What's your worst ever date...?

[Fozziebearmum]

I once went on an internet date...we'd been chatting for a week or two online and he seemed normal. But after 5 MINS of meeting, he went to the toilet and returned to say...

• he really liked me had just called his friends to tell them and I could meet them next time
• that he needed to be straight with me that he was having a back operation (didn't sound like a big deal so had no idea why he was even telling me)

And... It later became apparent he didn't have a BA which was listed on his profile. He'd never been to uni, but had in fact been single for a while and thought that that's what the online question had meant when asked if he has a Bachelor of Arts....

There must be better ones out there than this though!

I went on a date with a guy and quite enjoyed it, plus he really fancied me and wanted to see me again, so I sent two short, friendly texts the following day.
He phoned me that evening and kicked off, saying ''He did not tolerate people texting him more than once in a day''. He went on and on for almost an hour. Then, he sent me about five texts, re-iterating the importance of not "interrupting his day and putting new thoughts in his head" by texting

About 10 years ago i went on a date with a guy I met online. We had arranged to meet for dinner in a lovely country pub (I know now to only ever arrange for coffee or a drink on a first date).

I arrived and spotted him at a table for 2 in the corner... already well over half way through his dinner?!

While I sat watching him stuff his face, pick his teeth and burp, he proceeded to question my ability to get pregnant.

Apparently his previous girlfriend had had polycystic ovaries and hadn't been able to conceive. So to make sure he didn't waste any more time with someone who wasn't going to be able to provide him with a son and heir he wanted to know my full gynaecological history.

Needless to say, I didn't divulge, didn't have dinner and didn't see him again.

Oh some of these are crackers. "You smell of botty" is going down in history!

I've never had any too bad myself, the worst was probably a guy who gave me a CD of his own recorded music when I arrived, which was slightly odd since he'd never even mentioned music in his profile or when we chatted. He went for a snog at the end of the date and I was okay with it but he opened his mouth, then pulled away and said "Where's your tongue?" BLEURGH. I hate french kissing. Maybe I should have put that in my profile. Decided not to see him again on that basis, played his CD the next day and it was AWFUL. Dreary funereal dirges, just him warbling sorrowfully off key and strumming his acoustic guitar.

My sister, however, is like some kind of twat magnet. She had a first date a few weeks ago with a guy she met in a club, who had seemed really down to earth and interesting. She suggested a meet at a coffee place near her office. When he turned up he said "Oh I'm glad you picked this place as I don't drink." He said he had realised he was a different person when drinking so decided to stop. He had also stopped smoking weed for the same reason. All very sensible.

Until he said, "So now I just smoke crack a couple of times a week."

Another first date she arranged with a guy she met on a fetish night out. He seemed really nice so she again agreed to meet for coffee. He started talking about how his marriage had broken down because he'd discovered his kinky side and his wife didn't like it, so they were separating. Then he started talking about how the first time he went to a kink night, it was the first time in his life he'd felt free to be himself. Which is really sweet. Then he burst into tears.

Needless to say she's not giving either of them a second date

never laughed so much..but also some sad ones....makes me never want to date ever again

All the online dates I've had have been bad.

• Tried dating an older man and he arranged to meet at a bar which was closed, didn't wait for me and went onto another bar, which he texted me from. I had to walk about half an hour there in the pouring rain. He acted like an arse in front of the bar staff, had a strange habit of suddenly getting up mid sentence and disappearing, as if you had to stay on hold for his return. One of the bar staff mistook him for being my father.

• Went on a cycle ride for a first date. After 10 minutes, date disappeared up a hill, never to be seen again.

• Had pleasant but dull date with man in a town I didn't know well. Offered to walk me back to my car. I forgot where I parked it, and he couldn't be bothered to help me look. Had to get a taxi driver to help me.

• Tried another date with a different older man. He turned up in a strange multi-coloured shell jacket and told me about how he was renting a room in a student house due to his impending divorce. Everyone else in the café was staring at us, so mismatched. He thought it was a wonderful date and seemed astonished I didn't want to see him again.

• Arranged to meet inside a coffee bar. OD didn't turn up, so after drinking my solitary coffee, I left. Recognised him outside and he tried to make up some story about being late confused with not being sure if he was to meet me outside. Suspect he had been spying on me through the window while drinking my coffee. He wanted me to go back in for another coffee, I told him no, and he turned up at a club for a hobby I do for the next few weeks to give me black, malignant, stares.

• Didn't actually go on a date with another guy, as he kept changing his mind over what he wanted to do/where he wanted to go. In the end I got fed up and told him to forget it. He sent me lecturing texts on how I would never find a boyfriend.

• Again, didn't actually meet up with this one - he asked me to describe my typical day and I did. He then told me it didn't sound as though I would have enough time for a boyfriend.

Since I don't have trouble meeting nice, normal men in real life (and now am happy with my boyfriend), I gave up the depressing OD and concentrated on men I actually knew or met in real life.

I had a date with a man who, it turned out, had just split with his wife of 20 years. They had married very young so he wanted me to 'teach him some ticks'.

And then after that corker... suggested I joined him at a salsa dance class that he and his ex-wife used to go to together. He wanted to 'show her' he'd moved on.

I was expected to rub myself up against him in front of his ex.

Didn't see him again.

I had a date with a guy I met online dating. I'm a midget myself (5 foot) so most people are taller than me and this guy had put himself down as 5'10'' so all good. When he arrived he was clearly only marginally taller than me and the bar was one of the high ones so he could barely see over it Also, he was so boring!! His main topic of conversation was bridges!! Believe me, there is only so many times you can say 'oh really' 'that's interesting' 'I didn't know that' etc etc.

I once went on a date with a colleague who asked a friend of mine whether I'd go out with him as he'd fancied me for a while. I agreed to go out with him for a drink one evening.

We sat on the train to my home town (he lived in another close by) making general conversation. The train was full of commuters and we sat opposite each other, when he grabbed both of my hands in his and announced "You've been the object of all my sexual fantasies since Christmas!". I was speechless and several people were looking and sniggering.

We got off the train and went for a drink where he started to tell me how 'adventurous' his ex-girlfriend had been in bed and wouldn't stop until I'd told him twice that I wasn't interested and didn't think she'd be happy with him telling me all this. At the end of the very long evening of him mauling me about and making sexual innuendos at everything, he got into my taxi (I was still living at home with my parents) and announced he was coming home with me!! When I told him he wasn't, he got very sulky. I pointed out that my 6" bricklayer dad might not be very happy with that so he shut up then.

I had to avoid him like the plague for ages afterwards and he kept asking me out until I left. Apparently a year or so later he got engaged to another colleague - poor thing.

Not a date, but a dating event. I signed up to a Jewish dating site and they had some event at a West End club. For a laugh, I thought I go in maximum punky/gothy mode to weed out the more timid sorts (I was always a bit 'alternative' but not full on unless going clubbing). So I wore my septum ring through my nose, heavy black and purple makeup, spiked my hair, wore a corset top, cyberdog skirt and massive Swear platform boots.

When I got there, it turned out they hadn't hired the whole venue and an ordinary night was going on. There were no name labels or anything and it soon became clear that no one was going to imagine I was there for the Jewish dating event. I had hoped my appearance would be a conversation starter for a braver sort of guy, but it just rendered me invisible, and made me feel too awkward to approach anyone.

In the end I met my nice Jewish boy some years later at an illegal rave.

Scremersford I laughed out loud at Went for a cycle ride for a first date. After 10 minutes, date disappeared up a hill, never to be seen again.

I once went on a double date. I had been texting a mutual friend for a while, and we went out for drinks with one of my friends and one of his. It was going well, there wasn't a lack of conversation then my friend mentions a road name where her parents live. His friend says, "that's where my parents live too!" It's not a big town so not much of a coincidence. Although it quickly got uncomfortable when he mentioned his dad had a habit of running over a neighbours pot plants.

It turns out the two sets of parents have a hate campaign against each other that also includes and not limited to stealing and breaking Christmas lights, uprooting plants and throwing paint over driveways.

It was a Romeo and Juliet moment though. She's convinced he scraped her car when she was visiting her parents last Christmas.

it wasn't Romeo and Juliet

Last post two weeks ago but I'm resurrecting. I've had a few fairly awful dates. One was a guy I had worked with for a few weeks. He was obsessed with me and followed me like a puppy dog. I thought if he saw how little we have in common he would leave me alone as it was becoming a huge joke in work. He showed up for our date with, I kid you not, a card in which he had put the print out of a booking confirmation for two nights in a hotel in paris he had bought with his bonus. I gently tried to explain to him that I don't have a passport, or find him attractive. He broke down crying. In public. It was horrible. But worse was going back to work and hearing he had told people I was his girlfriend!

Guy 1: A guy I had just started seeing invited me to his where he was going to cook me dinner. Oh lovely, I thought, and even treated myself to some new sexy underwear. When I got there we had a lovely dinner, chat, flirt and then things started to get heated and he invited me to his bathroom so he could piss on me.

Guy 2: I turn up to the restaurant and the first words out of his mouth were 'You've got great tits'. I just turned around and went straight home.

Guy 3: Spent the entire date talking about his ex.

Guy 4: Kept on asking me about my brother, which I thought was odd but maybe him just trying to make conversation but being nervous. Later in the night he asked me if I'd ever had sex with my brother because the idea of that turned him on.

I went on an OD when I was only 17 with a man a few years older then me. This was back when it wasn't as easy to send photos online so I hadn't seen much of what he looked like. Turned out to be not very attractive!

We went for a coffee and he starting telling me about how depressing his life was and how he a couple of weeks before had walked in to the job centre with an axe hidden under his coat. He had (thankfully) lost the courage when he got there and didn't do anything, just walked back out. The way in which he told me about this, it was like he thought it'd impress me!?

I hade arrange for a friend to phone during the date to check everything was alright, so when she phoned I said I had an emergency and had to run. (Imaginative, eh?)

Only a few weeks later he committed suicide.

And I felt really guilty about that!

Oh my god ett that's awful

Windy bet guy 4 loves Game of Thrones

Met a guy online, 6', divorced, dark hair, ex-forces, well-travelled and into rock music. Great, I thought, and I've only just started this OLD lark. No exchange of photos - can you see where this might be going?

Got to country pub where we'd arranged to meet for an evening drink. I was a little bit late and couldn't see him anywhere so sat on a bench with a good view of the door with some other people. The man seated next to me was making noises like he had catarrh, so I tried to budge up a bit away from him when there was a space. Looked at my phone. Watched the door and eked out my lemonade and lime.

After 15 mins looked at my phone again, reading last text from my date. Catarrh guy has budged up also and leans over and says 'You got my text, then'. This guy is 5'6", about seven stone, white haired and 60 odd.

We found a table, had a drink, me looking like thunder, I have no doubt. No explanation from my date, who obviously did this all the time. 'You're quite attractive' he says. I don't remember the rest but I left 10 or so minutes later. Next day I text saying don't think he's right for me. He comes back - 'Don't be silly, you're cute, we should see each other'.

I was simply speechless at that.

Turned up with a cd of his music, was clearly still very messed up about the end of his former relationship, dull, no sense of humour and just gave off very odd vibes. I know he didn't believe my 'sorry, I've just heard from my brother, there's been some very sad family news and I need to go' story which is a shame, as it was true! Well, there had been sad news, I didn't need to leave but leapt on the excuse like a drowning man onto a raft. He texted periodically after I said 'sorry, no spark'. Pretty sure he tried getting in touch with a different username on the dating site as well.

.

Going bowling and being reduced to tears by his extreme competitiveness and trash talk while playing air hockey. Then him telling me I ruin fun for other people by not playing competitive things properly (being super competitive and trash talking) and me refusing to bowl then watching him bowl on his own in a mood as a result!

Oh god..... So many.
Worst had to be a guy who I arranged to meet at train station. I was in two minds as he seems to be quite negative but thought I would give him a chance . He got off train with a guitar and suggested we had a coffee in the cafe by the station. He then wanted to sit on the platform and started strumming his guitar singing mournful songs he had written about his ex, dying alone and the Indian Ocean tsunami
Possibly the most bizarre date with the most miserable person I have ever met.

I deserved this awful date... I'm 44 and I saw a man on line, 53, his profile made him seem a bit entitled. He was tall, and a pilot. He described his idea date in great length. She was sexy, strong, stylish, she was sporty, modest, well-educated, intelligent, she could cook thai food, assemble furniture....

I sent a message to say that his ideal date sounded like a lovely woman and I'd like to go on a date with her myself. His profile mustn't have been attracting many women because he quickly asked me out.

He looked ok in his business/corporate photo but when I met him he looked years older and he had three huge spots on his neck that I had to try not to look at. But the worst thing was how underwhelmed he was by me! I was wearing a nice appropriate dress and my hair and make up were nice in an understated way. He reprimanded gently me for wearing sunglasses in one of my photos (taken May of this year) even though I had other photos up. I've a bmi of 23 and he rolled his eyes in disbelief when I said that no, I wasn't on a diet actually. I had two glasses of wine with dinner and he told me with great pride that he didn't drink, he'd always been unique he told me. He coughed the whole way through the date and it was really annoying but I thought the polite thing to do was not to comment too much. I asked if it was asthma as it seemed like an allergy cough, not a sick cough. He barked at me that of course it wasn't asthma, he couldn't fly a plane if he had asthma.

Before we left, he looked around the restaurant I'd chosen and said ''is that live music?''. YES! I said. Briefly I saw what his face looked like when something had pleased him. I could literally see him thinking ''I'll take somebody thinner, younger and more stylish here in the near future''.

he paid. But I am wishing I'd said, no, you're fine, I'll pay half. When we left the restaurant, he ran saying over his shoulder ''ill be in touch'' as though I would have tried to kiss him! bleurgh.

then a few days later, on the site, I got this message saying Br(*& has deleted you as a contact!

Speed date. He was a good few years younger than me, max 25, and wearing a suit.
He sat down and immediately launched into a speech.
Him. You're my 132nd speed date. What you need to know about me if that my ambition is to become a Tory MP, this is the most important thing in my life and nothing will take my focus away from this. Any woman I'm with will need to be quite right wing. The other thing is that I never want children. You might be thinking that I'm young and will change my mind but I won't. I can see from your face that you aren't interested but I may as well ask what you do at least?
Me: I'm a lawyer
Him: Oh my god, you're an ambulance chaser! I could never be with an ambulance chaser.

Shame because you know I was really feeling it

CheeseToastie Are you in South Yorkshire?!