Found out dp is on the sex offenders register

[mrscoleridge]

Please be kind as this has only come out today and I think I'm in shock.
Have posted before about dp that I have been with for a few months. Am smitten with him and we have been very happy.
However my friend googled him and found that he was convicted of having a relationship with a pupil and was dismissed as a teacher.
She was 15 and pursued him according to the judgement and it only got as far as some kissing and cuddling.
I can't believe this and as I have two teenage daughters am in turmoil. He doesn't know I know.
He's been great with my family and as this was few years ago must have been out of trouble since.
I've no idea who knows.
Help!!

[Cabrinha]

No, it's not hard.
You've known him 2 months.

I'll tell you what's hard - living with yourself when you find out he's tried to kiss your daughter, or your daughters' friends.
And if one of your daughter's friend was MY daughter, and you let this predatory abuser near her and he touched MY daughter, I'd be holding you partly responsible.

You've known him 2 months. You say he hasnt acted oddly so far, but you know what? He has. You said he got on well with your family. After 2 months, how has he spent e Pugh time with them for that to happen?
I'm actually not as strict as most on early intros. But really - 2 months in, I'm curious that he's even met them, let alone spent enough time with them for you to decide he gets on well with them.
Too much too soon.

It's not your fault you met a paedophile. I get that it would shake you.

But it should not be hard to end it.

[IshouldhavemarriedEwanMcGregor]

Why are you in 'turmoil'? That suggests you are torn about what to do.

Text him or email him right now - NOW. Tell him it's over, block his number, delete him from Facebook.

Appreciate you are in shock and devastated but it's the no brainer of all no brainers. Got to be done so do it now, get it over with, then have a glass of wine or two and cry your eyes out but know you have done the right and only thing.

[Madamecastafiore]

And as much as you think you have a lovely relationship you are actually having a relationship with a liar who molested a young girl.

What in God's name do you need to think about. I know I would have the dettol out for myself and be taking my children somewhere safe until I could be sure this disgusting excuse for a man knew our 'Relationship' was over.

[BrunoBrookesDinedAlone]

This kind of crime is nothing to do with 'done your time'.

It is not about a mistake you may have made, but who you ARE.

This is a man - a forty-year-old man - who could look at your teen DD and think 'Yes, I could go there'.

And has done.

To reiterate what others have said:

• what he did cannot be described as a 'mistake'
  
• a fifteen year old child is not a 'pursuer', she is a CHILD, and one who he was in a position of respoinsibility for, just like your DD's teachers.
  

I cannot believe that as a mother you are describing the decision you have here as 'hard'. I cannot believe that there is any grey area here for you.

[MrsSteptoe]

Mrscoleridge, if I understand the previous post ckrrecthat you refer to in your OP correctly, you and your partner have had a whirlwind intense romance and what we might call the discovery process seems to have been very accelerated.
I don't want to be unkind, but this sounds like a man who has gone to some length to give you the impression that he's been very open with you and shared some fairly emotional stuff. The fact that he has not shared this episode is very concerning. I am also concerned that he is emotionally extremely immature, and from the description of the outset of your relationship with him, it seems to me that he's addicted to starting off very intense relationships, which is probably precisely how the offence occurred. Your own teenage daughters aside, I fear this one's not for the long term anyway.

[MrsSteptoe]

*if I understand the previous post correctly that you referred to in your OP,

is what I should have written, but I hit control adn enter by mistake!

[Bitofkipper]

In view of your thread dated 21st Jan about him decorating your 15 year old daughter's bedroom and how well he gets on with her then surely your options are very limited OP.

Get Rid. This is scary.

[MissMilbanke]

Mmmmm….. pretend you didn't start this thread OP and read it out loud to yourself.

What advice would you really give to the woman posting this question ?

[mcmooncup]

Your last thread and this one prove that you place men way above the needs of your daughters.

You are grave danger of people losing all sympathy with you.

The fact you even need to ask the question and are minimising what he's done is frankly quite insane.

You may well be one of 'those mothers' we read about in the papers very soon"......and we all say "why did she let that happen?"

Because that is exactly what you will be doing if you don't finish this right away.

[Foodylicious]

Hi again,
just read your previous posts about how essentialy 'perfect' he is and this rang more alarm bells.
There are some men out there who truly are good. However doing absolutely everything to appear 'normal' can be a trait of sex offenders.
They are often tidy, organised, charming, kind, considerate, helpful and seem able to get on with anybody and everybody. This is a life and a 'character' they construct to enable them to go about un-noticed and under the radar so to speak. Be very careful. What your are allowed to see of a person is sometimes not all there is.
Please don't agonise over this too long, make the break and get some support in moving on x x

[NorthernLurker]

I don't understand why you find this difficult. He committed an offence with a 15 year old child when he was 40. You have two teenage daughters and goodness knows how many coming round to your house. Protect your children and ditch this man BEFORE you discover he is capable of reoffending. Why risk it?

[Logg1e]

Why did you report pict?

[DietofWorms]

People are getting at you, OP, but I suspect you WILL come out of shock and realise you have to get rid of him. The potential consequences of not doing so are too disturbing to think about.

I have faith in you.

[Cabrinha]

You need to talk to a professional (start with Women's Aid?) about your boundaries in relationships if you find this in any way a hard decision. Until you've sorted out why you would accept a paedophile as a partner AND put your own children at risk, you should be staying single.

It would be normal to find this shakes you and find the AFTERMATH of dumping him hard.

But the decision to do it? Normal = easy peasy. You shouldn't be able to stop yourself from deleting his number, you should find you can't do it fast enough.

[AcrylicPlexiglass]

You must dump him. It is very, very telling and worrying that he has not told you about this himself. I have an acquaintance who was convicted of sexual offences against a 13 year old girl and served a fairly lengthy prison sentence. I am afraid that I will always feel suspicious of him, avoid him as much as possible and would never ever allow my daughter to be around him. Evidence still suggests that an attraction to children is extremely hard to change. However, one of the few positives is that he has always told his girlfriends about what happened. It is really concerning that this man has not done the same. Please please get rid of him.

[Noregrets78]

Oo dear. Of course he hasn't been acting strangely around your DCs. It's called grooming. Please take no chances, put your DDs first.

[pictish]

Because this is the latest in a series of controversial dilemmas about the new boyfriend.

[urmydarlings]

Logg1e , I hope you were able to talk sense into op if you managed to exchange pm's.

[Guiltypleasures001]

I'm afraid I have dealt with this age group of client who have been in this exact same position regarding a male teacher, it's confusing and devastating especially even when they admit they enjoyed the attention , mainly because of existing problems at home.

Just from the child protection side of things some friends family and possibly professionals might take a dim view of you allowing go him to be still involved now that you know his past. Is your teens dad involved because if he is I wonder what his take on this might be. Theres no excuse no minimising no second chances, if he got a suspended sentence it was serious, this kind of power is both insidious and highly damaging, the fact he's on Google shows a shocking lack of judgement on his part ide even go as far as saying arrogance.

[PissesGlitter]

Dump him and tell him why

Why was this thread reported Pictish?

[Foodylicious]

I am sure if you contact the police they will help you in communicating to him that you now know about his situation and want no more to do with him. That way you will be safe, he will know that the police know you know IYSWIM, and hopefully he will just walk away without argument.

Good luck again xx

[PissesGlitter]

Sorry crossed posts

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

foody you've just described the sex offender we know to a frightening degree.

[OddFodd]

Oh FFS - you're nearly 50. Grow the fuck up. This man is a predatory ephebophile and you have two teenage daughters in the house.

This is not some bloody sparkly glittery Mills&Boon story - this is grim real life. You cannot have this man under your roof and I can't believe you ended your OP with 'I've no idea who knows'

I don't think I've read a post that made me so angry in years

[justtoomessy]

There wouldn't be any strange behaviour at first as he needs time to groom them and you.

The man you have been with for a very short time is a convicted paedo and you are having trouble getting shot of him??? He's already down his work on you hasn't he?

He's 44 and has lost his job as a teacher for molesting a 15 year old and have you not noticed that they nearly always say that the girl chased the older man. Its bollocks and a 15 year old is still a child.

Get rid or you will probably be posting in a few months time about how your 15 year old daughter has ran off with your boyfriend!