What's your worst ever date...?

[Fozziebearmum]

I once went on an internet date...we'd been chatting for a week or two online and he seemed normal. But after 5 MINS of meeting, he went to the toilet and returned to say...

• he really liked me had just called his friends to tell them and I could meet them next time
• that he needed to be straight with me that he was having a back operation (didn't sound like a big deal so had no idea why he was even telling me)

And... It later became apparent he didn't have a BA which was listed on his profile. He'd never been to uni, but had in fact been single for a while and thought that that's what the online question had meant when asked if he has a Bachelor of Arts....

There must be better ones out there than this though!

I had a narrow escape with a date with a bloke from Manchester, on an online site. He seemed a bit odd online (and desperate, his profile said women aged 20-40!) and his chat up line was corny but I was just out of a long term relationship and needed to start dating somewhere. It was snowing but I made my way to the restaurant. Half an hour later he obviously wasn't coming but he hadn't bothered to tell me. I just chalked it up to experience.
The next night I was on the same dating site again, and the pillock tried to chat me up again, using exactly the same corny chat up line, and had clearly completely forgotten he had already arranged a date with me and failed to show. I told him off and told him where to go.
He also tried it on with a very strange woman I know, and even SHE thought he was weird.
He also went a date with a close friend of mine and at the end of the FIRST date, he asked her if she loved him!!! Weirdo!

The worst date I've ever been on was with a guy I met on tinterweb....he was at the top end of my age limit (42) but he looked younger in his pics. His pics were obviously 4 stone lighter and at least 5 years old! That was it for me (I'm not v tolerant!) but we walked for a bit towards the coffee shop. All the way there he argued with everything I said and his opinion was the only one that mattered. The final nail in the coffin was when we talked about tattoos. I said (and sorry for the tons of offence I am about to cause. I don't think this really but he was getting on my nerves and sooooo pretentious!) that name tattoos were lazy. He then showed me his wrist where he had HIS OWN NAME tattooed! I actually just said I had to go and left him stood there....

Oh and then there was the guy I'd met on a very famous online dating site. 3rd date, DTD, he tries to put his willy in my real bum....not a word in the run up (so to speak!) I just got dressed and left. No 4th date. Forever to be known amongst my friends as bumboy...

A friend of mine met up with an old flame and within 2 weeks he was sent to prison 4 driving without a licence! I spent 3 weeks TRYING 2 convince her to forget about it, but she eventually...after much pleading...she convinced me to go along with her to visit him as she worried about going alone!!!

I begrudgingly went along after much persuasion....only to find out after waiting around for 3 hours tht I was in fact not visiting said bloke....id been set up on a blind date with his cell mate! At 30.yrs of age I spent the most uncomfortable hour and half of my life sat with an 18 year old burglar who I had nothing to say to, felt like a complete twat and decided there and then never to do that particular friend any more bloody favours!

Al I can say about that experience is...MORTIFIED!

Oh...and to top it off all I could see was my 'friend' sat at the other end of the visiting room smiling and finding it hilarious!

The only good thing to come out of it was I was so p**d off she took me straight to the nearest pub and paid 4 my drinks all afternoon!

He picked me up from my house. My dog was ill and pooed on the carpet as I let him in. Had to clean it before we left. Sexy.

At the restaurant I realised I had brought the wrong handbag and couldn't share the cost.

We are now married

My worst date ever... Guy with a heavy Glasgow accent. Think rab c Nesbit. Urgh!! My worst nightmare. Asked me on a date.. Being a total girl. Got dolled up and met him in Glasgow Central.. We hadn't discussed where to go but I suggested Italian which is my favourite. He proceeds to ask what pasta tastes like as he had never had it before. I was taken aback but suggested he ordered pizza for himself.

The conversation was beyond stunted. The waiters kept appearing with topic suggestions. And wine..

Half way through my main course he proceeds to tell me that his mum died. I feel sad and commiserate with him... For him to then tell me that he hadn't seen her for a week and that he went to her house. No answer at locked front door so he nips round the back door. There she is face against the lit gas fire and the smell he described in detail. I actually necked a glass of wine as he detailed how fire service, police and ambulance attended. How she was removed. (In detail) and the gambit of emotions he went through.

I was unable to finish my meal and decided to sink the wine. I met him at. 7pm. I was home and in my Jammies by 10.

Hilarious thread There are some real treats out there especially in online dating.

Name changed for this as I've told this story to a few people recently. It doesn't sound that bad compared to some of the shockers on here!

Second date. The first date had not blown me away but had been nice enough so I thought I'd see how it goes. We decided he should choose the venue as I'd chosen last time and so for he told me to meet him at Tinseltown diner! I was a bit but went along with it. He ordered for me without even checking and then proceeded to slag off the venue saying things like "it's a bit shit but I like to come here with my mates". He then commented that it seems to be where "young black chavs" hang out and was telling me to look! He was casually racist and sexist throughout the date and also informed me why his field (he was studying engineering) wasn't really suitable for women. As the date progressed I was feeling desperate to get away but somehow saw it through until we had finished our meal. He went on about how he had got into a fight with a bus driver and spent ages telling me (not asking!) that I would go swimming with him at 6am the next Sunday! I had told him I liked swimming but he said he thinks I need more exercise!

When it was time to leave I headed for my bus and he got on the same one. I knew where he lived and his stop was before mine so when his was approaching I started saying bye but he insisted on staying on until my stop, saying he would walk me home. I was saying no please, really, it's fine, you don't have to, just get off at your stop etc. He started sulking and saying "you want to get rid of me don't you?" I should have just said yes but weakly muttered no of course not, explained I live right next to the bus stop so no need to walk me. Couple in front of us on the bus were pissing themselves laughing. He then got off my stop and proceeded to walk me the 30 seconds to my door and went in for a kiss. I pulled back straight away and hurried off inside. I text him the next day saying let's leave it there, we don't click etc... He wrote begging texts and started saying it was because of the kiss wasn't it, you can tell me if you didn't like it! He texted me again recently out of the blue but I ignored as have now been with my boyfriend for a year.

My worst was probably when I was 18 and had been occasionally snogging a long lank ginger haired boy called Tom with a silver tooth on a Friday night out of sheer sympathy. As per usual I would pretend that I had to rush off to get the bus home, but would instead meet my friends at a club. On this occasion he insisted that he see me onto the bus. So on I got, and hopped off at the next stop and headed to the club. Was just in the process of pulling an absolutely gorgeous guy that I'd had my eye on for weeks, when a tall lady came flying across the nightclub floor and started jealously yelling at us both. It was then that I realized that it wasn't a lady at all, but was Tom. He was wearing an Alice band, a floral blouse and a skirt!!!! He was the audacity to accuse me of not being straight with him!

I don't even know what to choose:
A. a guy who insistently snogged me covering my face with his saliva, leaving it wet and exposed to the frosty air, about -12 C;
B. A geodesist o had spent all our time talking about...right, geodesy.
C. or a woman who I had a nice cup of tea in a cafè with, and then she became really pushy inviting me to an orgy where "six people are already waiting".

All three were online dates.

Went on a few dates with a guy I met online, all went well. I went back to his on the 4th date and noticed he had an axe and a significant number of knives on his bedside table. Also some of those huge swords on top of his wardrobe.

Somehow the conversation got on about his ex, he started ranting and raving about how he hates women and would "kill the fucking lot of em" if he could. His eyes flicked towards the knives and I genuinely thought he was going to kill me.

I legged it.

Oh, there's been some stinkers (both literally and figuratively). The guy who, on finding out what I was studying (music) said "this'll interest you then; did you know they've just discovered a new type of fish?". He was wearing a sexy cream cable knit jumper that was too small with matching beanie, and stank of BO and mackerel. He was also really interested in fish and kept trying to bring the conversation back to them. It was in Aberdeen and I think he may have been a fisherman, but that's really no excuse. At that point I cut my losses and left. Though I suppose there could be some guy posting on a forum just now about the weird girl he once went on a date with who had absolutely no interest in fish whatsoever, who found the combination of slightly too tight knitwear and his powerful natural scent inexplicably repulsive rather than irresistable and who went out for a fag and never came back. He's maybe found some nice girl with a deep and abiding interest in icthyology and no sense of smell. Also, when I was about 15, I went out with someone who thought that kissing involved opening his mouth as wide as possible and clamping it to my face, while making stabbing motions with his tongue. Horrific. As I said, there have been some stinkers.

Just realised this is from Feb, not 2015. Never mind.

It wasn't my date but rather my friend's. We'd gone on holiday and she'd picked up the chief air steward on the flight over there (she was very pretty). He wanted to take her out but she said she felt bad for leaving me so she asked if I could come too.

He was extremely polite but clearly thought I was a mad cow who wouldn't let her friend go on a date alone. So embarrassing.

Another (same holiday) was where she'd picked up this American guy. We arranged to meet him and his friend at this bar. My friend got on brilliantly with her guy but his friend was obviously incredibly pissed off that he got stuck with me and refused to talk. At one point I said "If you could say something, what is it that you think you would say?". Probably rude but I was having a really awful time. We went on to a club, my friend had her entry paid for by her guy but the friend just went on in, leaving me behind to pay for myself. He refused to talk to me or sit with me so I ended up walking around the place and spending far too long in the toilet while my friend got off with her guy. In the end I told her I was leaving and got a tuk tuk back to the hotel.

The weird thing is, I was actually really quite pretty.

One when he asked if I was bipolar

Mine won't top most of these as I rarely date but I'll tell you anyway.

A guy approached me on the tube once and asked me out. We'd been making eye contact and smiled at each other and I was so flattered I said yes. I arranged to meet him one evening after work but I ended up leaving off a lot later than I planned because of stuff that had to be done and by the time I got there he'd gone home. I had texted him and explained I was going to be late but he assumed I'd stood him up and was very pissed off, ranting about how he'd cancelled plans with friends to see me and he was really disappointed and didn't feel like giving me a second chance. I apologised profusely and we agreed to meet again, this time on a Saturday so I didn't have any work constraints.

When I got there I saw him and my heart sank. He wasn't anywhere near as attractive as I remembered, I think I must have got so caught up with the flattery on the tube that I didn't take much notice of his looks. That sounds really shallow but I just knew that I would never fancy him in a million years. I was tempted to turn round and go home but I felt bad after last time so I decided to go along with it. He was a nice guy but he was all over me like a rash. We went to a museum and when we got in the lift he suddenly threw his arms round me and started kissing my neck! I thought that was a bit forward when I'd barely met him and I completely froze as I didn't know what to do. Then we went for lunch and he was staring at me like he wanted to leap across the table and hump me that second, it made me feel very uncomfortable. He kept going on about how gorgeous and sexy I am, which is nice but made me feel even worse because I didn't find him attractive in the slightest.

Then I agreed to go to the cinema with him. Why I thought this was a good idea I don't know. First of all, we argued about money. He insisted on paying for it but I wanted to pay my share because I felt guilty knowing I wouldn't see him again. He said I could pay next time but I wasn't standing for it and basically told him I was paying and that was that and shoved a 10 pound note in his coat pocket. People were staring at us by this point but I refused to back down and he eventually accepted it. The film was absolutely shit and he of course started pawing at me. He practically begged me to kiss him so I gave him a quick peck on the lips to shut him up and he said thank you. Eurgh! Then his hands were running up and down my legs, he started kissing my neck again. Next thing I knew he was fiddling with my bra strap and almost had his hand IN my bra! I moved his hand away then he started groping my boob from the outside. I should have got up and walked out but I was young and stupid and just stared at the screen hoping it would be over soon. Hideous.

Crikey I could write a whole book, but will narrow it down to the worst few... one guy said to me "Ive never shagged a fat bird before...are you going to go on a diet?" - I promptly left before I commited GBH! Another one met me at a bar, his nails were filed into sharp daggers - all pointed ( I immediately thought he is not going near my delicate bits), he said he didnt work, but sold shark teeth online, he ordered two pints of beer (and I dont even drink alcohol), then admitted he didnt bring his wallet and told the barman 'the lady will pay' and got his fags out (after my internet ad specifically said NON smoker ONLY - non negotiable!) thats when I left ...! oh and there are many many more .... the joys of being single in your 40's!

The guy who turned up with ginger biscuits that his mum had made for me, (this was a first date - I'd met him at a disco and he'd asked for my number as we were leaving). He told me he thought I was someone very special etc etc - very heavy.

He then said we were going to a party the other side of town in his car then gave me a list of instructions about what to wear, what wine to drink, what to say as these were his friends.

Got to party. Everyone older than me and a bit posh!. He talked to everyone except me and then at half past nine said he was leaving and if I wanted a lift I had better go now. I said I was having a lovely time so would stay. He left and never called again!

Loving these

I've spent the last hour reading this from start to finish. Great fun, but I'm wondering what's happened to my Saturday nights that it's come to this ;)

Though I do feel a lot better about myself - having read about the prize twits that you girls have encountered!

I've also just spent an hour or so reading this entire thread. Haven't laughed so much in ages!!

There's some real gold here. My favourite bits are smelling like botty, the man with unexpected Tourette's, the wand and the poor sod who got his foot broken by getting a frozen meat joint hurled at him.

I've had my share of dates, but none this dodgy.

Not worst date but a funny one. He is a lovely guy and I see him around quite often - he's just not for me. Anyway he is a personal trainer and 6'4. When I arrived we barely got the drinks before he started saying there was something he couldn't tell me. I said ok don't worry. 'No, I really can't tell you.....well you can't tell your friends or anyone!!' Me: 'I've been here 20 minutes you need not tell me anything you don't want to' him: 'ok OK I'll tell you......you know I go to Brighton quite a bit? Well I model for the gay times' then there was a huge pause where I was supposed to be shocked. I wasn't. I said 'sounds good is it fun?' (I doubt he was lying because of his physique) him: 'I AM NOT GAY!!!!!' Me: I'm confused? How are the two things related exactly? Him: 'but I'm not gay!!!!!!' Me: I know, stop stressing. Bless him

First date, was the cinema (always find that an odd one for a first date as you can't do any talking).

Went for a couple of drinks afterwards, and all was going okay, until he mentioned a second date, which was for me to join him at his adult daughters birthday meal, with her husband and kids and his Ex wife and her new husband! Very pleased for him that everyone was 'amicable' but not sure that makes for a great second date .

I declined, but the spooky part was finding a note containing poetry under my windscreen wiper early the next morning- totally freaked me out, that he had driven back at some point during the night....

I met a guy from The Internet (so you already know it's going to go wrong) who had most definitely lied about his height. I am 5"3 and he was up to my shoulder. He had told me he was 6 feet tall. Also he was incredibly skinny which he had not appeared to be on his photos. He used his umbrella as a cane like an old professor and swung it round in circles as he walked (think Charlie Chaplin). He spoke to several people in the street on our way to the coffee shop we had arranged to go to - all of which he knew - and I was stood like a pillock waiting for extremely long conversations to end. We arrived at the 'coffee shop' and I said "I'm sure this isn't the one we arranged to go to."
He said it was.
It wasn't because when we walked in it was a wine bar. I think the clue outside the building was the sign that said wine bar. The waiter was confused as to why I ordered a coffee and the date looked at me like I was stupid. I did not want to drink- I was driving plus I didn't know the bloke. Worse is to come.

It was my birthday week and he knew this. Out of his rucksack (yes he brought a rucksack) he produced a chocolate muffin, a candle and a lighter and lit the candle, placing the muffin in front of me with great ceremony.

Then sung Happy Birthday in a quivering nasal voice.
Then told me to make a wish.
Everyone stared.

He then spent he entire date telling me about how awful his ex wife was and also not letting me speak. He was a know-it-all. The date was over and he had not murdered me and afterwards he sent me a text saying:

"I get the impression you're not interested in me. I don't understand why but I suggest we don't see each other again."

Urgh.