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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Found out dp is on the sex offenders register

323 replies

mrscoleridge · 10/02/2014 21:37

Please be kind as this has only come out today and I think I'm in shock.
Have posted before about dp that I have been with for a few months. Am smitten with him and we have been very happy.
However my friend googled him and found that he was convicted of having a relationship with a pupil and was dismissed as a teacher.
She was 15 and pursued him according to the judgement and it only got as far as some kissing and cuddling.
I can't believe this and as I have two teenage daughters am in turmoil. He doesn't know I know.
He's been great with my family and as this was few years ago must have been out of trouble since.
I've no idea who knows.
Help!!

OP posts:

Original poster

mrscoleridge · 10/02/2014 22:02

No he hasn't moved in he has his own place

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/02/2014 22:03

Just read your previous thread. Yes, you were right to worry.

What do you think the deal breaker would be for you in this relationship if finding out he's a convicted paedo isn't enough for you to leave?

Hissy · 10/02/2014 22:03

It doesn't get simpler than this.

He's a sex offender.

A recent sex offender.

You have teenage dds.

He could abuse/target your dd next.

It'll at the very least cross his mind.

How can you bear to be with a man who could see your teens as sexually attractive?

Your girls deserve to be protected from men like him.

Bin him today. He'll know why, and he'll be expecting it.

Funnyfoot · 10/02/2014 22:04

If he is on the sex offenders register does this not come with restrictions such as distance from child orientated areas? Sorry if I am wrong on this it is not a subject I am familiar with.
If he was convicted of an offence against a teenage girl and you have 2 teenage daughters doesn't that go against him?

I would kick him to the kerb and tell him exactly why then I would contact the authorities and inform them that he started a relationship with you, the age of your daughters and the fact that he did not disclose his conviction to you before spending time with your family.

I know this is a huge shock for you but you need to act quickly to ensure the safety of your children and possibly any others.

CheerfulYank · 10/02/2014 22:06

I agree with whoever said to think about how you would feel about your daughter kissing and cuddling a 40 year old man?

I would run.

Hissy · 10/02/2014 22:06

I'm so sorry, this must be a horrific shock.

Regardless, you must end it, we can help you put yourself back together afterwards, but right now, you must do what you gotta do.

tethersend · 10/02/2014 22:06

I'm sorry OP, but staying with this man won't make him what you thought he was. That person doesn't exist.

The only person who exists is a sex offender.

PatriciaHolm · 10/02/2014 22:07

You've only been with him a couple of months and he doesn't live with you, so the fact he's not been inappropriate with your DDs so far is irrelevant. Consider it a lucky escape , and don't contemplate moving in with another man within a few weeks of meeting him no matter how much you think he's the one!!

urmydarlings · 10/02/2014 22:07

You've had lots off good advice op and I pray you take it.
your daughters should be your first priority.

Nerfmother · 10/02/2014 22:09

If he's on it for five years, he must have been imprisoned? I've just googled as I don't know much about it, and a caution merits two years, four years on it is for a shortish period of inprisonment then it goes up to seven years on it.
Dunno op, makes me feel a bit uncomfortable even with my liberal 'done your time' type views. I'd have to call it a day.

Original poster

mrscoleridge · 10/02/2014 22:09

Yes I know but it's very hard and I think I'm in shock and obviously it's difficult to talk to people in real life

OP posts:

Original poster

mrscoleridge · 10/02/2014 22:10

His sentence was suspended

OP posts:

BuildUpMyFence · 10/02/2014 22:10

I am sorry you must be in shock.

In a case such as this, I would cut all contact from today, a brief text telling him you know and asking him to not contact you or your family again should be enough.

AnyFucker · 10/02/2014 22:11

It's only "hard" if you place a relationship of a couple of months duration above the welfare of your daughters

Get a fucking grip

You are a professional woman ?

Act like one

kentishgirl · 10/02/2014 22:11

Ok, you think he made a mistake, was punished, and has paid for it. So move on.

I can see your point with some crimes. Someone who was done for burglary probably isn't going to burgle their new partner. Someone who was done for car crime probably isn't going to steal the car of their new partner.

But a child sex offender - oh yeah, your daughters ARE at risk. Child sex offenders specifically get into family situations so they can reoffend. And you know it. Put your daughters first. It's too much of a risk. Maybe nothing would happen. Or maybe in five years time you'll have a difficult time explaining to one or both of your daughters that something happened to them because you chose to bring a known abuser into their lives.

tiredlady · 10/02/2014 22:11

Have just read your previous thread.
You have a 15 yo old daughter
Please listen to everyone who has taken the time to post on this.

WinterDrawsOff · 10/02/2014 22:11

Think about this OP. If SS think your children are at risk, they will remove them from your care. The register is there to protect children just like yours.

Twinklestein · 10/02/2014 22:12

I'm sorry OP, I understand it's a shock. But you wouldn't be in shock right now if he had done the responsible and mature thing and told you himself. That's another mark against him.

AnyFucker · 10/02/2014 22:13

If you are a teacher you will have had safeguarding training

You do realise that these thigs are real don't you ? Not just examples on a white board. Real flesh and blood proven abusers of underage girls look for women like you.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/02/2014 22:14

If you phone the police tomorrow, 101 is fine, and ask to speak to someone about this, they should be able to advise you. We've had to do it over a man we were concerned with and the police couldn't have been more helpful. The man in question is very charming too.

Sallystyle · 10/02/2014 22:16

I am sorry, what a horrible thing to happen.

Really, what are your choices now?

You either end it with him or put your children at risk. Who is more important? I am guessing your children so you don't have any choice really do you?

It's simple, him, or you put your kids at risk and even if they aren't at risk what happens when it comes out and they find out that their mum is dating a sex offender and put them at risk? I can't imagine that will go down well.

Best wishes.

Funnyfoot · 10/02/2014 22:16

How many Sara's law type stories have you read about???
You know where a poor family has lost a son or daughter because a know offender wormed their way in to a family who were unaware of any previous convictions?
Or any of the heart breaking stories where the child now an adult and cannot forgive the mother for allowing an abuser in to their lives an destroying them?

Don't allow your children to become one of those stories. It is your job to protect them.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 10/02/2014 22:16

You are a teacher as well? Then all the more reason you have to end this relationship. You might be in shock, but there is nothing that can make this 'okay'.

DietofWorms · 10/02/2014 22:16

I agree, you can't let him be in your daughters' homes and lives, you really can't.

pictish · 10/02/2014 22:16

Reported.

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