The Dating Thread 69

[FolkGirl]

Just because I wanted to be the person to start it really

Welcome one and all.

Already feel a bit daft asking him out at 11pm out of the blue when he's due to start work in 5 mins. Think I was slightly impulsive!

I also won't mention talking to Mr MM

To all of you sleeping in your knickers, you could maybe ask to borrow a shirt from the bloke to sleep in. He might like to see you in the morning in one of his shirts, with tousled hair, smeary makeup and a mug of tea in your hand.

crow haha I was wondering if you were in touch with MM.....where's that slimy wet fish from before.....go you taking the initiative though

mademan painting a nice picture there!! I hope you put the mug of tea in the lady's hand in this scenario?

I've sent some Pms

The rules never made it to thread 69! Think we got overtaken with all the dramatic goings on.

Here they are.....

1. Develop a thick skin
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon
3. It's all BS until it actually happens
4. Trust your gut instinct
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop
8. Loo update is mandatory

OneDay I feel like we're on the same page again now, after my 2am saturday night phone call I figured out what was bugging him and texted him to clear up the confusion in the plainest way possible. Today he sent me a nice friendly reply so hopefully sorted it out a bit. Not holding my breath though! Will probably be back for my fish-to-the-face slapping by the end of the week!

long time lurker on this thread but....I prefer to sleep alone, I prefer to leave on make up as I'm way too vain to be seen otherwise, I prefer to sleep naked so no issue there....I don't like snorers/deep breathers/fidgeters/farters....so there's really no hope for me for another relationship :D

Fortunately, I have a drive by (as in shag and run) relationship (5 years!!!) so this works!!!

New here been on pof for a few weeks but just as I think we're about to arrange to meet up.............they start to ignore my messages! Driving me mad! Is it me?? It's not like I'm picking engagement rings I'm only after a coffee! Surely if they weren't interested why carry on chatting? Getting disheartened now :(

Woah over the last 24 hours have read almost 2000 posts on this and dating thread 68...it has been like an adventure hearing the highs and unfortunately the lows... I guess I found it trying to gather whether or not to try dating as a majorly overweight 22 year old male with low confidence and now anxiety and depression trying to snap out of it by being social and finally attempting...

One thing I disagree re the rules is the statement " you are the prize" in a way I get it and understand it's about self worth but I also imagine guys should have this as well so taken too literal by both could bring a stand off silence with both thinking they are the prize and the other has to earn them...

Surely both are the prize?

But still after originally seeing an earlier 60 something post and I think it's around when Don't met Geeky and it was something that I loved hearing as a success story and her happiness and then when it ended I felt sorry for her as it seemed promising,

Jarlin I'm glad you got your kiss!

now retreats to the background as feels creepy

I agree Meerkat, both are the prize, obviously. I think some women could interpret it as "I don't have to do anything, he must do all the running and 'win' me" but in reality it's because some people women feel they should be in a relationship at all costs and that it's their responsibility to be understanding/tolerant etc of things that really they shouldn't be and put a lot of time and effort into men who aren't really all that interested in them. It's intended to be a way of countering that really.

It's the rule I struggle with the most, too, to be honest both in terms of accepting it and also following it.

Oh and Thread, I have painted and assembled my bedroom furniture. It looks lovely. Laura Ashely Eau de Nil with stained wood tops and drawer handles. I've found the bed frame that I want.

I'm getting there slowly, but surely...

Hiya HapppyMeerkat! I don't think there's anything wrong with both people thinking they are the prize and 'earning' (I would prefer 'winning'!) each other - that sounds ideal. It doesn't need to lead to a stand-off, rather two people who like each other treating each other well and doing nice things for each other. I think we trot out that rule most often when the situation is one person doing all the running/compromising/chasing/making allowances and the object of their affections seems to not be making a similar effort in return.

It is actually quite a difficult concept to accept, for a lot of us, I think. Trying to shed that idea that ''if I could just be a little bit more XYZ, then they'll like me''. Just be you. In my head I read it more ''You are the prize!'' not ''you are the prize'', IYSWIM.

Everythinghappens Nope, it's not you - disappearing is the norm with online dating. Don't take it personally, these people don't know you. It's a numbers game!

Hello, I've not posted on here before but I'm a long time follower! So budge up....(if thats ok?)

I just wondered if anyone has any experience of Parship (apart from it sounding like a mispelt vegetable)....not sure whether to fork out or not?? GSM seems at the moment to be full of guys who are not interested in women with .... children! What say ye wise dating folk?

Please tell how long would you wait for a 2nd date. Had lovely date in Sunday, ( Mr Scottishaccent) and lots of texts since. Def seems to be into me but has not suggested when he would like to see me next. Don't want to be pushy should I just wait for him to bring it up or make a suggestion. God I feel like a teenager not sensible woman in my 40's

Weird that he's sent lots of texts but no follow up date set up Blossom, is he shy? Make hints that you like him.... I'd wait a week for him to ask.....by that time I'd probably have got fed up waiting and he'll have missed out :) If you haven't got fed up by and you really like him then I'd go ahead and ask him.

Folkgirl - your room sounds lovely,very peaceful.

Well, it's possible I and Mr Manflu may actually have found a time when we both have some free time - it'll have taken about 2 months since we first started to chat online, which seems like far too long. If we get along I can imagine it being like your situation Jarlin - frustrating!

I also started chatting to someone yesterday who sounds interesting.

Bumble umm kind of what I thought but maybe being impatient I am rather impulsive. When we parted on Sunday he said he would like to go for Dinner but we do not arrange day. Know he working late yesterday and tonight as works late shifts. I think he might be a bit shy, fellow cancerian if you believe in all that bollocks, lol Don't want to appear too keen

Exactly Blossom, sit it out, change his number on your phone to 'let him come to you!"....I like to be proactive too, but I've learnt the hard way - they love doing the chasing! Also makes you appear like you are not too keen, got loads of other guys asking you out etc....he'll ask eventually, just you see. Good luck!

Hi all...sorry for my absence. I will catch up with this thread today and do some personals.
Im ok...still seeing number 4 but not regularly enough to call it a relationship!
My ex back on the scene....and then there was Mr Tall....hmmmm.
Off to an appt but bbl :0)

Really bumble I kind of don't like to play games with people, maybe I have been out of this dating scene for too long. He genuinely seems into me just wanted to know whether people thought I should wait for him to do the asking or ok for me too suggest time.

I know, you are right and honestly hate the whole game play thing. I'd say that all the time to men when I first started dating, I'd be open and honest and try to get them to open up, show them how keen I was answer texts in a millisecond, stay on the phone chatting for hours listening to their woes.....then as soon as I did....they'd go all cold, texts and calls dwindled, stand me up etc. Its like as soon as they knew I was falling for them they lost interest. But that's just my experience, I'm sure that doesn't happen to everyone, I've probably just been unlucky. I'd say go for it if you really like him, take that bull by the horns...what's to lose?

Oh bumble I am sorry to hear you have had bad experiences. I think there is a certain truth in that people always want what they can not have. I have turned away so many and spoken to quite few on the phone and this guy is only the 2nd person I have met and weirdly really like him so don't want to mess things up by playing games.

He sounds fabulous Blossom! You can't argue with that spark! Go for it! Ask him if he's free at the weekend and does he want to go out for that dinner he mentioned, as if he does you've got outfit to sort/babysitters to organise/legs to wax/other dates to turn away (delete as appropriate)

Oh Christ I've now got a very keen 30 year old telling me I look his age (I'm in my 40's) ...I've already told him I don't date guys over 10 years younger than me and I'd be mothering him all the time but he's insisting that he loves giving kisses and massages and he's got a car so he doesn't mind the hour's drive......bless him but....aaaggh! Where's all the regular aged men?? I either get the young ones wanting a Mrs Robinson or the old dears.

LOL, bumble I have has several boys in their 20's wanting to err come over and make me happy. I have a son who is 22 for christ's sakes. I am like you with the 10 year rule.