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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't be bothered to name change. Discovered emails on DH's phone...

752 replies

JonesTheSteam · 01/02/2014 01:21

He's been having an affair with someone he works with...

I felt angry initially. Now just feel numb... :-(

Hand holding please...

OP posts:
tessa6 · 02/02/2014 13:51

Jones, I am so sorry this has happened to you and I am so sorry you feel under attack here. What you are feeling and going through is perfectly natural, predictable and understandable. It is very familiar.

The first thing to do is take care of yourself. Of course you and your husband are individuals and your relationship is unique and no one here knows you.

But if you were to read around the matter of affairs discovered and infidelities there is also something glibly referred to as 'the script' (for both cheater and betrayed) which is a set of things that almost every single person in this horrible position feels and says.

The first reaction of almost everyone who discovers an affair in an otherwise okay relationship is shock, anger, fear and an immense desire to hold on to the marriage. Because the fear of change is too much, and also because the cheater has a 'one up' position, they have a sort of choice, even still, to stay or leave, and to still have a partner either way. The betrayed is blind-sided and still used to relying on their partner in times of great distress, including this one. The betrayed also recognize that the marriage was not terrible and that the affair may have little of with the relationship, but a lot to do with the cheater and their personality.

Also what tends to happen is that a couple who have been incredibly emotionally distant for a long time (because the cheater has wanted to do this to give an excuse for the betrayal, and out of loyalty to the OW) begin to talk again, honestly. This is extremely powerful and can produce a state called 'hysterical bonding' where passion, emotion and sex can be on the agenda again after being gone for a long time. This is a combination of relief on the part of the cheater, desperation on the part of the betrayed, and an adrenaline shock generally as the pair feel intimate for the first time in ages and 'seen' by each other.

This is a useful but temporary situation and should be recognized as such.

The cheater is very often in a situation where they love two people. Most commonly the cheater will downplay the affair in this period, for fear of hurting the betrayed and whilst he works out what he really wants to do. He/she will be in contact with the OW, and if he is in love with her, will make gestures suggesting that he will leave to be with her once it is 'worked through' with the wife and she is not vulnerable any more. He will claim to want to make the marriage work immediately, out of fear of upset and because part of him definitely does want to do that.

If he does not love the OW, he will drop her like a stone and concoct a story about how she was obsessed with him and begin to paint her in very unflattering light in case she gets in touch with truths that he can claim are inventions.

At this moment, you are in absolutely no position to know what you want for the long term (nor should you be) and you do not know the truth about what he wants either, neither does he. Until you discover the truth about WHY he had the affair, both the reasons he tells himself, and the more truer one, beneath it, you will not know who he is completely or what your relationship needs to do to recover.

The reason people are maybe unhelpfully being aggressive here is that there are some very important things that can make the difference between saving a marriage and setting oneself up for a continued torture of adultery. One is that he should immediately show you the correspondence between them past and present if you want to see it, so he cannot lie about the nature of that. (he will at first lie about being able to access that. Everyone keeps emails. Everyone.)

tessa6 · 02/02/2014 13:51

The next is that if the affair is brushed under the carpet and not spoken of then he gets few consequences for it and the underlying reasons are never resolved. This leads to likely continuation of the affair, in a different form, or a different affair down the line.

And finally, if the cheater does not feel a very real, visceral sense that he is going to lose the betrayed, the proper respect is never re-ingrained, for her or the relationship. Loss is the only true motivator, of most people but particularly those who are infidelitous. If he does not truly understand what it is like emotionally for you to be separate from him, independent, strong and excited about not being with him, he will always frame you as part of him on some level, reliant, and quietly sure you won't leave. He may fear your response now or even fear you chucking him out, but that's not the same as understanding that he has lost you and being determined to fight. In my experience, on some deeper level only those who go through total independent detachment from their partner, really discover whether they want to be with them again, fully, through choice not fear.

I don't think people want you to LTB, I think that we wold just love you to go through that (and it's far down the line) to save you the agonizing years that come later of never being sure if staying was the right thing.
Good luck, You seem strong and lovely.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 02/02/2014 13:57

Gosh, just when we thought Mumsnet was a place we could come to for support!

Jones, ignore the snide comments, as Buzzardbird has said. I posted a while back telling people to back off with the snide comments, obviously that fell on deaf ears.

You are perfectly entitled to deal with this situation as you please, it is your life! Don't let a bunch of bitter women on the internet make you doubt yourself and your actions.

A few of us on this thread think you are doing remarkably and it sounds like you're handling it spectacularly well. Don't be afraid to come on here and post because you think you will have to defend yourself, we will tell them to bugger off with their unhelpful comments Grin

Thinking of you.

JonesTheSteam · 02/02/2014 13:58

Thank you HappyGoLuckyGirl

OP posts:
DrNick · 02/02/2014 14:16

so all in all agree with the OP or dont post?

I think everyone on here is trying to suggest a different way of handling it
Maybe there should be a topic " agree or piss off' Grin

its great you want to keep with him ( am not in favour of LTB threads) but bloody be ANGRY because you cant suddenly find the rage in a months time ( when he is still emailing her) without appearing like a loon, which might be the excuse he wants to leave you THEN.

Two mates of mine had this happen - one stuck with him and one didn't. The one where the marriage broke up ( after multiple affairs that would 'never happen again')said afterwards she wished she had been REALLY robust the first time and in fact not kept it a secret. She was scared of being angry as she knew her hold on the marriage was pretty weak. She never made him go to STI clinics or anything because she was cacking herself he would up and go.

BuzzardBird · 02/02/2014 14:31

I think it might be a good idea if some people referred back to the original OP. I was angry...now I am numb. Hand holding please

JonesTheSteam · 02/02/2014 14:31

Dr Nick

I'm not sure how many times I have posted about how ANGRY I am...

DH knows I am furious with him. I have gone over and over what has happened with a fine tooth comb and believe me he knows that everything is teetering on a knife edge... I am the one with all the power atm.

And I have also posted several times that I have told a couple of friends and that he has to tell his sister what he has done.

If I choose not to tell MY family and any friends in common that doesn't mean I am hiding it.

If you are not going to read my responses, why post? :-/

OP posts:
JonesTheSteam · 02/02/2014 14:33

Thanks Buzzardbird.

The numbness has been replaced by anger. I am slightly veering back towards numb this afternoon.

Had to leave the dinner table earlier as felt suddenly tearful.

My emotions are all over the place.

OP posts:
Badvoc · 02/02/2014 14:38

They will be for some time.
I think perhaps you are expecting too much of yourself? Early days.
I have only been cheated on once (by a finance - with my best friend...nice) and I felt like I had a lump of ice in my chest for a long time.
Also lost a lot of weight - although as soon as I realised what a lucky escape I had, I put it all back on!

JonesTheSteam · 02/02/2014 14:45

I am about to go out. Need to do boring stuff like post birthday cards and fill up the car with petrol and then may go for a walk.

I am petrified that the moment I leave he will be emailing her somehow.

He swears he won't.

He has deleted all means of contact with her. Has shown me his email accounts, deleted the one he used with her.

I have access to his fbook page and mob phone. He has deleted her mobile no and her email address on everything.

I am trying to believe he won't contact her but it scares me.

I need to leave the house though to try and regain some sanity.

This is what it's going to be like for a long time, isn't it?Sad Sad

OP posts:
JonesTheSteam · 02/02/2014 14:45

Shit. I'm crying now... Sad Sad x

OP posts:
noddyholder · 02/02/2014 14:46

My ex cheated and it was never the same. Always felt he was up to something even when he wasn't. Interestingly everyone knew to look at us what had happened

redandyellowbits · 02/02/2014 14:48

Good on you for working on saving your marriage.

I can't imagine your pain right now, wishing you both the best of luck, I hope it works out for you.

BuzzardBird · 02/02/2014 14:50

Is he allowing you to 'vent' every time you need to ask a question or just vent your anger at him? I think this is the least he can do for you. Some people like to do the ostrich and hope you won't mention it again but this should be a condition of him staying.

JonesTheSteam · 02/02/2014 14:51

He is Buzzardbird. He is...

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 02/02/2014 14:53

Take the laptop and his phone with you. He needs to know how much he has destroyed your trust. Anything that makes you feel better is ok. If you
have a computor take a lead or the modem. This is for your sake, it doesn't matter what he thinks about it.

TheBeautifulVisit · 02/02/2014 14:54

Ask him how long it would have continued had you not discovered them?

BuzzardBird · 02/02/2014 14:55

Good, if at any point he rolls his eyes or says anything about not bringing it all up again you tell him it is a condition and not negotiable.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 14:58

Jones I believe that you have signed up for the hardest option, love. To stay and work at it, and you are coming to the relaisation of that. I hope he is worth it. Personally, I don't think any man is worth that.

Take care. Go for a walk, but don't take the modem. That is no way to live.

if he is going to carry on in the same cheating vein, I am afraid there is not a damn thing you can do about it Sad

TheBeautifulVisit · 02/02/2014 15:00

It doesn't really matter if he contacts her when you leave the house. You can't stand over him for the rest of his life, and force him to be faithfully married. There may well be some unfinished business for them, things that need saying. If he can't do it this weekend, he will do it on Monday, at work. You have to take a step back and stop seeking to 'manage' his emotions.

Badvoc · 02/02/2014 15:05

:( I fear so. Do get out and get some fresh air.
AF is right - don't take his phone/laptop with you. It is no way to live and is he was determined, he would contact her in other ways (get a payg phone for example)
I would give his protestations of love and remorse a lot more credence if he had confessed all prior to you finding out.
Also, the whole "I'm not sure I love you" spiel...there is a cheaters script somewhere on MN and that's basically the first line...
I'm so sorry op x

Only1scoop · 02/02/2014 15:05

So sorry to hear you are going through this awful time.
Take time out for yourself ....Personally I wouldn't start taking the modem etc because where does that end.
It's not the 'hardware' it's him....if he is going to attempt to continue contacting her ....this would just push it further under stones.
I understand regaining any sort of faith, let alone trusting him oncw again is going to be a long process
I wish you luck....take care.

BuzzardBird · 02/02/2014 15:26

I don't mean take the stuff away every day. I mean today so that the poor woman can get her chores done without crashing the car thinking about him. I think whatever gets her through today is a good thing. She can worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.

tessa6 · 02/02/2014 15:39

Jones, I'm sorry, I know how heart-breaking it is. yes it will be like this for a long time, or a variation thereof. But it could ultimately be better in the end, there is hope. But the way to get that is paradoxically to be quite firm and hard with the relationship in the short-term, and kind to yourself. Have you talked to him about what final contact he is going to have with her? Ideally you should be present for it and feel in control. He obviously is probably not just going to drop contact with her and never explain. That would be cruel and emotionally unlikely.

livingzuid · 02/02/2014 18:49

Jones I'm so sorry it's rough. Have you managed to keep this from dcs? It must be so difficult trying to hold it all together. You are doing a great job and it will take time to muddle through it all.

If you feel able to post please do. It is a safe venting area and ignore those posts that are of no use to you. Trying very hard not to tell you what you should do as only you can know what that is Thanks glad you are eating. And regardless of any circumstance tea is always a winner.

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