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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SIL has just left and I can't stop crying (warning upseting)

243 replies

helpcantstopcrying · 08/02/2014 22:08

Namechanged for this
Okay so SIL (DHs older sister) has always been hard to get along with. She has 3 lovely DCs but she is very negative about them and went they were younger they pretty much lived at the PILs house. But she seems to think she is the greatest mum in the world and nobody can compete with her.
She was also best friends with DHs ex-wife who left DH with their 2 DCs and rarely sees the DCs now and changes her number frequently and doesn't tell us or just doesn't bother answering. We think SIL is still in contact with her but when we ask she just laughs and says she won't say either way.

Everything I do isn't good enough, anything the DCs do hers have done something better. Anything I do is wrong and ex-wife did it better. We have limited contact with her to just family occasions for PILs who agree that she can be bitchy but ask us all to be civil when we have to be together.

So tonight DH is in work and the DCs have gone to PILs for a sleepover. SIL appeared at the door sobbing asking to talk to DH. When I said he isn't in she said she wanted to come in anyway. She was in tears in the rain in just a t-shirt and jeans, I thought something awful must have happened so I let her in made her some tea and got some blankets for her.

So half an hour later she had stopped crying and had taken control of the tv gotten some chocolate out her bag and kept laughing if I tried to talk to her. I gave up and just sat there watching her watch the tv.

Then her program finished and she asked me were the DCs were I said PILs house and she spent ages ranting about me taking advantage of the PILs (the DCs stay over there every 6 months or so at their request) I just nodded and explained that the PILs had asked them to come over. She wouldn't listen and kept saying I was a crap mum and ex-wife wouldn't abandon the DCs like that.
In the end I snapped and pointed out that ex-wife had abandoned the DCs therefore I am a better mum than her.
SIL started shouting that I was a witch who had made her brother into a crap dad. I said we were both good parents and she needed to leave now.

She ran into the dining room to the locked glass cupboard were my dad's ashes and some of his things are kept. The glass cupboard was built specially to store my dad's things away from the DCs because in his will he asked to be 'let go' on a certain day in the summer. He died in November so obviously this day hasn't been yet.
Anyway she smashed the cupboard with a small statue on my windowsill before I could catch her I grabbed her and I was begging her to just go. She hit me repeatedly in the face and in the end I let go she got into the cupboard and she chucked my dad's things everywhere and spat inside the jar holding my dad's ashes.

I am not proud of this but I lost it and I dragged her by her hair out of my house and chucked her out of the door telling her I hoped she died because no-one would care. She said that she prefered ex-wife to me I would never compare and everyone would be happier if I just killed myself.

I have closed the door she has gone and I have called DH and told him he has to come home but I haven't told him why.
The worst part is I have let my poor dad down and I can never make it right, some of his things are broken beyond repair and I must be the worst daughter in the world.

OP posts:
diddl · 09/02/2014 12:01

Thanks for the update & hope OP is feeling better soon.

There will be "he said/she said", but OP does have the injuries & the damage to her stuff to support her story.

LEMmingaround · 09/02/2014 12:03

Wow - what a horrible horrible story - it sounds like this woman has some serious MH issues, hopefully the police will help her access help. But that doesn't take away from what she has done - she needs to face up to it and whatever consequences there are.

eddielizzard · 09/02/2014 12:04

that is just horrific. an absolute defilement of your df's memory. i think she's taken it a step too far and been enabled by her parents.

i totally agree with going nc now. what vile behaviour.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 09/02/2014 12:04

What a lovely man you are, your update was very moving.

Please tell your wife SHE hasn't let anyone down nor has she wrecked anything. Your sister has done that.

Quinteszilla · 09/02/2014 12:59

Bless you, and good luck to all of you. Thanks

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/02/2014 13:07

I hope that both of you are feeling better today (the OP and her husband, that is). It was a horrible thing to have happen, but you have done the right thing.

VoyageDeVerity · 09/02/2014 13:19

I wish you all the very best x

fanjolina · 09/02/2014 13:22

Thanks for the update. You sound lovely Smile.

Cocolepew · 09/02/2014 13:27

I read this late last night and I'm pleased to see the update, thank you.
I hope the op recovers well from her injuries Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2014 13:53

Thank you for the update, husband. You sound like a lovely, supportive man. I am sending good thoughts and strength to you, your wife, and your parents. And I hope your sister gets the help she so badly needs. Family problems are the worst.

Isetan · 09/02/2014 14:05

Thanks for the update husband, we were afraid that this would get swept under the carpet and that your DW could be at risk in the future.

Please remind you DW that she hasn't failed her dad, she has defended herself in an unprovoked violent attack and he would be proud. Keep an eye on her as the responses to such a traumatic event may not manifest themselves immediately and her guilt over her dad could complicate things.

DrMaybe · 09/02/2014 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wishfulmakeupping · 09/02/2014 19:05

Wishing you both well it must be very hard for the pair of you but you're handling it really well and think the decision to cut your sil out is the right one. All the best

Turquoiseblue · 09/02/2014 19:11

This tread has been on my mind all day. I hope the OP is ok and recovers physically and emotionally. What a senseless act of cruelty bullying and violence and intimidation. Op this situation was clearly not your doing mor your fault. X

LurkingNineToFive · 09/02/2014 19:23

That is unbelievably awful op. I hope you are feeling better and everyone is okay.
I have taken a lot of drugs in my time and never once was I (or anyone else I knew) so violent or evil. I don't think there is anyway you can blame the drugs.
I'd be surprised if she's not suffering form extreme mental health issues. But maybe that's because I find the thought of her doing what she did without a 'reason' too upsetting.

Sorry you've had to deal with all this.

Dillydollydaydream · 09/02/2014 19:46

Poor help :(
Hope you're not too shaken today.

pluCaChange · 09/02/2014 20:24

In addition to what BonaDea and diddl have offered as proof of your story (respectively, the contemporaneous account and injuries), you could also considet DNA from spittle, in a place it had no business being.

I, too, am glad to hear you've called the police.

Preciousbane · 09/02/2014 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpcantstopcrying · 09/02/2014 21:11

Hi all thank you for your continued support.

I have been down to the station and given my statement I have also given them full cooperation and they have taken DNA samples.

My DH has been great he has even taken a week off work just for me.It has been a hard day but I am feeling better now the DCs are back home to take my mind off things.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 09/02/2014 21:16

Glad your husband is putting you and your dc first, and supporting you through this very difficult time. Enjoy your time together and rest as much as possible.

LEMmingaround · 09/02/2014 21:31

So glad you have a lovely supportive husband, take care of yourselves x

riskit4abiskit · 09/02/2014 23:08

Wow. Ive never read such a shocking thread nor heard of such despicable behaviour. glad you went to the police. Your dad would be proud!

Homebird8 · 09/02/2014 23:28

OP, you huddle with your family who love you and let the police deal with those who don't. You have let no-one down and your brave actions in removing her from the house and informing the police may well be the best thing you could ever have done for her children. Hope your poor face is feeling better soon. Sounds like your DH is wonderful man just like your dad.

SnowAway · 10/02/2014 10:50

What a lovely husband.

OP, I hope you are ok. Nothing can ever take away from what you had with your dad. I'm so sorry about what happened, though.

nomorebooze · 10/02/2014 11:08

oh my, just read all your thread OP! I hope your feeling a little better today? what a vile, despicable thing she has done:( be easy on yourself! your Dad would be proud.....sending Flowers and some non mumsnetty hugs!

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