Bedroom furniture is now in situ - although I haven't quite finished painting the room yet. It's going to be so lovely when it's done. I can't wait.
Jarlin I still have no idea how it's going with the man I'm seeing. I've got an unexpected child free night this week so I'm going to see him again. Which feels a bit odd. I saw him at the weekend, so it would have been another fortnight before we saw each other again. He doesn't seem particularly excited about it, but he said it would be nice and I did have a brief flurry of emails this morning so I was clearly on his mind...
I'm still not sure I feel comfortable with/about it all though. There are times when he's very sweet - he often just reaches over and strokes my hair whilst I'm driving; I catch him just looking at me smiling; he holds my hand and 'touches' me quite often, even just briefly; we lie in bed/sit in the pub just gazing at each other (which is a bit unlike me actually, so I feel uncomfortable about that anyway). Actually, he's like this most of the time. I only have to say, "I think I'll put the kettle on" and I've got a cup of tea in my hand.
But I don't think he even regards me as his girlfriend. He has girlfriends because he's mentioned previous girlfriends in passing or when telling me about something, but other than referring to me indirectly as his girlfriend a few weeks ago, he has said nothing. He was talking to someone on the phone when I was there and referred to me as "a friend". But it wasn't someone he knows and perhaps "my friend" sounds better than "my girlfriend" which can sound a bit dippy. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable saying "my boyfriend" either. I feel a bit old... Then again, maybe he does like being with me (as he has said) but does only see me as a friend. It's been nearly 4 months now since our first date.
He has asked me several times if I will go to his home country with him (after I didn't quite make it over Christmas!) and we are planning on going at Easter. I'm going to meet his mum.
I think the truth of the matter is that he's just not that into me. I'm trying not to worry about it quite so much now though. Especially since I'm not looking for The One or to get married again or anything, anyway.
It's hard because I went to counselling again today. It was a really good session. I've felt exhausted all day as a result! And a little bit numb I suppose.
I feel like I want to be loved and cherished. I still don't believe it would be possible/could happen, but I think I'm starting to think that I don't want to put up with being someone's "will do for now" option or consolation prize until they meet someone they do fall in love with.
I think I'm just conflicted. It suits me that he lives where he does and that we can only see each other alternate weekends. I wouldn't feel comfortable if he declared that he loved me (in fact, I'd probably feel like I wanted to end it). I think I just want to know that he genuinely likes me and isn't taking the piss/being disrespectful.
Well, you did ask 