The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

Jarlin how strange, good plan asking him what he thinks about the message as there is a chance he didn't get it, would be very odd though!

Santa I think it's normal to have strong feelings for someone while you're with them then doubts when you're not. Surely it's worth seeing him again to see how you feel, but trust your instinct :)

Polly I know, I'm a sucker for a man with tattoos, that's how me and Mr Tattoo got talking, he messaged me telling me he liked mine :) We even go to the same artist! Mr Banana is so-called because he's dressed as a banana in his profile pic!

Speaking of which, my date with Mr Banana is tonight! Going shopping for an outfit today as suddenly don't like everything I own. We've been texting all the time all week, feels like extra pressure to get on well in person though so quite nervous.

santa it just sounds like healthy doubts really and quite natural.....I'm guessing the physical spark isn't completely absent if your pillows smell like him! I totally get the loving a guys smell she says snuggling into a jumper N left behind but that aspect can be a grower as well, I think.

Oneday - I don't know how you keep a sense of perspective and hold back... I personally think that's the cowards way out and really your feelings are your feelings.

But I remember not being so keen on the boyfriend (Kent lad I'll call him as he was from there) at first and after seeing me for about a month, maybe 5 weeks he said he was 'falling for me' and then the next date 'he loved me'. I wasn't at that stage but it's very flattering so I reiterated that back and I was almost lulled into a false sense of security.

What I mean to say is from MY POV is that if you feel things are wrong/don't fancy then you can rein in etc. I so wish now that on our 2nd date I'd just said 'no' or ended it or left the bar.

IF you fancy the pants off them, like them a lot etc and have no reservations then don't hold back so much.

one at snuggling into a jumper . No the physical aspect definately isn't totally absent it just takes awhile to ignite each time we are together, for me anyway.He on the other hand always seems to be snuggling in and sniffing my neck and hair . Wish I felt that urge myself.

Jarlin - sorry to be blunt but I think Slow Burner is ignoring the question or deliberately being vague. Could you meet IRL to ask him that? only as I know only too well, email/text etc means stuff gets 'lost in translation'.

face to face I find much better.

Santa - OMG you sound like me and Kent lad re the liking but not fancying.

Whereas with me on 2nd date I met him (Kent Lad), saw him, thought 'oh dear you're SO not my type' spent evening in bar with him and just kept on looking and thinking 'he's not my type' and how can I get out of here?!

I'd seriously say to keep a check on how you feel especially if he likes you more only as I know it's so easy to get lulled into false sense of liking someone a lot and falling for them. kwim? gosh I sound such a Debbie Downer today.

crow ha totally get the suddenly not liking any of your clothes! Have fun shopping

hello yes I know what you mean. That's exactly what I do, I look at him and think he's so not my type, yet some of him IS my type, tattoos, hands, accent. Oh god I don't know, I've seen him a lot now and feel safe, happy, content, I love him cuddling me, he seems a real nice guy. BUT I had nice for 20 years in my husband and ended up leaving as there was no spark and it was boring. Since then I've had the total opposite in a 4 year relationship and the spark was definately present but he was emotionally abusive and nearly destroyed me. It's very hard to find a good guy

I think what I need to do is see him in a variety of situations other than just the two of us out together or at my house. I will meet some of his family at the weekend. I am going to give it longer because I think I am starting to get the feelings of being slightly worried in case he breaks it off and that normally means I'm falling for someone

santa

With me and Kent Lad - I could tell from dress sense (though it wasn't awful, quite good) but body type (overweight and more so than in profile pics) and sort of by characters/what we liked etc that I didn't fancy him. But he persisted with me.

My main thing is (if you read my other threads here) there were WAY too many red flags for me to see past the not fancying - which can grow on you as Jarlin quite rightly said.

So what I mean is if there are too many red flags or something's not right, then apply caution. otherwise enjoy!

So I suppose what we are talking about when we say fancying is actually that lust feeling. That definately isn't there for Bricky BUT I don't find him a turn off either and I like sex with him. Don't understand myself really. I'm starting to think that your feelings can be totally different with each guy you are with, different feelings, different intensities and it's about simply finding what makes you feel happy

Santa - this is so funny. I had the lust with Kent Lad definitely. In fact both of us said after we'd had sex that it was the best or in the top 2-3 sex (and ongoing) ever.

which is what makes it so strange that it's over now and he wrote me an email saying the past few months had been a lot of 'fun'. which really cheapens it for me.

Maybe you don't need lust all the time. and Lust = chemistry which in my experience too much of that isn't great. you need lust but it can burn out quickly.

Interesting...

I think possibly I'm confused due to my previous relationship being a non stop round of sex and lust of well over 3 years and god we knew everything about eachother and he really did it for me in bed. Out of bed was a totally different story often he was bloody horrible

Hello everyone!

Can I jump in here? I've lurked on and off since starting OD in November. Really interesting discussion between Santaclaws and HelloBoys about the chemistry issue. I'm in slightly similar situation to you Santaclaws - I have met someone I really really like - he is possibly one of the nicest men I've ever met (and certainly the nicest one I have been in a relationship with in the sense that he is open, forthright, uncomplicated, thoughtful, insightful, etc and all sorts of words like that). And I do have some sort of connection with him - the kissing is amazing and the intimacy is good. But the actual sex hasn't been incredible. So I suppose I have been worrying a bit that I am trying to force myself to like him (like with Bricky) because I like him so much and think that we are such a good match in so many other ways. I think what you said about different feelings being there with different men and finding out what makes you happy is really interesting - and important. My ex was very self-absorbed and emotionally stunted. And kissing him wasn't as good as Mr Wonderful (as I'll call him) but the actual sex, I think, was better... But it definitely wasn't a better relationship. So why am I thinking about it?

I also have that thing a bit where I really like 'it' (the relationship I mean) and him when we are together. But when we are apart I sometimes panic and want to step back a bit. This worries me as shouldn't I just want to be with him all the time etc?

Anyway, sorry for the long opening post! As you were... And good luck to everyone!

ps. Jarlin I would definitely refer back to your previous text to Slowburner. You sent something perfectly thoughtful and pleasant in reply to his question so you deserve to get a better answer. He might just be ducking it for the time-being as he wants to chat about lighter stuff but I think it would be nicer for you if he is more forthcoming right now.

Santa - I've had that - great sex and out of bed you don't get on or row a lot. UGH. you'd think Mother Nature would be kind to us and give us great sex and get on great eh?! nah...

littlemouse hi there and welcome :). I believe we think about other relationships because to compare is human, how to stop doing it, well I'm not sure really. I think having experienced both ends of the spectrum, nice guy but no chemistry with hubby and me never wanting sex, then fireworks with ex partner but him being emotionally abusive I would have to plump for nice guy.

At least with Bricky I do want sex with him and I think it might get better but may just be a slow growing thing

How long have you been seeing your nice man littlemouse??

hello yes if only we could have both. But maybe it's the not getting on that creates a sort of sexual tension that leads to the great sex. A form of hysterical bonding in a way. Maybe deep down we like a bad boy in some shape or form

Here you are!

Well, I've signed up to the SWK dating forum and am now pissed off at the 100+ emails from interested blokes bowled over by my stunning beauty I am sure they are all 110% genuine and none of them are lying about their height, age or other key details

The trouble is I always get to this "oh, I can't be bothered" phase. This is not the first time I've signed up to a dating site. OTOH it would be good to meet some new people. I am pretty cynical about love 'n' romance but not so embittered that I have entirely given up on the idea of meeting someone.

Sorry, just a bit of a ramble there!

Thank you for the welcome! Yes I think it might be a slow growing thing too.. I hope so. Anyway, to answer your question I have been seeing him since the beginning of January, so not very long at all but it seems to have got quite serious quite quickly (something that seems to ring alarm bells with quite a few on this thread! - which also worries me). The thing is, I know (as much as I can which obviously I accept has limits) that who he says he is is true - for example he definitely hasn't got a wife (!), I've been to his house, I'm meeting his parents soon (he's met mine). He is happy to meet any time and always gets in touch when he says he will etc. His job is really his job (as per his work email address and work website etc). He has been very honest and open about his life and his feelings. He does seem to have developed strong feelings for me quite quickly which I know is a bit suspect. But surely this does happen sometimes right?? I mean my parents met and got married within 6 months.

I don't know... Maybe I'm just thrown because I think in the past I have subconsciously chosen men who are emotionally unavailable for some reason or another - or there is something about them/ the situation which will prove to be too big an obstacle. This means I can point to this 'obstacle' and say this was why we broke up, and not because he didn't like me enough. Anyway, because of this I think I find it quite disconcerting actually going out with a very lovely man who seems to be very open about how he feels and actually wanting commitment, and for there to be no apparent obstacles... There's nothing to slow it down and it's a bit scary!

Or maybe I just like a bad boy.

LittleMouse - welcome.

To be honest this sounds a nice relationship. If you REALLY want to lust and sex (and the normal rubbish which goes with it) then ditch this guy and go for that. BUT I'd see how you go with this guy. I know it sounds rubbish sometimes the NICE men (like yours) everything is going well and also I do think if you have had emotionally unavailable men in the past (Kent Lad in my case) then you can be tend to drawn to them rather than the safe option. I'd just enjoy.

Change - I CBA - but I know I (can't be arsed) because I'm reeling from Kent Lad and can't face dates yet.

Personally IIWY Change I'd just date and see how you go. Do some lunch/coffee/drinks dates with a few men and enjoy.

Hi, Can I sneak into this thread please?
Currently in process of divorce after an 11 yr relationship inc. 5 yr marriage. We have a 2yr old DD.
I've been single since last Aug & OLD since the start of December.
I've met up with a couple of blokes and despite having always nagged my single friend that she gives it up too easily, ended up sleeping with them pretty quickly & it's fizzled out very quickly after. :RollsEyes:
I'm starting to think that maybe OLD isn't the way forward, I'd much rather meet someone in a natural environment but realistically that's prob quite unlikely I guess.

I just got a message from some bloke saying "hi most sexy and most beautifull woman l have ever seen".

REALLLY? I'm not convinced that this is a personal greeting.