The Dating game - welcome all daters to the DATING THREAD 70!!!

[girliefriend]

Thought it was my turn to start the thread!!

Hello I wouldn't do that I'd probably rather speak with them face to face and address any questions it raised at the time.

I really don't think they're cows and I think I've probably done them a disservice in this! I think it's just that it's so far out of their realm of experience. On reflection, I doubt they thought that the way I, specifically, had behaved was an issue, just that the whole situation is less than ideal. It was just a bit of a shock to hear that I'd been the subject of a conversation as much as anything. Even if it was all just out of concern, I'm not sure I feel comfortable with having people 'feel sorry' for me or the children as much as anything. I'm used to it just being us.

And of course there have been times when I was distracted, or sad, or a bit stressed - my husband had an affair and my marriage broke down. I have no family. And more than that, I lost the whole lot within 6 months. Perhaps if I had a mum who came round for dinner, or an aunt I could visit then I would feel happier. Perhaps if I had someone to phone/text/email just to see how I am or what I'm up to, it would be different. But I don't. And it's fine to do things for myself - but sometimes it's nice to pretend/feel like I'm important to someone else. That someone else wants to spend time with me and cares about me.

I don't think I'd be seen as a temptation to the husbands

I suppose I feel like I'm just trying to make the best of a bad situation and trying to find some fun and happiness and see some positives to it all. It's not easy! And it just came as a bit of a blow when I was already feeling a bit emotional/vulnerable. But they don't see that side of me, they only see the side of me that's having fun. Perhaps they haven't realised that the other sides exist too.

I think I might just take a break from the thread and stuff for a bit. Probably won't be long! but I'm just feeling a bit vulnerable and feel like I need to batten down the hatches for a bit. I think the counselling is helping in one respect, but on another the constant thinking and introspection is exhausting. Besides, I haven't quite finished my bedroom yet...

There's just too much.

I can't believe your friend meant what she said to come across as it did folkgirl. That is so unfair. Of course our kids come first, but doesn't mean we shouldn't have a life. I work and I was away this weekend with my friends (first time in a very long time, but I loved the lack of responsibility!) and I still go out quite regularly. Doesn't mean I love DS any less - in fact, having a life away from him makes me happier and value the time that I spend with him and makes me a better mum. So you carry on doing what you are doing, especially if you feel like you don't get many opportunities to go out. It doesn't have to be true love to want to spend a bit of time with someone. We all need adult companionship and sometimes a bit of a cuddle. That's a basic human need.

TheCrow, Mr Guitarists sounds like he was an arse. And also sounds like between mr tattoo (I love a good tattoo!) and mr banana (why mr banana?!), you've got some good option!

Jarlin, I know what you mean - the guy I am seeing has only ever suggested once a week, though to be fair, I have been away quite a lot and had other stuff on and it's only been a month. My friend said to be careful he knows I like him - she knows what I am like and I guess I can push people away. Anyway, it is very early days.

Good luck with the date blossom!

Sorry, Folk, but they still sound bloody smug and a bit patronising. If it's outside of their sphere of experience (lucky, smug them) then they should not judge. They should listen and learn what it's actually like to try and combine some sort of adult life with being a single parent.

Folk - from what you've said it sounds like you'v been really thoughtful about dating & your children. If you've been sad or stressed sometimes - well - that is normal when your relationship breaks down - and when life is not easy in general!

Why on earth shouldn't you enjoy dating when you have free time?

I'm sure your friends didn't mean to leave you feeling bad.

I saw Mr Manflu on Monday lunch time - he seemed pleasant, but I didn't feel any attraction.

Today I saw Mr Intellectual. Was a quick coffee as he had a meeting to get to. I liked him, but he did talk almost the whole time. When he did ask about me it was hideous open questions like - what did you do between university & having children - sadly nothing very exciting!

Still texting with Mr casual who works where I do. He wants to meet tomorrow, but seems like a bad idea...

Hey everyone!

Just been catching up properly. Waves to people I haven't 'met' yet!

santa sounding good with Bricky!

Jarlin so how has replying to Slowburner gone?

Folk flipping cheek from your friends....maybe they didn't mean it to come over like it did. It does sound like there's an awful lot on your mind at the moment.

So....me and Niceguy....I've known him 5.5 weeks. I can't believe that's all it is. I am his girlfriend - he spends every evening I have free at mine - we've just spent 6 nights in a row together, although won't see him until the weekend now. It just seems to make sense. He's met some friends of mine now, and is probably going to meet some of my family this weekend because I'm seeing them and again it just feels quite natural to invite him along too.

It's all going really well, I just think he is absolutely great and I love spending time with him. He is thoughtful and considerate and affectionate, he remembers little things I've said or jokes we've made and details that I don't even remember I've told him. Everyone who's met him has given their stamp of approval. And we are an amazing team in the bedroom .

Is it an amber flag that things have moved so fast? I'm worried that I am blinded by heart-shaped pink glasses! He has talked about how lonely he felt before we met - he had been dating (online/singles nights) for over a year (single for 3), but not been on more than 3 dates with anyone else in that time. But maybe that just means that he really was waiting to meet someone that he really liked - and that he is serious about a new relationship. I really like him. I am at that point where if my feelings get any deeper, I would be in a position of being able to be really hurt if it goes wrong, and it's scary. I'm worried that I can't see any bad points to him! Am I just paranoid?

OneDay - I really really don't want to rain on your parade!

But seriously - I know things are going well for you and Niceguy but bearing in mind my recent experience I'd advise caution. maybe I'm just being an old cynic

I was EXACTLY in the same position as you (though with a guy who was very mixed up more baggage etc) but he told me all I wanted to hear and it was moving very fast. In fact last year we actually said stuff like 'feelings getting deeper, is this ok etc?' but we both ran (literally) with it.

I got REALLY hurt. and now I wouldn't do this again.

but then again this was a guy who on 1st date I thought, yeah nice, ok but not bothered if I saw him again and 2nd date, didn't fancy, very awkward drink and although the date ended well I actually wanted to run away from the bar (yikes).

I would say to you (as I say to me now) if your spidey senses are flashing ANYTHING up about this man (like mine kind of were) then think about things. If not then enjoy.

oneday if it all feels right just see how it goes. I met my exh online 7 years ago.. we met oct , I moved in in dec.. changed jobs and counties for him. Granted it was pre kids.. even tho we split last year, we survived 6 yrs after a really fast start. Sometimes we can all over analyse everything. If you met in rl would you be as worried about moving too fast ? Enjoy it.. it's so nice to hear positive stories :)

My date went well just a coffee locally I'd debated about going but with a few gentle pushes from .y friend thought why not, glad I did I think I talked his ears off.
Didn't think he was that bothered by me but I got home to a text saying thank you I really enjoyed myself , hope the kiss wasn't to forward.
He asked if I wanted to go out again soon.

Jarlin Just replied to your pm, sorry or the delay but it's half term here so been out with DS today.

Folk Jesus, I would be fuming if my friends insinuated that I shouldn't date. How fucking dare they?!! Isn't it always the case that the people who judge us are the ones who haven't got a clue what it's like to live our life. Carry on as you are, you're not a goddamn nun, ffs. You deserve a social life and a dating life, and just because you have those things, it DOES NOT mean you're not a constant good influence in your kid's lives! Grrrr, I am seriously FURIOUS on your behalf!

Jesy Your date sounds fab! Glad it went well.

OneDay I've been seeing Mr Coffee Shop about the same length of time and I wish we were moving a bit faster, I'd love to see him more often. Enjoy it and stop stressing about the future. Live in the now!

hello rain away, I'm really worried that I won't be able to see something that would be glaringly obvious to others, you know how people get when they are so smitten. And I really am massively smitten.

I am definitely living in the now.... actually reined him in once or twice on planning ahead too much, and a throw away comment he made about the practicalities of him commuting from mine if he lived there full time.... he was quickly told to stop scaring me with that one!

How on earth do you hold back and keep a sense of perspective when it all just seems too good to be true, maybe it's just that I'm so used to rubbish that I really don't know how to deal with a normal, healthy, good relationship!

folk I think your friend is out or order.Smug married and judgemental. How dare you have fun now you are mother

queen you've got to give Tinder a go!!!
blossom what's the latest with MrSA?? Have you got a date arranged with the other one?

scorned MrSA is coming to see me on Friday (this suits me) we had a night of naughty texting. Nothing sorted with hot guy yet, not going to chase him. Also messaging soneone else cute, this all helps me to stay cool with MrSA. Wil be interesting see him for a 3rd time, not sure I will be able to keep my hands of him. He will probably think I am some crazy sex maniac.

Hello everyone, I'm very new to posting and coming back to OD.

Did it years ago and met my 3 year long ex on match.

Been single a while so signed up to OKC a few weeks ago, so far I'm getting foot lovers ('are you barefoot?' or memorably 'do you have hair on your toes I could comb'), and an offer to be my slave. I replied suggesting the weekend would be good re: hoovering and washing. My feet are not in any pics by the way!

I think the problem is I just can't bring myself to send the first message. I just go blank and die inside. I've had messages which just say hi and nothing else, and just ignore these, so I sort of think I need a more amazing first message than just a blank speech bubble!

i know! I did consider it for all of 10 seconds...

Sorry to moan but I'm having a mare with Mr Coffee Shop. I haven't seen him in over 10 days and he's just started a new job, so I suggested going out to celebrate sometime. He responded (two hours later!) 'it'd be good to go out sometime but not sure when I'm free at the mo'. Wtf?! If he really wanted to see me he'd MAKE time, right?!

What do I respond to that??!

I don't want to just leave it without a response as that makes it feel like I've got the face on and am ignoring him. I don't want to go the other way and state that if he really wanted to see me he'd make time, as it sounds a bit aggressive and like I'm issuing an ultimatum. I want to send a response that is kind of neutral but makes him feel like he wants to see me soon and that if he doesn't, I'll move on (but without literally saying that, iyswim).

Any suggestions?

softkitty enjoy the GTG book! It really does have sane advice in it

Light and airy is the ticket Soft

'Ok, give me a shout in a couple of weeks and see how you're fixed. Take care :) '

hello rose, I find okc pretty rubbish, yes I have encountered male slaves, not in the SW are you?
I think there is no problem with contacting guys, after all you get to choose, I an quite new but really getting to grips with it. I have several on the go and having fun.

Thanks Blossom, can I ask which sites you use?

Not in the SW, seems widespread!

jarlin well, I have dinner date with Mr Sweet and my bossy friend. I have told her I am giving diamond necklace back to him, and she has told him to expect it back. Not really interested in going at all...she told me that he has spoken to her and told her that he is 'In love with me' Give me a break!!

Have lunch date with Mr cutie next week and he has said stay over beyond excited!!!!! I will cook something yummy too!

So would I. Jarlin. So I would have to reply like that - and when he deigned to offer me his company at some point in the future, I would turn him down flat. Cheeky fucker.