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Relationships

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The Dating Thread 69

999 replies

FolkGirl · 07/02/2014 12:36

Just because I wanted to be the person to start it really Smile

Welcome one and all.

OP posts:
MadeMan · 18/02/2014 21:30

"Although there is someone local who is called 'pay for feet' and says there's no sex involved, I'm actually tempted to message them just to ask what it involves!"

Maybe 'pay for feet' means he offers a piggy back ride service.

An hour travelling on public transport, or a three hour journey by way of a piggy back ride on a man's back? The choice is yours it seems. Smile

TheCrow · 18/02/2014 21:35

Depends on the man! Strangely enough he hasn't got a picture of himself, I couldn't ride a man for 3 hours without knowing what he looked like first!! Grin

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 18/02/2014 21:35

Niceguy travels just over an hour to see me, he works more flexible hours and I live alone (he is in house share) so it makes more sense for him to travel. If we meet in the middle it's 30-45 mins for me. Although in London everywhere is at least 30-45 mins away it seems!

We do keep saying its a numbers game don't we, but if is depressing to actually consider our statistics! It can be a full time hobby. During my last 'campaign' I was making sure I messaged or replied to at least 10 people every day, no idea what the total would be. I never replied to a 'hi' measage though. From that I went on 6 first dates, 4 of which asked me for 2nd dates (2 I accepted but then they retracted offer; 1 I turned down; 1 I accepted but then had met Niceguy at the singles party in the meantime so it became irrelevant). There were 4 others that I was chatting to that I would have gone on dates with if I hadn't met Niceguy.

It was certainly a lot of investment in terms of time and mental energy. And then went and met someone at a bloody party anyway.

MadeMan · 18/02/2014 21:41

"Strangely enough he hasn't got a picture of himself, I couldn't ride a man for 3 hours without knowing what he looked like first!!"

Bernie Clifton never knew what his ostrich looked like for the first 3 hours.

TheCrow · 18/02/2014 21:52

There's a reference I have a feeling might be a bit 'before my time' :p

OneDay that's what I mean about it being full time, I found my job with less time and effort than it's taken me to not get a date!

POF guy is online now, hope he proves me wrong!

girliefriend · 18/02/2014 22:00

folk your room sounds lush Smile you actually inspired me to get some new bedding, its very pink, flowerly and girly - I love it Smile

Jarlin · 18/02/2014 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FolkGirl · 18/02/2014 22:15

Bedroom furniture is now in situ - although I haven't quite finished painting the room yet. It's going to be so lovely when it's done. I can't wait.

Jarlin I still have no idea how it's going with the man I'm seeing. I've got an unexpected child free night this week so I'm going to see him again. Which feels a bit odd. I saw him at the weekend, so it would have been another fortnight before we saw each other again. He doesn't seem particularly excited about it, but he said it would be nice and I did have a brief flurry of emails this morning so I was clearly on his mind...

I'm still not sure I feel comfortable with/about it all though. There are times when he's very sweet - he often just reaches over and strokes my hair whilst I'm driving; I catch him just looking at me smiling; he holds my hand and 'touches' me quite often, even just briefly; we lie in bed/sit in the pub just gazing at each other (which is a bit unlike me actually, so I feel uncomfortable about that anyway). Actually, he's like this most of the time. I only have to say, "I think I'll put the kettle on" and I've got a cup of tea in my hand.

But I don't think he even regards me as his girlfriend. He has girlfriends because he's mentioned previous girlfriends in passing or when telling me about something, but other than referring to me indirectly as his girlfriend a few weeks ago, he has said nothing. He was talking to someone on the phone when I was there and referred to me as "a friend". But it wasn't someone he knows and perhaps "my friend" sounds better than "my girlfriend" which can sound a bit dippy. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable saying "my boyfriend" either. I feel a bit old... Then again, maybe he does like being with me (as he has said) but does only see me as a friend. It's been nearly 4 months now since our first date.

He has asked me several times if I will go to his home country with him (after I didn't quite make it over Christmas!) and we are planning on going at Easter. I'm going to meet his mum.

I think the truth of the matter is that he's just not that into me. I'm trying not to worry about it quite so much now though. Especially since I'm not looking for The One or to get married again or anything, anyway.

It's hard because I went to counselling again today. It was a really good session. I've felt exhausted all day as a result! And a little bit numb I suppose.

I feel like I want to be loved and cherished. I still don't believe it would be possible/could happen, but I think I'm starting to think that I don't want to put up with being someone's "will do for now" option or consolation prize until they meet someone they do fall in love with.

I think I'm just conflicted. It suits me that he lives where he does and that we can only see each other alternate weekends. I wouldn't feel comfortable if he declared that he loved me (in fact, I'd probably feel like I wanted to end it). I think I just want to know that he genuinely likes me and isn't taking the piss/being disrespectful.

Well, you did ask Wink

OP posts:
indecisiveme · 18/02/2014 22:15

Thanks for the advice re distances, I hadn't been considering anyone more than 45 mins drive away and wasn't sure if I was just being lazy.

crow I think the foot guy messaged me on another site, iirc he wants women to model different shoes and he likes to touch and sniff their feet, I think he pays £50 an hour and claims no sexual contact.... Again was a moral dilemma for me but as I have awful feet, I had to decline Grin

FolkGirl · 18/02/2014 22:18

Very pleased to hear that girlie Grin

Even my son said he liked it and it was going to look lovely when it's done.

I'm so looking forward to going to bed with a cup of tea, a good book, some candles and Classic FM.

It's going to be lovely. I'm sure all my man worries will be over at that point because I won't care anyway. Wink

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 18/02/2014 22:19

£50 an hour you say, indecisiveme...

My feet are quite small and dainty (size 2.5/3) and in pretty good nick atm.

OP posts:
MadeMan · 18/02/2014 22:32

indecisiveme he won't notice your supposedly awful feet once you're wearing his Hush Puppies and if he's paying you 50 pounds an hour then surely it's worth it? Anyway, you can use the cash afterwards to pay for a good pedicure if you need it.

Jarlin · 18/02/2014 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend · 18/02/2014 22:41

Totally agree with Jarlin he sounds totally into you Folk!! I like this guy Grin what did you do over Valentines in the end?

FolkGirl · 18/02/2014 22:51

Well that's the thing, I suppose, girlie. Nothing. I don't 'do' Valentine's Day anyway so it was fine. I made him a heart shaped cake (which he said was lovely and really sweet) but I just felt a bit stupid! I suspect he likes sexy/hot women and I'm just doing a really good job of being 'sweet'. I'm sure his mum will love me! Grin

He does like my cakes though Smile

I am overthinking things, I know that, that's why I'm trying not to clutter up the thread with my mid week musings this time Wink

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 18/02/2014 22:53

Well, no, I know he likes sexy/hot women and I'm definitely not either of those! I'm sweet and cute and nice and lovely. Hmm

OP posts:
FolkGirl · 18/02/2014 23:03

I'm not being helped by the fact I cried my way through Beauty and the Beast this morning and now I'm watching Bridget Jones...

OP posts:
Santaclaws · 18/02/2014 23:10

Just a quick question. Bricky keeps saying he is looking forward to thurs and Saturday when we have dates planned. Do you think this means he's into me?

God I sound so stupid, overthinking everything :)

TheCrow · 18/02/2014 23:15

indecisiveme is it wrong that I'd be tempted by that?! Not sure if my size 8 clown feet would be his thing though. I forgot you're in the NE, you must be near me if foot guy messaged you. Any hints as to your town?

Nothing from POF guy, who will have started his shift at work now.

FolkGirl · 18/02/2014 23:15

Now Santa Even I know that means he's into you! Grin

OP posts:
Santaclaws · 18/02/2014 23:39

folkgirl I'm mad aren't iGrin think we are all a bit crazy on this thread. Is this what dating does :)

TheCrow · 18/02/2014 23:51

As a totally hypothetical question, is there any real reason why you shouldn't let someone pay to touch your feet?! Apart from the possible ick factor, is there any moral objections? The only thing I can think of is possible safety of it having to take place at one of your houses Hmm

ADoorMe · 19/02/2014 00:21

Just wanted to share:

Been messaging a bloke on POF for a few days - asked him what he'd been doing today to which he replied "Been off work with diarrhea"

Hmm
OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 19/02/2014 00:24

folk nice to hear you had a good session today, all that feeling can take it out of you can't it. Honestly everything you write about the man you're seeing makes it sound an awful lot like he is into you. You don't invite just-friends to meet your mother, really, do you. It sounds like you're generally comfortable with the level that things are at at the moment though? Would you want a more defined relationship with him, that classic 'what are we' conversation?

Santa planning multiple dates in advance - definitely sounds like someone is into you! Niceguy did that and I found it really reassuring when I started doubting. A bit of crazy never harmed anyone Wink at least we have somewhere to let it out and keep it in check!

Actually, the fact that Niceguy & I currently don't have multiple dates confirmed in advance is slightly worrying me that he might have gone off me. Especially as our next 'date' is him supporting me with a difficult thing, it would be incredibly mean to dump me before that. Although his things are still here. He is cultivating a drawer of his stuff in my flat. We are still having text conversations throughout the day and usually text good morning/goodnight. He said nice happy things last time I saw him and we had a lovely time together as usual. I think he is now assuming that we will see each other whenever we are both free, although we haven't actually checked when we are both free IYSWIM. And my next few weeks are actually quite busy. Either he's assuming that or he's planning to break things off with me after he's done the support bit. I hope not. I've been too paranoid to raise the issue in case he dodges it and it confirms my worries.

oldfashionedgirl · 19/02/2014 06:33

folkgirl That sounds like me - I convince myself that, even if I meet someone who seems to like me, he will get bored and go find someone exciting! I am not capable of hot.

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