The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

rose I like POF , nice and easy and free and plenty more fish, but have to pay.

A friend has suggested I be more upfront Talisa by putting something like how it sounds like he's very busy and if he feels he can't set aside some time to see me soon then maybe it's best to leave things. However I really, really like him and don't want him to go 'ok then, just forget it'. It's so difficult to know how to pitch it.

What's the background Soft? How long have you been seeing him? How serious is it?

Been chatting on Tinder since Nov, met up mid-Jan and have had about 8 dates since then. Things have been heating up but we haven't slept together yet. We get on so well when we're together and there's loads of chemistry, so I just don't understand it.

Is he seeing anyone else? After 8 dates, tbh I think you have a right to know.

Well we've discussed it and he said he wasn't, I said I wasn't. How do I know he's not lying though, unless I bump into him with another woman?!

Of course you can always get idiots with a selfie covered in crap ( says he is a builder) with classic "hello you" umm delete, get the picture rose

soft I would say he's trying to play cool. I'd just say 'that's a shame it would be nice to see you but no worries '
rose hello! Do try Tinder. I've been on it three days & already have two dates lined up.
Mr Train driver - very sweet but no kids which puts me off a bit - a 50 year-old & no kids might struggle to understand mine are my priority?

And MrMajorca... good job, two kids, seems keen.

But I just keep reminding myself what bant said- it's all bollocks until it happens! !

blossom glad you're seeing MrSA again. I'm
already!

And I was on OKC for three days...during which time I was asked for a foot massage. How very odd!

just chatting to mrsa by text now actually. He is so sweet and sexy.

Jarlin fair and honest sounds, well, fair and honest! I hope he takes it in the spirit intended.

softkitty I agree with the 'he'd make time if he wanted to' theory and I'd be peeved in your situation - wtf does he mean, he's not sure when he's free, is he not a grown man in control of his own life? I like scorned's reply, breezy, non confrontational, not chasing after him.

It feels so weird having my bed to myself tonight! I like it though, especially looking forward to time to myself in the morning - I am a morning person and usually have an hour or so of pottering about before work, which hasn't happened with Niceguy staying over. The cat keeps hopping off and then coming back - I think she might be looking for him, she seems to prefer him to me! Also feels weird to be referring to it as a 'relationship'. Wow. Not had a proper one of those in a long time.

I had a footwanker on OKC, and one whose profile pic was his semi-naked arse in a g-string and suspenders saying he was looking for a mistress (and I looked like a goddess, natch).....but also a high proportion of decent ones, too.

Ha, whilst writing that post Niceguy texted goodnight.....we are far too cute

one day keep us posted re Mr Coffee Shop & Mr Niceguy ..

sorry Mr Coffee Shop was for soft

I discussed it with my friend earlier for a man's POV and he suggests replying along the lines of "Sure. Just let me know when you are free and if I am too then we can sort something out". That leaves the ball totally in his court and also implies that hey, I'm busy too! So I'm going to send that tomorrow at some point.

jarlin I have just skimmed through the thread and not sure I can find what you wrote in the text or if you have written it here first but then I am half asleep still. However seeing your last post where you say you spent ages drafting it and his reply is as though he never received it resonated with me

This happened to me with the last person I met on OLD, I was puzzled, frustrated and a bit angry. He obviously wasn't going to give me answers or enter into any conversation about our relationship. He wanted to be in touch with me but all on his terms and so they avoid anything that comes from you that they just don't know/ can't be arsed to talk about
I'm not saying this is definately the case with slow burner but do you think its possible. Also it's quite rude to completely discount your feelings in theta way which is effectively what he's done by dismissing the text

Jarlin hmm is he trying to pretend that the serious talk didn't just happen? I'd take a deep breath and not reply yet - wait for others to wade in with some sensible suggestions! I'd be feeling an urge to send a rather sarcastic reply back ''well that's interesting dear. How am I? Bloody confused!'' which would probably not be incredibly helpful. Maybe this is him trying to get back to ''normal'' for you guys - it's not like he has ignored you completely, he's sent a general chatty text, but he's shying away from the big serious discussion that was happening. Some people deal with conflict by ignoring it and hoping that time heals, rather than directly addressing it.

jarlin if he asked how you felt about things, then his response seems even more unfair. It seems he gets to know how you feel because you replied honestly, whilst being non committal himself.

jarlin he's left you guessing STILL, whilst you have been upfront

Jarlin how frustrating. I had an ex once who if allowed would just ignore that any awkward conversation had occured. It can be surreal and maddening.

Softkitty I think I'm more cynical than the others. I don't think that text is playing it cool or thoughless, I'm afraid I think he's blowing you off and doesn't want to be explicit about not wanting to take it further. I've seen it happen many times here that a man will 90% withdraw but leave an ambiguous chink open so if you're super keen you can be available when he's bored.

Folk if you're still lurking I just wanted to add another perspective. My mum was a LP and rarely dated because she didn't want to have a "string of boyfriends" as she put it and had slightly judgey views about LPs and thought it was important to protect her children from "friends" and "uncles". Undoubtedly there's sense in there, but by abstaining it created a suffocating relationship. Even as kids we knew she wasn't happy and certainly watching her as a single, late middle aged woman I'd much rather she'd dated and re-married. I think it was particularly harmful for my brother who's done that cliched thing of assuming a man of the house role.

Don't how are you this morning? I'm still outraged at Geeky "agreeing" to a FWB situation. If you care for someone and know they feel about you the way you do Geeky, then you just don't agree to that. It's too cruel. I don't see how he can switch from wanting babies to this so quickly and I'm afraid does make me think the early intensity was built on sand.

I am a bit confused about Bricky. I'm still not sure how I feel. I like him but how much I fancy him is debatable. I'm worried I'm trying to
make myself fancy him iykwim. This probably sounds crazy but I smelt him on my pillows this morning pheromones and I'm not sure I liked it, whereas previously I've always liked the smell of my boyfriends. Not sounding good is it. But I like being with him a lot and last time we were together I felt really happy almost as though I was falling for him

jarlin your next planned reply sounds ideal, not dismissing his chatty stuff completely but politely/firmly requesting appropriate response to the serious stuff. Please remind me to ask your advice when next composing tricky messages!!! He'd really be taking the pee if he blanked a second time. My ex used to pretend arguments etc hadn't happened- it was immensely frustrating and ultimately led to the breakdown of the relationship due to the mismatch on communication styles