think I'm done

[onemoredayplease]

I've posted several times before. have been in relationship with partner 6 years. three kids between us. mine the youngest at 11. it was his 50th yesterday. wouldn't tell me what he wanted to do so I arranged a childfree night in a posh hotel complete with lovely spa. this was to be followed by an action packed weekend with various activities chosen by each child. he knew the kids have planned the remainder of the weekend. last night we were away and it was a terrible . he didnt want to go that was clear. wouldnt come to spa, sat playing on free wifi. evening meal spent texting his daughter. he admitted he would rather be at home, didnt want to be away from kids. I apologised said the arrangements had been made with the best intentions. made no difference. beautiful old hotel on top of a hill so very noisy last night with the winds. he hasn't slept. we were up at 7.30 no breakfast as I couldnt face the silence. got home and hes gone straight to bed, didnt even acknowledge the kids work decorating the house ready for a family party tonight. I've prepped the party whilst he has slept but to be honest I don't want a party. I feel hurt that all the hard work arranging this was swept aside. his mind was made that it wasn't something he wanted and he wasn't going to enjoy it.
this all comes on top of ongoing issues with his behaviour towards my daughter, it feels like the nail in the coffin.

[BeCool]

Yes it's hard. This part you are in now is very very hard. But take it from someone 14 months into freedom (and I'm sure others will be along really soon too) it gets much easier very quickly.

There is a deep sense of wonderful (priceless) freedom not sharing a house with a moody nasty head fuck of a person. Yes there are other issues to deal with - but pretty much everything is at least straightforward without Mr Moody Headfuck and his dark unpredictable clouds.

[Handywoman]

pretty much everything is at least straightforward without Mr Moody Headfuck and his dark unpredictable clouds.

Oh yes. So true.

[onemoredayplease]

can't sleep. daughter has been working through the implications of leaving. upset at loss of extended family, now worried that she may have to leave her school. shes right on both fronts so hard to see. shes incredibly angry with me that we can't move now. I can't see a way to do that. I have no local family, no where to go. I'm employed in a good job with a good salary so there are no benefits for me. I've just been trawling rightmove and can't see anything we can afford where we need to be. I need to get an up to date mortgage statement but I fear she is right, we will need to move area.

[newbiefrugalgal]

Se might be angry and upset but that's expected. Think long term and both yours and her happiness

[scornedwoman67]

Morning onemore

I am in a similar financial situation as you and have been trying to think what I would do in your situation. Is the house in joint names? As a short-term solution could you move in with family or share a flat with a friend? Do any of his DC's live with you? If not, could he not move out?

[cjel]

Please try not to worry about the details. When you have a clear plan you can work towards it. It is amazing how much more you actually have in rl than in those 4am worries.
You don't have to start to look at homes to buy straight away, you can get temporary. Do you have to eave where you are? is it possible for him to leave in the short term so you can catch your breath?
Makee the decision to leave and see a solicitor, once you know the true situation wrt finances it won't be so daunting.

[Fairenuff]

Of course she wants to go straight away. If you were able to, you would want to as well. I think she will feel happier if you can offer her some reassurance.

Be honest with her, tell her that you are not sure at the moment of all the details but that both of you will be fine. You will be together and you don't need much as long as you have each other.

His family can still be in contact with her and even if she does move schools, she can keep all her old friends and make new ones. Tell her that it's a bit like an adventure and will all turn out ok in the end.

And tell yourself the same too, because it will be ok in the long run.