The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

Now cancelled Doing Something and Match Affinity subscriptions.

so what's best again? POF or Plenty of Fish? advantages??

hello I don't know how you keep a sense of perspective and hold back... I personally think that's the cowards way out and really your feelings are your feelings......IF you fancy the pants off them, like them a lot etc and have no reservations then don't hold back so much

I think you're right there - my only worries are that I don't have any real worries - maybe I don't need to be holding back, and it's just a self-preservation/general trust issue (as in, not trusting that life can actually work out, rather than a specific trust issue with him). It's my issue - and I should get over it.

littlemouse hi and welcome!

Interesting discussion about the fancying stuff. I guess that whilst the sex/physical stuff is important, it's something that can be worked on - practice makes perfect after all - and initial uncontrollable animal lust doesn't last forever anyway, and it's more important to have a solid relationship under that - respect, trust, friendship, emotional intimacy, mutual support, similar life goals and values etc. IMHO anyway.

ALittleStranger I think you could be right, sadly, in that he's not that interested but is keeping me as an option for when he's got nothing better to do. My male friend said the same but he thinks it's a bit strange that it's nearly always him that contacts me, then I just reply. Apparently it's usually the case that as a man, my friend just wouldn't text at all if he was trying to bin someone off after a few dates. I've sent the reply I mentioned above, so the ball is totally in his court now. I'm going to get myself back involved with Tinder and also update my POF profile, I'm not waiting around for him.

Jarlin You definitely need to ask why he hasn't responded to your text from yesterday and please can he do so, so that you know that you're on the same page. Don't refer to anything else in the message, don't even ask 'How are you?' as it gives him an opening to ignore the 'us' stuff in his response.

Lizzie I'm still enjoying the Get The Guy book. Turns out a FB friend of mine has done one of Matt Hussey's courses in London and she said it was great! Might have to book myself on one.

Hello all, welcome littlemouse

I think I attract so err, very interesting men. Last there was a really really good looking guy ( Proabably not his photo but he swears it is) But his list of hobbies were so sexually depraved ( and yes I had to look some of them up, perhaps I have led a sheltered life) it made my stomach turn. I just don't understand why someone would put this like that on there.

Now being totally paranoid that MRSA will not turn up tomorrow, no other reason to think that he should just my own insecurities

OneDay - I hope you get the self-preservation and trust issues sorted out. I think that can be the worst thing for us daters if we have those issues. But they're actually quite normal issues anyway to have if we don't have past issues with them generally.

I'm just concerned (a bit) that I'll either rush my next relationship (AGAIN!) or retreat into my shell like a crab and not want to OD for ages now!

Blossom - the sexually depraved guy intrigues me (not in that sense just being nosey!).

how bad was it?!

I did OD and exchanged messages with someone who was sexually depraved or maybe I was more vanilla. Certain things he said I just couldn't see him in the same light again.

I could not help myself exchanging messages, just could not believe he would list these things as hobbies. I would def not describe myself as vanilla but bloody hell this pushed the limits. But when we were messaging he sounded fine. ????

hello go on admit your being nosey

Thanks HelloBoys, and OneDay. Think you're right that the sex/ physical part is only one element of a successful relationship, and something based on mad lust isn't often the sign of something important and lasting (having said that it is clearly important to have some sort of spark physically).
I also think I really value something that has respect. trust, friendship, emotional intimacy etc - all those things mentioned. More so for having come out of relationship that didn't have enough of them.

Go on Blossom do share.....

Personally anyone who bought up anything 18-rated in messages prior to meeting, or really even before things get really physical, would probably get instant block-and-delete from me. It just doesn't seem massively appropriate, and smacks of putting sex above all that other good relationship stuff. Not that great sex isn't terribly important....but it's just one factor isn't it.

I realise that I am saying this from a very smug position right now!

The Crow, good luck tonight!
Little Mouse - I think that sounds nice. I had insane chemistry with my last boyfriend and it is amazing and spine tingling, but he wasn't a particularly nice, decent person (maybe like your ex Santa). I would go for kind and gentle and lovely kisser over crazy chemistry in the future I think. As long as I found him interesting and funny - that's quite important for me. Ok, actually that's quite a long list!
RedSpringer, I am not sure OLD is for me. The guy i am seeing at the moment, I met at a wedding. If that doesn't work out, I will do it again, but I hate it.

This thread moves very fast!

I am also nosy Blossom!

OK you asked for you it you nosy lot, list of hobbies include rimming, fellatio, anal and (boak, hold on to your lunch) felching. You did ask

You all looking up the last one aren't you?

Interesting fact: At my uni there was a drinking society but they weren't allowed to be called that as it encouraged irresponsible behaviour, so they were called the Felch Society!! I have exchanged similar (not as bad as those though!!) messages with Mr Tattoo before we met, but the purpose of our meeting waa also made clear, I would never considet meeting someone for an actual date who felt it appropriate to list that kind of things as their hobbies!

I found the perfect dress while I was shopping, along with 3 others. Ah well, it is payday afterall :)

Hi PollyIndia - thanks for your input as well, you lot are making me feel much better about this. I agree that kind, gentle and lovely kisser are all good things! And yes he is interesting and funny too - he gives good text/ email with funny comments. (I have a DS too btw! - 23 months.)

I really didn't think I would like OD either. I only really joined up to reassure myself that there WERE single people out there (most of my friends are coupled up etc etc and my professional field isn't swimming with men to meet, single or otherwise..). It did the trick for various reasons and just as I was about to come off it Mr W emailed...

I went on a paid site, and one that hasn't had many good 'reviews' here - it was eHarmony. I found that you had to go through so many stupid steps to get to the emailing stage that invariably by the time you did they were never of the 'heeeey babe' variety. I found it quite 'safe' which relaxed me which might be why I enjoyed OD more than I thought.

But Wedding Guy sounds promising?

Blossomflowers I'm at work so I haven't dared check felching!! It doesn't, er, sound very 'delicate'.

Blossom surprisingly felching has it's own wikipedia page!!!

Those are his hobbies? hobbies? Ridiculous. Not sure I'd describe any of that as depraved though, between consenting adults, (I thought you were going to say things to do with amputee dwarves or animals or something ) but absolutely not things to be described as hobbies!!! Also gives away a lot that they all seem to focus on him rather than it being a team sport....not exactly advertising himself as a great lover is he!

littlemouse I found E-harmony a right load of rubish full of boring men.
Look up the F word when you get back home it really is yuk and I am not a prude but ffs

crow, 4 dresses, woman after my own heart! FX'd for tonight .

Oh and totally fair enough if people want to exchange dirty messages and then get up to mischief....sounds like great fun if that's all it is for both parties. I just meant when searching for my future husband, it'd be an instant turn off for me if that's how it started.

oneday just spat my tea out, amputee dwarves. Oh it is all a bit of fun, all I am really looking forward to is seeing mrSA tomorrow night, must tidy house tonight, I am so hopeless at housework, maybe I should get one of the guy offering to be my slave for the day, lol

That made me laugh a lot blossom. He sounds like a keeper. I also had to google felching, though I knew the word, and when I saw the definition I did remember that's what it was. That's the kind of stuff the uni rugby boys used to say they were into! I agree with OneDay - not depraved exactly, but not exactly on my checklist - kind, gentle, good kisser, interesting, into anal and felching.

TheCrow - a date, payday and the perfect dress - good end to the week!

Littlemouse, did you meet many people from eharmony? I signed up but just couldn't go through all that rigmarole of the questions, all looked a bit earnest - wasn't taken by any of the people they sent me either. Also did guardian soulmates, which I did properly and met this guys I was dating pre xmas (but never got physical). Then Tinder (felt like a game) and Tastebuds, which is a music one that 2 of my mates met their boyfriends on. Quite liked that as am really into music but taken myself off for now. The wedding guy is really nice - we've been on 3 dates since the wedding when I took him home (first time in 2 years - yikes!) and we are having lunch tomorrow. He texted to say he is looking forward to seeing me and DS is coming, so we will see. I had convinced myself that he wasn't into it (though to be fair, I totally missed his text on friday and didn't respond until monday - i was away at the weekend so he may well think the same about me), but he just seems to be taking things slowly, which is totally fine.

Still no luck on tinder, there's no one using it around me! Will go on POF but waiting for a pic from this coming weekend as out in London for the first in ages and lost quite a bit of weight thanks to the breakup!

Will go and read today and catch up!

Am a little disappointed in Bricky today, not sure if it's justified or if it's because it's my time of the month and everything seems horrendous. Anyway my mum was taken to hospital yesterday and I told him this when he text last night. He didn't text for long just said he would let me get some rest and text me tomorrow evening ( as in tonight) . I thought he might have shown a bit of interest and concern and text today just to see how things are, but no nothing. I expect he's gone to the gym and will text after that. AIBU ?

Where are you going in London queen? I am out in town on Saturday too.
Santa, it would have been nice if he had text to ask how she was. Hopefully he will text later on. I am watching that first dates programme on c4. Any of you seen it? It is actually really good! Some of the guys are dingbats!

Santa I can totally see why you are disappointed, I would be too. You want him to care..