think I'm done

[onemoredayplease]

I've posted several times before. have been in relationship with partner 6 years. three kids between us. mine the youngest at 11. it was his 50th yesterday. wouldn't tell me what he wanted to do so I arranged a childfree night in a posh hotel complete with lovely spa. this was to be followed by an action packed weekend with various activities chosen by each child. he knew the kids have planned the remainder of the weekend. last night we were away and it was a terrible . he didnt want to go that was clear. wouldnt come to spa, sat playing on free wifi. evening meal spent texting his daughter. he admitted he would rather be at home, didnt want to be away from kids. I apologised said the arrangements had been made with the best intentions. made no difference. beautiful old hotel on top of a hill so very noisy last night with the winds. he hasn't slept. we were up at 7.30 no breakfast as I couldnt face the silence. got home and hes gone straight to bed, didnt even acknowledge the kids work decorating the house ready for a family party tonight. I've prepped the party whilst he has slept but to be honest I don't want a party. I feel hurt that all the hard work arranging this was swept aside. his mind was made that it wasn't something he wanted and he wasn't going to enjoy it.
this all comes on top of ongoing issues with his behaviour towards my daughter, it feels like the nail in the coffin.

[onemoredayplease]

hes just gone to drop kids back. still no word from him on any of this. what the hell has happened? I just dont understand where its all come from. we were trying to give him a good weekend in the end we had a crap, crap weekend. I just feel so hurt under the anger, like I don't know him at all. I obviously got it so wrong. but I don't know how.

[SerenaBracken]

Apologies OP, I posted on the wrong thread. So sorry.

[bumbleymummy]

Not making excuses for him but is he maybe feeling a bit crap about turning 50 and just not in the mood to celebrate it?

[AnyFucker]

OP, I suspect this is actually nothing to do with what you have or haven't done at all

[onemoredayplease]

what is it then? im lost.

[GarlicReverses]

I'm afraid I'd point out (again) that I'd really tried to make his weekend great, but it's extremely clear he doesn't want to be where I am. So I'd ask him to leave, go where I'm not! I'd help him book a Travelodge, no problem.

Then I'd snuggle down with the TV, beer and some chips, and get a good night's sleep.

[AnyFucker]

you are blaming yourself when you know you have done all you can (and more besides) to make his weekend a memorable one

he has shown fuck-all appreciation for that, even if some of it was not what he would have chosen himself

look to his behaviour, not your own

[DustBunnyFarmer]

look to his behaviour, not your own

Yup. OK, let's play. If we assume he's pissed off because he wanted a quiet weekend (or a week in Barbados), it was up to him to say so. He left you twisting in the wind. You came up with a lovely celebratory weekend, involving the kids etc. he's throwing his toys out of the pram? Twat. You deserve better. There are partners out there who would really treasure the lovely weekend you organised. Throw this one back and find one of the good ones.

[babyheaves]

He spent the weekend making you feel like crap when you'd acted with good intentions. That was mean behaviour and you didn't deserve to be treated like that.

For a 50yo he was very childish.

[manaboutthemaison]

I will be 50 in September. I hate a fuss being made for my birthdays to the point of trying not tobe around at the time ( usually take wife away )

However if my wife and kids had organised something like this I'd be absolutely blown away. You all did brilliantly He on the other hand Is a class 1 bell end.

[Fairenuff]

How are things today OP. Did you speak to him?

[RandomMess]

My H did nothing for my last big birthday, I was incredibly hurt (I'd told him for 5 years what I wanted to do) at the last minute a friend invited us all around hers for the day. Even though I was very upset and hurting, about the milestone birthday AND my h's behaviour I made the best of the day for my dc sake because they (nor my firend) deserved to suffer because of how I felt.

So your P is being a complete arse, how dare he treat you and dc like that!!! Talking to you in a grown up manner about it would be acceptable but shitting on the parade set up and chosen by all of you is disgusting behaviour.

[WhateverTrevor83]

I still want to know what the 'ongoing issues' are with the way he is with your daughter? As per the last sentence in your post. What's that about?

[onemoredayplease]

no I didnt speak to him. he was trying to do the 'nothings wrong' act. trying to make conversation about what was on tv etc. daughter and I are off to stay with family tonight. he will come home to a letter saying I have had enough and I wonder if he has too. this isn't right. I know it. I am telling myself that it mght just kick his arse and make him think about how he feels. in reality I think he will just let me walk. the issue with my daughter? I'm a single parent in a 6 year relationship. he plays no active role in her life. whilst I know he's not her dad a bit of support would be helpful. we both work full time. I start at 6.30 to walk my dog, then sort daughter out, make lunches, do full day at work, cook tea for daughter and I ( he usually doesn't want what we have, hence we eat seperately), I then do homework with daughter, chores, put her to bed and sit down around 9. by the he has soaked in the bath for 2 hours. im done. ive tried and ive failed.

[AnyFucker]

How is this even a relationship ?

you are best to jettison it...make a better life with no selfish manchild poisoning the atmosphere for you and your little girl

[Fairenuff]

He won't be a great loss.

In fact, you will be so much better off without him. You will be happy.

I can see nothing here to salvage. Make the letter a Dear John and have a good, clean break from this millstone.

[onemoredayplease]

still doing the nothings wrong bit

[WhateverTrevor83]

I want to give you and your daughter a massive cuddle - hope you can move on xxx

[AnyFucker]

Yep, if he does the "nothing wrong" shtick for long enough he thinks you will give up and STFU

will you ?

[Fairenuff]

OP I honestly don't know how you can bite your tongue. What are you scared of?

[onemoredayplease]

I feel calmer away from home. the letter I left pulled no punches. hes well aware that I am about to walk.

[Fairenuff]

I think being away from him is a good idea. It must be so depressing having to face him when he is gaslighting you like this.

Are you out overnight, or does that depend on his response?

[onemoredayplease]

I'm not scared of anything by the way. but equally im not rushing out the door. I will need to live with this decision.

[Fairenuff]

I just wonder why you don't talk to him about it. Leaving a letter would indicate that you don't feel up to facing him and I was wondering why.

[onemoredayplease]

not sure what gaslighting means? we are here overnight. he has text and told me he loves me and has stuffed up. I need to digest that and think it through. promises aren't enough.