In a long affair....please don't read if this will cause you upset/anger.

[alltoomuchnow]

Namechanged. I'm married with 2 children and I've been having an affair for over 6 years now. Something has literally "gone" in my mind and I can't take it any longer. I love OM very much but I know that we'll never be together. As time continues to go by I know that my feelings for him will get stronger. I need to end it all or accept that this is how it will be. I'm not asking for sympathy - I know I've done something very wrong and that I'll be hated on here. But I am human, I have feelings and I don't know how to cope any more. Has anyone been here and has felt this desperate....

Although in all fairness I'll probably fall silent soon, we're only at 350 posts.

Good luck with what you decide

Yup, its always like this in relationships! On these threads anyway.

Why the bun fights?

It's so predictable that on these 'affair' threads there will be a battle for one-upmanship' between posters. Some people should pop off to Saudi where they stone women who have affairs- you've the same mentality.

There is no certainty that anyone will find out about this affair. So everyone who is saying the shit will hit the fan when....just take a step back. I've known affairs taking place for years and the spouses have never found out. Nor have the children.
I've also known long term affairs where one or both of the spouses have known, and turned a blind eye. There is not just one reaction or outcome to affairs.

OP I'm not sure what you want from this thread.

You said that you 'need to end it all or this is how it will be' [no future].

What has prompted you to ask for help? Why not carry on for another 20 years? What's changed?
Is it that you have realised- maybe something has happened- that he will never leave his wife? I know you said that neither of you would leave your spouses- but reading between the lines of your posts I feel that you would, if only he would.

Is this right?

Or- if it's not that- is it your conscience?

Are you tormented by the deceit- or by the idea that you cannot have this man 100%?

You have 3 options:
carry on as you are.
End it completely
Leave your H and live alone with no guarantee that OM will leave his W ( at all of for you).

Make a list of the pros and cons for each and be honest.

The answer is within you- you need to find it then decide how to make it happen.

And I 2nd the idea of counselling- fantasies and affair type situations can suddenly feel very different when talked about in RL. You might find it the wake-up call you need, to get off the fence. And/or read a website called Baggage Reclaim- lots of good ideas there.

everlong only like this if you confess to being an OW or show any rational support (rational in your own view of course)

Well the 'sycophantic groupies' comment gives Lying's game away.

I think sometimes people do fawn over AF but on this thread there has been none of that.

Lying clearly has wanted to bring AF into this due to past issues.

It's more than a little hypocritical and ironic when Lying is berating everyone for not helping OP and addressing the issue at hand when she yet chose to derail the thread with this load of guff.

The stuff about 'women hating' is just nonsense.

Man or woman, someone behaving as shockingly, as awfully as OP is going to get some unwelcome responses.

As I said many pages ago, people making terrible life decisions sometimes need to be shocked by the strength of people's disapproval in order to make them open their eyes and snap out of it.

As I said many pages ago, people making terrible life decisions sometimes need to be shocked by the strength of people's disapproval in order to make them open their eyes and snap out of it.

Christ almighty- it's empathy like this that I love

You'd make a great counsellor if you fancy a career change.

Everlong - come on, it's no worse than AIBU

Did you actual understand what I wrote constant?

I agree with harry styles.

I just want to make one thing very clear. I thought I already had but I'll try this last time.....it is not the case that I want OM to leave his partner and children. I have already stated that both of our families are of paramount importance to each of us. I know, being in my situation, that is an extremely hard concept to grasp but that is how it really is. I know that he will not leave his partner just as he knows that I will not leave mine and I don't want him to. There is no hidden hope on my part, much as some posters would want there to be. If I have given the impression, "reading in between the lines", that I want him then I have not been clear. That is the danger of reading something into nothing and making assumptions that are not based on facts. And why not carry on for 20 years? Why not indeed...but I am trying to put right this wrong because I can not carry on like this for ever. Selfish to the end you may conclude, but my emotional well being can not take it and if that goes, then so will the life of my family. I hope that is clear now. I wish everyone on this thread well, no matter what your opinions of me are. I have received some great help and I intend to put things right. Please accept what I am saying.

Do you actually understand the difference between disapproving of affairs, and using sexist, woman hating language, HarryStyles?

Lying hasn't said it is woman hating to disagree with affairs. She has called out the posts which use woman hating language and views. As have I.

Thanks for clarifying that OP. I don't know why posters thought that you wanted MM to leave his wife, given that you don't want to leave your DH.

Oh behave, HarryStyles. I don't think I've had more than half a dozen differences of opinion with AF in all the years I've posted. I've had dozens more with many others and we still post cordially alongside each other. No poster is really on my radar and I often don't notice the posters name until I've read the post.

You won't provoke me but, I'd think very hard about whether you want to make accusations of my 'targeting a poster' in the way you've described. If you do believe that to be the case then contact MNHQ and ask them to investigate because they certainly will.

As for 'sycophantic groupies', I couldn't name them because truly, they were a bit of a blur in their rush to join and well, if the pointed hat and wart fits...

Now... MNHQ is thataway -> if you have something still to say? If so, have the courage of your convictions and take it formally or keep quiet.

Ititwrong yes I understood every word. How could I not? it's perfectly clear, thanks.

I haven't used any sexist language, Morris. And yes I do understand the difference.

Some people have, very few. This thread has been derailed by people saying disapproval has largely been based on sexism! It hasn't!

Lying, seriously what the fuck are you talking about???

alltoomuch

Well...all you had to say was you needed help to end it. You've never said that or else I wouldn't have wasted energy on looking at the sub-text.

Thank you, MorrisZapp for all the patient clarifications. I think they have fallen on dense ears, but I appreciated them nonetheless.

Lying clearly has wanted to bring AF into this due to past issues.
and
You have two agendas don't you? One is to obsessively try and bring a poster down (how odd) and the other is the one that you are not disclosing.

What did I misunderstand, HarryStyles? Think really carefully about your next post because I may take it to MNHQ myself.

If your family- assuming this includes your H- is of utmost importance to you, then you have to end it.

Start today- whatever contact you have, then you have to stop it. Text, phone, meeting- say no.

If you can't- then your family does not mean that much to you- you just think it does.

yes it will hurt- yes it will be agony. But you have to face that and go through with it.

But if your H falls short of your OM- how are you going to live with him until he or you dies? Will you not always be wanting OM?

I'm not convinced you want him, or love him- I'm really thinking that you don't want the upset of a divorce.

I honestly, seriously do not know what you are on about Lying? Take what to MNHQ?? What is the matter with you?

I have already stated that both of our families are of paramount importance to each of us

Bollocks OP.Absolute bollocks.

Will you be posting when OM upgrades his mistress?
Plenty of us will be waiting with out tiny little violins.

There IS a way out of this and you've already made your decision.

Sorry, I missed that. Where does OP say what her decision was?

Lying what do you mean by this - if a man had posted and the responses were the same, I'd refer to those posters as man-haters because that is what they would be. But, you know, it would NEVER happen... funny that.

Do you mean that the man would not get told to keep it in his pants, or similar? I think a man would get an absolute pasting if he posted the same scenario. Been cheating on his wife for six years? Come on, you know he would get the same response.