Found out dp is on the sex offenders register

[mrscoleridge]

Please be kind as this has only come out today and I think I'm in shock.
Have posted before about dp that I have been with for a few months. Am smitten with him and we have been very happy.
However my friend googled him and found that he was convicted of having a relationship with a pupil and was dismissed as a teacher.
She was 15 and pursued him according to the judgement and it only got as far as some kissing and cuddling.
I can't believe this and as I have two teenage daughters am in turmoil. He doesn't know I know.
He's been great with my family and as this was few years ago must have been out of trouble since.
I've no idea who knows.
Help!!

[BuildUpMyFence]

I agree with Foodylicious actually rather than send the text send the message via the police OP.

[Viviennemary]

He crossed a line as a professional. Personally I wouldn't be keen to have a relationship with somebody who had behaved like that in the past.

[FreeLikeABird]

And this is the man you started another thread about that you wanted to move him in your house after being with him for 6 weeks?

[Sallystyle]

I advanced search but can't see any other posts from the OP.

Am I doing something wrong?

[IshouldhavemarriedEwanMcGregor]

On your thread about wanting him to move in after six weeks you were warned repeatedly in the most direct of terms not to do so - that you couldn't possible know someone in six weeks. That someone being so full on so soon was a big, fat red flag.

You would not listen to a word of it.

You even said 'This time it feels different and I think there is some hysteria in the idea that every single man is waiting to prey on the daughters of single mothers.'

You have not been a taken in by a manipulative man with an agenda - listen to sense now.

Pictish if you are suggesting the OP is a troll, I do hope you are right.

[badgerknowsbest]

Talk to your friends and family if you can, get some support don't feel like you have done anything wrong. He could have discussed this with you, or try to explain the situation he must have realised you could find out and just goes to show he is still being deceitful and hiding things.

When I was 17 my bf (ex now obviously) was arrested for a 'minor' sex offence I dumped him straight away and now several years later he has been arrested several times for worse offences. While I hate to judge someone, for the sake of your daughters safety you must know that this isn't a relationship that can carry on?

[Sallystyle]

Oh I remember that thread.

Now you can see why he wanted to move in with you so soon OP :(

[wherethewildthingis]

I am not really shocked by your uncertainty as sadly this is an all too common response- even when a woman's own children disclose her partner has abused them. Yes, you should finish with him and protect your children. If you must give him "the benefit of the doubt", ask him to go with you to see the police officer responsible for his registration, and get them to share details of his offence and risk assessment with you. Maybe this will change your mind.
He has done a very effective job of grooming you.

[MrsSteptoe]

I think I missed something. I didn't see where the OP is having trouble getting shot of him. I see some indecision upthread, but I imagine she's having a break from the posts for a bit.

[FixItUpChappie]

OP, I can't tell you how many SS investigations happen due to "the boyfriend". The percentage must be somewhere in 80+ % of cases being conservative.

You are dating a man with a criminal record who has been charged and convicted of sexually abusing a minor. You have 2 children. It is really a deal breaker don't you think? If someone like your friend reported this relationship - SS would likely investigate YOU and why you have this person around your kids too FYI.

[Marn1e]

You're mad.

There is no choice here. It doesn't matter how you feel about him, you have no choice.

I could maybe understand this if he was , say , 23 and it was years ago or something. Maybe. I'd at least listen. But a 40 year old man is an entirely different matter and you know it.

Are you desperate or something? Do the right thing, stop mooning after this sad twat and put your children first

[IshouldhavemarriedEwanMcGregor]

I meant you have been taken in by a manipulative man

[BuildUpMyFence]

OP said she was in shock.

[bestsonever]

Quite frankly, there seems to be something wrong with yourself if you find it hard to bin him as most people would instantly recoil and find it very easy to get rid, no matter how long you've known him, then again most people would not even need to ask on here about it. The answer is starkly obvious.
Kids come first, relationships are always less important, end of - their needs before your wants for a man. That goes for any relationship, even if not with a dubious character if it could affect your child in a negative way.

[FixItUpChappie]

I did want to add that I'm sorry your in this position. It is a shock and must be disappointing...I'm not trying to be a hard ass.

[AnyFucker]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1961075-New-relationship-driving-myself-crazy

[BuildUpMyFence]

I have seen many a single Mother unable to be single, who will grab any Many who comes along, they are the people who scorn people like me who make a choice early on to stay single until the children are adults. This is why some of us choose this, the despirado's kept saying you will change your mind, because they are unable to contemplate being alone for a long period of time.

[Foodylicious]

Also, while I can see where some of you are coming from, don't be so quick to think this would be any better if the man was 22/23. It really wouldn't. If someone does not get this is wrong at 22/23 that is unlikely to change as they get older, they are just more likely to escalate their activities the older they get.

[AnyFucker]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1974112-To-ask-my-boyfriend-to-move-in-with-me-after-six-weeks

[BuildUpMyFence]

I feel sorry for OP, she must be in such shock and feel she has no worth being single, to even contemplate putting her children at risk like this at her age and in her profession.

[tethersend]

Reading OP's previous posts, I'm with pictish.

[ISeeYouShiverWithAntici]

You owe your daughters a duty of care far exceeding anything owed to a bloke you have been seeing for a few months. When you are over this initial shock, you will see that.

It doesnt matter that it was argued that she 'pursued him'. A 15 yr old does not force a grown man to do anything. You do not put responsibility for the choices of a 40 something teacher onto his 15 year old pupil and turn her into some sort of temptress.

as an aside, are most of his relationships with single mothers?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Just reread the OP and yes, she just says she's in shock. She doesn't comment either way whether she is leaving him or not.

Hopefully she is busy ignoring his texts, planning her phone call to the police tomorrow and talking to her girls.

[DietofWorms]

with tethersend...

[Proseccoisnotrah]

I'm sure that in certain parts of the country, as a partner of an offender you can contact the police and they are able to disclose certain things to you. I want to say Sarah's Law but I might be wrong. It might be worth doing.

If he is still on the register I would have thought that his relationship with you might be of interest to probation etc due to the age of your daughters. I work in a different part d the system to do with housing and things like this are sometimes brought up in multi-agency meetings. I'm surprised nobody has been in touch with you yet.