In a long affair....please don't read if this will cause you upset/anger.

[alltoomuchnow]

Namechanged. I'm married with 2 children and I've been having an affair for over 6 years now. Something has literally "gone" in my mind and I can't take it any longer. I love OM very much but I know that we'll never be together. As time continues to go by I know that my feelings for him will get stronger. I need to end it all or accept that this is how it will be. I'm not asking for sympathy - I know I've done something very wrong and that I'll be hated on here. But I am human, I have feelings and I don't know how to cope any more. Has anyone been here and has felt this desperate....

Ive known men and women who have cheated- the other spouse either found out or had 'inklings', in a couple if cases became 'needy' or suspicious. I also know in one of these cases the couple had 2 teenage dc- the dd was 15 and had known her dad was cheating for a year!! It had eaten her up. She had seen text messages :( she felt awful for not telling her mum but wanted to keep the secret as she didnt want her parents to split.

Teenage kids are actually like miss marple and poirot rolled into one!! I'd be surprised if the om kids were totally in the dark op!!

To answer you specific question, brokenhearted, what woman hasn't wept about something and blamed it on something else? Not difficult to do at all. I do that - if I watch film that is a little sad I can sob for England and blame anything else that I'm actually crying for, on that film. Trivial, I know, but it illustrates the point.

Also, some women (and men) will just not weep in company or show any outward signs at all even though they may be shredded inside.

As a last point, children of all ages can be entirely self-absorbed, some of them are barely cognisant of a parent's presence. I don't think concealment of sadness from the DC is really much to be concerned about. Concealment of that sadness to a partner who loves you though, a different matter entirely. Very difficult to do, I think.

AF was wondering where you were :)

Wow some people on this thread have no idea what it is like to be a kid whose parent had an affair. No idea at all. It's a devastating, earth shifting, brain melting tragedy.

Have been on a dirty weekend, mamma

I was the ignorant wife. It destroyed me and my two children. They are still dealing with the fallout years later. My eldest daughter tolerates her father now. Sorry no sympathy from me. We all have choices and a conscience.

So sorry scorned

AF!!! Just spat my tea out!! Good for bloody you!
:)

Scorned...your last line is my bottom line on the matter of affairs. "We all have choices"...all this 'black and white' shit.

scorned

AF... What of it? I see repeat threads on MN all the time. Nobody's been employed to regulate the topic or number of threads on the same subject. Coming on a thread to criticise an OP just for posting achieves what exactly?

If you think OP isn't genuine then report the thread if it bothers you. I think your use of the term 'drama llama' is offensive unless you know something the rest of us don't.

Just one grin AF??!!

Lying, what of my post ?

If you don't like it, ignore it or report it

etc

< ad nauseum >

Or call you on it, AF. That's what I did. Your post was rude, ignorant and silencing to an OP on 'Relationships' board. I do plenty of ignoring but not if I see that.

I think the first thing to do is get your self tested for STI's, who knows what you have given your dh.

If your children find out you will destroy their world. They will look back at every time you were too busy for something and know it was because you were off shagging about.

Even if they allow you to remain in their lives as adults, your bond with them will be broken. I couldn't taint my relationship with my children for anything.

Bonsoir...you have not been active in this thread (apologies if I'm wrong) but come on to tell another poster they have a 'tiny mind'....bizarre

lunar... This is a six-year relationship. OP hasn't stated but we can either assume that both are 'clean' or that they are using protection. Six years would have revealed STIs by now.

I think you're projecting about how OP's children will react, we can't know. OP hasn't posted about them.

Neither of you wants to leave your partners. Well just carry on cheating and lying then. I don't mean to be harsh but what you are doing is living your whole life out as a lie. It doesn't cause me upset or anger I just don't understand why anybody would want to live their lives like this. Always lies and always deception.

Thanks HarryStyles & Mamma. It just feels to me that whilst they are wrapped up in the drama & 'torment' of their affair, there are two blissfully ignorant partners with the bomb of infidelity sitting under them. Someone described the effects of an affair as bein like chucking a boulder in to a pond. The ripples go on for a very long time....

Mammadiggingdeep, not much different though to coming on to tell an OP that they are a 'drama llama'. OP's thread shouldn't be derailed with petty swipes so I'm leaving that there. This is nobody's 'playground'.

The Om could have shagged a load more women over this time, she has to get tested. Her poor dh wouldn't know he needs a test.