Army wife living with domestic violence

[gr8kids]

Am i being unreasonable to have made the choice already that this isn't going to work? I Will give him 1 meeting with relate but that's purely just to give me confirmation that he Will say i have communication problems and we both to blame. The same old thing! Yeah he May not have hit me very often, mostly controlling/aggression over me and kids military style! But he crossed the line when he shook the living day lights out of our stroppy 13 dd on Saturday. If i hadn't of stopped him., i don't want to think about what could of happened! I feel so guilty for feeling so free these past 3 days. And yesterday i got a tattoo. Yes because i could. Now Im allowed to do what i want. Is it Christmas or am i been selfish? My children Will lose their dad., that's not good. But its been so calm in the house. Am i being unreasonable??

I Will do! Although I've decided that i should become a nun. Not going to risk this marriage rubbish again, twice is enough!

gr8kids - re sex - not silly at all! Desire / sexuality is a strange thing and freedom always feels good. I always wanted to have sex most just after getting a clear STI check despite being always being very careful! You've suddenly got the freedom for your future! Celebrate it - although maybe with a "friend" you can keep in your sock drawer and buy batteries for ;) don't rush into anything too quickly.

Glad you're feeling better though! Good luck, and keep us updated (in a round about sorta way so you're safe, of course)

Yes batteries as all stocked up As for rushing into anything, hell no way! But i Will say that today i had to tell his parents the full truth of what's going on right now. Although they do know some of how their son is. And they support me and children all the way. But i feel so very angry at him for hurting them and us. Why does he have to be so shit! HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM!!! Wish his breathe would be taken away!

I must be the only one that feels this way!

Nah!

We know you're venting. You carry on and get it out of your system.

Cos when it's out of your system you can focus on a bright, new future for you and the DC's! So best get all that negativity out now.

I feel bad for feeling so angry at him. Not bad for him but all this anger grrr

You have every right to be angry. Do something with the anger though, go for a run, bike, swim, whatever to work it off...so you can be free of the anger too.

And 'why does he have to be so shit?': think that was running round my head for a long time after stbxh left! Let me know if you find the answer...

I am very glad you feel anger towards him. For a man like that it's entirely, utterly appropriate. It shows that you are coming out of the OG of abuse under which you have been living for a long time.

It's great! Go on feeling angry. It will lessen the chances of him persuading you that it's all your fault, him persuading you that he will suddenly become that wonderful husband and father you used to think he could be. You won't believe that he will change (he won't) and that you should take him.

You are beginning to see reality, and yes, it makes you angry. Nothng wrong with that, nothing to be ashamed of.

Well I've seen him from a distance and been looking at photos today while packing, and Im very pleased to say both those times made me feel sick. I really did think i would feel heartbroken or angry but instead i feel sick. That what i thought was still love for him was clearly not. I believe it was betrayal bondage. Because i didn't feel any love for him! I also realise that because this has been going on for years that, i must of fallen out of love for him at some stage and now I've taken that step to leave him for good and i am free!

Well clearly I'm not exactly over him as I thought. I'm feeling low today and not exactly wanting to get back with him but feeling sad for the loss of my marriage. Can anyone actually confirm that there are good men in the world and if there are how after been hurt do you actually believe that it won't happen again. Is it so wrong for me to just want to be loved and happy. Why is it impossible for me to achieve????

It's impossible because you are conditioned to put up with shite.

Do the FP and learn to protect your boundaries and know that whatever relationship you find yourself in, if it's not making you happy, you leave it, any time you like.

You lost control of your life for a bit, now you have that back, it takes a while to get used to it all, unravel the feelings, process the hurt from the death of hope in your ex relationship.

It gets better. It really does. Dig deep, keep going and work as hard as you can to put the structure in place to show yourself that no matter if a tosser comes near, you'll deal with him and he won't get close.

I know you can do this. Little steps.

Thank you Hissy. Its quite overwhelming all this freedom and actually i don't really know what to do with it! He's parents are supporting me and children all the way. I feel like Alice in wonderland right now if that makes sense to anyone?!

How are you doing? I'm getting a bit further along in my journey, things are beginning to move.

You'll feel all sorts of things you've not felt before, all of it is valid, all of it you will learn from it.

so glad you have support, that will really help.

One day at a time matey, you'll get there!

Hi gr8kids I hope you don't mind but I have PM you some info that may help you in your journey. Take care

Absolutely need and want all the advice and support i can get right now thank you.

I have been thinking of you, you are doing great. Onwards and upwards. Be excited and be proud, very best wishes to you x

You can do it, gr8, believe in yourself.

Unbounded freedom is a bit disconcerting at first, and bewildering. You'll soon find your own boundaries, the ones that are right for you and in which you believe, and then there'll be o stopping you. You're on the way to a happy life.

There are good men about and one day you will recognise the good ones. Do the Freedom Programme, it'll help you enormously, not just with that, but with a whole raft of thngs which will set you up for life.

Take a look at this ladies, i thought i would share such lovely words. Its from a lovely book Im reading.

The key is to honor yourself enough so that you don't get lost in the confusion that an abuser can create with their manipulative behaviour. Be absolutely clear within yourself about who and what you are!

Very positive gr8kids

How are you doing today?

Not too bad today thanks. Reading all the right stuff really does help. The kids are so eager to find out when we go. They looking forward to starting a new life, which is a very good thing. Feels like it's taking forever but not really, we should find out next couple days.

I am pleased the kids are so positive as this shows that you are making the right decisions during times when you may have a bit of a wobble .
As I said you are a strong and amazing women who will be just fine xx

Thank you

It's quite interesting to see who are your true friends when you split from your abusive husband. Especially when its a HUGE shock to people when they find out why it's over. So called friends stick around to hear the gossip then disappear and i don't even get a call or message asking if Im ok. Well that's ok with me really because at the moment Im packing up and throwing away LOADS of junk so i don't start my new life with crap. So I'll do that with these so called friends and get myself some genuine friends.