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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can't be bothered to name change. Discovered emails on DH's phone...

752 replies

JonesTheSteam · 01/02/2014 01:21

He's been having an affair with someone he works with...

I felt angry initially. Now just feel numb... :-(

Hand holding please...

OP posts:
JonesTheSteam · 02/03/2014 19:51

Feeling a lot calmer. Probably having some time apart (me working -_ although it was fun work!) and DH looking after the DCs has helped a bit. I also met up with a good friend yesterday for a cup of coffee between the matinee / evening performance and it was good to talk.

DH and I are still talking loads. He's still being very honest with his answers. We have discussed Tessa's 'options' that she mentioned earlier. He basically said that it would be easy for him to just say it was one of the options but he needs to get to whatever conclusion about his behaviour himself through reading and counselling and reflection.

He is much more like the DH of old atm in how he is behaving / reacting with me and the children, not the distant, tense person he became while all this was happening. But I can still see how much the guilt is eating him up and I know everything is a long way from normal.

Obviously it's still incredibly early days. We are just taking each day at a time.

It's my turn to go to counselling this week. I am nervous about it. But also weirdly looking forward to it. It helps talking about it to friends so I guess I'm hoping the counselling will help me to start coming to acceptance of what has happened and learn to move on from it ,in whatever direction...

OP posts:
lazarusb · 03/03/2014 09:26

Good luck with the counselling. Use it for you though, not as a means to an end. Hope that makes sense - some people go expecting there to be a clear end result but it's better to view it as a thinking process.

Pimpf · 03/03/2014 21:14

Good luck, I hope it helps

JonesTheSteam · 04/03/2014 14:12

So much for trying to be strong.

Had to come home from work today as almost crying in front of pupils is not ideal.

OP posts:
MissScatterbrain · 04/03/2014 14:27

Oh dear - what was the trigger?

JonesTheSteam · 04/03/2014 14:32

The OW is back in work today after not being in for a week.

Even though it is unlikely he will even see her.

OP posts:
MissScatterbrain · 04/03/2014 14:54

Ah - no wonder you are having a bad day Sad

All part of the roller coaster ride you're on - be kind to yourself, do something nice and indulgent.

lazarusb · 04/03/2014 21:01

That's going to be hard for you to come to terms with, at least for a while. Has he said anything about it at all (other than that she was back)?

Cutitup · 04/03/2014 22:15

Thinking of you Jones.... your husband sounds like a decent guy who made a big mistake. I hope it works out for you. It sounds like he is trying. I don't think he'd go for counselling if he seriously didn't want to try and work this out with you. I understand about the Christmas declaration and that being the most upsetting. I think the thing to understand was that he was in different state of mind at the time and that he didn't really mean it. I hope your counselling session goes well.

JonesTheSteam · 05/03/2014 07:05

lazarusb.

I emailed him to say I'd come home and why. He replied that he was sorry and hated that I was worrying so much about this bit of it. And that he loves me.

When he came home he said that he hadn't seen her at all.

But at some point this week he will have to go to the area she works in and that he may see her then. He has promised to let me know in advance before he goes and that he won't talk to her unless he has to and that it will just be professional.

He showed me on Google Earth where his office is and where she works and they are literally miles apart.

He is a decent man. This is so out of character for him that everyone I know has expressed shock at what he has done. I'm struggling to see the 'decency' some of the time when I think of what he has done. But then I'm also having difficulty thinking of any 'selfish' behaviour he exhibited before all this which previous posters have said there must have been. I can't really think of any. Neither can a close friend who has known him for as long as me.

The closest I can come is that he has always completely compartmentalised work and home. I always felt that when he was in work he never thought about me at all. It wasn't an issue for me really though, until both the older DCs were in school and I hadn't gone back to work. And then I just put it down to my boredom. And I'm not sure that is selfish behaviour. Surely that is just normal for most people who have busy jobs... :-/ And no, I never asked him to contact me or made contact with him unless it was to ask if he could pick up something on his way home or what time he'd be home. And he always did that and never moaned about it.

That has changed. He is emailing me when he has chance just to ask how I'm doing. And to tell me about anything that has happened in work that may interest me (not just about her!). I think that's a good development.

I do feel that he has done so much to change his behaviour and is being honest with me.

And I think that he would have to be quite calculating to put us through the counselling of his own volition if he was still pursuing a relationship with her.

But the trust issue is going to be a big thing. We both know that. It is going to take time. There is no quick fix. And there are going to be bad days for both of us. But hopefully good ones too. On Monday he took the day off as the school I work in wasn't open. We went to our nearest big shopping centre, had a lovely morning wandering round some shops, coffee and cake in a lovely cafe and later on lunch out. All child free as they were in school / nursery. I honestly can't remember the last time we did that! And we talked lots. And some of it wasn't even about this!

OP posts:
Pimpf · 05/03/2014 08:09

Well it was always going to happen and be very difficult. there are going to be lots of firsts. But you made it through the day and he is still communicating with you.

Just keep taking each day at a time

tessa6 · 05/03/2014 15:26

Glad you are dealing with things positively, OP. Given this, has he managed to give a comprehensible, believable explanation as to WHY he had an affair and what permission he gave himself in the back of his mind yet?

JonesTheSteam · 05/03/2014 15:58

Not yet Tess. We have had lots of discussions around it. I think he is still struggling to come to terms with what he has done himself - as I have said time and again this is hugely out of character for him - and there hasn't been a 'lightbulb' moment yet.

OP posts:
tessa6 · 05/03/2014 16:14

Fair enough, and of course things rarely come in the simple, sudden form of that lightbulb, if they do it's normally too 'easy' an answer anyway. But I would keep an eye on this. It's so tempting to build certain rationalizations in and to skirt round this one, but it's absolutely essential to know.Have you asked him / do you know of any other infidelities in any other relationships he's had (including yours I guess too) ?

JonesTheSteam · 05/03/2014 16:29

None at all. I have also said that I am struggling to see any evidence of the selfish behaviour you say must have been there before all this.

We are not skirting round the issue. Surely it takes as long as it takes.

You are entitled to believe that he is avoiding if you so wish. As I said earlier he has said it would be easy for him to say it was something just for the sake of peace, but he wants to get there himself to ensure he doesn't repeat the behaviour. He is determined to get there. He has only had one counselling session... :-/

OP posts:
tessa6 · 05/03/2014 16:56

Absolutely. I don't have any reason to believe he's avoiding it at all or that you are skirting around the issue.

JonesTheSteam · 05/03/2014 17:02

I actually think I need to stop visiting my thread.

I am feeling very over sensitive. DD and I have just had a massive argument over World sodding Book Day and dressing up. DS1 was crying because we were arguing. I feel like an awful parent.

I am feeling so stressed this afternoon that I just feel like driving off and leaving everyone and everything behind.

Maybe it's the thought of counselling tonight and the nerves I'm feeling.

Hearing that if DH can't get to the reasons why there is no hope for us just makes me feel like giving up.

So do all the LTB threads. I feel like I'm a a mug and an idiot for even trying one moment and then feel flashes of hope the next.

Aaargh!

OP posts:
JonesTheSteam · 05/03/2014 17:06

Sorry about the mini rant. I know everyone is just trying to help.

I didn't really mean it.

Just wish this had never bloody happened.

My life is shit.

Feeling very sorry for myself.

OP posts:
tessa6 · 05/03/2014 17:19

I'm sorry, Jones. Your life is not shit. You are doing really brilliantly and it all sounds like your Dh is doing everything right so that you two can move forward and even be better than before down the line.

I have absolutely no doubt your DH will get to work out why he had an affair, with counseling, after time as you say. And it will almost certainly have nothing to do with you and a lot to do with him and his time of life or background or whatever, and then, using that information, he will be able to open up about that and work on it to ensure it never happens again, but also to be a more fulfilled and healthier person who understands himself better. Which will be useful and enjoyable for you too. The only reason it is important is so that you can look forward to a healthier, happier life and marriage, not so it can contribute to pulling it down.

You are perfectly entitled to feel sorry for yourself. You got fucked over by someone being an arse to you. You didn't deserve that at all. And now you have to deal with strangers on the internet pontificating at you. it's shite. But you'll be okay. It's a bloody roller coaster. Big hugs.

Badvoc · 05/03/2014 17:27

Wrt whether you are a mug or an idiot - only time will tell and tbh neither of those names will apply to you, they will apply to your dh.
At least you are trying, at least if it doesn't work you will know you tried everything.
What your dh does/feels is out of your control
I admire you.
I hope it works out for you x

Pimpf · 05/03/2014 17:37

You are neither of those things.

You don't have to come back here and update your thread, it is here for you to come on as and when you please. I hope all goes well for you tonight.

BuzzardBird · 05/03/2014 17:49

Surely it takes as long as it takes yes, this.

lazarusb · 05/03/2014 18:42

I think it's a good thing you can vent here. You can say what you like to us and we will still be here, no harm done. We're big enough to take it.

This does take time and it will always be a long, slow and bloody painful process. But it's better than sticking a plaster over it, trying to forget and never understanding why or how it happened. You are moving in the same direction and working together. Your communication is crucial. I guess it will be uncomfortable for him when he does eventually see her but he has to deal with that one way or another.

You are a very strong woman and the rows with the children might just be the result of heightened tension. But you are a human being and it's natural to be hyper sensitive at times like this. Don't be too hard on yourself. And quite frankly, book week costumes can be a right bloody faff at the best of times!

ProphetOfDoom · 05/03/2014 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissScatterbrain · 05/03/2014 20:26

I agree with everyone is saying - it really does take time and your DH is doing the right things required from him.

I would also look at rebuilding yourself and your life - see this as an opportunity to revisit past hobbies, friends etc. Or look at developing new interests and career opportunities.

As for the selfishness - this is often low level e.g cherry picking parenting/household tasks, more than equal child free leisure time, choosing to work long hours as a way of avoiding mundane family life, not doing his share of the admin (including birthdays, holidays, appointments, bills etc) and so on.

Counselling is not a quick fix - it will take time to peel away all the layers to get to the core of what is in him that made him choose to cheat.

Be kind to yourself x