit I knew what felching was GrinConfusedConfused not that I have ever partaken obvs!

Blossomflowers · 28/02/2014 00:07

hah red Grin I only looked into it online

RedSpringer · 28/02/2014 00:10

Crow - what an arse, perhaps he has a good excuse (hit by a bus?)... Did you wait long?x

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/02/2014 00:21

Hmm, good excuse.....I have joked in the past that ''I'm assuming they died'' when people disappeared (eg, one guy texted with the excuse of manful, said would let me know when he felt better, I assume he died from it). I hope none of them actually did die though, that'd be awful wouldn't it.

Crow he's obviously a tool, so you had a lucky escape really.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/02/2014 00:22

*manflu

I may have had a gin or three four

TheCrow · 28/02/2014 00:44

Well, we hadn't decided a place to meet yet, he was at work late but said he'd been having phone problems all day where messages were taking ages to come through. I asked where to meet him, he said he would check what time his regular pub was open until. Messaged him again when I didn't hear back as it was getting close to me finishing work and didn't want to be standing around in the cold. Still no reply so got ready and went and sat in a bar in town in case he was caught up at work still or his phone was delaying messages. Sat for half an hour then walked home.

TheCrow · 28/02/2014 00:46

Think I'm crazy because I'm worrying that he genuinely didn't get my messages and he thinks I'm the one who stood him up!!

Santaclaws · 28/02/2014 06:31

crow what an arse, I hope you are ok. Don't bother with him again that is the height of inconsiderate rudeness

oneday I think you are probably right in saying Bricky hasn't really done anything wrong. I think I am hypersensitive for 2 reasons.

  1. hormonal, time of the month

  2. my ex, the abusive one, was sometimes able to make a show of being concerned for a short time, then the mask would slip when the attention wasn't on him and he'd become nasty or even leave me at times when I most neede him. Even the times he put on a show of being supportive it was done in a way where he was centre stage and it made him look/ feel good to others or himself or both. My god reading that back it looks like he had narcisstic traits

Anyway I've been treated that that way so much by him that I assume all men are the same. I hope I'm wrong. My first thought when this happened to my mum was, well that's it Bricky won't want to know me now there's a bitof inconvenience happening, romance over!!

Santaclaws · 28/02/2014 06:53

That last post sounded bad. I didn't mean that my mum was an inconvenience, rather, that my ex thought anything which didn't revolve around him was an inconvenience

QueenandKingMum · 28/02/2014 08:03

Crow, I'm so sorry that's awful! Hang in there

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 28/02/2014 08:19

Crow have you heard from him since? To be honest the way you put that doesn't really sound like him standing you up (or the other way around either) - you hadn't actually arranged what time/where to meet, so you went to a random bar for half an hour after work to wait - TBH I would have just gone home, unless I particularly needed a drink myself! Generally I expect to have a time & place before I consider a date confirmed - unless a ''let's meet at X at Ypm'', ''sounds like a plan'' conversation has been had, and then one or other party was not at X by Ypm, then noone can really have stood anyone up could they.

Although not knowing what time his 'regular' pub is open until sounds a bit odd, pubs are fairly standard, it takes 30 secs to google that info before he messaged that he didn't know, and if he's a regular wouldn't he know? So whilst I don't think he's stood you up, he has been rubbish about actually arranging a date with you , and wasted an evening you could have spent doing something else, and so still deserves to be crossed off the list of potentials probably.

Santa we're all guilty of allowing our previous relationship experiences colour our views of new potential partners....sounds like your ex really did a number on you on this one. We just have to try and maintain a perspective on what are strictly our own issues, and only judge people on what they really say/do rather than filling in things that we're assuming they're thinking/planning but we actually have no idea, no possessing psychic powers! And I am as guilty on this as anyone.

dippinmytoe · 28/02/2014 08:23

santa exes do determine how we are with new guys. We are extra cautious , more doubting of whether they are telling the truth etc. Right now my ex is putting me off men for life. Yet again he has let our children down by not seeing them midweek , so that he can spend time with his latest gf ! The way some men treat their children and how they view their parents is a good indicator of what they will be like.

crow that is just crap ! Forget about him. Next please.

Still no word from mr flash. .. last night on pof I got a good few messages.. so just weeding out who looks the better prospect. ..

PollyIndia · 28/02/2014 08:35

Crow, what absolute cnut. Obviously it goes without saying that he would never have been worth a single second more of your time, but there is never any excuse for being such a total twat.

Littlemouse, the back to mine bit was good! Had been 2 years, since around the time DS was conceived. I wondered if I would remember what to do, especially having pushed a baby out in the interim. Luckily I did!

Santa, I agree with pp who said that I wouldn't focus too much on the fact he waited until the evening to text. The fact is that he did text and you were obviously on his mind. I can be crap at texting back if I am in the middle of stuff, and men are no good at multi tasking as we know. We definitely all have baggage from previous relationships, no doubt!

PollyIndia · 28/02/2014 08:35

Sounds promising dippinmytoe

dippinmytoe · 28/02/2014 09:01

polly it's either a feast or a famine ! One that seemed 'normal' last night, changed the conversation to "do you want to have sex ? " , needless to say I have deleted ! I seem to find the ones who are "looking for a relationship" and not looking for a bunk up ... are exactly only looking for a bunk up. If its not do you wantto have sex , It's "will you be my sub ? " , "can I do your cleaning in the nude " , can I sniff your feet or else "im married but want someone to play with !! My choice of men is outstanding :)

Santaclaws · 28/02/2014 09:15

Thanks all, I'm feeling a little better this morning. oneday yes my ex did a number on me in many ways but I can see what he's done thank god. I think I'm still expecting that treatment from the next guy I have a proper relationship with. I can see now that he abused me verbally, emotionally and financially for the whole time we were together. Probably sexually as well because I always felt I had to want sex if we didn't have it he would go silent and I'm only talking about missing one day here

I've even been in a bit of a panic as I've got my period and obviously there won't be any of that with Bricky this weekend so I'm thinking he might me in a mood. Actually I'm smiling writing that because somehow I really can't see him being like that :)

HelloBoys · 28/02/2014 09:25

Jarlin - sorry for the late response had dinner at friends last night.

With Kent Lad it was very messy. Basically he had a few issues relating to him being adopted and finding his birth mother and he didn't know if he could trust or wanted to be in a relationship during this time. He is just about to do (or has started) the counselling relating to adoption. He says he has trust and abandonment issues.

Strange you should ask about him because... well it all ended badly about 2 weeks ago? We were supposed to meet for drinks to discuss us (maybe I'd stay in the relationship with him) but he cancelled at the last minute and I found out through FB (I have a separate account but you couldn't know it was me) we weren't friends on FB but I just use it for the very occasional use, that he was actually out drinking the night he was due to meet me and had logged into a dating site the day before. (hadn't checked up on this before, no need to). He also ended it by text but i'd done this the week before then had 2nd thoughts and emailed him.

Anyway due to the lying re meeting me and the dating site I went a bit crazy and wrote some things I shouldn't have done.

Now I just feel remorseful, bad it ended on such a bad note and upset over it. I am very tempted to write to him (email) and suggest meeting to discuss this over a drink. He probably WON'T want to meet (would you?!) but I'd feel I can draw a line under it after this and I'll have heard what he has to say face to face.

This is one of a few guys I had a real connection with, mentally as well as physically so this is why I'm thinking this. Talk me out of it please... Sad

TheCrow · 28/02/2014 09:35

pOneDay I see what you mean,!just seems very strange that he stopped replying just before I was due to meet him when I was asking for a specific place. I think he knew the general closing times of the pub but it's the kind of place that will stay open later if it's busy so he was texting the landlord to see what time they were staying open til. It all just seems a bit baffling, he was really keen until about the hour before, don't understand :( hoping there has just been a big mixup but not heard anything since so doubt it!

HelloBoys · 28/02/2014 09:39

Too many posts to reply to but just thought I'd say about EHarmony - boring men and far too many questions, I signed up and skipped through them then deleted not long after. The men were just... not me.

The questions there were similar to Match Affinity (again not great selection) but that's where I met the ex City Man - the previous one before Kent Lad.

2 more different men you couldn't wish to meet. City Man took AGES in bed with me, amazingly sensuous and I literally swooned whenever I was with him. Whereas Kent Lad was wham bam thank you ma'am, great sex but very visceral. Grin

City Man was emotionally repressed until our last meeting just over a year ago when he opened up about all his problems.... City Man was also good looking (better than Kent Lad) a great cook (cooked me great meals).

AAARRRGGGHHH! TGIF. that's Thank God It's Friday and as it's too early for Wine I'll give you all Brew and Cake to start the day.

HelloBoys · 28/02/2014 09:40

TheCrow - I take it he didn't turn up? I've had that (maybe once) maybe he just got cold feet.

Personally I wouldn't give a 2nd chance if you were going to do so.

Santaclaws · 28/02/2014 09:43

hello I not very good at reading other peoples relationships and giving advice as I'm usually a 'sit on the fence' type thinking well I don't know the whole story, feelings involved ect ect BUT I'm starting to think that this whole connection thing is way over rated and it's a trick our mind plays on us, when for some inexplicable reason we fall for someone unsuitable, or not suited to us

I thought I had a connection with my ex, I was sure of it. Whereas now I can see what I had was some initial lust, he showed me some great sex, love bombed me. BUT what I had was an addiction. An addiction to the highs and probably the lows of the relationship. A stubborn, determination that I wasn't giving up and probably a fear of starting all over again

I now want calm, happy, dependable and I will never knock that again. Sorry I seem to be using this thread as a healing process for myself

hello I think perhaps you shouldn't contact him if you want a stable relationship

Blossomflowers · 28/02/2014 10:04

Well 3rd date with MRSA tonight, I like him a lot but feel its a bit like pulling teeth when trying to arrange things, only seen 3 times in 2 weeks but when with him he gives me 100%, umm maybe I am being impatient and expecting too much. Also have two hot men in reserve who want to meet up, juts in case MR SA lets me down 9 (my insecurity)
crow any news on MR no show? I would be so moritfied if that happened and he would not get a 2nd chance, well unless he really was knocked down by a bus

LoisPuddingLane · 28/02/2014 10:27

Blossom, I keep reading MRSA and thinking you have an infection Smile

Question, ladies: what is the polite length of time one should allow after a date before going back on the dating site? I know that guys have no problem doing this right away, but I think it looks rude...

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